I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be posting here or in the family spot... But this is my first time at the site and first message. A friend turned me to it, thought I could give this a try. My brother overdosed about three years ago on heroin. I honestly know nothing about Heroin. But anyways... They brought him back with the adrenaline shot to the heart... It was an ackward day of lots of hugging and promising he would never go back. Well things have been getting worse in his life with his family... I knew it was a matter of time. This year I moved out of his house and got married, which was very hard on him cause Im all he had other than his family...who isnt very supportive. I'm younger than he is... So its not like he looks up to me, but I want to help him so much. I almost lost him once, I don't want to fear losing him the rest of our lives. A few months ago I went home to visit him, stayed about a week at his house... He was high the entire time I was there, and hanging out with the people who originally shot him up when he overdosed. I asked his wifey, she said yeah and what am I supposed to do Kim... I felt like I was hopeless. She is planning to leave him soon if he doesnt stop, but she isnt even going to tell him this. Should I tell him? Should I try to help him? I cant talk to him, its touchy- he just gets p!ssed and walks away... Iwant him to be happy againa dn be my big brother again... How am I supposed to help someone who think s nothing is worng, but wont admit he is doing it??? also I live 5 hours awa now, so its not like I can just go there and try to help him... I just thought maybe I could get some feedback on here and see if anyone has some advice on how I can approach him? And maybe what I should be doing to help him? Is it possible to help someone that thinks nothing is wrong and is in denial? Im lost... Please help if you can. Any advice would be nice. Thanks. Kimmy
Hi Kimberly,
Please let me tell you how sorry I am you are in so much pain.......that's your baby brother and of course you are worried sick..........and after him almost dying I mean how could you not worry........I'm sorry for your pain.
Well, I'm a recovering heroin addict and can tell you my opinion and I am certain all the good people here will share as well......in fact we have a wonderful woman here who is a recovering addict and her baby brother she worries about as well.
Kimmie, basically you answered the question yourself........how can you help someone doesn't think they need help.......that's how we get.....and we hear nothing.........I mean he will hear you, but he won't stop until he wants to.......if he does for the fact he'll lose his family.....and for that one reason.......most likely he'll pick back up like he did this time.
Definately the people he is hanging with is a big sign, but Kimmie it's not on them........it's his choice........I so understand that must have made you ill seeing him with those people, but even if they weren't there he'd probably still use.
Now just me, but no I would not tell him your sis-in-law will be leaving him......that's her place and if she don't tell he'll find out soon enough.........I wouldn't get between that.........BUT.........as a sister I'd definately say something, and yeah he will get PISSED.........of course he will........we don't want anyone messing up our habit..........including family.
So, he gets pissed........better he's mad at you and know you care........it was obvious like ya said he was high..........tell him you will support him.......if he decides to get clean, but in no way support what he is doing now......tell him you love him.........say how you feel.
Kimmie, you can go over to families/loved ones as well.........people over there have been through it on your end.........and us over here........well we did it.......we were where your brother is.........so we can help that way.
I hope you got some sleep, Kimberly and please keep coming on and sharing.......you need to take care of you to be there for your brother.........and I'm sure you aren't happy with his wife, BUT I think you know it's a real b*tch living with a heroin addict............a true trial.........so I'm sure she has been through it...........if you stick together it'd be better.........hope to you see you back soon, Kimmie...........lots of folks here for you.
Please let me tell you how sorry I am you are in so much pain.......that's your baby brother and of course you are worried sick..........and after him almost dying I mean how could you not worry........I'm sorry for your pain.
Well, I'm a recovering heroin addict and can tell you my opinion and I am certain all the good people here will share as well......in fact we have a wonderful woman here who is a recovering addict and her baby brother she worries about as well.
Kimmie, basically you answered the question yourself........how can you help someone doesn't think they need help.......that's how we get.....and we hear nothing.........I mean he will hear you, but he won't stop until he wants to.......if he does for the fact he'll lose his family.....and for that one reason.......most likely he'll pick back up like he did this time.
