I smoke nearly every single day, and am capable of getting considerably blasted and going about my normal routine with no one being the wiser. I can conjure up enough strength to not smoke when the situation really calls for it, but those are few and far between. However, I went 6+ weeks with not smoking from about 6am-9pm, but still I just had to get a little puff in before going to bed...WHY? Why couldn't I go the next 90 mins before going to bed sober?
I feel like smoking is just a compulsive habit for me. I recently had to go out of town for work (one of those few and far between instances) and went w/o smoking for 4 days and felt fine. No anxiety about not having it, no noticeable physical withdrawal symptoms...but when I got home from that trip, I was lighting up within 10 minutes.
I do take a stimulant ADD med - Vyvanse. I take it as prescribed, but I notice that it greatly affects my energy levels and motivation, so it's easier (or sometimes harder, depending on how "wound" up I can get at times) to focus or at least have energy to accomplish tasks. I'm honestly not sure if I have clinical ADD, but I know my attentive abilities and my retention of material was hindered by anxiety and compulsive negative thinking - which I feel has been largely remedied by the Vyvanse.
I do not like the fact that I'm reliant on a medication. I'd like to come off of it someday.
Back to the original topic, every time I feel the need to attempt to quit smoking, I keep coming back to "Why should I quit?". My wife is aware of it, and while she doesnt partake or like that I am a daily user, I feel I'm very productive around the house and at work and fulfilling obligations. Then I ask, well, what COULD I be capable of if I didn't smoke and wholly focused my energy on being productive.
But then I realize, "Hey, I just like smoking, and I should be able to do it. It's my one crutch, and it's all natural, baby."
So it's a never-ending flux between my "hey, grow up hippie!" side, and my "yeah, well, screw you, man..." side. It's exhausting...
Any advise?
I was in the same boat as you. Good job & financially stable.. so why quit? I am 25 and have been smoking since 8th grade about 5-6 times a day. Very heavy smoker. Not up until recently have i saw it being a problem. I am currently on two weeks and have never felt better in my life. I thought i wouldn't be able to sleep without smoking, but it turns out you will never get the sleep you deserve while your smoking. I was just like you every activity revolved around smoking, and it felt like it made everything better. Being that i am sober now i can promise you s*** gets better. I never thought i would be able to do it. While i was at work all i thought about was going home to smoke. Do you really want that? I for sure don't. I have a MBA with a very good job, but i asked myself one question and this changed my life. If i can accomplish all this while smoking like cheech and chong what the hell are the possibilities when i am thinking clear and off weed? There endless my friend. Keep your head up
Its fighting the two sides, whether you listen to the good one or continue the habit. Quitting for good will definitely be the best decision you can make.
