I am in love with a man that is biploar, suffers from depression and is a drug addict. We had alot of problems because of his problem and we were always fighting but I was trying to help him.
He started hanging out with his cousin and I'm sure some other people that use drugs, I know that he calls sometimes and I can't even understand what he is saying. I haven't seen him in a month.
I don't want to give up on him so what can I do to help. ALso I would like to know if he is staying away from me because he feels comfortable and is probably having fun due to the drugs.
I am getting sick over this and I have no one to talk to.
Thanks
Hi Marie,
Well I hate to tell you this but there isn't much you can do. He needs to want to stop the madness. This is all on him......I wonder does he take meds for the bi-polar......or is he self medicating with the drugs.....
You know not talking to you in a month might be his way of keeping you away from the pain, hurt, anger, total devastation that can come into the hearts of those who love an addict. This isn't an easy road to walk......An emotional roller coaster is ridden day to day....minute to minute......There are only 2 things I see you being able to do......move on.....or if you must hold on to that love, then you just have to wait until he comes to you for help........
You see you are looking at this from his side and not yours.....You must come first your happiness, and your life must be your first concern.....taking care of others is a wonderful thing, but then who will take care of you..........
It is a complicated and confusing disease, one which is never truely gone even though the good.....one which strips the souls of all involved...no matter what side you are on......It is hard to live day to day in that madness.....I know I lived it....
This was the hardest journey of my life.......mine has for now a storybook happy ending. Notice I put, for now, thats because my husband is clean today......but being a cynic at times I know full well that tomorrows reality could be hell again.....Not something I dwell on, I prefer living in the now, but a present reminder of the what coulds........
You take care of you and try not to worry of things not in your control.......which reminds me of something really important. You didn't cause this, you can't cure him and you have no control.......(the 3 C's)
Sending out some prayers, may you find some peace wothin yourself today......
Love,
Tina
Well I hate to tell you this but there isn't much you can do. He needs to want to stop the madness. This is all on him......I wonder does he take meds for the bi-polar......or is he self medicating with the drugs.....
You know not talking to you in a month might be his way of keeping you away from the pain, hurt, anger, total devastation that can come into the hearts of those who love an addict. This isn't an easy road to walk......An emotional roller coaster is ridden day to day....minute to minute......There are only 2 things I see you being able to do......move on.....or if you must hold on to that love, then you just have to wait until he comes to you for help........
You see you are looking at this from his side and not yours.....You must come first your happiness, and your life must be your first concern.....taking care of others is a wonderful thing, but then who will take care of you..........
It is a complicated and confusing disease, one which is never truely gone even though the good.....one which strips the souls of all involved...no matter what side you are on......It is hard to live day to day in that madness.....I know I lived it....
This was the hardest journey of my life.......mine has for now a storybook happy ending. Notice I put, for now, thats because my husband is clean today......but being a cynic at times I know full well that tomorrows reality could be hell again.....Not something I dwell on, I prefer living in the now, but a present reminder of the what coulds........
You take care of you and try not to worry of things not in your control.......which reminds me of something really important. You didn't cause this, you can't cure him and you have no control.......(the 3 C's)
Sending out some prayers, may you find some peace wothin yourself today......
Love,
Tina
I am no expert on any of this, but do have a son fresh out of rehab (2 days). Part of his treatment included family meetings with all of the patients and their families, before we could visit on Sundays. What I learned is not specific to a husband, wife, child, ect. It is specific to a drug addict. First, was your boyfriend diagnosed with his mental illness before or after the drug addiction? Our counselor explained we want to make our families STOP the drugging and drinking, so we take them to a psychiatrist because in our minds there has got to be something wrong with them if they won't stop the drugs and drinking. Then the doctor gives them MORE drugs to "help". Most all drug abusers experience depression because of their drug use, not vice versa. The other thing is, your boyfriend is staying away because of the tremendous guilt he feels about what he is putting you through. Please don't let him blame any of his drug use on you, as they tend to do that at times. Go to a local Al-anon or Nar-anon meeting. It's a meeting for friends and families of abusers. You will meet others in your shoes, and come to get a better understanding of an addicts thought process.
Take care,
Cindy
Thank you for those who responded, I have no one to talk to. To answer some of your questions, he is suppose to be taking medication for his bipolar/ depression but he hasn't gone for therapy for a couple of months. The few times that I have spoken to him I feel as though I am talking to the wall.
He has been on drugs for years and his mother even turned him in and he served time for drug possession, we were hoping this would help him, but it didn't.
I have never taken drugs so I don't know what he is thinking, does he just feel comfortable with people who takes drugs?
I'm sorry for all the qustions.
Thanks
He has been on drugs for years and his mother even turned him in and he served time for drug possession, we were hoping this would help him, but it didn't.