Definately the people he is hanging with is a big sign, but Kimmie it's not on them........it's his choice........I so understand that must have made you ill seeing him with those people, but even if they weren't there he'd probably still use.
Now just me, but no I would not tell him your sis-in-law will be leaving him......that's her place and if she don't tell he'll find out soon enough.........I wouldn't get between that.........BUT.........as a sister I'd definately say something, and yeah he will get PISSED.........of course he will........we don't want anyone messing up our habit..........including family.
So, he gets pissed........better he's mad at you and know you care........it was obvious like ya said he was high..........tell him you will support him.......if he decides to get clean, but in no way support what he is doing now......tell him you love him.........say how you feel.
Kimmie, you can go over to families/loved ones as well.........people over there have been through it on your end.........and us over here........well we did it.......we were where your brother is.........so we can help that way.
I hope you got some sleep, Kimberly and please keep coming on and sharing.......you need to take care of you to be there for your brother.........and I'm sure you aren't happy with his wife, BUT I think you know it's a real b*tch living with a heroin addict............a true trial.........so I'm sure she has been through it...........if you stick together it'd be better.........hope to you see you back soon, Kimmie...........lots of folks here for you.
Thanks for posting back. I talked to my brothers wifey, I told her I know she has been through SO much with this... She lost one husband and woke up next to my brother the monring he almost died. She has seen alot more of what it can do than I have, but I told her I'm here for her, and I told her about this site. Whether she choices to use it or not I dont know. But I asked her to give him a chance... At least let him know, the last week she is there it might be hell with all the arguements, But I know she loves him and if she lets him know she doesnt want to see him do this to himself and that she loves him maybe after she leaves it will have more of an effect than him going and shooting up more. She said she has been going back and forth about telling him, and she wants to, that she doesnt want to see him overdose or do more when she does leave, and maybe if they talk about it, it can help.
My brother is the only brother I have, I don't know where I would be without him, He took me in when my mother disowned me and I had no where else to go on those cold nights downtown. He has always been there for me until now... And now I know he wants to be but its not easy when he is using... I just hope I can talk to him later today and see what happens... I'll be sure to post on this message and tell what happens. I'm going to tell him that I may not know what he is going through but I want to know, That I may not support it, But when he is ready that I'll be here for him.. I just want him back.. He is truely all I have, My husband is in the army in Kuwait right now, and going to Baghdad tomorrow. I know my brother can help me through this, but not on the heroin. I hope this goes well tonight. Thanks for the reply also. Kimmy
My brother is the only brother I have, I don't know where I would be without him, He took me in when my mother disowned me and I had no where else to go on those cold nights downtown. He has always been there for me until now... And now I know he wants to be but its not easy when he is using... I just hope I can talk to him later today and see what happens... I'll be sure to post on this message and tell what happens. I'm going to tell him that I may not know what he is going through but I want to know, That I may not support it, But when he is ready that I'll be here for him.. I just want him back.. He is truely all I have, My husband is in the army in Kuwait right now, and going to Baghdad tomorrow. I know my brother can help me through this, but not on the heroin. I hope this goes well tonight. Thanks for the reply also. Kimmy
Hey Kim, this is your husbands cousin BTW. I'm real glad to see you posted here. The family board is great for family of addicts. This board is also a good start to ask questions & get advice. Everyone here was a user or is in some way involved with a addict. As you already know I have a addicted brother also. I think you need a lot of support i hope you get it here. I know how much you love your brother. I know 1st hand what it's like to see a brother in the hospital o.d'ed. Experience has taught me you CAN'T fix him or change his choices...you'll make yourself nuts if you try. You can seek out support for yourself and get educated and take care of you. Most everyone here did not stop till they had no other REAL choice. The worst thing to do for a addict is make it comfortable for them to use. By that I mean giving money, giving a place to sleep.
