I feel so awful today. I relapsed a couple of days ago. I was having a crappy week and just caved. 100+ days gone. I'm so embarrased. And yesterday while less then sober, I fell and sprained not one but BOTH of my ankles. I have to go back to work tomorrow and have no idea how I"m gonna pull that one off.
It wasnt even good, It just created that frenzied desire for an even bigger high. I feel like such a loser today.
I did get a sponsor and she is helping me. I'm going to go do my step work book and some reading since the house is quiet with just me and hubby here. It SO sucks to have to be starting over at day 1. AGAIN.
Kelly
Kelly:
Today is the first day of the rest of your life...I am glad you are here. Thanks for your honesty. Know that you are loved and supported by us.
RAchel
Kelly,
Don't be so hard on yourself. There is nothing you can do about it now, so beating yourself up is just going to make you feel worse. Focus on the positives. You had over 100 days clean, so you know you can do it. Plus, even though you relapsed, it was a short one and you stopped yourself. You are doing all you can now by talking to your sponser and going to meetings. I think you are going to be just fine and that you handled the situation amazingly. Good luck.
Shelly
Don't be so hard on yourself. There is nothing you can do about it now, so beating yourself up is just going to make you feel worse. Focus on the positives. You had over 100 days clean, so you know you can do it. Plus, even though you relapsed, it was a short one and you stopped yourself. You are doing all you can now by talking to your sponser and going to meetings. I think you are going to be just fine and that you handled the situation amazingly. Good luck.
Shelly
Kelly, Wow that post was kinda a wakeup call to me because here I thought I had been clean for a month and actually was kinda getting a little cocky about it. I'm sorry you gave in after that long but now you just gotta pick yourself up and start all over again. You can do this if you really want it. Sounds easier said than done. Good Luck, Shantel
<<<<<HUGS>>>>> for you, Kelly.
You will be in my prayers. Just try to focus on today, and what you can do for yourself today. No point in beating yourself up now. Just pick yourself up and start again, and thank God that you came to your senses quickly.
Please sweetie, try to identify what triggered you, so you can watch out for that trigger in the future.
Did you get my email address? If not let me know, if so, please feel free to use it anytime you need to talk. I will help you in any way that I can.
You are in my thoughts.
Love,
Atlas
You will be in my prayers. Just try to focus on today, and what you can do for yourself today. No point in beating yourself up now. Just pick yourself up and start again, and thank God that you came to your senses quickly.
Please sweetie, try to identify what triggered you, so you can watch out for that trigger in the future.
Did you get my email address? If not let me know, if so, please feel free to use it anytime you need to talk. I will help you in any way that I can.
You are in my thoughts.
Love,
Atlas
Kelly... pick yourself up and dust yourself off... the most important thing is you are being honest.... keep working those steps and talking to your sponsor... Love, Bri :)
Ditto all of the above - can't really add much to the great comments above
Dust yourself off and get back to work
Get closer to your sponsor and NA supports
Next time you are getting weak, you should be talking about it - beat the relapse before it happens
(yea I know, easier said than done but if you analyze things with your sponsor, you will be able to identify behaviors and actions that lead up to the relapse)
I hope this did wake you up Shantel. This IS a life long disease - we will never be cured and you should NEVER let your guard down!!!
While we are clean, our addiction is always in the closet doing push ups.
Don't ever forget that!!!! And do whatever it takes to not open that closet door - even a tiny little crack!! (You know the saying -- One is too many and a thousand is never enough)
My experience has shown that usage gets much worse with each relapse an addict has. Every time that I relapsed, I was using so much more than I had in the past.
Each relapse is a turn in Russian Roulette -- if the trigger is pulled enough times, you will end up with the bullet at some point.
I don't want anyone to end up where I was at!! Or worse .... dead ....
Swizzle, I liked the way you put that. I did however get a little discouraged when I read somewhere on this board that 9 out of 10 addicts relapse at some point in their recover. Guess I shouldn't start patting myself on the back just yet. I am so determined to do this. I consider myself one of the lucky ones because there are many times I overdosed and survived. Must be a reason for that. Thanks, Shantel
hi kelly,i know how you feel,i feel like a smuck[lol],anyhow if you just relapsed a couple days i think it's safe to say you won't have any wd,now me on the other hand,well enough said you get the picture,hang in there kelly,i'm right there with ya...................vinny.
Kelly, I admire your honesty. It is hard to admit that you relapsed. But it such a part of this whole thing.
I relapsed so many times. But the other posters are right, get closer to the people in NA, and when things get uncofortable, tell on yourself. That was one I could never manage. I always kept it in.
Just dust youself off. You didn't lose those days...you get to draw on them for strength.
Kerry
I relapsed so many times. But the other posters are right, get closer to the people in NA, and when things get uncofortable, tell on yourself. That was one I could never manage. I always kept it in.
Just dust youself off. You didn't lose those days...you get to draw on them for strength.
Kerry
kel,
Honey dust yourself on, and get back in the saddle,
Just think, you may have relapsed but you dont have months and months or even years of crap in your system to have to detox from....learn from your triggers, what caused you to 'relapse" and move on..
Dont think too much about the 100 days versus one....thats one of the reasons i refuse to count my days off my DOC, in my mind ONLY....it would give those damn pills too much power, and over the rest of my entire life...
