I want to introduce myself...lets call me Naomi....Three months ago my boyfriend of seven years...the entire love of my life....left me for another woman.
I did nothing but love this man and was in a complete state of shock when he cheated on me because we were in love and not having any problems in our relationship...he wanted other women.........he needed change....since then...
I have been abusing alcohol....daily....I have financial problems...he left me with the rent and all the bills...so outside of the emotional stress I am also dealing with financial burden.....Before this all happened I loved to come home at night after a stressful day at work...and have about four glasses of wine...nightly...
I know this is a problem..but my life was more complete and filled back then ...so I never thought I had a problem...I am a hard working person...I recently lost my job...it is a restaurant job and the kitchen had a electrical fire so it is closed for a long period of time. I have had to rely on my family for money.....to help me with bills....I am demoralize since this man left me...
He paid half of the rent and bills and he has crippled me...So yes I am drinking...but to be honest with all of you who are reading this...I want myself back...I dont like the person I have become...I hate relying on a buzz to make it through the day.....I know I need help......I want my old self back...not this miserable person I have become..I am attractive....and I am intelligent and educated...but I dont want to die some miserable alcoholic.....
I am thinking about a meeting but those of you reading this..........dont push it on me....I will go when I am ready....I am just asking for some support thats all.
Welcome;
So what kind of support did you want since you dont want meetings "pushed on you ".?...If you cant stop drinking then I guess you need to go and get some help so you DO stop. Where do you think that would be ? Meetings ? The hospital ? Your doctor ? Do you think your going to do this on your own ? What are you doing at the moment to stop your drinking ? Exactly what kind of support are you looking for ? Ya, it sucks that your man left and your job fell out...Im sorry ...but then again...that wouldnt have anything to do with your drinking though...would it ? Im from the other side of the ocean and am usually on the board when the other side of the ocean is asleep..there will be others who are waking up soon and Im sure have some good advice for you. Your message caught my eye and I suppose I shouldnt have replied because it kind of pissed me off...you ask for support but dont want anyone to push meetings on you...that really hit me wrong...maybe it was the way you worded that...but I received it as way arrogant.. When I first stumbled in here I was in active addiction too and I guess the first thing I needed to do was to stop abusing drugs and alcohol before I could figure anything else out about my life. You have to fix you first before you can fix everything else. You might need a program to help you do so...that probably would include meetings...guess its up to you...it always is...its up to you to make the descion to stop drinking...take Care
So what kind of support did you want since you dont want meetings "pushed on you ".?...If you cant stop drinking then I guess you need to go and get some help so you DO stop. Where do you think that would be ? Meetings ? The hospital ? Your doctor ? Do you think your going to do this on your own ? What are you doing at the moment to stop your drinking ? Exactly what kind of support are you looking for ? Ya, it sucks that your man left and your job fell out...Im sorry ...but then again...that wouldnt have anything to do with your drinking though...would it ? Im from the other side of the ocean and am usually on the board when the other side of the ocean is asleep..there will be others who are waking up soon and Im sure have some good advice for you. Your message caught my eye and I suppose I shouldnt have replied because it kind of pissed me off...you ask for support but dont want anyone to push meetings on you...that really hit me wrong...maybe it was the way you worded that...but I received it as way arrogant.. When I first stumbled in here I was in active addiction too and I guess the first thing I needed to do was to stop abusing drugs and alcohol before I could figure anything else out about my life. You have to fix you first before you can fix everything else. You might need a program to help you do so...that probably would include meetings...guess its up to you...it always is...its up to you to make the descion to stop drinking...take Care
Gidday BlondNYer
I know you dont want to hear about meetings and AA contact untill you are ready but by the time you are ready it could be to late
You need some sort of avenue to talk about what is going on for you and get it out of your head where left alone with alcohol it is spinning you downwards.
There is plenty of support on these boards and sometimes it is not the support people are looking for untill with hindsight and sober time they realise what was being suggested.
Keep posting and what has happened has happened the choices now are not to add to it and if you really want to find yourself and stay sober, try and think about making contact with AA, if not then it is up to you and how willing you are to fight this by yourself with whatever other means you find to help, whatever way you go, keep posting and it works if we work at it
light and love Zac
I know you dont want to hear about meetings and AA contact untill you are ready but by the time you are ready it could be to late
You need some sort of avenue to talk about what is going on for you and get it out of your head where left alone with alcohol it is spinning you downwards.
