Thanks for the positives I have gotten from everyone so far, I know its not going to be easy. I have been attending my aa meetings religiously and have found a family within them. I feel so alone alot and thats when the urges come. Some days it just feels almost unbearable being without my kids and that addicted part of my brain won't leave me alone. I'm fighting this disease and I'm determined to win. I had a sponsor but I don't think she's right for me. She has no kids and can't really relate to that part of my pain so I'm going through my list and hopefully she will understand. Congrats on the 4 years!!!
Hi Hatemeorloveme,
Recovery is a process for most people & in the begining its not always going to be easy. But thank God we only have to do this one day at a time and sometimes we may have to break it down into min. or hrs. After all we didn't wake up long ago making a concious decision that our life goal was to become an alcoholic/addict. It was a process. Now that we have chosen recovery it is also a process. That takes daily work. You are jumping into AA with passion good for you finding a sponser she can be a temporary one until you find one that you have more in common with. Learn all you can in out patient therapy it will stay with you and help long after discharge.
It's good that your able to identify triggers like lonliness. Yet, your not drinking over them. This shows your strengh and your desire to stay sober. Keep busy when they come. Listen to music, sing, read, exercise,work,eat,go to meetings,laugh. When you do this you engage your frontal lobes of your brain overiding the amygdala a small part of your brain that stores emotional memory like fear, and the times we felt high from alcohol.
I can feel how much you miss your babies. I know they are 10&2 but their always your babies. There are few things worse in this life then to be seperated from them. The fact is it will take some time to reclaim the havoc we created from the use of alcohol or drugs. But if you work for it & are patient it will happen!
I do have a concern for your two yr. old daughter. You mentioned your ex is abusing drugs. Is she safe? It sounds as though you have court appointed visits. Is the court aware that her father is using or am I mistaken here?
Please put the pen to paper there is something wonderful that happens in the brain I just can't remember at the moment the scientific explanation for it. Besides the heartfelt and spirtual benefits that happen. Make a gratitude list. This is an example list please change it delete it or add to it.
I'm not in my grave, I'm not in jail, I didn't kill anybody or injure anybody while driving drunk or being high, I'm not in an institution with wet brain, I have a job, I have a car, I have a friend, There is AA & NA, There Is Church, There is A God In Heaven Who Loves Me, I least I do get to see my kids once in awhile that Mom behind bars doesn't get to kiss or hug them like I do,or maybe she never gets to see them, I'm not homeless,I'm not blind, I can walk, I have a warm bed to sleep in, I have food, I have clean drinking water, I have warm water to shower in. I don't know how many of these apply to you or not I hope they help you I know they helped me. Please keep us posted on how your doing and do something nice for yourself, because your worth it !!! And I Love You I Don't Hate You. One more thing I know you must be sad because your family is 2000 miles away as you mentioned can any of them come to visit you for the Holidays? Your Friend, Chris
Recovery is a process for most people & in the begining its not always going to be easy. But thank God we only have to do this one day at a time and sometimes we may have to break it down into min. or hrs. After all we didn't wake up long ago making a concious decision that our life goal was to become an alcoholic/addict. It was a process. Now that we have chosen recovery it is also a process. That takes daily work. You are jumping into AA with passion good for you finding a sponser she can be a temporary one until you find one that you have more in common with. Learn all you can in out patient therapy it will stay with you and help long after discharge.
It's good that your able to identify triggers like lonliness. Yet, your not drinking over them. This shows your strengh and your desire to stay sober. Keep busy when they come. Listen to music, sing, read, exercise,work,eat,go to meetings,laugh. When you do this you engage your frontal lobes of your brain overiding the amygdala a small part of your brain that stores emotional memory like fear, and the times we felt high from alcohol.
I can feel how much you miss your babies. I know they are 10&2 but their always your babies. There are few things worse in this life then to be seperated from them. The fact is it will take some time to reclaim the havoc we created from the use of alcohol or drugs. But if you work for it & are patient it will happen!
I do have a concern for your two yr. old daughter. You mentioned your ex is abusing drugs. Is she safe? It sounds as though you have court appointed visits. Is the court aware that her father is using or am I mistaken here?
Please put the pen to paper there is something wonderful that happens in the brain I just can't remember at the moment the scientific explanation for it. Besides the heartfelt and spirtual benefits that happen. Make a gratitude list. This is an example list please change it delete it or add to it.
I'm not in my grave, I'm not in jail, I didn't kill anybody or injure anybody while driving drunk or being high, I'm not in an institution with wet brain, I have a job, I have a car, I have a friend, There is AA & NA, There Is Church, There is A God In Heaven Who Loves Me, I least I do get to see my kids once in awhile that Mom behind bars doesn't get to kiss or hug them like I do,or maybe she never gets to see them, I'm not homeless,I'm not blind, I can walk, I have a warm bed to sleep in, I have food, I have clean drinking water, I have warm water to shower in. I don't know how many of these apply to you or not I hope they help you I know they helped me. Please keep us posted on how your doing and do something nice for yourself, because your worth it !!! And I Love You I Don't Hate You. One more thing I know you must be sad because your family is 2000 miles away as you mentioned can any of them come to visit you for the Holidays? Your Friend, Chris
