hello, i am 21 and my other half is 23.
we have been together 2 years, he has took a turn for the worst after loosing his job.. weed is his number one.
he does it morning till night. he thinks its okay to be a bully and push me around and treat me like general crap. he said he doesnt want anyones helo as it makes it harder..
how can i help?
You can't. EVEN if he DID want help...which he doesn't. Get out. Save yourself.
Find someone who respects you and treats you like a partner. There's plenty of really nice people out there. Higher your expectations. Life is too long to be treated badly. You need someone you can have conversations with.
We know what its like to love someone and have to let them go. my son is an addict. he is sweet, gentle, funny. but he does not treat his girl friends with respect, as a partner. he is not a bully, but he kind-of ignores them. bc the drugs and the friends come first. he has not been in a relationship for more than a year.
I hope some day my son changes that attitude and turns his ignorance into respect.
We know what its like to love someone and have to let them go. my son is an addict. he is sweet, gentle, funny. but he does not treat his girl friends with respect, as a partner. he is not a bully, but he kind-of ignores them. bc the drugs and the friends come first. he has not been in a relationship for more than a year.
I hope some day my son changes that attitude and turns his ignorance into respect.
Ok. . .I'll be honest. . .I'm usually in the camp that says, "Weed?" . . ."Weed?????" "Why is she getting so bend out of shape over bud, pot, mary janes?" I believe that weed is not addicting, should be legalized, is not a gateway drug, etc. BUT your post makes me question all of this bc it sounds like he is not functioning. He sounds like he IS an addict.
I agree with Jen & NY. . .RUN. Whether he is or isn't an addict doesn't matter, in one sense. It doesn't sound like this relationship is good for or to you. HE IS ABUSING YOU!!! (Sorry. . .I am blunt nowadays.) Love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be treated like a queen. Love yourself enough to believe you deserve to be respected. Trust yourself enough to know that love isn't supposed to hurt or decrease your self-confidence/self-worth.
If he is an addict. . .well. . .we already established that he is. . .You can't help him. Your love isn't going to change your situation. Your love isn't going to change him or make him want to get clean & sober or stay that way. Only he can decide that he's sick & tired and wants to overhaul his life. If he had cancer, you couldn't go to chemo for him. If he had kidney problems, you couldn't do the dialysis for him. If he had diabetes, you couldn't take the insulin shots for him. What I am saying is, you can't help him with this horrid disease called addiction, or any other for that matter. This is something he has to go thru by his lonesome self. . .with the help of detox/rehab/meetings/a sponsor.
Imagine what your life will be like 3, 5 or 10 years from now IF he doesn't change. . .if things stayed the same as they are now or, God forbid, got worse? So . .. imagine another 3, 5 or 10 years of him sitting on his butt, smoking reefer or whatever drug he wants and mentally/emotionally abusing you. You will be the only one working. Where will you be living? What will you be driving? What will your bank account look like? What will you do as a couple/family for fun and entertainment? Will you get tired of taking care of him, his addiction, the house, the kids? How will you feel? Who will your friends be? Really. . .play this out in your head. And, then read the post "What Not to Do." And then imagine your life again.
Sending you a hug & praying for your discernment.
Lynn
I agree with Jen & NY. . .RUN. Whether he is or isn't an addict doesn't matter, in one sense. It doesn't sound like this relationship is good for or to you. HE IS ABUSING YOU!!! (Sorry. . .I am blunt nowadays.) Love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be treated like a queen. Love yourself enough to believe you deserve to be respected. Trust yourself enough to know that love isn't supposed to hurt or decrease your self-confidence/self-worth.
If he is an addict. . .well. . .we already established that he is. . .You can't help him. Your love isn't going to change your situation. Your love isn't going to change him or make him want to get clean & sober or stay that way. Only he can decide that he's sick & tired and wants to overhaul his life. If he had cancer, you couldn't go to chemo for him. If he had kidney problems, you couldn't do the dialysis for him. If he had diabetes, you couldn't take the insulin shots for him. What I am saying is, you can't help him with this horrid disease called addiction, or any other for that matter. This is something he has to go thru by his lonesome self. . .with the help of detox/rehab/meetings/a sponsor.
Imagine what your life will be like 3, 5 or 10 years from now IF he doesn't change. . .if things stayed the same as they are now or, God forbid, got worse? So . .. imagine another 3, 5 or 10 years of him sitting on his butt, smoking reefer or whatever drug he wants and mentally/emotionally abusing you. You will be the only one working. Where will you be living? What will you be driving? What will your bank account look like? What will you do as a couple/family for fun and entertainment? Will you get tired of taking care of him, his addiction, the house, the kids? How will you feel? Who will your friends be? Really. . .play this out in your head. And, then read the post "What Not to Do." And then imagine your life again.
Sending you a hug & praying for your discernment.
Lynn
I agree with the previous posts! You are way to young to be having this kind of difficulty already in a relationship! You life will be hell if you continue on this path!
You need to ask yourself--Do I really want to live like this? Do I want to have kids with this man who can't even relate to me decently let alone take on responsibility for children?
As said above, you cannot fix him or change him--only HE can do that but you can change you!
I wouldn't hesitate to leave and start anew. Consider yourself lucky that you haven't invested more time in this dysfunctional relationship and are still young enough to change it!
There are good support groups out there as well like Alanon and Narcanon that might help you get some perspective on where you are headed if you continue in this relationship!
Good luck and prayers for wise choices for you!
Lori
You need to ask yourself--Do I really want to live like this? Do I want to have kids with this man who can't even relate to me decently let alone take on responsibility for children?
As said above, you cannot fix him or change him--only HE can do that but you can change you!
I wouldn't hesitate to leave and start anew. Consider yourself lucky that you haven't invested more time in this dysfunctional relationship and are still young enough to change it!
There are good support groups out there as well like Alanon and Narcanon that might help you get some perspective on where you are headed if you continue in this relationship!
Good luck and prayers for wise choices for you!
Lori