There is plenty of support on these boards and sometimes it is not the support people are looking for untill with hindsight and sober time they realise what was being suggested.
Keep posting and what has happened has happened the choices now are not to add to it and if you really want to find yourself and stay sober, try and think about making contact with AA, if not then it is up to you and how willing you are to fight this by yourself with whatever other means you find to help, whatever way you go, keep posting and it works if we work at it
light and love Zac
Meetings are not the only way to get clean. There are other things she can do, if meetings are not her thing at the moment, it shouldn't piss off anyone, and none of us should be pushing anything on anyone. But we are to tell what our experiences are, if meetings got a person clean, then wonderful, if one on one did, equally as wonderful, if finding GOD as that person knows it to stay clean, again wonderful. If going to detox/rehab gets a person clean so be it. Exercise, is another way of staying clean, substitute the doc with a more healthier option.
Based on the financial situation I can only surmise you do not have insurance, so meetings because they are free, may be a good choice for you. Maybe not, maybe you are ready to stop drinking, maybe not.
Yes your mate left you, it happens, now it is time to suck it up and do for you. If you think drinking will make you happy, help you financially, help you find a job while under the influence, keep drinking, obviously it isn't or you would be here.
As long as you help yourself, and seek support in whatever you feel will keep you clean, then do it. But the key is, you must make it happen. No one is going to take your hand and drag you to a meeting, or to a detox unit, you must want it so bad you will do whatever it takes to take care of you first, everything else is secondary.
You will get over the hurt, it is sad yes, but like I said, it happens and it is what it is, now deal with it without drowning in liquid. People go through this every day without a drug or drink.
There are free programs for those who do not have insurance. Are you on any type of financial aid? Medicaid?
You need to do the leg work, to find those programs to help you. Make no mistake, most or the majority of programs follow the 12 step recovery guide.
It all starts within you, do you want to reach bottom to the point of almost death before you take action?
I put myself in a detox clinic, for taking pills, my rock bottom was my health, I had lost an incredible amount of weight, and I was thin to begin with. The intense 7 days, were filled with 12 meetings, along with other programs, and once I was there, I didn't want to leave. I felt safe. That was over 3 years ago.
I continued with the IOP program, intensive outpatient therapy, and have been clean like I said over 3 yrs. You have to decide when you are ready, you have taken the first big step of admitting you have a problem, the hardest part of all.
Good luck.
Based on the financial situation I can only surmise you do not have insurance, so meetings because they are free, may be a good choice for you. Maybe not, maybe you are ready to stop drinking, maybe not.
Yes your mate left you, it happens, now it is time to suck it up and do for you. If you think drinking will make you happy, help you financially, help you find a job while under the influence, keep drinking, obviously it isn't or you would be here.
As long as you help yourself, and seek support in whatever you feel will keep you clean, then do it. But the key is, you must make it happen. No one is going to take your hand and drag you to a meeting, or to a detox unit, you must want it so bad you will do whatever it takes to take care of you first, everything else is secondary.
You will get over the hurt, it is sad yes, but like I said, it happens and it is what it is, now deal with it without drowning in liquid. People go through this every day without a drug or drink.
There are free programs for those who do not have insurance. Are you on any type of financial aid? Medicaid?
You need to do the leg work, to find those programs to help you. Make no mistake, most or the majority of programs follow the 12 step recovery guide.
It all starts within you, do you want to reach bottom to the point of almost death before you take action?
I put myself in a detox clinic, for taking pills, my rock bottom was my health, I had lost an incredible amount of weight, and I was thin to begin with. The intense 7 days, were filled with 12 meetings, along with other programs, and once I was there, I didn't want to leave. I felt safe. That was over 3 years ago.
I continued with the IOP program, intensive outpatient therapy, and have been clean like I said over 3 yrs. You have to decide when you are ready, you have taken the first big step of admitting you have a problem, the hardest part of all.
Good luck.
Hi, and welcome.
It's wonderful that you recognise that you don't want to carry on the way you have been and it's terrific that you acknowledge that you need help in your very first post. I know that I was in deep denial about my own misue of alcohol, and it took a very long time for me to wake up to what I was doing to myself. As for asking for help - me? Are you crazy? I was the one who fixed everything for everyone else - precisely because was a frightened little boy pretending I could cope with life by solving the problems I COULD fix - other people's, and distracting myself and everyone else from the ones I COULDN'T fix - my own.
