To help fill the void of weekend binging I bought some NON alcohol wine. My sponsor had called to see how I was doing. I told him I was doing good and he was very pleased with my progress until i told him I had bought this NON ALCOHOL wine. he hit THE ROOF. apparently that is a no no which I did not realize.He says that to do something like that is just hanging on emotionally to old habits and told me to GET RID OF IT NOW ! but by that time i had most of it drank. I didnt see the harm because it was NOT alcohol but apparently according to him I was playing with fire as he put it. Anyway he made me promise him to never do it again. needless to say I was kinda peeved cause I was glad I did not drink alcohol but he made me feel like I did something wrong. I guess if hes going to help me i have to take his advice and follow it through so I made the promise to him I would not do that sort of thing again. what is your guys opinion on this? I have a lot to learn I guess. God bless ,take care and be safe.
Triggers of old behaviours are as bad as the drink itself. For me, I have a thinking problem, and drinking was just a symptom. I needed to give my MIND other things to work on, and obsessing over the TASTE of my drug of choice was only prolonging the inevitable: That I would drink again because I wasn't ready to do whatever it took to get and stay sober.
Just an observation, but all of the comments you've made over the past weekend have you pointing toward someone else as your problem. I've found that when I have a fear or a problem, it's generally me or how I reacted that's gotten me there.
"When you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, you're ready to take certain steps." The first one is getting honest. And New Playgrounds, New Playmates.
Just an observation, but all of the comments you've made over the past weekend have you pointing toward someone else as your problem. I've found that when I have a fear or a problem, it's generally me or how I reacted that's gotten me there.
"When you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, you're ready to take certain steps." The first one is getting honest. And New Playgrounds, New Playmates.
Hi skg
Thank you for your comments .. greatly appreciated. I dont think i point to someone else as my problems but then again maybe you guys have a more objective point of view than I do. I just want everyone to know I am not blaming my husband for my addiction. He is one of my biggest supporters and is with me all the way. the poor guy has a lot to deal with for sure putting up with me and my moods but he assures me being moody is a LOT better than been drunk. I am angry there is no doubt about that ! because of certain circumstances that have occurred and though it didnt cause me to drink it didnt help matters either. but these circumstances was not brought about by anything to do with my husband as a matter of fact he was affected by it just as much as me, but he being of sound mind and body did not react by trying to drown it with alocohol. I really do appreciate all your advice and comments and I like to be told the truth of how you all perceive it. That is what i like about my sponsor. he tells it as he sees it.! sometimes the truth hurts but that is what I need. anyone can tell me what I want to hear but what I want and what I NEED right now are two different things. Once again skg thank you for your imput.and please keep replying to me..I look forward to hearing from you and you all do help me a lot. God bless and be safe
Thank you for your comments .. greatly appreciated. I dont think i point to someone else as my problems but then again maybe you guys have a more objective point of view than I do. I just want everyone to know I am not blaming my husband for my addiction. He is one of my biggest supporters and is with me all the way. the poor guy has a lot to deal with for sure putting up with me and my moods but he assures me being moody is a LOT better than been drunk. I am angry there is no doubt about that ! because of certain circumstances that have occurred and though it didnt cause me to drink it didnt help matters either. but these circumstances was not brought about by anything to do with my husband as a matter of fact he was affected by it just as much as me, but he being of sound mind and body did not react by trying to drown it with alocohol. I really do appreciate all your advice and comments and I like to be told the truth of how you all perceive it. That is what i like about my sponsor. he tells it as he sees it.! sometimes the truth hurts but that is what I need. anyone can tell me what I want to hear but what I want and what I NEED right now are two different things. Once again skg thank you for your imput.and please keep replying to me..I look forward to hearing from you and you all do help me a lot. God bless and be safe
Well, all I can say is that I tried drinking non alcoholic beer as a way of still feeling like I was drinking - but not.
You have to try these things to get where you want to go.
Personally, I think your sponsor shouting at you is a bit much. You are an adult finding a path that suits you, not a naughty child. Don't take it to heart, you didn't know it wasn't the best idea you have ever had!! It's a logical one though - I understand it completely!!
You have to try these things to get where you want to go.
Personally, I think your sponsor shouting at you is a bit much. You are an adult finding a path that suits you, not a naughty child. Don't take it to heart, you didn't know it wasn't the best idea you have ever had!! It's a logical one though - I understand it completely!!
