I"m recovering pretty hard right now from allthe rum-guzzling I did last night after work because I don't (am trying not to) take pills anymore. O.k, so then I'll just smoke pot,but deep in my heart I know that isn't the answer.
Yesterday, I I got 50 bucks for xmas, on an extreme impulse called this chick she ripped me right before I had to go to work. so there I was at work my mind racing,thinking how f***ed up this all is and most of all GUILT.
So after work, got so drunk.
My house is trashed
I feel like the worst thing in the world
Because I'm f***ing all too aware that this monster called
addiction will never leave me alone.
I believe im ready to work my program
What I would like help or advice with is
Paws and how to feel o.k. withinmyself
Why do I need some form of chemical coursing
through my veins at every waking moment?
Is this my bottom?
When all of it just doesn't work anymore?
Because Im not whole with chemicals and i feel shattered
Without them.
I believe im ready to work my program
For me, when I quit trying to do it MY way and became willing to do something different, I found a 12 step meeting and I went in willing, broken and teachable.
Maybe it's time for you to try what's worked for millions of other addicts/alcoholics and find the wholeness you are searching for....
Just don't drink or use today and find a meeting.
Good luck~
Stacey
For me, when I quit trying to do it MY way and became willing to do something different, I found a 12 step meeting and I went in willing, broken and teachable.
Maybe it's time for you to try what's worked for millions of other addicts/alcoholics and find the wholeness you are searching for....
Just don't drink or use today and find a meeting.
Good luck~
Stacey
I think alot of learning to be whole is being honest with yourself. You've come on here and honestly stated what a mess your life has become. Guess what? You are not alone. Everyone on this board could tell you similar stories about themselves. Substituting one drug for another. I made so many promises to myself that I was unable to keep. The pills had a stronghold on me.
Everything Stacey said above is true. Just stay clean today. Repeat again tomorrow. Don't future trip about the paws. Get the drugs out of your system first. The way to do this is one day at a time. Sometimes it's one hour or one minute at a time. Don't beat yourself up over this. You're not a bad person but a sick one. Give yourself a break and don't use. Things will eventually fall into place. Everyone on this board told me that things would get better. I became willing to do what I had to do to get clean. Take a leap of faith and believe that it will get better. You don't want it to get worse, do you?
Keep coming back!
Everything Stacey said above is true. Just stay clean today. Repeat again tomorrow. Don't future trip about the paws. Get the drugs out of your system first. The way to do this is one day at a time. Sometimes it's one hour or one minute at a time. Don't beat yourself up over this. You're not a bad person but a sick one. Give yourself a break and don't use. Things will eventually fall into place. Everyone on this board told me that things would get better. I became willing to do what I had to do to get clean. Take a leap of faith and believe that it will get better. You don't want it to get worse, do you?
Keep coming back!