Hi, I am 21 and 17 months pregnant, the father of my baby is 25 he was a meth addict and had been sober for 1 1/2 years and has a 2 year old daughter and is on 5 years felony probation for fraud. I met him back in June and started dating a month later, he had told me about his past and I accepted it because he told me he was done with that life.
We moved in together in September and by November something happened that triggered him to start smoking again. I had no idea because from the beginning of our relationship I let him know if he started smoking, selling or doing runs I'd leave him. In November I found out he was smoking again and doing runs, he has quit his job to pursue this life again and I tried to get him to stop. We fought ever day he wouldn't come home at night and he stole my moms debit card and money for rent and smoked it all. December 16 we found out I was pregnant and seeing that he wasn't changing I left him in January and because I was scared I told him I chose to not keep our baby, I moved back in with my mom and he started blaming my mom for me leaving him and choosing to abort. We kept on dating because I didn't want to leave him completely and I chose to keep my baby but we still fought about his addiction he has lied out of his nostrils to me and at one point at the end of january he moved 2 hours away to the town he used to live in and where it all started.
For almost 2 months I cried my eyes out every day and we would spend every single phone call yelling at each other and insulting him for leaving me and our baby. At one point in march he moved back to town promised he was going to stop and change but that didn't happen. We kept on fighting I was so depressed I couldn't recognize myself anymore but I was growing numb to his actions. Until the day moved 2 hours away again to the same town and I chose I was done I changed my number delete my Facebook and didn't give my number out to absolutely anyone he knew and for 2 weeks the only way he could contact me was through email. This freaked him out and moved back again promising me he was leaving it all at first I refused told him I has given him way too many second chances but after a week of begging me I agreed so now for 2 weeks hes been supposedly sober but on friday he was freaking out all depressed saying he couldn't do it anymore that he wanted to leave not just me but everything and everyone and that he is going back to that town to say bye to his daughter. He is supposedly coming back today and according to him he has realized what he needs to do for our relationship to work and that he loves me and wants to marry me and all these nice things. I have no proof if he is still smoking or not but I seriously believe he still is and if I find solid proof that he did I'm going to finally leave him regardless if hes living here or 2 hours away. I am tired of him playing with my life and our little baby's life too.
He has also failed 4 drug tests with probation and they are going to review his case soon.
I just love him so much and I wish so bad I was just being paranoid and over thinking things. I've never smoked meth but I have learned everything I can about it. One thing I don't fully understand is how does a recovering meth addict act? Like in the early stages of quitting? And in the eyes of other people how do they look?
I have finally come to understand that he wont change unless he wants too and that was why I cut communication with him but I was weak and took him back (he doesn't live with me) but I want to learn everything I can possible about this and if I finally find proof he is still smoking I need to learn how to actually go on without him and for how long, because I still love him and id love to marry him one day.
I'm a strong person but with him I'm helpless I cry so much and I used to be so depressed I was at the verge of seeking professional help for myself but since hes broken me down so many times I'm becoming better at handling it but I still need advice.
Please.
Ps: sorry for the lengthy, redundant and poorly written post but im just more worried about this than my writing skills.
poor you for one thing I don't think he can give up on his own that is very rare he will need to go into rehab or at least group therapy every day. You will be able to tell if he has stopped taking it as he won't be able to stop sleeping for about 2 weeks or more he will just sleep for a long time as his body will need to catch up he won't be able to get out of bed after a couple of days he's appetite will come back too and he will just want to eat and sleep and he will be very grumpy and bad tempered. I would just tell him if he wants to get off the drugs then he has to prove it and seek help because no matter how much you try you won't be able to help him he needs medical help I hope things get better for you
Its sad to say but ur not alone I am going thru the same thing...I told my bf I would never put up with him smoking and I kicked him out..he promised to change and I let him back..since he has been back he was only clean 3 weeks..I am tired I feel empty lost..we have a 2 yr old and life was good he was sober for 8 years and now this...I am sorry ur going thru this ...I understand...stay strong for u and ur baby...have faith that's all we have left...good luck
You have to separate. Its called separation of love. You cant let him bring you down regardless of the situation. If you stick around that youre gonna get your child taken away at birth. Make an ultimatum, tell him to go to treatment or somehow better himself. I was in those shoes awhile ago but I was shooting it. I brought everyone else around me down with me. You cant let that happen..
