Hi all,
My first time to write. I've been looking at this site for some time and have been meaning to write for some time but each time I register I re-read what I write and delete it and tell myself I'll do it again tomorrow, just like with my addiction to heroin. I tried again, really tried, and after 5 or 6 days the fits got to me and I just had to go out and score or rather send someone out to score for me. Those fits really frighten me and each time I feel I'm bringing myself closer to a stroke or some form of long term illness. I've been telling myself for the past few days that I'm going to go and see my doctor but its a vicious circle. I need to have my head together to go and see the doctor which means I need my daily fix. By the time I've handed out for my daily fix I don't have the fee for the doctor. Even if I do get to my doctor what will he do for me? Will it be the usual round of referring me to an addiction counsellor or a treatment centre where I'll be left just a name on a list for 6 months. I really can't cope with this much longer, the depression is just so overwhelming. The life I'm living is such a lie. I'm in this hell on my own. My family haven't a clue, I'm sure they think something is up but not in a million years would they think, heroin! I really need someone to tell me there is hope, there is help out there. I read all the posts from you guys who are recovering and who are clean whatever length of time and the positivity that you give out is great. I would so love to be where you are at at the moment. Please someone, point me in the right direction.
Arrie.
Hi Arrie and welcome..
We sure can relate where you are at. Getting clean has to start somewhere. I am glad you are here reaching out for help. There is hope.
There are options. For me it came down to how bad I wanted to stay clean. I had to chase my recovery like I chased the drugs.
I never did suboxone but there are a few here that went that route. I do believe you need to find a sub doctor or clinic in your area. Maybe someone can give you more on that.
I did do the Methadone Maintainence but I was still not ready and willing to do everything that was suggested.
The route I took was withdrawing off Methadone and attending NA meetings. I was so scared going in to a room full of strangers but it was the best thing and the only way I was able to go without using drugs.
I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I still think about drugs every now and again but I play the tape and think about what I went through and I don't ever want to go through that again.
Your family probably knows. I didn't think my family knew either. I had a friend who called the hospitals and found one with a detox. She went to the emergency and asked for help. She stayed for four days d etox and then they transferred her to a halfway house.
The hardest thing was staying away from those familiar faces. Those so called friends. Real friends wouldn't want you to keep doing drugs, they would encourage and help you stay clean.
Wishing you well and hope you keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Dawn
We sure can relate where you are at. Getting clean has to start somewhere. I am glad you are here reaching out for help. There is hope.
There are options. For me it came down to how bad I wanted to stay clean. I had to chase my recovery like I chased the drugs.
I never did suboxone but there are a few here that went that route. I do believe you need to find a sub doctor or clinic in your area. Maybe someone can give you more on that.
I did do the Methadone Maintainence but I was still not ready and willing to do everything that was suggested.
The route I took was withdrawing off Methadone and attending NA meetings. I was so scared going in to a room full of strangers but it was the best thing and the only way I was able to go without using drugs.
I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I still think about drugs every now and again but I play the tape and think about what I went through and I don't ever want to go through that again.
Your family probably knows. I didn't think my family knew either. I had a friend who called the hospitals and found one with a detox. She went to the emergency and asked for help. She stayed for four days d etox and then they transferred her to a halfway house.
The hardest thing was staying away from those familiar faces. Those so called friends. Real friends wouldn't want you to keep doing drugs, they would encourage and help you stay clean.
Wishing you well and hope you keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Dawn
Hi Arrie, welcome. Where are you? Uk, usa? I don't know about how they do it in America, but here in Scotland you're getting on the methadone programme alot quicker these days(about 6 weeks) Subutex are meant to be good, i've not personally took them but from some people i know they helped them alot. These are the two ways i know of to come off H, well and cold turkey.
Keep coming on here, it really helped me this board. Like you say alot of positive people and real good advice. I know it's hard Arrie, but try to stay strong and keep the faith, you'll get there, you will. There is light at the end of the tunnel.Take care, Kev
Yeah, like Dawn said, keeping away from old 'mates' and places ect... that is a must at the start. You're mates will not like to see you get clean and WILL offer you a burn even when you've told them you're quitting. Keep the faith...
Keep coming on here, it really helped me this board. Like you say alot of positive people and real good advice. I know it's hard Arrie, but try to stay strong and keep the faith, you'll get there, you will. There is light at the end of the tunnel.Take care, Kev
Yeah, like Dawn said, keeping away from old 'mates' and places ect... that is a must at the start. You're mates will not like to see you get clean and WILL offer you a burn even when you've told them you're quitting. Keep the faith...
