Posted: April 14, 2015, 3:58 AM
Posts: 8
Joined: April 14, 2015
Hi al I am new to this but realy struggling. I am 23 and was with sum1 with a drink problem for 7 years we have a 5 year old together. He went into rehab in may and came out the end of august. The whole time he was there he talked about a better life with me and how much he loved me. He told me this everyday rite up to the day he came home. Then within the 1st week he came home he broke up with me an said he didnt love me I realy didn see it coming because I believed he loved me an wanted a life with me. He gave me no other explanation or answers and I still have none. He is in recovery and. On his 12 step programme an told me he might have answers when its over. He tells me he wil make amends when were both ready but I know that doesnt mean get bak together as he recently told me he is seeing an older woman goin through the same thing. How is this good for him this woman has kids of her own why would he want to jump into something like that instead of trying to make things work with me and his daughter. I need help understanding all this.
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I am sorry to hear about this.
Unfortunatlely, it is very common for people in early recovery to form remances. This is often referred to as 13th stepping. This is why it is strongly recommended that men work with men, and women work with women in early recovery.
In treatment, men and women are extremely vulnerable and lonely. They have fractured most of their regular relationships. There are a couple of reasons most treatment centers have night time watchers and video survellence. One is to watch for people leaving the presmises. The second is to watch for men sneaking into a woman's quarters. When I was in treatment, despite these measures, romances still happened. In once case a man and woman were both kicked out of treatment.
There are many critics of AA and the 12-step program. Most of the critisism are red-herrings, as the process has saved millions of lives. One valid critic these dessenters have is that fact that inappropriate romances spring out of meetings.
I wish I had a better answer for you - but I suspect this is what happened with your man.
Unfortunatlely, it is very common for people in early recovery to form remances. This is often referred to as 13th stepping. This is why it is strongly recommended that men work with men, and women work with women in early recovery.
In treatment, men and women are extremely vulnerable and lonely. They have fractured most of their regular relationships. There are a couple of reasons most treatment centers have night time watchers and video survellence. One is to watch for people leaving the presmises. The second is to watch for men sneaking into a woman's quarters. When I was in treatment, despite these measures, romances still happened. In once case a man and woman were both kicked out of treatment.
There are many critics of AA and the 12-step program. Most of the critisism are red-herrings, as the process has saved millions of lives. One valid critic these dessenters have is that fact that inappropriate romances spring out of meetings.
I wish I had a better answer for you - but I suspect this is what happened with your man.
