I find myself on this website more than I should be. Searching for that one post that will justify all of my past actions, or the one that will help me control my many addictions. It never happens. I suppose I will start with my story. I am a fifteen year old who is addicted to codeine, alcohol, tobacco and marijuana. I just seem to move from one addiction to another thinking this time will be different, this drug will solve all my problems and not create new ones. I somehow allways end up quitting, fighting the cravings and withdrawl symptoms only to give in to a new drug. I have been chronically depressed and suicidal for two years. I cannot talk to either of my parents considering one is a "recovering" alcoholic/drug addict/street person who I talk to once a year and the other is on anti-depressants and does not want anything interfering with her perfect world, especially when she only slightly cares about me. I have no close relatives, siblings, conselors or friends I can talk to about my situation either, so I guess this is a cry for help. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no motivation to live my life or do anything for that matter and I just feel like I am wasting away in my own drug induced mind and body. How can I quit using when it is like fighting my own addictive personality? I have no one to quit for except myself yet once I do quit I am afraid that I will end my own life becuase there is not much else for me to live for. Are drugs saving my life or ending it? Is it not inevitable that I will start using another, most likely harder drug and just continue my vicious cycle? All the advice I recieved on another board was to talk to someone about this or partcipate in NA/AA meetings. I have no one to talk to and NA or AA meetings are out of the question. Can you please give me your point of view or story or somthing that may help me gain the motivation I need to continue living my life? Thank you. Have a great day everyone.
Cerise, When I hear your story it brings tears to my eyes because you remind me of myself when I was your age, the difference is that you want help and I didn't at the time which is to your advantage. Do you not have any friends in whom you can trust to talk to, because I tell you right now, a time like this is when they can become more than just friends? They will become even closer to you once you open up to them. And if you can get a close support group like that, things will be a whole lot easier. I know it's hard, but try speak to someone first, and let me know how it goes, because I found my true friends from my experience and from opening up to them.
Let me know
Angie x
Let me know
Angie x
Dear Chrise 14,
First of all I hope this letter finds that you are hanging in there.I started using drugs at the age of 13. Any drug, every drug. My parents were divorced and my mom was always working. My sis was wrapped up in her own world and didn't even know I was alive. My older brother was mean and cruel, so basically I was left to raise myself. When I started to use drugs I felt that they were my salvation. I made sure that I wouldn't run out of them, I was like that person who says, "pssss, hey.. want to buy a watch?", and then I would open up both sides of my jacket and there would be all kinds of dope.I never ran out. I never have run out for years. Drugs were my friends.When I would feel as bad as you have described, I would just dope-up.My mom was just to tired to care, my dad lived across the country so I never had any adults to talk to. I was just as you describe you are now. Honestly, I was. I haven't even thought about my past,until I came across your posting here today
If you are still on line, I will continue, if you have left me for a bit (thats Okay), I will hook up with you later, I've been up all night (can't sleep)
Don't do anything that can't be reversed. We need to talk.
You are loved. Know that I care, I really do.There are other people in your life that care about you too, We here love you. You are needed. I need you,as we all do.
All my love. Stay alive
Jane
First of all I hope this letter finds that you are hanging in there.I started using drugs at the age of 13. Any drug, every drug. My parents were divorced and my mom was always working. My sis was wrapped up in her own world and didn't even know I was alive. My older brother was mean and cruel, so basically I was left to raise myself. When I started to use drugs I felt that they were my salvation. I made sure that I wouldn't run out of them, I was like that person who says, "pssss, hey.. want to buy a watch?", and then I would open up both sides of my jacket and there would be all kinds of dope.I never ran out. I never have run out for years. Drugs were my friends.When I would feel as bad as you have described, I would just dope-up.My mom was just to tired to care, my dad lived across the country so I never had any adults to talk to. I was just as you describe you are now. Honestly, I was. I haven't even thought about my past,until I came across your posting here today
If you are still on line, I will continue, if you have left me for a bit (thats Okay), I will hook up with you later, I've been up all night (can't sleep)
Don't do anything that can't be reversed. We need to talk.
You are loved. Know that I care, I really do.There are other people in your life that care about you too, We here love you. You are needed. I need you,as we all do.
All my love. Stay alive
Jane
Hey hey Chrise 14,
Are you on line? I'm still here thinking of you. Still hangin in there? Me too!
I'm O'kay, Your O'kay!.........Write back soon. I'm a little worried.
Jane
Are you on line? I'm still here thinking of you. Still hangin in there? Me too!
I'm O'kay, Your O'kay!.........Write back soon. I'm a little worried.
Jane
Don't worry, I'm still here. I don't think I could ever have enough guts to do somthing permanent. I just can't get on the internet that often. Thank you for posts everyone. I'm actually feeling a little better.
Dear Cerise 14
Hey there. Its just me. I'm so glad that you are feeling better. It's so hard being 15. There are so many things in life at that age. Are you still in school? I'm just asking because I never went when I was high, and I was high everyday, so I never went. Now I know how important it was to stay in and get my diploma. I did go back and get it, but I feel I got a late start and I'm still eating everyone elses dust. Stay strong, I am here thinking about you and want you to make it.
I know you can. Post anything, anytime for me, I will be checking often cause I care about you. We all do here. There are alot of great people on here who have lives like you and me, and we can learn a ton from them.
I'm here for you.
Hugs
Jane
Hey there. Its just me. I'm so glad that you are feeling better. It's so hard being 15. There are so many things in life at that age. Are you still in school? I'm just asking because I never went when I was high, and I was high everyday, so I never went. Now I know how important it was to stay in and get my diploma. I did go back and get it, but I feel I got a late start and I'm still eating everyone elses dust. Stay strong, I am here thinking about you and want you to make it.
I know you can. Post anything, anytime for me, I will be checking often cause I care about you. We all do here. There are alot of great people on here who have lives like you and me, and we can learn a ton from them.
I'm here for you.
Hugs
Jane
Hey cerise im not very good at writting things cause people tend to take them the wrong way. but i read your story and it really hurts to know that there are wonderful people out there like you in these type of situations. i cant say i know how you feel because ive never been in that kind of situation, i can only imagine. Your life is so much more than you think, you are Specail and Unique in your own ways, thats why you mean so much to everyone because the world is made up of all sorts of different people and if we wernt different then what would the world be like. So keep on fighting never give in and just remember there are always people who care.
love,
a friend
love,
a friend
Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your help. I just wanted to update and say that I am doing well. I am seeing a therapist and have recieved support from my Mom. Life is definetly looking up for me. I am attending school fairly regularly and maintaining solid B's. Again, thank you for your help and good luck to all of you.
