I Have Had Enough

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
well all- I have decided to leave my BF. I have had enough of his using, and I have had enough of his disrespecting me.I deserve better. I love him, but that just isn't enough anymore. I have to let go now. I have done all I can do. I found a place to live, and I am going to try to move this weekend. Any advice on how to stay away and ignore the "I can help him feelings?"
2
Good for you. I remember reading about him. You have to start thinking about"YOU" now. If you want suggestions on how to leave him alone after you are gone here are a few tips:
1. Don't answer your phone
2. Don't answer your door
3. Don't give him your address
4. Tell him to leave you alone
5. Work on you and let him work on him for a while. Really, he needs to.
6. Go do something special for yourself,, Your a free woman.
Have a great weekend! Rae
3
I'm happy to hear you have finally made the decision, I know how upset you've been for a long time and theres been no changes. I agree with the above post, stay completely away from him. Don't answer his calls, they will be predictable anyways, he'll cry or beg you for another chance, make promises he can't keep, etc...
Don't let him know where you are moving. If you talk to him or see him the temptation will be too much for you.Read the post "addicted to the addict" by guest, good advice there.
Good luck and let us know how it goes with your move!
4
I have to say the same things everyone else has. Don't answer the calls, no matter how many, no matter what messages he leaves you. They will manipulate and conive and do whatever they need to. And we need to be strong at times like this. They will get clean when they are ready and only then, trust me. I have been through hell today and I want to leave just as bad as you, thank goodness we don't live together, and my family has given me an ultimatum, so I can say it to him easier. But don't expect to feel no heartache and get up and walk away without a whole lot of what if's and maybe he'll change, it will hurt. But just be strong accept the fact you can do nothing it's in God hands and that's it. Take care, anytime you feel sad, post on this sight, or just read other people's stories, do whatever you have to to kep your mind free of him.
5
I DID IT!! he took it well- he always does. I feel free. Thank you for all the support! I now have a new lease on life. I have a roomie, and a great townhouse- and he doesn't know my cell number since I just got a new #, he doesn't know where I moved.. things are looking up folks! I will always love him, but I was enableling him- (thanks for teaching me what that meant.) I wish him a great life. I wish him happiness. But not with me.

6
Wow Blondie, I'm so proud of you! Now you have a chance to get away and find some happiness for yourself! How does he feel about this, is he taking it well? Are you planning on keeping in touch once in awhile? Well keep us posted!
7
blondie, i would just caution you to consider that before and after living with an addict or alcoholic there are things about us that could cause us to become involved with a person with addiction or alcoholic tendencies, that cause us to stay with them and try to help them and that stay with us even after those relationships are severed. I suggest that you give some consideration to that in your own life. Whatever it is, we tend to repeat the thinking and the behaviors.
8
obviously then i have lived that truism one too many times. . .finding a new person with all the same old habits and insecurities as the last. . .blondie i wish you the best with this decision and i hope to be taking all this good advice along with you. . .i too have moved on cause i just can't go on on that destructive path my coke addicted husband had us on. . .i actually listened to him plan out our lives sounding so lovely not realizing that a person on drugs, doing drugs has no rememberance of what they are saying and doing. . .i listened and when i was looking for the appropriate follow up actions to make all our dreams come true he was off binging quick as speedy gonzales. . .i am wiser from the experience but worn and weary too!
9

I keep reading these post for the couage to leave my husband. I have been cheated on,betrayed,decieved & lied to . He has been through rehap for 60days was released on Nov 13. stayed clean for 108days. He has relaps 3 time since Nov. My #1 problem is how do I tell my 10 yr old daughter that her daddy is a drug addict. Our 2 oldest kids are aware of their dads addiction problem. They encourage me to leave him. I tell my daughter that daddy is sick in the head & that he went back to hang around the bad people (drug buddies). I tried to explain to her that daddy is breaking my heart. I told her that I did'nt want her dad to live here anymore. She started crying and asked me if he are getting a divorce, how can I break my little princesses heart. Also he is the provider to our family I only make 1/3 of his income. He has left us in the past for almost 3 months. in those 3 months he only gave us $1650.00. I went into big dedt with my c/c. He has been gone for 18hrs with no phone calls. I have called his cell phone left 3 messages. I want to know what happened, why he relaps & what are his future plans, is he going to provide for our 3 kids. I want answer. I feel so depressed over this whole situation. I asked myself what did I do wrong. I supported him with his NA event, we even went to a NA Valentines dance last weekend. what happened. Does anyone have answers for me? I really need encouragement. love, rios
10
Rios did you get my reply in the "Letting Go" post by Poohbear?
11

I have read poohbears post & it is very encouraging. I did a lot of laundry today & I have not put my husbands cloths away. I hope I have the strenghth to tell him to leave. I would like to know, how can I explain it to my 10 yr old daughter that her dad does not live here. please help. I need support on sticking to what I say. love, rios
12

kittycat, thankyou. I did read your post (poohbear posted). What I don't understand is that he was going to meeting. He did 90 meeting in 90 days. after that he was averaging 3 1/2 a week. He has a very good sponsor (though one). I would just like to know 'what happened & why?'. thanyou for being there.
love, rios
13
rios, unlike so many others, it sounds like he is putting in the effort towards recovery.
14

BobB, Thankyou for giving the little bit of encouraging words. I wish I could get into his brain & see exactly how he is thinking. I just don't understand, he was doing so good & then out of the blues he throws it all away. WHY?. I'm trying to understand the his addictive personality. We work at the same place & I just found out that he called in sick yesterday. I will work with him tonight if he goes to work. I called him this morning (6:15) & left him a message on his cell "if you don't call us & let us know you're ok I will file a missing persons report". Well it is 10:40am & I still have not rec'd a phone call. He has been gone since Thursdays @ 6:30am. He is in very poor health & he has medicine he must take. I truly believe he wants his soberiety, but the deman inside him has the upper hand. I am so confused. I love him with all my heart & their is no doudt in my mind that he loves me too. with love, rios
15
I too have been in that sorta relationship in the past,as hard as it can be to go its the better choice then to stay,i left my bf 14 years ago with our two small children for the same reasons,i knew me wanting him to change wouldnt make him change,it had to come from him.i do belive that when we stay and make no major changes in our lives it sends a messege that no matter what they do its tolerated and with that we are allowing them to continue with the life and the things they do,i hoped that me leaving would scare him into changing,but it didnt he spend the next 12 years either in prision or drinking or using drugs,so i knew me leaving was the right choice,
so for you please remember that we all only have one life to live and as much as we want to help someone and as much as we can love someone there are only so many things we can do and so many ways to help before it has to come from them...i have realized that we cant save the world and we can only help so much,but i have also learned that they will change too when they are ready,me and my boyfriend have been back together now for 4 years and he has been sobor and drug free for 3 1/2 of them so sometimes they do change but when they are ready,good luck and hold your head hight and find a life that makes you happy...