I am only able to say that and claim to be making a little progress because of the help I received here and elsewhere.
I don't go to meetings at the moment, but I will say this, what I found when I went was the compassion, love, acceptance and understanding that, deep down and out of my awareness, I'd been mourning and grieving for all my life....feeling safe and cared about and not judged and found wanting was the single most important theing that enabled me to even consider changing my coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms that for a while saved me but that in the long run were dooming me to misery, madness and self-destruction.
You are so very welcome here. Stay a while and take your time to get to know a few people. We're on your side.
Martin
It's wonderful that you recognise that you don't want to carry on the way you have been and it's terrific that you acknowledge that you need help in your very first post. I know that I was in deep denial about my own misue of alcohol, and it took a very long time for me to wake up to what I was doing to myself. As for asking for help - me? Are you crazy? I was the one who fixed everything for everyone else - precisely because was a frightened little boy pretending I could cope with life by solving the problems I COULD fix - other people's, and distracting myself and everyone else from the ones I COULDN'T fix - my own.
I am only able to say that and claim to be making a little progress because of the help I received here and elsewhere.
I don't go to meetings at the moment, but I will say this, what I found when I went was the compassion, love, acceptance and understanding that, deep down and out of my awareness, I'd been mourning and grieving for all my life....feeling safe and cared about and not judged and found wanting was the single most important theing that enabled me to even consider changing my coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms that for a while saved me but that in the long run were dooming me to misery, madness and self-destruction.
You are so very welcome here. Stay a while and take your time to get to know a few people. We're on your side.
Martin
I read your heart felt post,...and you and only you is who I will answer in regards to my alcohol problem... you appear not to preach but have a heart.......I am a very sensitive loving caring person...and your post relected that........THIS POST IS FOR MARTIN....
Wow. Don't you love it when people take time out of their day to help someone and that help is rejected because it isn't what they want to hear?
Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Sad isn't it.
Hiya, Blonde New Yorker.
Your way has worked so well up to now! I can see why you'd want to stick with it! LOL
I tried EVERYTHING to avoid the possibility that I was alcoholic, because that meant I was giving up. Spending money on booze and such has probably done a great deal to enhance your predicament, too, and it probably has taken some humility to get here, so why not focus on SIMILARITIES of this disease instead of rejecting HOPE?
You were here months ago wringing your hands and went back out and, while I appreciate the research department and all your efforts to be different, there IS a solution--seriously. If you want to continue to drink, that is your business. If you want to stop, we can help.
It takes what it takes but there is a solution that will relieve the hopelessness and anxiety.
Your way has worked so well up to now! I can see why you'd want to stick with it! LOL
I tried EVERYTHING to avoid the possibility that I was alcoholic, because that meant I was giving up. Spending money on booze and such has probably done a great deal to enhance your predicament, too, and it probably has taken some humility to get here, so why not focus on SIMILARITIES of this disease instead of rejecting HOPE?
You were here months ago wringing your hands and went back out and, while I appreciate the research department and all your efforts to be different, there IS a solution--seriously. If you want to continue to drink, that is your business. If you want to stop, we can help.
It takes what it takes but there is a solution that will relieve the hopelessness and anxiety.
Hi blond well I am writing to you so it is up to you if you read it or not. I am not gonna preach to you. I do know you sound very angry and I think angry at the world. I can relate to that but under different circumstances. I was very very angry when I first came to this board. Not because my man left me but because my daughter was raped by someone that was trusted.When we drink we tend to find any excuse to justify our drinking. When something bad happens to us well then that just puts the icing on the cake for us alkies. Nothing like wallowing in self pity and crying in our drink. Then we have EVERY RIGHT to drink ourselves into a stupor. It doesn't help. It makes a bad situation worse. Everyone on this board is here to help you and support you with their ESH. You just have to get past the anger to see that. I believe if you want to stop drinking bad enough You will find a way that suits you. In the meantime try and chill out and relax some. We've all been there ,we all know where you are coming from. Take care and God bless.
BlondNYer,
Sometimes when we are in the throws of addiction the very things that we need to hear are what piss us off the most.