I too have a boyfriend that is on meth. I just recently a few months ago found numerous broken pipes hidden in our garage and he had blamed it on his cousin that he left them in his car. After that I got up in the middle of the night to go downstairs to get something to eat sitting at our table look over and there in his sick was a metb pipe the crystal meth in a little baggy he then too let me mind you this was a couple months after finding the other pipes. I confronted him very angry. He then also used his cousin as an excuse that those things was just left overs of what was with the other things that was found left over and he was just going to throw it out of his car the following morning when he went to work "because he didn't want to give the drugs back to his cousin." That was a far fetched lie I know but being so naive I wanted to believe him and eventually accepted his story because I love him and really want to believe he is not doing this nasty drug. This is now over a month later and now he has become aggressive as ever mood swings. He goes into the bathroom many times a day turns the fan on and then sprays cologne every time when done in the bathroom. Any time confronted though he gets very angry starts calling me names and tells me I'm just a f***** up person for ever saying that. He doesn't really justify in any way of all the reasons he wouldn't do it. He's become so mean and hateful and at times when he starts on me I just don't say anything and give him no reaction. I've read up on all kinds of signs for a meth user and they all seem to match him and his personality. In some ways I feel like I'm going crazy because he does eat and sleep every night but he's so skinny and looks so unhealthy his eyes are sunk in and just looks so unhealthy I've known him for years and know what he used to look like. He looks so worn out. I think his addiction problem has gotten worse in the past couple months. The only thing I haven't seen for myself is actually putting the glass pipe up to his mouth and physically doing it. I know there's nothing I can do to help an addict but I feel like I'm walking out on him and just leaving him while he's sinking and wasting his life away. I don't feel like I know him anymore. Another thing is he can be in the garage for long periods of times. A simple bike he's been trying to repaint for his daughter has now been a month and a half project. It's like when it's almost finished he finds one little bubble or problem with the look of the paint takes paint thinner and restarts the whole thing again. Same with a tv stand he was trying to refurbish I've never seen a piece of wood being sanded so many times over and over. That project started in November and is still not finished because it has some tiny thing wrong with it and the whole thing is remanded again and starts the painting process all over again. Now he has started a new project on another wood table. All these projects he's started all of the mare not finished and have taken months on End. Ami going crazy here like claims I Amir is this a meth users ways and he really thinks I'm that stupid to believe he's not using and this paraphinelia is someone else's. Another thing is he has these zippo lighters that he always carries around he smokes but he never uses those to light his cigarettes he uses a basic bic lighter to light a cigarettes. I feel like a failure walking away from the person I love when he needs someone there for him but I feel like the times when I feel like he's using he is so mean and hateful and every little thing sets him off and the points his finger at me that it's my fault for the reasons he gets mad. I feel like it's time to walk away from the relationship. I've been drained mentally physically and don't know how even passed my last quarter in school with all my classes since I've be so consumed and wrapped up inthis rekationship. I've fallen into a deep depression and it's hard to even do my daily tasks. I feel hopeless
Am going through the same thing. I'm 18 years old, I've been with my boyfriend who is 21, for 3 years in December and I'm now 8 months pregnant. I used to use meth, even shot it a once or twice and I never became addicted to it BC stimulants were never really my thing. I could easily quit. I used a lot until I truly found God and my life has done a 360 since then. So I kinda know what its like to be in the shoes of a user. When I first met my boyfriend all he did was smoke weed, didn't drink or even take pills. I was the total opposite. I loved to party and he didnt. But after a year of us dating he started hanging out with a friend a lot who lived a couple blocks away from me who he said was using it for a while. After months went by of them hanging out one night I could tell he was high as a kite. I was very worried because he acted like nothing was going on. The guy I always knew to be against hard drugs and alcohol.
It has been rocky since that night about a year and a half ago. He is more irritable, short tempered, he has cheated, stole money, you name it. I thought he would stop sooner or later because I was able to, but I was greatly mistaken. I'm still let him stay at my house because he has become controlling and I don't have the energy to deal the drama. I've given up basically. I've tried everything to help. Showing him lots of love and affection, patience, offered to get him help. But truly as a former drug user and based on experience with him i can say there is nothing anyone else can do to stop an addict unless they have a good enough reason to. However everyone's situation is different and there is no definite answer to things like this. Its very complicating and frustrating, especially when it is someone you love. It would be better in the long run just to leave and never look back, but that's obviously easier said than done. This life is never gunna be a fair game. It sucks. That's why we need God who can promises to take us to a better place.
