Hi
I am new on here but have read some posts and it looks as if this is a good sight to get some advice.
I am married to a soldier who is an alcoholic. We have been together for 5 years and married shortly after we met. I have 2 children from a previous relationship which was abusive and they suffered rather badly. I also have a 2 year old child with my husband.
On Sunday he yet again lost his temper in a drunken rage and was taken away and is living in Army Barracks now as I am too scared to have him home. He has off his own back been to see a dr and has told me that he never wants to drink again. He says that he is doing it for himself as well as the family.
I have been here before to a degree but this time he seems more determined. Before he has always said that he will control his drinking and cut down, never before has he said that he will stop forever.
He advises me that the dr has talked about putting him on medication that will make him violently sick if he touches any alcohol. Does anyone know any more about this? Are there any success stories out there to give me any hope.
He keeps phoning me daily, sometimes hourly asking if he can come home. I love him so much and when sober he is a both a loving and very attentive husband and father. I do not want to give up on him but cannot put myself and more importantly my children at risk from his drinking any more.
Can anyone out there offer me any advice or direction for me please??
Gidday Linly-jane
Have you got any Alanon meetings near you and also check out and see what he can do in regards to detoxing and rehab which i hope is available through the army.
Talk with him and let him know that you are not putting yourself or kids in any danger so he can stay where he is and get the help needed to start on his sobriety, and trust will come with time and if he is serious about getting sober for himself then he should let you be untill he does some sort of rehab and you sort out the bondaries etc
Look after yourself and the kids as he should be getting plenty of help also check out what is available for you via the army?
Sorry for the rambly answer its late in NZ and beds a calling
light and love Zac
Have you got any Alanon meetings near you and also check out and see what he can do in regards to detoxing and rehab which i hope is available through the army.
Talk with him and let him know that you are not putting yourself or kids in any danger so he can stay where he is and get the help needed to start on his sobriety, and trust will come with time and if he is serious about getting sober for himself then he should let you be untill he does some sort of rehab and you sort out the bondaries etc
Look after yourself and the kids as he should be getting plenty of help also check out what is available for you via the army?
Sorry for the rambly answer its late in NZ and beds a calling
light and love Zac
Welcome Linly-Jane,
I agree with everything that Zac said. You have to put up boundaries and stick to them. Let him know that his behavior is no longer acceptable under any circumstances.
The drug is antabuse and I wouldn't recommend it. For an alcoholic we think it is the magic pill that will cure us. All that happens is that we will drink on it anyway regardless if it makes us sick. I did and I thought I was going to die. He will wish he was dead. Not drinking does not mean he is cured. If he doesn't fix what is making him drink and want to run in the first place all he will be is a dry drunk. Then you will really see some rage. JMHO.
You might want to post over on the Families and Partners of Addicts board too. They will be able to give you more insight as to what to do when you aren't the one afflicted with the disease. Take care.
Keep posting and again welcome.
I agree with everything that Zac said. You have to put up boundaries and stick to them. Let him know that his behavior is no longer acceptable under any circumstances.
The drug is antabuse and I wouldn't recommend it. For an alcoholic we think it is the magic pill that will cure us. All that happens is that we will drink on it anyway regardless if it makes us sick. I did and I thought I was going to die. He will wish he was dead. Not drinking does not mean he is cured. If he doesn't fix what is making him drink and want to run in the first place all he will be is a dry drunk. Then you will really see some rage. JMHO.
You might want to post over on the Families and Partners of Addicts board too. They will be able to give you more insight as to what to do when you aren't the one afflicted with the disease. Take care.
Keep posting and again welcome.
Hey there linly Jane welcome to the board. I am sorry that you have to be here but glad that you found this board and the fact that you are reaching out is a positive move. As a recovering alcoholic I can tell you that for one to give up drinking they have to want it for themselves. No amount of drugs will provide the magic cure. I agree with val that he has to find out what is driving him to drink. I tried to give up drinking many times before I finally did. It's been 8 months for me now but it was only when I wanted to do it truly bad enough that I was able to put the bottle down and even then it was difficult to do. As for his rages when he was drinking ,my advice is to get yourself and the children away from his destructive behavior. I am not trying to scare you but I am stating a fact when I tell you situations like that can really get out of control. There was a man here where I live who was like that. Really nice man when he wasn't drinking but under the influence became a very angry person. The result of one of his drinking sprees was he murdered his wife in one of his rages and then committed sucide. No one thought it possible that this would happen to that couple but it did. So please be aware of the possibilities. I hope he gets the help he needs and that life becomes easier for you. I wish I could give you better advice but really being an alcoholic or living with one is an ugly situation and it takes work and determination and help to recover from the cunning and baffling disease that not only afflicts us but spreads its poison to those we love. God bless and take care and be on your guard. (((( ))))
Thank you so much for your replies, it has made me feel less isolated. I needed to hear some of the things that you said and I would like to congratulate you all for being so strong and beating the beast. I know that every day it will be different but every dry day is a major step and you should be so very proud of yourselves. I hope that in a years time my husband can write the things that you have to me to someone in my position but we will have to wait and see.
