Hey everyone
I've posted on here before...but on the family message board as my boyfriend recently relapsed on heroin.
But now I'm here for me. You see I've had a problem with alchohol for a long time. I've often tried to quit but to no avail (it doesn't help that everyone in my family drinks and my family owns a bar!!)
Anyway, I don't drink every day-usually once a week. The problem isn't how often I drink, but how much when I do. I'm 5'2 and 110 pounds and have seizure disorder. And when I drink its anywhere from 6-10 beers/drinks in a night. I get absolutley plastered.
Now, sicne my boyfriend relapsed I've gone off the deep end. I've missed classes in nursing school because I've been too hungover. And last night, I was drinking straight vodka after coming home from my parents bar. Well, I fell in the kitchen, shattered the bottle and fell flat on my face. My nose was bleeding everywhere. My parents ran to the kitchen and found me bleeding, drunk, and sitting surrounded by broken glass.
I've been thinking a lot about just killing myself. I tried once before 5 years ago and it didn't work. I've always said I would if I couldn't control this drinking s***.
I'm supposed to graduate in 15 weeks and work at a Children's Hospital. And I'm throwing it all away. I just can't handle this.....
Hey there hun, don't be so hard on yourself, nothing and I mean nothing is worth killing yourself over, your life is precious, very very precious. and just imagine the people you would hurt, the ones that would be left behind. I suggest you get yourself into some serious counselling YESTERDAY! and find a good AA meeting, I too have been in your situation, and still am, by b/f is a crack head/drunk, and I struggle with my recovery every single day, and once or twice in my life I contemplated suicide, but it is NOT the answer. it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!! please do yourself a favour, stay away from the bar, start surrounding yourself with positive upbeat people, get some counselling and you will see your life will dramatically improve, and if your spiritual start attending church, or start to meditate to have so much to live for! focus on your studies, and make YOURSELF proud!! Let us know how u are doing, we are here for you!
love and light
lovedove
love and light
lovedove
Thank you so much for what you said. I know killing myself isn't the answer this is just really hard right now. My parents are going to help me out with getting a counselor. I went to some AA meetings before and they didn't seem to help, but i think a counselor and church would. I think I'm also goign to tell my boyfriend I can't see him right now, cause I jsut can't deal with that.
Anyway, thanks again -I needed to hear that!
Amanda
Anyway, thanks again -I needed to hear that!
Amanda
Amanda, I've been right where you are right now...thank God I was not successful...I would've been killing the wrong person and you would be also. That is not the person you are...you are an aspiring nurse, daughter, friend and girlfriend. For me the 12 Step Program that I am a member of (AA) does not work for me unless I work it...put it into action. May I suggest that you just focus on your physical sobriety right now and do not drink a day at time, that's all any of us really have...stay away from triggers: Bar, Boyfriend and etc...if you decide to check out meetings again just try to go with an open mind and try to listen for the similarities versus the differences...perhaps you may be able to identify. Take it easy!
Hi Amanda! So glad I can be of some help. I'm staying away from my b/f as well. It seemed all these years I was trying to "fix" him and in the meantime I was slowly killing myself with booze. I think I did that just so I wouldn't have to face my demons, now I am slowly learning to do that, with the help of my church and the strength I get from it, just do what you feel comfortable with, so glad to hear your parents are supporting you, that is so crucial! I'll be praying for you Amanda.
love and light
Liz :)
love and light
Liz :)
Hi Amanda
Just going to a couple of meetings is about as effective as going to a therapist and not talk. AA tells us to get a sponsor and work the steps. That's where the recovery is, in the steps. The first thing I had to do was stop drinking though. None of it made any sense if my mind was clouded by booze. It's hard to get sober but it's worth it, honey. You can do it. I suggest when you go to see the counselor do it with a clear head. Try not to drink a day or two before you go. Be honest about your drinking problem. No one can help you if you make things less than what they really are. I know I would tell people "oh I just had a couple" when in fact it was 12 or so. Good luck. Keep comin back.