Try to keep an open mind and know that no one here is trying to be insensitive and hurt your feelings. Just calling it like it is. We have all been there and we are all trying to help. Coddling our disease will only fuel it.
Take care and keep posting and sharing your progress.
Valarie
Sometimes when we are in the throws of addiction the very things that we need to hear are what piss us off the most.
Try to keep an open mind and know that no one here is trying to be insensitive and hurt your feelings. Just calling it like it is. We have all been there and we are all trying to help. Coddling our disease will only fuel it.
Take care and keep posting and sharing your progress.
Valarie
Hi blondNYer,
I'm glad you felt that about my post. I know when I first came here about eight months ago I nearly turned away in hurt, fear and anger at some of the replies I had. I felt people were very rejecting and judgmental. I felt it was a club and no-one wanted me. Fortunately some people were very accepting and supportive of me and their posts kept me coming back.
But do you know what, it was Valerie, actually, who I'd decided was a sarcastic, nasty person (who was DEFINITELY sending other people emails about me behind my back) who helped me make a breakthrough one day. I read something into one of her posts and she responded to my tantrum in such a kind and gentle manner that I HAD NO CHOICE but to realise that all of the rejection, judgement and hostility I was reading into others' posts was in my own head.....sure, some of them (hi Skq!) were a little tough at times, but the anger and aggression and nastiness I was reading into the posts were all in my head......(as were the emails people were sending about me and the jokes they were making) this is what it was like for this alcoholic when I was drinking and came here in crisis. Fear. Paranoia. Anger. Part of my troubled mind was judging me and I though everyone else was doing it. Psychotherapists call this process Projection.
The truth is, I am here - I believe everyone is - because we are working on recovering from this horrible, cunning and subtle disease. We post to seek help, we post to offer help. Sometimes that help is a warm hug, sometimes it's a kick up the backside. I really needed a hug when I came here, some people feel they responded much better to a kick up the backside and "offered" me that lol...I really didn't appreciate it at the time. I do now. Either way, there's only one intention - I swear to God - it's to help each other recover.
So, blondNYer, today I'm in full on hug mode and another time I might say something a bit more challenging. Likewise, the people you feel didn't understand you can be as warm and cuddly as you like....and none of that really matters....what really matters is what can you do to continue the journey you have started towards a sober, beautiful, peaceful, joy-filled life?
Please do keep posting because, like life, this Board is a blessing and full of rewards. People here really do listen and really do want to help. And we're all human, too.
Martin
I'm glad you felt that about my post. I know when I first came here about eight months ago I nearly turned away in hurt, fear and anger at some of the replies I had. I felt people were very rejecting and judgmental. I felt it was a club and no-one wanted me. Fortunately some people were very accepting and supportive of me and their posts kept me coming back.
But do you know what, it was Valerie, actually, who I'd decided was a sarcastic, nasty person (who was DEFINITELY sending other people emails about me behind my back) who helped me make a breakthrough one day. I read something into one of her posts and she responded to my tantrum in such a kind and gentle manner that I HAD NO CHOICE but to realise that all of the rejection, judgement and hostility I was reading into others' posts was in my own head.....sure, some of them (hi Skq!) were a little tough at times, but the anger and aggression and nastiness I was reading into the posts were all in my head......(as were the emails people were sending about me and the jokes they were making) this is what it was like for this alcoholic when I was drinking and came here in crisis. Fear. Paranoia. Anger. Part of my troubled mind was judging me and I though everyone else was doing it. Psychotherapists call this process Projection.
The truth is, I am here - I believe everyone is - because we are working on recovering from this horrible, cunning and subtle disease. We post to seek help, we post to offer help. Sometimes that help is a warm hug, sometimes it's a kick up the backside. I really needed a hug when I came here, some people feel they responded much better to a kick up the backside and "offered" me that lol...I really didn't appreciate it at the time. I do now. Either way, there's only one intention - I swear to God - it's to help each other recover.
So, blondNYer, today I'm in full on hug mode and another time I might say something a bit more challenging. Likewise, the people you feel didn't understand you can be as warm and cuddly as you like....and none of that really matters....what really matters is what can you do to continue the journey you have started towards a sober, beautiful, peaceful, joy-filled life?
Please do keep posting because, like life, this Board is a blessing and full of rewards. People here really do listen and really do want to help. And we're all human, too.
Martin
