Hello all!
I have been using drugs staring off really young but it didn't progress until about 8 years ago when I got addicted to pain pills with the man I fell in love with. I spent ten years with him total but he started hitting me and hurt me pretty bad so I used even more pills. after he broke my ribs in six places, his dad called child protective services and because my pain pills were so low they removed our three boys and took them to their grandpa's who was my best friend through it all and really he just wanted his son out of our home so he would stop hitting me. But the truth is even though I thought I was a great mom I was an addict and I needed to get clean for myself and my boys. About a week after the boys were placed at his house he died in his sleep. the same day my boyfriend went to jail and got our car impounded and on top of that the state wouldn't let me see my boys for three weeks. Needless to say I started doing heroine and I wanted to die. Well, I did. I was dead for 3 min 45 seconds the longest time but they said I died three times and they just couldn't bring me back without an adrenaline shot to my heart. You would think I would have gotten clean but it has been three year and I haven't seen my kids but I started seeing a guy I grew up with and I now help raise his kids taking only enough heroine to stay functional but I hate myself for it. I should be putting my babies to bed at night and I feel like it's been so long that I may not ever get them back. I love them so much and I just haven't been able to believe in myself until recently so I am doing what a doctor said I should and I am applying for scholarship programs to treatment centers as I went to one but it was dirty and run down and honestly I felt very uncomfortable there so I left and I regret it but I come from a upper middle class family and was around a bunch of homeless people. I hate to sound stuck up because the Lord knows I have been in some pretty crappy situations using but was never sleeping there so maybe somebody has some ideas for me, I don't know. I hope so. I am ready. It's bveen a long time coming but it is time. I just hope I am not too late. Thanks for reading and I appreciate all comments. Thanks, Michelle
Michelle, this may be harsh, but when you really want to get clean, you will go to any lengths to do it, including staying in an uncomfortable rehab. My daughter was also raised in an upper middle class family, but when it came time to get clean she went to two pretty awful detoxes to get herself clean because those were the places that had the beds for her. The first one was truly skeevy and the second one only a little better. Doing the time might have meant a step towards getting your children back into life...so how much do you really want it? To what lengths are you willing to go to change things? It's not a comfortable process and it more often than not happens in an unpleasant setting.
Do you attend NA/AA meetings? They are free and everywhere and all that's required for attendance is a desire to get clean.
Welcome ~ MomNMore
Do you attend NA/AA meetings? They are free and everywhere and all that's required for attendance is a desire to get clean.
Welcome ~ MomNMore