It has been rocky since that night about a year and a half ago. He is more irritable, short tempered, he has cheated, stole money, you name it. I thought he would stop sooner or later because I was able to, but I was greatly mistaken. I'm still let him stay at my house because he has become controlling and I don't have the energy to deal the drama. I've given up basically. I've tried everything to help. Showing him lots of love and affection, patience, offered to get him help. But truly as a former drug user and based on experience with him i can say there is nothing anyone else can do to stop an addict unless they have a good enough reason to. However everyone's situation is different and there is no definite answer to things like this. Its very complicating and frustrating, especially when it is someone you love. It would be better in the long run just to leave and never look back, but that's obviously easier said than done. This life is never gunna be a fair game. It sucks. That's why we need God who can promises to take us to a better place.
"there is nothing anyone else can do to stop an addict unless they have a good enough reason to."
Gabbyjo--
This is such a true statement!!! I will be praying for you and your situation! I pray that you will have a new life to look forward to with your baby and move on! You deserve it especially after you stopped and made the decision to change your life and make it better!
(((HUGS))) Lori
Gabbyjo--
This is such a true statement!!! I will be praying for you and your situation! I pray that you will have a new life to look forward to with your baby and move on! You deserve it especially after you stopped and made the decision to change your life and make it better!
(((HUGS))) Lori
I am sorry for what you are all going through. I am usually diplomatic with my replies but I feel the need to be blunt here!
GET OUT NOW! BEING AROUND A METH ADDICT IS DANGEROUS AND UNPREDICTABLE. METH CAUSES PSYCHOSIS AND IT CAN HAPPEN IN A SPLIT SECOND. MANY METH USERS HAVE MURDERED THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND CHILDREN DURING ONE OF THESE RAGES. YOU MAY THINK YOUR GUY WOULD NEVER DO IT, BUT IT IS THE CHEMICAL THAT CAUSES IT. HE CAN DO IT AND GIVEN ENOUGH TIME, HE JUST MIGHT. YOUR BABIES AND CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER AND IF YOU DO NOT GET THEM OUT OF THIS SITUATION NOW, SOCIAL SERVICES WILL!
OK, enough of the caps! The one thing that jumps out at me is how quickly you moved in with him. Five months is not nearly enough time to know someone, much less love them. Love is something that grows over time as you face lifes ups and downs as a team. What you feel at the five month mark is lust/attraction. not love.
You all deserve so much better and I think professional help is a great idea...sooner rather than later. You need to find out what makes you attracted to someone who isn't good for you or your children.
A similar thing through all of these posts is that you left or kicked him out, but then caved and let him back. We teach people how to treat us and by your behavior you have taught these men that you are a doormat who he can step all over and wipe his feet on..and it's ok because you will keep taking him back! you deserve so much more and counseling is where you will find your inner strength and self esteem.
The longer you are away from this mess, the stronger you will get. Your responsibility isn't to "love and support" an active addict. Recovery is his business. Your business is protecting the children involved. If you have nowhere to go, call a women's shelter. You may think you can't because he doesn't batter you...but battering is not just physical, it is verbal and emotional too. Make no mistake, he is abusive.
Take the time away to work on yourself. Learn why your expectations of a partner are so low. If you need to get an education or a job, do that. You need to put the kids involved first.
Good luck turning around a horrific situation. You can do it! You are stronger than you think!
GET OUT NOW! BEING AROUND A METH ADDICT IS DANGEROUS AND UNPREDICTABLE. METH CAUSES PSYCHOSIS AND IT CAN HAPPEN IN A SPLIT SECOND. MANY METH USERS HAVE MURDERED THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND CHILDREN DURING ONE OF THESE RAGES. YOU MAY THINK YOUR GUY WOULD NEVER DO IT, BUT IT IS THE CHEMICAL THAT CAUSES IT. HE CAN DO IT AND GIVEN ENOUGH TIME, HE JUST MIGHT. YOUR BABIES AND CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER AND IF YOU DO NOT GET THEM OUT OF THIS SITUATION NOW, SOCIAL SERVICES WILL!
OK, enough of the caps! The one thing that jumps out at me is how quickly you moved in with him. Five months is not nearly enough time to know someone, much less love them. Love is something that grows over time as you face lifes ups and downs as a team. What you feel at the five month mark is lust/attraction. not love.
You all deserve so much better and I think professional help is a great idea...sooner rather than later. You need to find out what makes you attracted to someone who isn't good for you or your children.
A similar thing through all of these posts is that you left or kicked him out, but then caved and let him back. We teach people how to treat us and by your behavior you have taught these men that you are a doormat who he can step all over and wipe his feet on..and it's ok because you will keep taking him back! you deserve so much more and counseling is where you will find your inner strength and self esteem.