Big day tomorrow he is off to the shrink which will be a huge step for him and weird for me as it's my shrink!! I have ME and suffer with depression but it is well controlled thankfully. That is the reason that I can see his drinking for what it is a disease as people that are not in the situation have no concept of it.
Thank you again for your supportive words and I will let you know how we get on tomorrow xx linly-jane
Big day tomorrow he is off to the shrink which will be a huge step for him and weird for me as it's my shrink!! I have ME and suffer with depression but it is well controlled thankfully. That is the reason that I can see his drinking for what it is a disease as people that are not in the situation have no concept of it.
Thank you again for your supportive words and I will let you know how we get on tomorrow xx linly-jane
Hey there,
Just wanted to let you know I've got you in my thoughts. For alcohol I know there is no point at which I can have any. For to have it touch my lips is to drink until there is no more on the planet. Once started, there is no way to stop.
If he is abussive I'd say no way to even one drink ever again. I have a sponsee who is on Antabuse and she also is working the program. She went out a few months ago after she stopped her Antabuse. She is back on it again. For her it is just one more stop gap. It maybe a crutch but at least she isn't drinking. Maybe a day will come when she can let it go and not drink. That is between her and her doctor. I care about that she is working the program.
So hang in there and Alanon would be a real support for you to learn how we are and get some backing and understanding.
best regards
amy
Just wanted to let you know I've got you in my thoughts. For alcohol I know there is no point at which I can have any. For to have it touch my lips is to drink until there is no more on the planet. Once started, there is no way to stop.
If he is abussive I'd say no way to even one drink ever again. I have a sponsee who is on Antabuse and she also is working the program. She went out a few months ago after she stopped her Antabuse. She is back on it again. For her it is just one more stop gap. It maybe a crutch but at least she isn't drinking. Maybe a day will come when she can let it go and not drink. That is between her and her doctor. I care about that she is working the program.
So hang in there and Alanon would be a real support for you to learn how we are and get some backing and understanding.
best regards
amy
Well we are in day 5 of his recovery and he hasn't dropped a touch so far, I am immensely proud of him.
We had a meeting yesterday with a dr and he has got some damage to his liver but they thing it should be reversable at this stage. He seems very positive and i am trying hard to be too. He has been given tablets to help stop the cravings and he says that he feels much more in control on them. He is to start the antibuse on Monday but with regular checks because of his liver.
I am slowly getting my head around things but know how strong I have to be in the next few months as the dreased 3 month stage will be at Christmas!!!
Thanks again for your support, it really has helped
Lindsay xxx
We had a meeting yesterday with a dr and he has got some damage to his liver but they thing it should be reversable at this stage. He seems very positive and i am trying hard to be too. He has been given tablets to help stop the cravings and he says that he feels much more in control on them. He is to start the antibuse on Monday but with regular checks because of his liver.
I am slowly getting my head around things but know how strong I have to be in the next few months as the dreased 3 month stage will be at Christmas!!!
Thanks again for your support, it really has helped
Lindsay xxx
Gidday Linly-jane
Make sure that you check out an Alanon group near you so that you have more support and if he is really keen he should think about a support system as well so that all the reliance doesnt fall on you
light and love Zac
Make sure that you check out an Alanon group near you so that you have more support and if he is really keen he should think about a support system as well so that all the reliance doesnt fall on you
light and love Zac
I hope all goes well for you linly jane . keep posting,you will get some good advice on here that I am sure will help you. God bless and take care. ((( )))
Lindsay,
Hang in there and definitely try and get some support for just "you". He will be getting the help and support he needs but you will also need some for yourself. Try posting on the families board on this site. Everyone over there probably has a story very similar to yours.
Have a great weekend. :-)
Hang in there and definitely try and get some support for just "you". He will be getting the help and support he needs but you will also need some for yourself. Try posting on the families board on this site. Everyone over there probably has a story very similar to yours.
Have a great weekend. :-)