Your not back to square one like you think, unless of course you go by the NA mantra, IMHO, you dont have so far to work to get the few days of taking out of your system....your withdrawals should be much easier than your original...if you even have any...
Stop beating yourself up honey and learn from your mistakes, thats all we can ever do...
hugs
Ali
Honey dust yourself on, and get back in the saddle,
Just think, you may have relapsed but you dont have months and months or even years of crap in your system to have to detox from....learn from your triggers, what caused you to 'relapse" and move on..
Dont think too much about the 100 days versus one....thats one of the reasons i refuse to count my days off my DOC, in my mind ONLY....it would give those damn pills too much power, and over the rest of my entire life...
Your not back to square one like you think, unless of course you go by the NA mantra, IMHO, you dont have so far to work to get the few days of taking out of your system....your withdrawals should be much easier than your original...if you even have any...
Stop beating yourself up honey and learn from your mistakes, thats all we can ever do...
hugs
Ali
kel,
Honey you have my email,
If you want to talk im here for you..Kay??
Hugs
Ali
Honey you have my email,
If you want to talk im here for you..Kay??
Hugs
Ali
ali just curious who is that suppose to be in your avatar??
It was a rough day but successfull. I had a long talk with my sponsor. She told me things I absolutely didnt want to hear. Things I already knew. I"m seriously thinking about a two week outpatient intense rehab. I just dont know what to do.
I know I dont want to return to that awful existence. My whole world revolved around pills.
Right now i"m gonna go take a hot bath and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow...
Kelly
I know I dont want to return to that awful existence. My whole world revolved around pills.
Right now i"m gonna go take a hot bath and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow...
Kelly
Kelly,
Do you mind if iask you just how badly you "relapsed" did you do a full RX, or 10 pills or what..was it just the one day or did it comntinue on fron then and you are still using now ???n..
Can you tell me? It would help me in giving you some advise..
You have my email addy honey...i would never judge you justwant to help you..
Hugs
Ali
P.S. you got your answer on the ali thread,..lolol did you find the picture>>>Wish you would add yours,,.,,,
Do you mind if iask you just how badly you "relapsed" did you do a full RX, or 10 pills or what..was it just the one day or did it comntinue on fron then and you are still using now ???n..
Can you tell me? It would help me in giving you some advise..
You have my email addy honey...i would never judge you justwant to help you..
Hugs
Ali
P.S. you got your answer on the ali thread,..lolol did you find the picture>>>Wish you would add yours,,.,,,
"Dont think too much about the 100 days versus one....thats one of the reasons i refuse to count my days off my DOC, in my mind ONLY....it would give those damn pills too much power, and over the rest of my entire life..."
Ali
I don't know about you but when I was using, those pills were my whole life. My entire day revolved around the next pill. They had more power than anything in the world to me. And I have to remember that if I don't want to go back to them. If I don't remember how important they were I might think I can take them again. I know you have a different take on addiction than I do and that's ok. I think that most folks here need to remember that pills DO have power if we start taking them again and probably always will for the rest of our lives. If you don't believe me, ask someone that just relapsed. Just because we took their power away by stopping taking them doesn't mean it won't come back if we take another one. I know if I take just one that obsession will come right back. And I have to remember that for the rest of my entire life.
love ya
Ali
I don't know about you but when I was using, those pills were my whole life. My entire day revolved around the next pill. They had more power than anything in the world to me. And I have to remember that if I don't want to go back to them. If I don't remember how important they were I might think I can take them again. I know you have a different take on addiction than I do and that's ok. I think that most folks here need to remember that pills DO have power if we start taking them again and probably always will for the rest of our lives. If you don't believe me, ask someone that just relapsed. Just because we took their power away by stopping taking them doesn't mean it won't come back if we take another one. I know if I take just one that obsession will come right back. And I have to remember that for the rest of my entire life.
love ya
I'm with you Kat
If I take even ONE pill, it's all over for me .... right back into active addiction ....
Sadly it happened to me more than once ... just started with one pill ...
Today the obsession has been lifted ... and I thank God, but know that it is just for today, but ONLY if I do not pick up and use even one...
Good morning everyone!!
Happy Sunday!!!
:-)
Hey Kelly,im glad you made it through the day.I know how hard that is. You are taking all the right steps now. Maybe rehab IS the answer.You will do whats best for you.I hope today is a little easier for you.Take care~KIM
Also - I meant to tell you - I have found that the sponsor that tells you the things you do NOT want to hear are usually the best!!
I have one like that and she definitely kicks my butt when needed
At the same time, she is SOOOO awesome!!
She tells me that she hopes I can learn from some of her mistakes and not make all the same ones she did - cause she made every mistake possible, but learned from them and can share those experiences - along with being able to see when I'm going down the wrong path and will call me out on it
Always done with love though but still firm
She was clean for 13 years, then relapsed - now she has been clean for 6 or 7 years after going thru some horrible things with her addiction
I am so grateful to have her in my life!!!
But I don't always like what she has to say .... until later when I think about it more ....
Good for you, Swizz (what the heck is your name?). My sponsor has something like 28 years without alcohol but abused pills during a divorce and picked up a white chip. She has 15 years now. She was tough on me too in the beginning but it was what I needed. She took absolutely no crap from me. She still doesn't but it's helped me stay clean this long so it works for me. Congratulations.