...stand my ex-husband...he called me twice today...it would've been our wedding anniversary today. I just wanted to post that because, although I work a Program I certainly don't work it perfectly and I know that I need to keep praying for him, praying for the best for him...which is hard to do (after working my 4th Step and doing the 5th with my Sponsor, I know I did not ever love him and the insanity is that I stayed with him for almost 20 years)...my Sponsor is holding me off on making amends to him...I'm thinking that maybe if I do make my amends to him I might be able to move forward and rid myself of this huge resentment! Some days are better than others, and I know he is a sick man and that he is a dry drunk....
VW,
Sorry you have to deal with what it sounds like is an a******! You seem really strong and you will get through it. Sometimes it just helps to write things down and not stew on them. I have heard the term dry drunk alot but I don't know what that means. Does that mean being a jerk even though sober> Anyhow I don't have an ex-husband to be able to give any advice I just wanted you to know I was here if you just need a sounding board. Just knowing that someone out there is listeneing helps me.
Take care,
Peace and Sobriety
Valarie
Sorry you have to deal with what it sounds like is an a******! You seem really strong and you will get through it. Sometimes it just helps to write things down and not stew on them. I have heard the term dry drunk alot but I don't know what that means. Does that mean being a jerk even though sober> Anyhow I don't have an ex-husband to be able to give any advice I just wanted you to know I was here if you just need a sounding board. Just knowing that someone out there is listeneing helps me.
Take care,
Peace and Sobriety
Valarie
Hey VWGirl
Sorry to hear he is giving you a hard time. Remember it is very scary for some people when people around them start to change and grow. Your aliveness makes his deadness seem more real.
If you can detach yourself from your emotions a little you can probably see that what is behind most of his obnoxious behaviour is a deep-seated and ingrained fear - probably closer to terror actually. If you can see he is coming from a position of fear it may be easier for you to not let him get to you - to one day even have sympathy or empathy for him.
Glad you feel like you can come on here and vent.
take care
Idgie
Sorry to hear he is giving you a hard time. Remember it is very scary for some people when people around them start to change and grow. Your aliveness makes his deadness seem more real.
If you can detach yourself from your emotions a little you can probably see that what is behind most of his obnoxious behaviour is a deep-seated and ingrained fear - probably closer to terror actually. If you can see he is coming from a position of fear it may be easier for you to not let him get to you - to one day even have sympathy or empathy for him.
Glad you feel like you can come on here and vent.
take care
Idgie
I think the term 'dry drunk' means an alcoholic has simply quit drinking but hasn't gone through any of the hardcore treatment that flushes out the root of the alcoholism itself.
Hi VW, he does sound like he is trying to get to you. Do you think it was a coincidence that he called you on your anniversary? Maybe it was, but it sounds to me like he might be a bit jealous of you and your new life;) Whatever the case is, you are doing the right thing. You have changed your life 100%, you are working a program, you are a wonderful mother to your girls, and that is all that should matter right now;)
I hope everything comes together for you soon, you soooo deserve it!
I hope everything comes together for you soon, you soooo deserve it!
Hey VWGirl youre x got what he wanted out of the two phone calls. He will sleep well and you will be laying awake building on your resentment. Don't give him anymore power, hand it over and keep handing it over, pray for his wellbeing everyday for 2 weeks, this is where the saying fake it till you make it comes in. Don't forget this man knows your triggers, he probably installed a few of them over the twenty years. kick back(not literally) have a hot macadamea nut coffee and relax, it will work if you work at it.
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Great post there, Zac. I agree 100%, VW, "misery loves company" is one of the truest sayings I've ever heard, he's unhappy so why not try to make you unhappy too? Try not to let him get to you, and take care of you and your girls first and foremost. Hopefully things will get better with him sometime. Hugs from me...
VW,
So sorry to hear your delima. I agree with Zac and CB. Also, I would like to add my 2 cents in and say that you need to remember the pain in your marriage to him and the reasons HE didn't make it work. My mom always told me
" When the pain of staying with someone is worse than the pain of leaving them and not looking back.. That's when you leave." I've always held that in my thoughts. Good Advice from dear old mom I think. You've moved on now so remember the pain that HE caused then and don't look back.
Best Wishes and Stay Strong...
