It's like, I set myself up to fail or something. I'm on a rent subsidy program. My rent is based on my income. Right now, I'm only working about 9 hrs. a week so my rent is only $65 a month. My roommie is paying $100 a month but I signed a reciept for $300 a month so he could get food stamps. I just got a letter from the housing authority saying I was being dismissed from the program for unreported income. If I tell them I lied, I'll be confessing to food stamp fraud, which is worse and I'd get my roomie in trouble too. I don't know what to do. My first thought is, I need a bag of dope or a zannie. My rent is going to go from $65 to $525 a month. I was having trouble paying the $65. I wish I knew what it felt like to not have to worry about keeping a roof over my head. I wish I could budjet better, and I wish I knew what it felt like to not have these cravings all the f $%#$% time!! I know! I'm wishing my life away when that time could be better spent. It's just that it seems that everytime I get out from under, everything goes to sh$% again. And it's usually my own fault! Thanks for letting me rant! I'd explode if I didn't have this forum!
hey Terrapin Station. I hear ya on that. i just got relieved from work, a job that i just started last week. which was gonna be me and my fiance's life saver, and it was all because of methadone. i went to the clinic one morning before i had to go to a meeting and they upped my dose 10 mgs. and i went directly from there to the employee meeting. once the drug started pumping through my system it was impossible for me to keep my eyes entirely open for the very boring hour and a half meeting. i was freaking pinching myself and pulling my leg hars to try and keep my eyes open but the nod just kept creeping. the Gm who was present caught wind of me falling asleep and 2 days later i was fired because it's a too fast paced job for me or so they said. which is bullhonkey becuase the other rest i wait at is 5x's busier but the tips aren't near as good. if it weren't for my g/f being with me to tell me it'll all work out i would've been a maniac last night. i at least landed on my feet and am just gonna have to get back out there. Lots of bad things happen to everyone not just addicts. this is hard to remember for me. i always think that that is the reason i am put through all these trials and tribulations, but it's just a part of some scheme. i don't believe in god either but for some reason i was telling myself it was a part of someones plan and once everything works out for me i'll see why i had to lose that job because something better is always over the next hurdle. i don't know if this helped you at all but i just last night was having these same feelings and now in the morning light it seems a little better. hope everything works out!
I lost a couple of jobs over methadone when I first got on the program. They were 3rd shift. (which is difficult to adjust to anyway) The first one, I made the mistake of telling someone that I was on methadone. Then, everytime I looked a little sleepy, they called me off the line. They finally told me the same thing they told you. (that the job was too fast paced) The second job was so boring, that I actually was nodding off on the assembly line. I was glueing boxes together. They waited until I got home one morning and called me and asked me not to come back. LOL. I then found a job where I worked by myself. (cleaning offices) I was on the 40mg. wafers at the time. (3 a day) I used to nod off while I was vacuuming. LOL. I would wake up and my vacuum cleaner would be bumping against the wall or a table. They must have not had video cameras because I kept that job for a year. I got paid by the job, though.A building that should've taken 3 hrs. to clean, took me all night. :-) I'm on 100mg. of liquid now. (weak liquid!) I've learned to stay awake on the job. You just cheered me up by making me remember some of my funny screw-ups. Thanks Beetlebones! I know it's not the end of the world but sometimes I feel like it. It always gets better, though, don't it? Let's just hope it gets better fast!
terrapin247 yeah i totally relate when times get hard i just wanna get high too. It seems no matter how long my clean time my mind always wants to go back to that old standby H.
It6's like I think...well, I screwed up, might as well go all the way. And then it's 1000 times worse but I do it over and over and over. This time I haven't got high. I just get on the message board and type. It seems to help!
Salute Shirley......keep tapping them keys, Sister.
We must all do that, and we're honest. It's engrained in our brains. Screw up=get high. When the nerves get the best of me or my anger is let loose getting high I know would eleviate that all, but Shirley you are right. Your tail will be in a worse spot.
Hang on dear Shirley. Hang on and type.
We must all do that, and we're honest. It's engrained in our brains. Screw up=get high. When the nerves get the best of me or my anger is let loose getting high I know would eleviate that all, but Shirley you are right. Your tail will be in a worse spot.
Hang on dear Shirley. Hang on and type.
Bryn, you're a HOOT! lol
Love,
Susan
Love,
Susan
Shirley, everyone is responsible for their own lives. Your roomie committed fraud and you're in the s*** coz of it... tell your roomie that they're gonna have to carry the can for their own f*** ups, coz you have more than enough to cope with as it is. You tried to help out and it backfired on you. Unless your roomie is gonna pay your rent, then you have no choice really. You look after yourself honey, coz it's an unforgiving world out there, and if you don't do it then who will? One thing that I learned after years of putting my own needs to the back of my mind is that you CAN'T sacrifice yourself for someone else, coz you do it often enough and there's nothing much left to save...
Sometimes life is really hard - don't I know it! - and you have to make tough decisions. but you have to survive. You sink or you swim. You're a survivor, you must be to have made it so far. So make that tough decision and SURVIVE. You can find another room mate, as long as you have a roof over your head. If you don't then you're roomie will be sitting pretty and you'll be out on the street. You didn't make the rules. It's not your fault.
love
Diff xxx
Sometimes life is really hard - don't I know it! - and you have to make tough decisions. but you have to survive. You sink or you swim. You're a survivor, you must be to have made it so far. So make that tough decision and SURVIVE. You can find another room mate, as long as you have a roof over your head. If you don't then you're roomie will be sitting pretty and you'll be out on the street. You didn't make the rules. It's not your fault.
love
Diff xxx