I and just about everyone here DID NOT STOP till we sank so low there was nothing left but, UP. If your brothers like every other addict he won't stop till he has some major drastic life Consequences. I know a o.d is a major thing ...to a addict it's not!. Stupid as that sounds a o.d is usually NOT enough to get a person to quit. I had several and nearly lost my arm to a infection. My only thought was how was i gonna shoot up with one hand.A addict Quits most often when they hit their "rock bottom" when life gets to be so unpleasent using is no longer a option. For me it was losing my house, losing my kids for a while, being homeless. I still could not just stop i was in a methadone clinic almost a year. It's a rare rare thing to just stop on ones own accord without some kind of help. You are totally right if he's in denial it makes everything worse. Get real with him even if he gets mad better he be mad and know you care then to just turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the problem. .
I and just about everyone here DID NOT STOP till we sank so low there was nothing left but, UP. If your brothers like every other addict he won't stop till he has some major drastic life Consequences. I know a o.d is a major thing ...to a addict it's not!. Stupid as that sounds a o.d is usually NOT enough to get a person to quit. I had several and nearly lost my arm to a infection. My only thought was how was i gonna shoot up with one hand.A addict Quits most often when they hit their "rock bottom" when life gets to be so unpleasent using is no longer a option. For me it was losing my house, losing my kids for a while, being homeless. I still could not just stop i was in a methadone clinic almost a year. It's a rare rare thing to just stop on ones own accord without some kind of help. You are totally right if he's in denial it makes everything worse. Get real with him even if he gets mad better he be mad and know you care then to just turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the problem. .
Speak of the devil........LOL.......I said in my first post here you're a wonderful woman ZG.......that's YOU.
Kimmy, hopefully you'll post again and fill us in..........and thank your husband for his service........I wish him a safe tour and may he get back home and be in your arms very soon..........I'll keep him and your brother in my prayers, Kimmy.
Kimmy, hopefully you'll post again and fill us in..........and thank your husband for his service........I wish him a safe tour and may he get back home and be in your arms very soon..........I'll keep him and your brother in my prayers, Kimmy.
My brother and I had a talk. He hung up a couple times, So I left him a message on the phone. Even though he didn't want to hear it, His Wife made him listen.. And then she said he sat there... He sat there for awhile.. Didnt talk to her, or do anything, just sat there. She said then he got the phone. He called me and went outsiode so she didnt know what we talked about. I told him in the message, Whether you plan to listen or not, I plan to talk, I'm your little sister, The girl who you carried home when she fell off her bike and had a scraped knee, the one whose boyfriend you beat up because you caught him cheating on me, the one who you helped mend broken hearts and broken bones... you were always there for me J, And now when you are ready and willing I'm going to return the favor, You are my only brother and I don't won't to go through losing you, I can't handle that. But when you are ready to quit, I'll come home, I'll help you in every way I know too help. I'll try to be your fix J.. And I told him that I needed my big brother to get me through Brians deployment. Well when he called back, he said He can't.. Thats all he said.. I told him he could do it, just to believe in himself that I did, But he just kept saying you dont know how i is Kim, I cant.. And he is right, I dont know how it is. But I know its going to be hard for him.. And I know Ill do anything I can to help him... When he is ready. Anyways that is the update. And Thanks for keeping them in your prayers That is Very appreciated right now.. Kimmy
I think it is great what you are doing for him. I personally spent allot of my time revolving my life around my partner and his habbit and got seriously depressed when I couldnt help him. I am ready to give up on him altogether now because I know nothing I can do will help him. I have been there through cold turkey, helped him onto subutex but nothing works. I think the situation would be different if it was family because family have to stick together but dont let him ever take you for a ride. I know you probably think he wont but believe me, my partner adores me but I still dont come infront of his heroin and I am sad to say that neither does his daughter!
