Hello and good morning to all
Yes, I'm a hardhead!! I still don't understand why my ex b/f would feign stealing my stuff and then putting them elsewhere in the house. He sent me an email yesterday that he would not be coming back because of the way I treated HIM!!! What's this all about?
hi hardhead,how did you treat him then?
I truly believe it is future thinking on his part. Addicts are very manipulative and devious when they are trying to secure ways that they can continue their addiction.
I believe he was hiding your jewellery so that he could blame it on you and when there was something missing that would never be found (because he pawned it), he could blame it on you and say you are always misplacing your jewellery in weird spots. He would basically make you think you were going crazy so that he could continue supporting his addiction. This is a man who has had an addiction for years and years (this is true isn't it) and still doesn't believe he has a problem!
We will never be able to fully understand the mind of an active addict. It is not sensible. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to.
He is still trying to manipulate you and put the blame on you. He's just trying to weasel his way back in by making you think it is all your fault.
Don't fall for it!
I believe he was hiding your jewellery so that he could blame it on you and when there was something missing that would never be found (because he pawned it), he could blame it on you and say you are always misplacing your jewellery in weird spots. He would basically make you think you were going crazy so that he could continue supporting his addiction. This is a man who has had an addiction for years and years (this is true isn't it) and still doesn't believe he has a problem!
We will never be able to fully understand the mind of an active addict. It is not sensible. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to.
He is still trying to manipulate you and put the blame on you. He's just trying to weasel his way back in by making you think it is all your fault.
Don't fall for it!
Good morning, Mickey
No, I don't want him back in my life just knowing that he could rip me off again. Thanks, I'm beginning to understand his brain, not his heart. I was very good to him.......but he's the one with the problem.....not me. Anyway, thank you for your great words. I'll keep reading.
No, I don't want him back in my life just knowing that he could rip me off again. Thanks, I'm beginning to understand his brain, not his heart. I was very good to him.......but he's the one with the problem.....not me. Anyway, thank you for your great words. I'll keep reading.
Hardhead, I'm also still trying to figure out how my bf can possibly blame me for everything and say I've treated him horribly during this whole relationship. I'm trying to figure out, does he really believe this? Does he really just "forget" how he treated me and why I reacted back the way I do? Is he really so mental that he thinks he can treat me so much worse than the crap on the ground and I'm going to be sweet to him? Or does he know he is a jerk and is just trying to make me feel guilty. Like I said before I'm not going to give him the opportunity to blame me for anything anymore. I'm just going to not argue with him, or at least try not to, some of the things he comes up with I can't help but to explode. But I'm going to do my best. I'm sure he'll find other things to blame on me, like he gets so angry when I go to a bar with friends but he doesn't realize when he's being a jerk and doing crack i'm not going to sit at home by the phone and answer his calls with a "Hi honey, I'm still home all alone waiting until you finish doing crack so you can some see me at your convience!" Thats what he would like our relationship to be like.
"I'm a b#$^? You're right honey, I'm sooooo very sorry, please tell me what I can do to make it up to you and I'll do whatever you ask, you totally didn't deserve anything I said or did to you even if you are lying to me, scamming me, calling me names..etc, really I don't mind living paycheque to paycheque and buying you things, and I can go without and I don't mind you living at my place for free so I can go to work everyday to pay our rent and you can just use all your money for whatever you want. How mean of me to ask you for money!"
See now if I was like that then according to him, I'd be the perfect girlfriend. Anything less than that and I'm horrible.
"I'm a b#$^? You're right honey, I'm sooooo very sorry, please tell me what I can do to make it up to you and I'll do whatever you ask, you totally didn't deserve anything I said or did to you even if you are lying to me, scamming me, calling me names..etc, really I don't mind living paycheque to paycheque and buying you things, and I can go without and I don't mind you living at my place for free so I can go to work everyday to pay our rent and you can just use all your money for whatever you want. How mean of me to ask you for money!"
See now if I was like that then according to him, I'd be the perfect girlfriend. Anything less than that and I'm horrible.
what I don't understand is why you ladies still consider these guys to be your b/f. I'm married to my addict and we have kids--a lot harder to leave that--I mean, I made a committment. But you, you have a life, get on with it. You deserve better. They're most likely not going to change.