I have never taken drugs so I don't know what he is thinking, does he just feel comfortable with people who takes drugs?
I'm sorry for all the qustions.
Thanks
Marie,
I agree with mistyeyes and worriedmom. I am the mother of an addict and it takes them wanting help before they will do anything different. Be careful or you may become codependent with him. You aren't using the drugs, but it's almost as if you are. You can suffer the same depression, confusion and guilt that he carries if you let him pass it to you.
I believe strongly that many addicts have mental illness and they are using to help them cope. And.. they can't help themselves without realizing that they have a problem. Also, I believe that addiction can lead to mental illness.
It is not your job to fix this person, you did not cause his problem and you can not cure it.
Perhaps he does feel better around his friends that take drugs. At some point, hopefull he will realize that drug use is a poor substitute for a life and a good relationship. I don't think he is a bad person, just like my son isn't. He is just not willing to admit that he has a problem and do something to help himself yet.
And.. he will feel better being with people that are like minded.
Good luck to you,
Judy
I agree with mistyeyes and worriedmom. I am the mother of an addict and it takes them wanting help before they will do anything different. Be careful or you may become codependent with him. You aren't using the drugs, but it's almost as if you are. You can suffer the same depression, confusion and guilt that he carries if you let him pass it to you.
I believe strongly that many addicts have mental illness and they are using to help them cope. And.. they can't help themselves without realizing that they have a problem. Also, I believe that addiction can lead to mental illness.
It is not your job to fix this person, you did not cause his problem and you can not cure it.
Perhaps he does feel better around his friends that take drugs. At some point, hopefull he will realize that drug use is a poor substitute for a life and a good relationship. I don't think he is a bad person, just like my son isn't. He is just not willing to admit that he has a problem and do something to help himself yet.
And.. he will feel better being with people that are like minded.
Good luck to you,
Judy
Thank you to all that responded. I still have not heard from him.
I'm sure he is going out and getting high and having the time of his life and maybe have met a woman that also uses drugs for I don't think anyone woman who is not into drugs can deal with this.
I am so scared that he will overdose, get arrested or that I won't ever hear from him again.
Since he has been hanging out with these people he has changed so much with me, he is cold and gets upset with me over everything, whatever I say he gets defensive.... I am now thinking that I was never any fun for him, I don't do drugs and all I was trying to do was showing him other ways he could have fun, like go to a movie, a walk on the beach,.........
I am sorry I am writting again but I have noone to talk to.....Could e be staying away because he is having fun and using drugs like he wants to....
Thanks
I'm sure he is going out and getting high and having the time of his life and maybe have met a woman that also uses drugs for I don't think anyone woman who is not into drugs can deal with this.
I am so scared that he will overdose, get arrested or that I won't ever hear from him again.
Since he has been hanging out with these people he has changed so much with me, he is cold and gets upset with me over everything, whatever I say he gets defensive.... I am now thinking that I was never any fun for him, I don't do drugs and all I was trying to do was showing him other ways he could have fun, like go to a movie, a walk on the beach,.........
I am sorry I am writting again but I have noone to talk to.....Could e be staying away because he is having fun and using drugs like he wants to....
Thanks
hi Marie
How long were you together for?
They do feel better in the company of other addicts that are using if they are using. It helps them not feel so guilty. Misery loves company.
Sorry for what you are going through.
Take care of yourself,
Mickey
How long were you together for?
They do feel better in the company of other addicts that are using if they are using. It helps them not feel so guilty. Misery loves company.
Sorry for what you are going through.
Take care of yourself,
Mickey
He called but he has no patience with me,,,we ended up arguing and I hung up on him, he took everything I said wrong.....
I feel as though he is a complete stranger........
I guess he just wants to be with drug users..... How does addiction work does he use drugs every day? why is he in a bad mood with me? why does he prefer living in the streets or with these low lives than be in a loving home?
I love him so much but I am so hurting....
I have known him for 3 years.....
Thanks again!
I feel as though he is a complete stranger........
I guess he just wants to be with drug users..... How does addiction work does he use drugs every day? why is he in a bad mood with me? why does he prefer living in the streets or with these low lives than be in a loving home?
I love him so much but I am so hurting....
I have known him for 3 years.....
Thanks again!
This is an article on meth, and it's effects on the brain . I think the part where it discusses how it, and other drugs take over our lives applies to all addicts though .
The "reward" system addicts minds get stuck in. It could explain why addicts push away those that dont use .....
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/sites/...meth_psycho.htm
I hope this helps ........AL
The "reward" system addicts minds get stuck in. It could explain why addicts push away those that dont use .....
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/sites/...meth_psycho.htm
I hope this helps ........AL
Not to be a cynic but I live with a depressed drug addict and have been with him for 5 years. I have a business and a nice engagement ring. I long for the days that I had my own apartment and none of this crap.