I might as well be on my own and my daughter might as well not have a Dad because he aint no use to any of us. I have tears in my eyes right now because I hurt every day. He was what you could call the perfect Dad and partner and now through this evil drug I have lost him and my daughter has lost her Daddy. It wouldnt be so hard if I didnt have my girl but not knowing what is around the corner, whether she will ever have her Daddy back. He justhasnt got the time for her and it breaks my heart. She is so special and perfect and I think how could you do this.
I havent been honest with myself for a long time, but now I think we would be better off without him because he is just dragging me down and irritating me everytime. Please dont be harsh on his wife because you couldnt begin to imagine what she is going through. Trust me its the hardest thing I have ever been through and its even harder to make that decision to leave.
I find it so irritating that someone with so much can get involved in this....then I think I want the real him back but unfrotunately like someone once told me....we are new people now and allot has changed. We aint ever gonna go back to being those people so I think its time to move on.
Anyway like I said...I wouldnt turn my back on family. All you can do is be there for him when he needs you to be. No naggin, beggin, taking will change it. Trust me hun I am there right now and I have tried and tried and tried. I dont think there is a day goes by that I dont cry and wish that it could all be over and I try to stay strong in hope that something good will happen but I suppose I am waiting for a miracle...sorry hun getting all emotional typing this....I just hope that he gets there and I am sure with your support he will.
Keep strong and honestly hun dont punnish his wife because I am sure she will have been punished enough and she is brave to have decided to leave..and also when you tell an addict you are leaving they will beg, cry, go on and on and are very persuasive so maybe thats why she cant tell him.
This post really touched me. I didnt realise how many families this devil affected till I found this site. Its amazing.
Lynds xx
I might as well be on my own and my daughter might as well not have a Dad because he aint no use to any of us. I have tears in my eyes right now because I hurt every day. He was what you could call the perfect Dad and partner and now through this evil drug I have lost him and my daughter has lost her Daddy. It wouldnt be so hard if I didnt have my girl but not knowing what is around the corner, whether she will ever have her Daddy back. He justhasnt got the time for her and it breaks my heart. She is so special and perfect and I think how could you do this.
I havent been honest with myself for a long time, but now I think we would be better off without him because he is just dragging me down and irritating me everytime. Please dont be harsh on his wife because you couldnt begin to imagine what she is going through. Trust me its the hardest thing I have ever been through and its even harder to make that decision to leave.
I find it so irritating that someone with so much can get involved in this....then I think I want the real him back but unfrotunately like someone once told me....we are new people now and allot has changed. We aint ever gonna go back to being those people so I think its time to move on.
Anyway like I said...I wouldnt turn my back on family. All you can do is be there for him when he needs you to be. No naggin, beggin, taking will change it. Trust me hun I am there right now and I have tried and tried and tried. I dont think there is a day goes by that I dont cry and wish that it could all be over and I try to stay strong in hope that something good will happen but I suppose I am waiting for a miracle...sorry hun getting all emotional typing this....I just hope that he gets there and I am sure with your support he will.
Keep strong and honestly hun dont punnish his wife because I am sure she will have been punished enough and she is brave to have decided to leave..and also when you tell an addict you are leaving they will beg, cry, go on and on and are very persuasive so maybe thats why she cant tell him.
This post really touched me. I didnt realise how many families this devil affected till I found this site. Its amazing.
Lynds xx
wow--im so full of emotion--i know just how he feels--it seems like such an impossible feat when you are in the midst of addiction, you learn to mold your life around using then using becomes your life and hes right he doenst think he can--he can't-not alone he needs help-professional help--and you and his family need to be involved but in very carefull ways--dont take anything personal but dont let him use and abuse you and your feelings--you need clear lboundaries--wow--this is such a painfull thing--tell him about this place look up detox's subutex,methadone its not likely he will cold turkey it and stay off its just not practical--tell him dont give up and dont give in to the statisctics--everyone has already said alot of what im saying and thinking but i had to get my 2 cents in--its such a very critical thing
WOW.
Kimmie, ya done good. You went about that the right way.