Nothing changes if nothing changes. If we are still pretending to drink, chances are we'll never break the habit of wanting alcohol. Most of those "non-alcoholic" drinks have some alcohol in them anyway...the beers do, I don't know about the fake wine. I don't know about you but in early sobriety I had a LOT to learn. I didn't know how to go one day to the next without getting high on something. My sponsor had to teach me a lot and she was mostly patient with me but sometimes she got a bit frustrated and got a bit cross. I felt like I was being treated like a child but I was acting like a child and thinking like a child. I didn't have a clue how to act sober. I am glad she took the time to teach me or I'd probably be drinking today. Don't take your sponsor's advice personally. I mean, there are rules we all follow. Sponsors just tell us what they did and do to stay sober. Whether we follow them or not is our choice. But I learned that if I wanted to stay sober the best thing for me to do was do EVERYTHING that they told me to do. Cheer up. You didn't drink, right? Good for you. Another day sober is another miracle. Congratulations.
Dear Pirate,
We are only as sick as our secrets...i must commend you on the fact that you were willing to share with your Sponsor that you had decided to imbibe a non alcoholic potable...
This is also a program about honesty....if you truly did not have any reservations or harbor any self doubts that drinking a non alcoholic beverage so newly sober in recovery was perfectly acceptable then i do not think that you would have consulted your Sponsor after the fact...actually i wonder why you did not seek your Sponsor's advice prior to your decision to regard non alcoholic drinks not really a major trigger to a possible slip...is it possible that you knew he would have negated the prospect....
I myself am a recovering alcoholic/pot head with a little over 20 and a half years sober....it is still a day at a time for me and i believe in total abstinence...which includes non alcoholic beverages as well....what is the point of a non alcoholic drink...it really is a little game we alcoholics play with ourselves to have our cake and eat it too....half measures availed us nothing.
even if one does not derive a buzz from such drinks...the little addict in us is drawn to the fact that the word alcohol is listed in the label's description....and why not just have a glass of soda or juice...both are alcohol free but it is not necessary that the manufacturer lists that on the side of a soda bottle or a juice can.
good luck to you and congrats on staying sober
and honest
Sincerely MARY
We are only as sick as our secrets...i must commend you on the fact that you were willing to share with your Sponsor that you had decided to imbibe a non alcoholic potable...
This is also a program about honesty....if you truly did not have any reservations or harbor any self doubts that drinking a non alcoholic beverage so newly sober in recovery was perfectly acceptable then i do not think that you would have consulted your Sponsor after the fact...actually i wonder why you did not seek your Sponsor's advice prior to your decision to regard non alcoholic drinks not really a major trigger to a possible slip...is it possible that you knew he would have negated the prospect....
I myself am a recovering alcoholic/pot head with a little over 20 and a half years sober....it is still a day at a time for me and i believe in total abstinence...which includes non alcoholic beverages as well....what is the point of a non alcoholic drink...it really is a little game we alcoholics play with ourselves to have our cake and eat it too....half measures availed us nothing.
even if one does not derive a buzz from such drinks...the little addict in us is drawn to the fact that the word alcohol is listed in the label's description....and why not just have a glass of soda or juice...both are alcohol free but it is not necessary that the manufacturer lists that on the side of a soda bottle or a juice can.
good luck to you and congrats on staying sober
and honest
Sincerely MARY
Hi Pirate, Like 12 stepper said, first things first, you didn't drink. Good for you! Is drinking non alcoholic wine to "fill the void of weekend binging" a good thing to do? Only you know what effect this has on you.
I used to go out to the pub with two different groups of people, one group I still go out with. I order apple juice in a beer mug. In fact the bar tender and bar maids all know me now, all I have to do is say "the usual". This works well for me; its a discreet way of not drinking alcohol. Some people might feel this is dangerous behaviour, but I feel safe doing this. I like socializing with this group, I drink my apple juice smug in the knowledge that I will be sober at the end of the evening, I walk home from these outings happy to still be sober with no urge to start drinking beer. I would describe the group I still go out with as people who drink while they socialize.
I went out with the other group once after I stopped drinking and ordered a fake beer in a mug. Not a good idea, I had to leave quickly or I would have been in trouble. This group socializes while they drink. Surrounded by these people I was triggered. (by the way one person noticed that I left in a hurry, the others didn't notice)
So far I have recognized situations that are dangerous for me and avoided them. The world doesn't stop turning and alcohol is a part of our culture; we can't just go live on an island where there is no booze so we need to make choices. Hopefully we make choices that don't put our sobriety at risk.
one day at a time, Cookster
I used to go out to the pub with two different groups of people, one group I still go out with. I order apple juice in a beer mug. In fact the bar tender and bar maids all know me now, all I have to do is say "the usual". This works well for me; its a discreet way of not drinking alcohol. Some people might feel this is dangerous behaviour, but I feel safe doing this. I like socializing with this group, I drink my apple juice smug in the knowledge that I will be sober at the end of the evening, I walk home from these outings happy to still be sober with no urge to start drinking beer. I would describe the group I still go out with as people who drink while they socialize.
