Hey all...something very strange happened on bonfire night. Someone who I have knows since I was 12 was at the same firework party as me. We got talking. I have fancied the pants off him since I was a kid...he said "wot ya doing with that guy, he is wierd, boring and ugly, you could do so much better you georgeouos (or however you spell it?? lol)", it hurt because everyone used to say what a good bloke he was until he started using.
Anyway got me thinking right...this bloke is soooo sweet and so nice looking and it got me thinking can I do better?? When I was with my ex I didnt realise till later that I could do better and that he offered me nothing...which is why now I say to him, you dont cook, you dont clean, you dont work, you dont earn money, you just hurt the people around you. Yes if he was still earning money I would consider staying with him but what has he really got to offer me apart from sadness, and bringing his problems on my back.
I know this sounds selfish but I can do better, infact I would be better off on my own.
I am soooo soft because yesterday I told him he offers me nothing, no support, no help etc, you just sit feeling sorry for ya sad a** etc and I told him he was to go in spare room to sleep. He didnt and I allowed him to sleep in my/our bed. I get to a point where I feel bad for what I have said. I pity him, I really do. I am all he has and I know it is not my problem, but I make it my problem and to be honest i i think it would be cruel to just kick him out, so I have decided this time he is going to stay in spare room. He knows he has till Christmas anyway and if he aint clean he has to go.
I can see what is going to happen...he is going to go back to Notts his home town, get into dealing again or even robbing and end up in jail down there. NOT MY PROBLEM and I aint moaning I am just saying that is what is going to happen. Gaurantee that I will be on here in 9 months or so telling you all so...lol.
Anyway I done something I shouldnt of. I gave this guy my number...everyone told me he fancies the pants off me, but he didnt try it on, he just walked me home, hugged me, saiad keep in touch, think the word of you blah blah and that was it. He been in touch since, I like to txt etc but I feel so guilty.
You know what would be easier...if Kevin done something direct to hurt me or something nasty then I would have no problems telling him to go.
I am so confused because yes I still love him but I dont feel the feeling I used to. Is it just cos he is the Father to our baby, that we have a good past etc??
Anyway if you have read this far then thanks cos I feel I have just ranted and raved....lol.
What to do, what to do. I know...lol.
Lynds xx
Ok, number one Lynds...don't ever let me catch you calling yourself selfish again ok?!!!!!!! Girl, you are not the selfish one here. You have given so much...financially, emotionally...the works. You have given so many "second" chances...you have hoped and prayed that he'll be what you deserve...and (if you're anything like me!) you'll have been willing to make sacrifices and compromises...you'll have convinced yourself that it ain't that bad...that you two have something special even if it isn't "conventional".
But truth is...he's using...H is his number one...so why shouldn't you text someone else? Don't get me wrong, I'm not for cheating...but you're starting to believe that maybe you could do better, that you do deserve more...and of course you do, you're one in a million! I know how it feels to WANT to be with the father of your child, to want to be in love with him, to want it all to be fairytale ok...but I know I did the right thing (and my kids' dad wasn't Sean, wasn't an addict, but was violent...anyway...) I did what was right for me, so it was right for my kids. If you're not happy, nor will your lil one be.
Don't feel guilty for "giving up"...as tragic as it is, he's not the guy you fell for and may never be again. If you have been offered a new chance at happiness, maybe you should check it out? I wouldn't say GO FOR IT...cos rushing into anything is never the way to go...but it's opened your eyes and made you see what you got going for you...you bumped into this guy for a reason see?
Good luck Bunny, and know that you have our support whatever you decide
Love, Maddy x x x
But truth is...he's using...H is his number one...so why shouldn't you text someone else? Don't get me wrong, I'm not for cheating...but you're starting to believe that maybe you could do better, that you do deserve more...and of course you do, you're one in a million! I know how it feels to WANT to be with the father of your child, to want to be in love with him, to want it all to be fairytale ok...but I know I did the right thing (and my kids' dad wasn't Sean, wasn't an addict, but was violent...anyway...) I did what was right for me, so it was right for my kids. If you're not happy, nor will your lil one be.