Amity, that was an excellent post. You said in words what I can't.
Yep, Kimmie we know. He honestly don't think he can. We don't.
Hope you are alright, Kimmie. You have alot going on. Hang in there, honey.
Kimmie, ya done good. You went about that the right way.
Amity, that was an excellent post. You said in words what I can't.
Yep, Kimmie we know. He honestly don't think he can. We don't.
Hope you are alright, Kimmie. You have alot going on. Hang in there, honey.
I have been doing good. Brian called me today from Iraq, i was a nice thing waking up to hear his voice and hear he is good. I called my brother to talk to him because I was feeling down later on though. J said he misses me and he has still been thinking about quiting but he didnt think he could. I asked him Why? He says he thought after the o.d. he would never go back, until he invited his buddy over and he saw it again.. He said his buddy told him he was still using and hoped it didnt effect the friendship, and J said it wouldnt, but he also said each time his buddy was there, in front of him, using, he wanted to feel that way again, he said I couldnt understand the feeling, but that he never wants me to.. then he had to get reay for work.. So I let him go and he is supposed to call tonight ..
I want to know what I am supposed to do when I know he wants to quit, I can hear it in his voice! I know he is ready.. I think. But thats buddy he mentioned, its his childhood friend, a guy that was once another brother to me.. He will never want to stop being friends with him, not even if he is clean.. I know he wont. They share too much. So how can he possibly get clean if just seeing his buddy use makes him want it again? Im so confused by this.. And he said something else the other day.. he said when he is ready I had to promise it meant no clinics, he says he doesnt want to sub another addiction.. But can he do it without the sub? i know its harder but.. He wont go to rehab or a clinic, I know my brother, he wont do it? and I have one other question.. it might sound dumb but idk.. i thought u guys might.. I have seen some people go through pretty messed up things in recovery.. And it looks rather painful... Can u die from it? like go into shock or something cause u dont have it??
Also.. I havent bee harsh on his wife... Me and her are great friends and I know she lost her first husband to an overdose, adn she was the one to role over and find my brother with cold blue lips not breathing..So what she decides I do not put down.. I know she is just scared to find him like that again... Me and her have both broke down many mnay times over this.. I know she can't handle waking up and finding him dead... So I won't push her to stay, but she said she would wait for him,, if he gets clean she will take him back, which makes me very pleased to know...
Well thats all for today.. Thanks for the posts and words of encouragment, you guys are great. I dont know if I would have been able to say the things I have to him if I didnt get encouragement fro you guys first.. Thank you alot.
I want to know what I am supposed to do when I know he wants to quit, I can hear it in his voice! I know he is ready.. I think. But thats buddy he mentioned, its his childhood friend, a guy that was once another brother to me.. He will never want to stop being friends with him, not even if he is clean.. I know he wont. They share too much. So how can he possibly get clean if just seeing his buddy use makes him want it again? Im so confused by this.. And he said something else the other day.. he said when he is ready I had to promise it meant no clinics, he says he doesnt want to sub another addiction.. But can he do it without the sub? i know its harder but.. He wont go to rehab or a clinic, I know my brother, he wont do it? and I have one other question.. it might sound dumb but idk.. i thought u guys might.. I have seen some people go through pretty messed up things in recovery.. And it looks rather painful... Can u die from it? like go into shock or something cause u dont have it??
Also.. I havent bee harsh on his wife... Me and her are great friends and I know she lost her first husband to an overdose, adn she was the one to role over and find my brother with cold blue lips not breathing..So what she decides I do not put down.. I know she is just scared to find him like that again... Me and her have both broke down many mnay times over this.. I know she can't handle waking up and finding him dead... So I won't push her to stay, but she said she would wait for him,, if he gets clean she will take him back, which makes me very pleased to know...
Well thats all for today.. Thanks for the posts and words of encouragment, you guys are great. I dont know if I would have been able to say the things I have to him if I didnt get encouragement fro you guys first.. Thank you alot.