The longer you are away from this mess, the stronger you will get. Your responsibility isn't to "love and support" an active addict. Recovery is his business. Your business is protecting the children involved. If you have nowhere to go, call a women's shelter. You may think you can't because he doesn't batter you...but battering is not just physical, it is verbal and emotional too. Make no mistake, he is abusive.
Take the time away to work on yourself. Learn why your expectations of a partner are so low. If you need to get an education or a job, do that. You need to put the kids involved first.
Good luck turning around a horrific situation. You can do it! You are stronger than you think!
I was just going to post something similar to Lollee! Although she said it much better. :)
Addiction is a powerful, nasty illness. Significant others can clean up FIRST and then come back to the family (if you would allow them back). Staying in these situations hoping for change is just not fair to YOU. You matter and you DO deserve a stable, happy relationship.
I know being in the middle of my son's addiction, he can manipulate and con me. The drugs affect his brain. When I am in the middle of it, it is hard to see reality clearly (why I come here!). In my opinion, if you leave and stay gone, perspective will change.
Please use any resources you have and stay safe!! But, yes, get out of the relationship.
Addiction is a powerful, nasty illness. Significant others can clean up FIRST and then come back to the family (if you would allow them back). Staying in these situations hoping for change is just not fair to YOU. You matter and you DO deserve a stable, happy relationship.
I know being in the middle of my son's addiction, he can manipulate and con me. The drugs affect his brain. When I am in the middle of it, it is hard to see reality clearly (why I come here!). In my opinion, if you leave and stay gone, perspective will change.
Please use any resources you have and stay safe!! But, yes, get out of the relationship.
I've been there. My ex husband has been using since he was 17. He is about to go to rehab for the 4th time in 4 1/2 years. They won't quit until they want to - and he has told me and others he doesn't want to. Sobriety is "boring."
You have to do what's best for you and your child. I was weak too - I took him back before our divorce was final and he was in rehab. He seemed to be serious about sobriety. He relapsed. I let him come down earlier this year and a week stay turned into almost 2 months. This was after his third stay in rehab he got out in Feb. Guess what he did? Same old crap. Lied to me to use my car and took off out of town to get high. Lied to me about money he would take off the card. He doesn't have a license either (4 DUIs). One time he took off in February or March he got pulled over. He called me when I was getting ready for work "Um I got pulled over" because I had a headlight out. I heard the cop in the background. He said he didn't have his ID on him so the cop asked him his name. He gave them his brother's name because his brother has no record. It worked. What happened when he got home? He acted like it wasn't a big deal. "I didn't get arrested did I?" I said if you did where does that leave me and our daughter? I should have asked to talk to the cop and said "Yeah this is his real name, he has no license, please arrest him" and got my dad to help me get the car later.
I have made excuses for him for years. SO did his first wife. Meth is a dangerous drug and it's hard to quit but it's possible if they want it. But those addicts are dangerous to be around. My ex beat me up 3 times coming off meth and he couldn't get more. The last time he strangled me and I'm lucky he didn't kill me. He got two years probation for that and didn't follow it at all. He got lucky they didn't revoke it.
Just put yourself and your kid first. If he gets sober, he does. If not, not your problem.
You have to do what's best for you and your child. I was weak too - I took him back before our divorce was final and he was in rehab. He seemed to be serious about sobriety. He relapsed. I let him come down earlier this year and a week stay turned into almost 2 months. This was after his third stay in rehab he got out in Feb. Guess what he did? Same old crap. Lied to me to use my car and took off out of town to get high. Lied to me about money he would take off the card. He doesn't have a license either (4 DUIs). One time he took off in February or March he got pulled over. He called me when I was getting ready for work "Um I got pulled over" because I had a headlight out. I heard the cop in the background. He said he didn't have his ID on him so the cop asked him his name. He gave them his brother's name because his brother has no record. It worked. What happened when he got home? He acted like it wasn't a big deal. "I didn't get arrested did I?" I said if you did where does that leave me and our daughter? I should have asked to talk to the cop and said "Yeah this is his real name, he has no license, please arrest him" and got my dad to help me get the car later.
I have made excuses for him for years. SO did his first wife. Meth is a dangerous drug and it's hard to quit but it's possible if they want it. But those addicts are dangerous to be around. My ex beat me up 3 times coming off meth and he couldn't get more. The last time he strangled me and I'm lucky he didn't kill me. He got two years probation for that and didn't follow it at all. He got lucky they didn't revoke it.
Just put yourself and your kid first. If he gets sober, he does. If not, not your problem.
