This is my THIRD attempt at posting this toipc as I have been told to post this message on this forum even tho, I know it is not about pain pills but I have posted which seems like here, there and everywhere. (and no response) *smile* Someone told me to post to this forum so, here I am. If someone would please help me (from any board) I would greatly appreciate it. I am about at my wits end with just SOME feedback on my dilemma. Below is the message I posted about my 2nd message.......
I had originally posted this on the General/Misc. (as well as Other Addictions with again, no response) section; however, I seen that that section has very little "traffic" and I am really needing some input so maybe I can have better luck in this category and it made me think, CAN toxic friendships be an addiction because of fear of letting go? Please read my dilemma below and I am BEGGING for someone to give me some feedback.
I was wondering if any of you have been involved in toxic friendships even after being friends for over 20 years? It seems me and my best friend are growing farther and farther apart; however, I feel it is due to various issues that she and I are going through. The issues she is facing is a divorce and raising 2 children on her own and I try to understand the best I can but these past 2 years we have argued more than we ever have our whole friendship. She is very, very, defensive when SHE comes to ME to tell me the latest going on about the divorce and naturally, I ask her questions since she came to me in the first place and when I ask her questions she gets defensive. Yes, I do try and listen as I feel that maybe all she needs but in the meantime when I am asking her questions, I am only trying to understand what she is telling me, because I do not know how the law works with her having had to get a protection order and all that. But on the other hand, I myself, am dealing with just being diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease (kidney failure) and she cannot relate to my issues I am dealing with (which I cannot expect her too) but one instance that just happened recently she went off on me up one side and down the other because I declined to watch her kids, ONE NITE! I have watched her kids, NUMEROUS times and this 1 particular nite I did not feel up to it and she TRIED to guilt me into it, saying she was scared to leave her kids alone due to the kid's Father making "threats" of some sort. Keep in mind 2 things tho, the kids are 14 and 8 and the 14 year old CAN watch the 8 year old. Also, another thing, she has a Mother (unlike me) as well as she has an 18 year old daughter who does not live at home so, she had other resources for a babysitter. I don't have ANY family to rely on but that has nothing to do with her but I am just saying SHE has other resources and then to beat all, she did not seem to care that I was sick with kidney failure and will be on dialysis for the rest of my days. Maybe I am just venting here but it seems to be getting harder to be her friend and for all I know, she may feel the same way. If any of you, have ever been through this, please let me know how you dealt with it and what was the outcome? Thanks for listening!
It's unfortunate that you are going thru this now. In recovery we are taught to place healthy boundries and that is what I think you need to do with your " toxic" friend. Sounds like she is draining far too much of your energy now when you really need to focus on your health. I am a dialysis RN and know how hard it is for my patients to face dialysis 3x wk along with all the other mental and physical adaptations that goes along with the changes. Let her know that you are unabe to help her at this time, and when she is more settled in her life, you would like to resume your friendship.
A true friend would do anything at this time to help you. As women we are too often afraid to speak up about what we need and that is what got so many of us here. Don't be afraid to tell her. She may get upset, but perhaps it will open anouther door where the two of you can really discuss what is going on with you. If not then I would focus on time to yourself. Find ways to be kind to yourself, listen to music that soothes you, find another source to turn to support, read a good book ( take along something to read, or music to listen to) during dialysis. Don't forget about your higher power. We all had to face that our lives had become unmanageable, outside our control, so is yours. We turn to a higher power to give us stength and direction daily, we learn to focus to getting thru moments and then getting thru just that 24 hrs. Find a support group, there may be one for renal pts if you live in a bigger city. If not there are a lot of internet sites to educate you, and perhaps speaking to a therapist to help you with the emotional changes.
I went thru a difficult time 13 yrs ago. I had breast cancer and went thru almost a yr of chemo. In the end I emerged a different person. I had to to survive. I changed just about everything about myself, and then 3 yrs ago I had to do it over again. I went thru treatment for addiction, faced what had gone wrong and changed everthing about myself again. I am faithful in my recovery now, cuz each day is a stolen moment for me, but I finally have a blueprint for living.
I wish you luck. Dealing with messy situations isn't easy, but in the end you will gain some enpowerment. Remember it is all about survival, it's not selfish, it's about living each day.
A true friend would do anything at this time to help you. As women we are too often afraid to speak up about what we need and that is what got so many of us here. Don't be afraid to tell her. She may get upset, but perhaps it will open anouther door where the two of you can really discuss what is going on with you. If not then I would focus on time to yourself. Find ways to be kind to yourself, listen to music that soothes you, find another source to turn to support, read a good book ( take along something to read, or music to listen to) during dialysis. Don't forget about your higher power. We all had to face that our lives had become unmanageable, outside our control, so is yours. We turn to a higher power to give us stength and direction daily, we learn to focus to getting thru moments and then getting thru just that 24 hrs. Find a support group, there may be one for renal pts if you live in a bigger city. If not there are a lot of internet sites to educate you, and perhaps speaking to a therapist to help you with the emotional changes.
I went thru a difficult time 13 yrs ago. I had breast cancer and went thru almost a yr of chemo. In the end I emerged a different person. I had to to survive. I changed just about everything about myself, and then 3 yrs ago I had to do it over again. I went thru treatment for addiction, faced what had gone wrong and changed everthing about myself again. I am faithful in my recovery now, cuz each day is a stolen moment for me, but I finally have a blueprint for living.
I wish you luck. Dealing with messy situations isn't easy, but in the end you will gain some enpowerment. Remember it is all about survival, it's not selfish, it's about living each day.
Hi im sorry to here all your goin thro with your health and cannot pretend to understand,but i do understand about toxic friendships,especially after being friends for so long,the same happened with my best friend who i grew up with,we felt more like sisters,which was nice for the closeness factor,but you begin to take eachother for granted&the way she would speak to me sometimes was rude,and i know that she would never speak2others like that,i was guilty of the same and expecting her to do me favours,and get into an argument if she refused,we became far to dependant on eachother,and the friendship wasnt a positive effect on eachother,we had a massive row and didnt speak for nearly a year,eventually we bumped into eachother&made up,now we ring eachother and i know that she is there for me&i for her.we were stiffling eachother,and it couldnt carry on,i think you should talk to her&distance yourself,before it gets out of control,as a year is a long time to waste,It is a sad situation and even now i still feel like i lost a sister,but we were to destructive for eachother&it stopped us being happy,but id rather have her in the backround liking her,rather than in my everyday thoughts and actions making me angry,we stay with people like this due to habit,love¬ wanting to change what we know.well thats my opinion anyway,hope it helped a little?
Bounderies.