Hi, whatever you decide to do, just remember that doing nothing get's you nowhere. So what if you're on a waiting list for six months? The longer you leave it before you do it, the longer the wait will be. Remember that this mess is of your own making, no-one is going to rescue you. But you can rescue yourself, and you have to put the wheels in motion, or it's never going to happen.
As an addict, you find the money for the drugs one way or another. So you can find it for the Dr, if you really wanted to. It's up to you. Nobody else is going to sort it out for you. I feel that people tend to over complicate the whole getting clean business, and as an addict, you'll always find an excuse to keep using. The trick is to wake up to yourself, quit moaning, and get off your arse and do something about it.
I know I sound mean, but I'm not. I'm clean since May 2005, and I was the biggest moaning junkie out there, complaining about how crap my life was, and how powerless I was to do anything about it. But regardless of what the NAers say, you ain't powerless. Every time you stick that needle in your vein, it's because you choose to. And you can choose not to. It just takes a major head trip to actually realise that.
There is hope, but you have to do the work. Stop waiting for the miracle to come scoop you up and make everything right. The miracle is following you around, waving it's arms at you and yelling "I'm here!! Come find me!!" All you have to do it make it happen.
Forgive me for my tone, but tea and sympathy never got anybody clean. Being honest is more useful. You'll never get platitudes from me, but I will always tell it like it is, and I do know what I'm talking about, coz I've been round that track more than a few times myself.
OK, gotta go - my daughter is in the laundry bin again!
It's up to you buddy
love
Diff x
As an addict, you find the money for the drugs one way or another. So you can find it for the Dr, if you really wanted to. It's up to you. Nobody else is going to sort it out for you. I feel that people tend to over complicate the whole getting clean business, and as an addict, you'll always find an excuse to keep using. The trick is to wake up to yourself, quit moaning, and get off your arse and do something about it.
I know I sound mean, but I'm not. I'm clean since May 2005, and I was the biggest moaning junkie out there, complaining about how crap my life was, and how powerless I was to do anything about it. But regardless of what the NAers say, you ain't powerless. Every time you stick that needle in your vein, it's because you choose to. And you can choose not to. It just takes a major head trip to actually realise that.
There is hope, but you have to do the work. Stop waiting for the miracle to come scoop you up and make everything right. The miracle is following you around, waving it's arms at you and yelling "I'm here!! Come find me!!" All you have to do it make it happen.
Forgive me for my tone, but tea and sympathy never got anybody clean. Being honest is more useful. You'll never get platitudes from me, but I will always tell it like it is, and I do know what I'm talking about, coz I've been round that track more than a few times myself.
OK, gotta go - my daughter is in the laundry bin again!
It's up to you buddy
love
Diff x
Hi all,
Thanx for your replies! Diff the tone was good, if only more people were like that with me. Your so right when you say what I want is not going to come knocking on my door. I'm going to see my doc on Tuesday, for sure this time. I can't do it on my own, I need something to help me get through the fits - they really, really scare me. I've been looking up loads of sites on the net and some say that no matter what going 'cold turkey' never killed anybody and others say that it's dangerous, you need medical supervision. It's all so bloody confusing.
I'm in Dublin and I don't think we're top of the list when it comes to treatment facilities or options. I'm not sure whether our doctors even prescribe Subutex or Subxone (sp?) - does anybody out there know? I've read loads about Subutex and people seem to really rate it so I'm crossing my fingers in the hope that my doctor will prescribe it to me. If not I don't know what I'll do - as Diff said I may as well get my name on that list, time passes!
Are any of you who use this message board based in Ireland. If you are I'd love some advice on the options that I have. My family doctor has just retired and some other guy has taken over his practice. I haven't been to see this new guy yet but the plan is Tuesday. I know for sure that I don't want to be given methadone, I'd rather just get clean of everything. Can he help me or does he have to refer me to a doctor who specialises in heroin detox? I remember going to my family doctor a couple of years ago looking for his help and he prescribed me an anti depressant. It stopped me crying but that's about all.
