I Need To Quit, And Start Getting Focused.

Marijuana
1
Iv been smoking the stuff for 3ish years now, i started when i was 14 and im 17 now, iv had a s*** load of fun with it, had some of the best times of my life high,
but the down sides are all too great, iv been coping with episodes of depression, sometimes manic, anxiety, paranoia, insomnia the whole 9 yards basically, i hear voices which can really be very intrusive and intimidating, they tell me to kill myself, they constantly put me down, and they rush shocking and grim thaughts and images into my head. Sometimes iv resulted to self harm to help the depression, but as we all should know slicing your arm up with a blunt knife isnt a progressive way of dealing with it. Iv came close to suicide in one of my worst low periods, nearly succome to swallowing a whole packet of strong perscription sleeping pills, which for my frame would have killed me for sure.
And all of this has to have been braught on by my long term and heavy use of cannabis, and other drugs to be honest.
But cannabis has been the persistent drug for me, my friendship group is practically founded on the stuff, most of my friends smoke it, i only have say 3-4 who dont. Iv had the days where youve smoked so much weed previously in the past week or so, that when your finally deprived of it, a massive anxiety atttack swiftly follows.
And iv read some of the stuff on this forum, Some say i should kick all of the people who constantly smoke weed out of my life, that in itself is very hard indeed, not only do my friends smoke but my mum and sister, who i live with, so im pretty much always around the stuff 24/7, i pick u weed for my mum, my friends are round my house everyday in my room smoking it.
Iv tried quitting before and have only been succesful for a week at most, i go some days cold turkey but i always find myself giving up from complete lack of will, and getting into regular habits.
It all seems bleak really, im sure iv developed some sort of phycosis, the voices are strong, and the depression more frequent. i have incredibally f***ed up dreams and wake up in masses of sweat, and thats only when i manage to get some sleep.
A guy my age needs to be doing something with himself, i should be in college or working, but i do none of that
i dont even bother, everyday is like groundhog day and im sick of it, and have been for a long time, yet i never have any will, its like my concience is telling me i need to do something, but my sub concience really wont let me.
im confused with it all, i need income, i need purpose, and for f***s sake i need my self confidence back. and i know quitting will help that happen.
Im just so tangled up in it all, i dont know what to do with myself.
2
Hi Josh,

Sorry I haven't got time to write a more detailed response but I just read your post as I'm about to leave work.

I have been clean for over 9 months. I did this by attending Narcotics Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and working the 12 Steps. If you google search any of the above fellowships you will easily find their websites where there will be a meetings list.

If you want to talk more you can email me on MattB12Step@hotmail.co.uk

I never thought I would be able to get a day clean let alone 9 months. It is possible with the right solution.

You CAN do this.

MattB
3
your letter really moved me. i hope that you have found the help you need. just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and wishing you well. the fact that you have identified your problem and admitted it to yourself means you have started your journey. wishing you the best.