Just going to a couple of meetings is about as effective as going to a therapist and not talk. AA tells us to get a sponsor and work the steps. That's where the recovery is, in the steps. The first thing I had to do was stop drinking though. None of it made any sense if my mind was clouded by booze. It's hard to get sober but it's worth it, honey. You can do it. I suggest when you go to see the counselor do it with a clear head. Try not to drink a day or two before you go. Be honest about your drinking problem. No one can help you if you make things less than what they really are. I know I would tell people "oh I just had a couple" when in fact it was 12 or so. Good luck. Keep comin back.
Thanks everyone,
Liz it sounds like we've been in the same place. I'm really having a hard time letting go of my ex-we're still talking. I think I jut don't know how to completely let him go. But the truth is, in my life I always seem to be trying to "fix" people. Like I pick others who are maybe struggling a liitle more than me-maybe cause it makes my problems not seem so bad? Anyway, I've been getting crazy drunk and he get mad at me for it, but I'd be like "you're the heroin addict, I still have my life together-not emotionally, but I have a car a bank account a decent family a college degree and I'm graduating soon from nursing school. I guess I thought if I had all those things then somehow I was handling it all. I know that's wrong and crazy to say, but it's how I've felt.
Bottom line is I've been binge drinking since I was 20 (I'm almost 26) and I've known it was a problem for a long time. I've probably "quit" a hundred times!!
I think this time might be different though. I'm so asahmed of how my parents found me. And I'm setting up an appt. with a counselor next week.
Anyway thanks again everyone and I'll keep you posted!!
Goodnight!!
Liz it sounds like we've been in the same place. I'm really having a hard time letting go of my ex-we're still talking. I think I jut don't know how to completely let him go. But the truth is, in my life I always seem to be trying to "fix" people. Like I pick others who are maybe struggling a liitle more than me-maybe cause it makes my problems not seem so bad? Anyway, I've been getting crazy drunk and he get mad at me for it, but I'd be like "you're the heroin addict, I still have my life together-not emotionally, but I have a car a bank account a decent family a college degree and I'm graduating soon from nursing school. I guess I thought if I had all those things then somehow I was handling it all. I know that's wrong and crazy to say, but it's how I've felt.
Bottom line is I've been binge drinking since I was 20 (I'm almost 26) and I've known it was a problem for a long time. I've probably "quit" a hundred times!!
I think this time might be different though. I'm so asahmed of how my parents found me. And I'm setting up an appt. with a counselor next week.
Anyway thanks again everyone and I'll keep you posted!!
Goodnight!!
Hi Amanda! Yes our stories do sound very very similiar. I know the struggles you are going through, whenever I got really drunk my b/f would be so mad at me too, and meanwhile he was the crackhead! and I was just some crazy drunk! I am definetely not happy about how I acted sometimes when I was drunk, but it never seemed as bad as when he was out god knows where doing god knows what when he was high on crack. I think part of the reason I drank so much was from the stress of dealing with him,now that I've been sober I really"see" things for what they are. I have tried to quit or "cut down" most of my life too, I'm 33 now and finally am just tired of feeling like crap, and having my life so out of control. My parents especially my mom as found me in some pretty bad situations as well, and it so heartwrenching to see the look on their faces the next day (couldn't remember the night before) it really shakes you up. But in all honesty you can't stay sober for anybody else but yourself, you seem to have such a great life in front of you, don't let anybody or anything take that away from you hun, it took me some counselling to realize that I deserve to be happy and this drama crap just ain't makin' that happen. Just maybe let your b/f know you need your space right now, to get your head together, he probably won't like it, most addicts don't want you to get better, they like us unstable I know my b/f is acting up more since I have been sober were not even together right now, and so be it, if they really truly loved us they would be supporting us, but right now we have to support ourselves and love ourselves first and foremost.
I wish all the best in your counselling, it's scary at first, having to deal with all our stuff, but hun it really is worth all the fears, it beats having all those tears!
Love and light
Liz :)
keep me posted!!
I wish all the best in your counselling, it's scary at first, having to deal with all our stuff, but hun it really is worth all the fears, it beats having all those tears!
Love and light
Liz :)
keep me posted!!