If any of you out there have had those fits would you please talk me through it, they scare the s*** out of me, they really do. Are they harmful - can they be harmful. I'm also getting these jerking movements, I'll be sitting watching tv or just plain relaxing and all of a sudden I'm jumping, it's like a shot of electricity has been put through me. I've been using (smoking) for the past eight years with clean time of no more than two weeks every now and again (about four times if I'm honest). I'm in a positive frame of mind at the moment, I'm gonna do this if it's the last thing that I do. I'm in this with my bf who's also at the end of his tether when it comes to this crap. The plan is for us both to go on Tuesday, the doc will have to see that there's no point in just one of us doing it. It's make or break time for us now. We've really reduced the people who we surround ourselves with, that's a start. We're also about to move into a new house which is a good thing too. We'd love to start out in the house the way we mean to go on which is clean, clean from any stinking drug. I'm fed up of not feeling, not being. I don't want to be an empty shell anymore.
Keep posting.
A.
Thanx for your replies! Diff the tone was good, if only more people were like that with me. Your so right when you say what I want is not going to come knocking on my door. I'm going to see my doc on Tuesday, for sure this time. I can't do it on my own, I need something to help me get through the fits - they really, really scare me. I've been looking up loads of sites on the net and some say that no matter what going 'cold turkey' never killed anybody and others say that it's dangerous, you need medical supervision. It's all so bloody confusing.
I'm in Dublin and I don't think we're top of the list when it comes to treatment facilities or options. I'm not sure whether our doctors even prescribe Subutex or Subxone (sp?) - does anybody out there know? I've read loads about Subutex and people seem to really rate it so I'm crossing my fingers in the hope that my doctor will prescribe it to me. If not I don't know what I'll do - as Diff said I may as well get my name on that list, time passes!
Are any of you who use this message board based in Ireland. If you are I'd love some advice on the options that I have. My family doctor has just retired and some other guy has taken over his practice. I haven't been to see this new guy yet but the plan is Tuesday. I know for sure that I don't want to be given methadone, I'd rather just get clean of everything. Can he help me or does he have to refer me to a doctor who specialises in heroin detox? I remember going to my family doctor a couple of years ago looking for his help and he prescribed me an anti depressant. It stopped me crying but that's about all.
If any of you out there have had those fits would you please talk me through it, they scare the s*** out of me, they really do. Are they harmful - can they be harmful. I'm also getting these jerking movements, I'll be sitting watching tv or just plain relaxing and all of a sudden I'm jumping, it's like a shot of electricity has been put through me. I've been using (smoking) for the past eight years with clean time of no more than two weeks every now and again (about four times if I'm honest). I'm in a positive frame of mind at the moment, I'm gonna do this if it's the last thing that I do. I'm in this with my bf who's also at the end of his tether when it comes to this crap. The plan is for us both to go on Tuesday, the doc will have to see that there's no point in just one of us doing it. It's make or break time for us now. We've really reduced the people who we surround ourselves with, that's a start. We're also about to move into a new house which is a good thing too. We'd love to start out in the house the way we mean to go on which is clean, clean from any stinking drug. I'm fed up of not feeling, not being. I don't want to be an empty shell anymore.
Keep posting.
A.
Hi Arrie, glad that you are making a start. It's frustrating when you want to be clean now, ut you can't get the help you need for another 6 months, but you're right, time passes quickly. And getting clean isn't overnight either, even when you get the right medication. I found the best phrase to use when talking to yourself about how you see your future is "This time next year I'll be..." And you can fill in the blanks yourself. You'll either be clean, or on a script and rebuilding, or you'll be on the gear, another year wasted. It took me 9 months of maintenance, and then another 9 months of reduction before I came off subutex.
Just a word of warning, getting clean when you are with a partner who also uses is 100x harder than doing it alone. Rather than supporting each other, you tend to drag each other down. I tried it over and over with my ex, until I realised that I would have to make some very tough decisions. Stay with him and waste the best years of my life, or move on out and try to make a go of things. I know that I made the best decision for me, but I won't lie to you, it was very hard, and was a very lonely experience at times. But things did get better.
Getting clean requires a kind of selfishness that you may not be used to. You absolutely have to put your own needs first, and you have to move any obstacle that is standing in your path. For me, the relationship turned out to be a huge obstacle, and I tried to play it any other way I could, but in the end I had to face facts, and be quite hard and calculating. Because I'd wasted enough of my life already, and I didn't want to waste a second more. Staying put was not an option.