I am not saying your love of this man is not genuine. You must examine why you are selling yourself short with any man who is not around you for a straight month and than he can not even speak without fighting.
your life is better without this until he helps himself. you are upset enough without him living with you. we cant even help the ones who live with us, are married to us, are our sons, please you are blessed although you dont see it.
Stay away from him until he has been in treatment for at least 6 months. Go to therapy and do not become like me. you will only become weaker the more he depends on you. I am sure he is a great guy but we can not really help them especially from a phone call away one month away. go out with your friends and ahve a good time. Consider yourself lucky that it is not on your coach face down with his head on the coffee table with a cigarette burning the rug.,
I am not saying your love of this man is not genuine. You must examine why you are selling yourself short with any man who is not around you for a straight month and than he can not even speak without fighting.
your life is better without this until he helps himself. you are upset enough without him living with you. we cant even help the ones who live with us, are married to us, are our sons, please you are blessed although you dont see it.
Stay away from him until he has been in treatment for at least 6 months. Go to therapy and do not become like me. you will only become weaker the more he depends on you. I am sure he is a great guy but we can not really help them especially from a phone call away one month away. go out with your friends and ahve a good time. Consider yourself lucky that it is not on your coach face down with his head on the coffee table with a cigarette burning the rug.,
I know I must be craz to still care for this man, but the man I fell in love with is not the man he has become today. All changed when he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I do love him and I am scared for his life, believe me I wish I didn't feel so strongly for him.
He is rude, has no patience, he on the defense all the time, he lies, are all these symptoms of drug users. Does anyone know if he probably uses drugs everyday or just a couple of days a week. I am sorry for my ignorance but I am trying so to understand how an addict's mind works.
I know he hasn't taken his medication for his bipolar/depression so I am afraid that is just making it worse. Sometimes when he calls me he just stutters, and when he talks clearly he's aggressive.
I know I should let him go, but I love him and pray that he will let me help him one day.
I never know when and if he is going to call.....
Thank you to all that have answered my email, it truly helps, no one in my family or my friends know what I am going through I am embarrassed to say anything.
Please if someone knows the characteristics of a person using drugs let me know.
He is rude, has no patience, he on the defense all the time, he lies, are all these symptoms of drug users. Does anyone know if he probably uses drugs everyday or just a couple of days a week. I am sorry for my ignorance but I am trying so to understand how an addict's mind works.
I know he hasn't taken his medication for his bipolar/depression so I am afraid that is just making it worse. Sometimes when he calls me he just stutters, and when he talks clearly he's aggressive.
I know I should let him go, but I love him and pray that he will let me help him one day.
I never know when and if he is going to call.....
Thank you to all that have answered my email, it truly helps, no one in my family or my friends know what I am going through I am embarrassed to say anything.
Please if someone knows the characteristics of a person using drugs let me know.
Morning Marie,
I am so sorry that you have to go through what you are.....This disease is the most horrible thing I ever faced in my life. It sets you on an emotional rollercoaster and robs you of all the good that fills your heart......
It would take all of us on this site forever to try to help you see and understand.....most of that has to do with you being able to truely accept that he is an addict.....we all went through that, and some of us are still stuck in that how to understand part or the denial faze of things........
I have a good site I am posting for you......Go and read and learn a bit.....They are many links to other places with even more info. You can even read from an addicts point of view.....
I hope that this helps you some........
Love,
Tina
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/dru...s_treatment.htm
I am so sorry that you have to go through what you are.....This disease is the most horrible thing I ever faced in my life. It sets you on an emotional rollercoaster and robs you of all the good that fills your heart......
It would take all of us on this site forever to try to help you see and understand.....most of that has to do with you being able to truely accept that he is an addict.....we all went through that, and some of us are still stuck in that how to understand part or the denial faze of things........
I have a good site I am posting for you......Go and read and learn a bit.....They are many links to other places with even more info. You can even read from an addicts point of view.....
I hope that this helps you some........
Love,
Tina
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/dru...s_treatment.htm
I would point your towards these topics at the website --
2 Questions
and
Thoughts and Observations.
2 Questions
and
Thoughts and Observations.
Hi Marie
Mental illness is so hard to deal with, obviously i can't say if this is true of your boyfriend but a lot of people with any sort of mental disorder turn to drugs as a way to relieve and cope with their "head" i can understand that although i never chose that path but people get so desperate, at a guess it would appear he needs a lot of support and help as regards his bipolar, but it is quite difficult, i think you said you haven't seen him for a while? the only thing you can do is let him know how you feel - calmly i add because then he can't turn the attention on your attitude, if he is willling to accept your help and support great but more than that, he has to be willing to take the right action himself - hey things were not always like this were they, it looks like he can't cope with his bipolar?? oh and yes drugs do completely change a person but then so does mental distress/disorders etc. it's up to you what you do, but please you do need to look after yourself as a situation like this can make a person ill as i'm sure you've read in other posts.... worry,stress,anxiety - i would hate for you or anyone else for that matter to break - i guess if he is not willing to make some changes at the moment you may need to just concentrate on yourself, you can always reassure him of your support but hey it's not up to you to do all the work and most importantly not his part, i have to go now so take care love molly.