Don't feel guilty for "giving up"...as tragic as it is, he's not the guy you fell for and may never be again. If you have been offered a new chance at happiness, maybe you should check it out? I wouldn't say GO FOR IT...cos rushing into anything is never the way to go...but it's opened your eyes and made you see what you got going for you...you bumped into this guy for a reason see?
Good luck Bunny, and know that you have our support whatever you decide
Love, Maddy x x x
Lynds i think you have made yer mind up already......at the moment you are standing still living with an addict who seems not to want to give up for himself,you or your child.You know you deserve much better and im my opinion you are being to soft on yer b/f...give him a date to clean up or clear out ...full stop...but reading yer post i know the relationship is over bar the tears over the child....you are minding that nipper 24/7 not yer fella...move on it could be the start of a new beginning but be honest with yer fella so as not to complicate things further.I ended my relationship with the mother of my daughter when Sian was 2...shes 8 now....i was trying to give up gear but she had no intention of doing so.....as i was trying to get clean for the 100th time she was out scoring and bringing it back and jacking up in front of me.....so i f***ed her out and moved away with my daughter....shes still on the gear and crack and has asked to see her girl but until she gets her act together i aint having it.....and my daughter hasnt had any major stress about not seeing her mum....just my tuppence worth.Take care and good luck in the future..........Davey
BR, Davey said it all.............he's thinking of your little girl first and Maddy she's right too.
Now it's just ya have to CONVINCE yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll never know what's going to happen will ya if ya stay stuck? Maybe he will go to his hometown, maybe he won't...........maybe he'll get clean after he ain't got no place to go....................and get a year in.............ya just don't know.
It's a lot of "What if's"?
Last night I just said that in another post to ya...........it's like I can see ya easily just crashing and fizzling out, but you always surprise me and pick yourself up................you got something inside ya just waiting to MOVE ON.....................weird I may have wrote that while ya were at that firecracker party thingie...............I just see ya moving on...........and good things happening.
GO GET EM GIRLIE.................ya got it in ya.
Now it's just ya have to CONVINCE yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll never know what's going to happen will ya if ya stay stuck? Maybe he will go to his hometown, maybe he won't...........maybe he'll get clean after he ain't got no place to go....................and get a year in.............ya just don't know.
It's a lot of "What if's"?
Last night I just said that in another post to ya...........it's like I can see ya easily just crashing and fizzling out, but you always surprise me and pick yourself up................you got something inside ya just waiting to MOVE ON.....................weird I may have wrote that while ya were at that firecracker party thingie...............I just see ya moving on...........and good things happening.
GO GET EM GIRLIE.................ya got it in ya.
yes--I LOVE IT--go get'em baby--everyone is right--its your turn to get "high"(on life of course) you deserve to be around people who appreciate you for the person you are inside not what you can provide for them. I am sure you s.o. has many good qualities and youve HAD good times--but i'll tell ya sice i have been away from my x everday is an adventure, i can enjoy life because im not worryied about what he's thinking, doing , whether he;s of--what should i get him at the store, will he be mad if i am late blah blah blah....text your little heart away--and hey--maybe you need to let him know whats up--no dirty details but tell him--you arent so sure you all should be together-you feel pity not love these days, and you feel you deserve better than he has been giving and if you have to --you will find it in someone else-or on your own!!! good luck--theres plenty of time--make him leave for a week--and see where that goes--no contact for 7 days--take a breather-youll be surprised at how relaxed you become.
It's good to see that you are thinking stright. Nobody needs a person dragging them down. It's not at all selfish to do what's best for you!..it's pretty intelligent.
Hopeffuly one day he gets into lasting recovery...that may or may NOT happen. You can't live your life thru his addiction and be a happy whole person. Do what's best for you and do it GUILT FREE ...i can tell you he's doing what he wants.
Hopeffuly one day he gets into lasting recovery...that may or may NOT happen. You can't live your life thru his addiction and be a happy whole person. Do what's best for you and do it GUILT FREE ...i can tell you he's doing what he wants.