Hope it goes well tomorrow. From what Davey has been saying about Ireland, it's looking like it can be quite difficult to find a prescribing chemist, so I hope that doesn't mess things up for you.
best wishes
Diff x
Just a word of warning, getting clean when you are with a partner who also uses is 100x harder than doing it alone. Rather than supporting each other, you tend to drag each other down. I tried it over and over with my ex, until I realised that I would have to make some very tough decisions. Stay with him and waste the best years of my life, or move on out and try to make a go of things. I know that I made the best decision for me, but I won't lie to you, it was very hard, and was a very lonely experience at times. But things did get better.
Getting clean requires a kind of selfishness that you may not be used to. You absolutely have to put your own needs first, and you have to move any obstacle that is standing in your path. For me, the relationship turned out to be a huge obstacle, and I tried to play it any other way I could, but in the end I had to face facts, and be quite hard and calculating. Because I'd wasted enough of my life already, and I didn't want to waste a second more. Staying put was not an option.
Hope it goes well tomorrow. From what Davey has been saying about Ireland, it's looking like it can be quite difficult to find a prescribing chemist, so I hope that doesn't mess things up for you.
best wishes
Diff x
Alright...Arrie...im living down the country but go get my methd.at a clinic in Dublin twice monthly.....if yer new G.p aint an addiction specialist he will prob.refer you to one or a clinic....pescribing of subs hasnt really started in Ireland yet.The best yer G.P will do is give you somes benzos and some df118s if yer lucky for yer withdrawls....not much help is it.
I dunno if youve been following the news about the chemists..140 of them withdrawing from the methd.programme.....the fallout being the clinics are swamped all over the Dublin area....so unfortunatly for you and yer fella this is a bad time to look for help....i dont want to bring you down buts im afraid thats the reality....they say it will be resolved in a few weeks but who knows.
Mention the fits to yer doc.as it may play in yer favour or there may be some other underlying medical prob.Im on methd.7yrs..lead a normal life etc but i was on a waiting list for over 3mnths....things have got better but as i said with the fallout i.e 3000 more people are having to be catered for at the clinics so its pure madness at the moment.Best of luck and keep posting...Davey
I dunno if youve been following the news about the chemists..140 of them withdrawing from the methd.programme.....the fallout being the clinics are swamped all over the Dublin area....so unfortunatly for you and yer fella this is a bad time to look for help....i dont want to bring you down buts im afraid thats the reality....they say it will be resolved in a few weeks but who knows.
Mention the fits to yer doc.as it may play in yer favour or there may be some other underlying medical prob.Im on methd.7yrs..lead a normal life etc but i was on a waiting list for over 3mnths....things have got better but as i said with the fallout i.e 3000 more people are having to be catered for at the clinics so its pure madness at the moment.Best of luck and keep posting...Davey
Arenal
I am on the other side of your terrible disease. I have a loved one that is an addict. I just wanted to tell you that it is people like you that are my Hero's.. I love to see that some of you reach out for the help and want to really really give it a shot at fighting this battle. That is something to be proud of in itself.. That first step is the most courageous thing that you will ever do. And after that you will have to fight to beat this. But know that there are people out here like me that are praying for you everyday that you beat this and not become a statistic.. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.. Keep that in mind at all times.. You are my hope that my loved one can also go in this same direction one day. Just wanted to leave my words of encouragement for you.. Best wishes to you on this road.. I know that you will make it....
Kristi
I am on the other side of your terrible disease. I have a loved one that is an addict. I just wanted to tell you that it is people like you that are my Hero's.. I love to see that some of you reach out for the help and want to really really give it a shot at fighting this battle. That is something to be proud of in itself.. That first step is the most courageous thing that you will ever do. And after that you will have to fight to beat this. But know that there are people out here like me that are praying for you everyday that you beat this and not become a statistic.. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.. Keep that in mind at all times.. You are my hope that my loved one can also go in this same direction one day. Just wanted to leave my words of encouragement for you.. Best wishes to you on this road.. I know that you will make it....
Kristi
keep moving in the right direction, your doing the right thing, keep looking up and around this board as you see is a great place it has alot of info from people who know--unfortunately we tend to know more that the people treating our disease, but there is help out there--i too am an "NA';er" its a grat program--take what you need and leave the rest. it sounds like you are on the right path--be diligent and smarty about wwhat you are doing or not doing but dont beat on yourself anymore--WE WILL NOT ALLOW IT!!!