Mental illness is so hard to deal with, obviously i can't say if this is true of your boyfriend but a lot of people with any sort of mental disorder turn to drugs as a way to relieve and cope with their "head" i can understand that although i never chose that path but people get so desperate, at a guess it would appear he needs a lot of support and help as regards his bipolar, but it is quite difficult, i think you said you haven't seen him for a while? the only thing you can do is let him know how you feel - calmly i add because then he can't turn the attention on your attitude, if he is willling to accept your help and support great but more than that, he has to be willing to take the right action himself - hey things were not always like this were they, it looks like he can't cope with his bipolar?? oh and yes drugs do completely change a person but then so does mental distress/disorders etc. it's up to you what you do, but please you do need to look after yourself as a situation like this can make a person ill as i'm sure you've read in other posts.... worry,stress,anxiety - i would hate for you or anyone else for that matter to break - i guess if he is not willing to make some changes at the moment you may need to just concentrate on yourself, you can always reassure him of your support but hey it's not up to you to do all the work and most importantly not his part, i have to go now so take care love molly.
whoops !
marie, here is a website that may help you understand the behaviors of an addict. many of the behaviors are very intentional and pre-meditated. until we non-addicts understand what is happening, many of us get very sick -- emotionally, physically, and spiritually. many of us just can't believe, for a long time, what the addicts is doing to us and how they are manipulating us.
just click on the address below and you will go directly to the site. i suggest that your look at the following topics there --
2 Questions
and
Thoughts and Observations.
Here's the website: http://www.crackreality.com/
marie, here is a website that may help you understand the behaviors of an addict. many of the behaviors are very intentional and pre-meditated. until we non-addicts understand what is happening, many of us get very sick -- emotionally, physically, and spiritually. many of us just can't believe, for a long time, what the addicts is doing to us and how they are manipulating us.
just click on the address below and you will go directly to the site. i suggest that your look at the following topics there --
2 Questions
and
Thoughts and Observations.
Here's the website: http://www.crackreality.com/
hi marie, im replying from the point of an addict who is in a situation remotely similar to your mans...
an addict often stays away from their loved ones to try to protect them from the pain of seeing them in a state. stop them worrying and going thru the pain that they are going thru. i strongly suspect your man is using every day, cos if it were only twice a week, there would be times that he were straight and could speak rationally with u. addicts like myself feel emmense shame and guilt at all the lies and manipulation that comes naturally when u are using. i also suspect that he is injecting if he cannot spaek clearly and may also be staying away because while u cannot actually see what a state hes in, u will still be there for him.
i have depression too and started using to cope with it, but eventually it changes so u are depressed because your using and addicted. its very complicated, and your man needs help to deal with his illness and help with his addiction. but unless he wants help there is absolutely nothing u can do. sometimes love just is not enough. sad but true... i have all the reasons in the world to get clean- a loving, supportive family, a fantastic boyfriend and a brilliant best friend, drug key wokers, psychiatrist, and a stable home... but i cannot do it, im just not ready to be helped. and until your boyfriend cant be helped until hes ready... your decision has to be ...can u face waiting until he is ready? sorry to be harsh, but im trying to be honest and realistic. good luck marie, let me know what u think of my email, love friend of post box holder xxx
an addict often stays away from their loved ones to try to protect them from the pain of seeing them in a state. stop them worrying and going thru the pain that they are going thru. i strongly suspect your man is using every day, cos if it were only twice a week, there would be times that he were straight and could speak rationally with u. addicts like myself feel emmense shame and guilt at all the lies and manipulation that comes naturally when u are using. i also suspect that he is injecting if he cannot spaek clearly and may also be staying away because while u cannot actually see what a state hes in, u will still be there for him.
i have depression too and started using to cope with it, but eventually it changes so u are depressed because your using and addicted. its very complicated, and your man needs help to deal with his illness and help with his addiction. but unless he wants help there is absolutely nothing u can do. sometimes love just is not enough. sad but true... i have all the reasons in the world to get clean- a loving, supportive family, a fantastic boyfriend and a brilliant best friend, drug key wokers, psychiatrist, and a stable home... but i cannot do it, im just not ready to be helped. and until your boyfriend cant be helped until hes ready... your decision has to be ...can u face waiting until he is ready? sorry to be harsh, but im trying to be honest and realistic. good luck marie, let me know what u think of my email, love friend of post box holder xxx