Tremor
So sorry to hear your delima. I agree with Zac and CB. Also, I would like to add my 2 cents in and say that you need to remember the pain in your marriage to him and the reasons HE didn't make it work. My mom always told me
" When the pain of staying with someone is worse than the pain of leaving them and not looking back.. That's when you leave." I've always held that in my thoughts. Good Advice from dear old mom I think. You've moved on now so remember the pain that HE caused then and don't look back.
Best Wishes and Stay Strong...
Tremor
Thanks everyone...I'm exhausted today and am already home from work (it's 5:30 pm)...it is true that I did not sleep well last night...I'm going to bed early tonight though. I've got to be of service to myself right now ~ lol!
Zac, Thanks for the reminder...you sound a lot like my Sponsor. Sometimes it's as simple as "This too Shall Pass"....and it does and it has.
Tremor, I like the advice your Mom offerred to you about relationships...I'm gonna right that one down.
Zac, Thanks for the reminder...you sound a lot like my Sponsor. Sometimes it's as simple as "This too Shall Pass"....and it does and it has.
Tremor, I like the advice your Mom offerred to you about relationships...I'm gonna right that one down.
Awww sweetie,
I'd listen to your sponsor about the amends thing. She sounds like a good one ..real good advice, when we can't see things (b/c we are standing to close to the issue)...they help guide us...Thank God!!!!
Went through something similar on a smaller scale with an ex...my sponsor wouldn't let me make amends to him yet, I was thinking that it would help get past all the b.s .
she said he still could push my buttons and it wouldn't be healthy for me to get into it with him. It is more of a process with those old toxic relationships than with others.
Take good care of your self..as I know you will..and yes, This too shall pass.:-)
Sending lots of love and good, postive, sober energy
C
I'd listen to your sponsor about the amends thing. She sounds like a good one ..real good advice, when we can't see things (b/c we are standing to close to the issue)...they help guide us...Thank God!!!!
Went through something similar on a smaller scale with an ex...my sponsor wouldn't let me make amends to him yet, I was thinking that it would help get past all the b.s .
she said he still could push my buttons and it wouldn't be healthy for me to get into it with him. It is more of a process with those old toxic relationships than with others.
Take good care of your self..as I know you will..and yes, This too shall pass.:-)
Sending lots of love and good, postive, sober energy
C
Hi VW,
Hope your week has gotten better, Sorry I havent been round to reply to you, moved house this week etc!
Your ex probably is realising just what a wonderful woman he let slip out of his life!
Will email you this weekend,
Take care my friend
Ginge
Hope your week has gotten better, Sorry I havent been round to reply to you, moved house this week etc!
Your ex probably is realising just what a wonderful woman he let slip out of his life!
Will email you this weekend,
Take care my friend
Ginge
Hey VWGirl how's Rachel? say gidday to her for me
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Good Morning Everyone..I so appreciate the feedback! Well, my daughter came home last night; she had dinner with her Dad (my ex-Husband); as many of you know he ripped me off for thousands of dollars and committed civil fraud against me, but I didn't press charges...I accepted a settlement and agreed that he could pay me back slowly to the tune of $100.00/mo. So, my daughter hands me an envelope, I get my $$ in the form of a check and I won't go in to any detail with the note that was inside, but it ended with "Happy Anniversary" (he's remarried); as I stated above we were married on 15 June...I have to realize and remember that I am dealing with a very immature and sick individual; he is sober, but he is not actively pursuing recovery.
VW, I'm sorry your ex is still trying to get to you. I still think he must be a pretty unhappy person, remarried or not, if he's going to try so hard to get under your skin. Certainly has some kind of bug up his butt, so to speak. Don't give him the satisfaction! You are such a strong woman and an admirable person, you are above his cheap shots. I hope you know that!! Hugs to you & stay strong...
VW:
Some are sicker than others and unfortunately,in my opinion, you were married to the sickest. I may be a little biased :-) He is a hard one to have to deal with. I know I can't...
Edited to add:
It's not you, it's him, lol...
Rachel
Some are sicker than others and unfortunately,in my opinion, you were married to the sickest. I may be a little biased :-) He is a hard one to have to deal with. I know I can't...
Edited to add:
It's not you, it's him, lol...
Rachel
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words...especially to my sister, Rachel...she knows exactly what I have to deal with....thankfully not on a daily basis any longer and for that I am truly grateful!
(Zac, Rachel is a bit under the weather, but otherwise fine...the family getting together for Father's Day this Sunday at a local restaurant).
(Zac, Rachel is a bit under the weather, but otherwise fine...the family getting together for Father's Day this Sunday at a local restaurant).