NOTE TO A.R.G. PATRONS:
YOU"ALL ARE AWESOME PEOPLE, THANKS FOR BEING THERE FOR OTHERS AND SHOWING LOVE TO ALL, NO MATTER THEIR AFFLICTION!! DONT KNOW WHERE ID BE OR HOW ID BE FEELING IF I COULDNT COME TO THIS BOARD.WHATS THE SAYING-THE RESULTS OF ONE ADDICT HELPNG ANOTHER IS WITHOUT PARALLEL, ITS NOT RESULT ITS ANOTHER WORD BUT YOU GETMY DRIFT ALL MY LOVE__
NOTE TO A.R.G. PATRONS:
YOU"ALL ARE AWESOME PEOPLE, THANKS FOR BEING THERE FOR OTHERS AND SHOWING LOVE TO ALL, NO MATTER THEIR AFFLICTION!! DONT KNOW WHERE ID BE OR HOW ID BE FEELING IF I COULDNT COME TO THIS BOARD.WHATS THE SAYING-THE RESULTS OF ONE ADDICT HELPNG ANOTHER IS WITHOUT PARALLEL, ITS NOT RESULT ITS ANOTHER WORD BUT YOU GETMY DRIFT ALL MY LOVE__
..Arenal..
..Can't say much more than wots already been said..but in the meantime while your waiting to get on a script why not try cutting down on the amount you use daily..and if you can do that, by the time you get on a script you might not need a high dose of methadone..theres hope for everyone, its just putting wot you wanna do in motion and staying strong in your desire to stop using altogether..but im sure you know its the staying off gear that really hits hard when ya stop using..diff is spot on with everything she says and because theres 2 of you on it..its gonna take so much more willpower to get and stay clean..i hope all goes well for ya at ya docs and good luck in getting free of the shackles of heroin..Robbie..
..Can't say much more than wots already been said..but in the meantime while your waiting to get on a script why not try cutting down on the amount you use daily..and if you can do that, by the time you get on a script you might not need a high dose of methadone..theres hope for everyone, its just putting wot you wanna do in motion and staying strong in your desire to stop using altogether..but im sure you know its the staying off gear that really hits hard when ya stop using..diff is spot on with everything she says and because theres 2 of you on it..its gonna take so much more willpower to get and stay clean..i hope all goes well for ya at ya docs and good luck in getting free of the shackles of heroin..Robbie..
Arenal,
Your first post I was looking for........it struck me that ya keep trying........so to me that spoke volumes..........that means alot and ya sound serious.
Davey has been telling us about the madness in your country with that methadone............METHADONE MADNESS.......the crazy political bs.....they're gonna see..........and unfortunately drive alot of people out their minds that's for sure.
You got good advice............how Diff said too...........about you and your best friend.........my best friend I got clean with posts here.........we did it at the same time..........only seperately.........I went one way and she went the other.....her being really, really desperate...........but when we both got out......well her from a hospital and rehab............we avoided eachother like the plague for a good few months..........just to make sure.........now she's my biggest supporter and I am hers..........we're back joined at the hip and clean.....for over three years..........so take time to think on that too.
Hang in there, you can do this thing..........pretty sure we all know the FITS ya speak of..........I used to get them fits............awful, awful........they pass and from there no matter what ya just keep going............keep going.........just keep going staying off the dope.........and your time adds up........and ya get through it............all good things to ya and check in with us, O.K.?
You got people here that care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your first post I was looking for........it struck me that ya keep trying........so to me that spoke volumes..........that means alot and ya sound serious.
Davey has been telling us about the madness in your country with that methadone............METHADONE MADNESS.......the crazy political bs.....they're gonna see..........and unfortunately drive alot of people out their minds that's for sure.
You got good advice............how Diff said too...........about you and your best friend.........my best friend I got clean with posts here.........we did it at the same time..........only seperately.........I went one way and she went the other.....her being really, really desperate...........but when we both got out......well her from a hospital and rehab............we avoided eachother like the plague for a good few months..........just to make sure.........now she's my biggest supporter and I am hers..........we're back joined at the hip and clean.....for over three years..........so take time to think on that too.
Hang in there, you can do this thing..........pretty sure we all know the FITS ya speak of..........I used to get them fits............awful, awful........they pass and from there no matter what ya just keep going............keep going.........just keep going staying off the dope.........and your time adds up........and ya get through it............all good things to ya and check in with us, O.K.?
You got people here that care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