I went out with the other group once after I stopped drinking and ordered a fake beer in a mug. Not a good idea, I had to leave quickly or I would have been in trouble. This group socializes while they drink. Surrounded by these people I was triggered. (by the way one person noticed that I left in a hurry, the others didn't notice)
So far I have recognized situations that are dangerous for me and avoided them. The world doesn't stop turning and alcohol is a part of our culture; we can't just go live on an island where there is no booze so we need to make choices. Hopefully we make choices that don't put our sobriety at risk.
one day at a time, Cookster
Hi Pirate
I tend to agree with your sponsor that it was a bad idea - it sounds to me like you're still romanticising the idea of having a drink.
As far as the nature of his reaction - well that is something you need to work out one on one with him. Perhaps another phone call reminding him that you are very new at this and need guidance and a lot of help rather than condemnation would be beneficial.
Also, remind him that you want a relationship where you feel comfortable being honest with him and saying what you need to say.
It may take you a while to work out a good relationship with your sponsor. But give it a chance.
I really really really recommendend you get your hands on a copy of the AA big book - I learnt soooo much about myself from this book.
You also sound like you have a lot of resentment going on which is very natural at this early stage - the steps can help you with that a LOT.
But for now - you made a mistake. OK the world is not going to end. Learn the lesson and throw away the experience.
take care
Idgie.
I tend to agree with your sponsor that it was a bad idea - it sounds to me like you're still romanticising the idea of having a drink.
As far as the nature of his reaction - well that is something you need to work out one on one with him. Perhaps another phone call reminding him that you are very new at this and need guidance and a lot of help rather than condemnation would be beneficial.
Also, remind him that you want a relationship where you feel comfortable being honest with him and saying what you need to say.
It may take you a while to work out a good relationship with your sponsor. But give it a chance.
I really really really recommendend you get your hands on a copy of the AA big book - I learnt soooo much about myself from this book.
You also sound like you have a lot of resentment going on which is very natural at this early stage - the steps can help you with that a LOT.
But for now - you made a mistake. OK the world is not going to end. Learn the lesson and throw away the experience.
take care
Idgie.
Hi guys
thanks for posts and advice. After some soul searching (which I am doing a lot of these days) I know my sponsor was right about drinking the non alcohol wine. He called me back and apologized to me for been a bit of a hard a** as he put it. But he told me what made him so upset is the fact that he did the same thing when he gave up drinking first and it led back to him drinking again and he could see the potential there for me to do the same thing. He really is a very caring man and he takes his role of a sponsor very seriously. He's just a little passionate about it! lol. He is there for me every hour of the day if I should need him. And its good for me that he has a strong personality because if not I dont think he would be much help to me as I can be a bit of a hard a** too at times. lol. There is something I have to admit and I admitted to him as well. The reason I know he was right and all of you to be right is the fact that when I knew I shouldnt have this fake wine I wanted it as much as the real stuff. It tastes like wine and to me I wanted that taste so bad and I felt I could have the taste without the effect.so YES I was hanging on to that last little thread of my connection with alcohol. That fake wine was like a life raft for me. something to hold onto while I'm bobbing around in the ocean not sure If i can be rescued or not.Now that I've admitted that to myself and others I feel so much better about the whole thing and am certainly more understanding of it. Thanking you all again and God bless and be safe
thanks for posts and advice. After some soul searching (which I am doing a lot of these days) I know my sponsor was right about drinking the non alcohol wine. He called me back and apologized to me for been a bit of a hard a** as he put it. But he told me what made him so upset is the fact that he did the same thing when he gave up drinking first and it led back to him drinking again and he could see the potential there for me to do the same thing. He really is a very caring man and he takes his role of a sponsor very seriously. He's just a little passionate about it! lol. He is there for me every hour of the day if I should need him. And its good for me that he has a strong personality because if not I dont think he would be much help to me as I can be a bit of a hard a** too at times. lol. There is something I have to admit and I admitted to him as well. The reason I know he was right and all of you to be right is the fact that when I knew I shouldnt have this fake wine I wanted it as much as the real stuff. It tastes like wine and to me I wanted that taste so bad and I felt I could have the taste without the effect.so YES I was hanging on to that last little thread of my connection with alcohol. That fake wine was like a life raft for me. something to hold onto while I'm bobbing around in the ocean not sure If i can be rescued or not.Now that I've admitted that to myself and others I feel so much better about the whole thing and am certainly more understanding of it. Thanking you all again and God bless and be safe
we are still masters of our fate. we are still captains of our souls.
So with hindsight the non alcoholic wine was a beneficial thing!
