I am 22, a mother of 1 little boy, and an addict. I am now facing 4 felony 5 charges and in the last four days have had withdraws so bad that I litterly laid on my couch and begged god to take me, I couldnt handle life any more. Eventhough I have been through all of this and all of the trouble I am going to face I still dont understand why i have to quit. To me its not even a buzz any more, its just a way to feel normal and function. I deal better, concentrate better, and in all feel better if i just have a pain pill. Now part of me wants to stop, I think. But the other part is really pissed that everyone makes pain pills out to be so terriable.
Is this part of denial, and if it is will it end eventually. Does anyone else feel the same way i do????
Thanks for listening,
Tasha
Tasha
I feel exactly like you do. Everything you said is just what I felt. I was taking them heavy for 8 years. Taking 6 at a time and didn't even feel anything. I only felt really bad if i didn't take them.I kept saying i will stop when I run out, or the first of the month, or new years, or or or or. I finally decieded that if I didn't stop. my life would not be long, cause I kept going going going. For me it was my kids that made me do it. They don't know about me but I didn't want them to not have a father. This board is a lifesaver. If i didn't start here I would be right back where I was.
Welcome. Were here for you.
Frank
I feel exactly like you do. Everything you said is just what I felt. I was taking them heavy for 8 years. Taking 6 at a time and didn't even feel anything. I only felt really bad if i didn't take them.I kept saying i will stop when I run out, or the first of the month, or new years, or or or or. I finally decieded that if I didn't stop. my life would not be long, cause I kept going going going. For me it was my kids that made me do it. They don't know about me but I didn't want them to not have a father. This board is a lifesaver. If i didn't start here I would be right back where I was.
Welcome. Were here for you.
Frank
Thank you Frank, I really apperciate the feedback. I was taking anywhere from 20-45 vicodin ES, Lortab 10's, percocet (when i could get them), I was calling in my own prescriptions acting as the dr's assistant. Then when I got caught doing that i started calling Dentists in the middle of teh night making up some story about a knocked out tooth or any other pain i thought i could get a dr to call me in something for. I didnt realize or really care that that was just as illegal as callin them in myself. My boyfriend get's 120 vicodin es's a month and 60 Lortab 10's for a legitimant reason, in a week most if not all of them are gone, him taking only one or two. Then he has to live in real pain for the rest of the month while i lie around the house crying, and dealing with my withdraws unable to take care of my self or anyone around me. After reading some of the messages I really do want to stop, I want to stop so i stop having withdraws, I am really sad that i cannot take one for real pain or just ONE for a buzz that i have to take 10 at a time to maybe get a buz, I get upset, depressed, and pissed at myself that I cannot just take one. I want this to end but I am upset that it has to.
Thanks for your help, I will deffiantely look forward to these messages and feed back from everyone EVERYDAY.
Tasha
Thanks for your help, I will deffiantely look forward to these messages and feed back from everyone EVERYDAY.
Tasha
Trans..ask yourself this question:
Is my life unmanagable and insane because of the pills?
If you answered yes, then, it's a no brainer. Yes, you are an addict and yes, you need to quit. Not only have you served your liver up a lethal dose of tylenol (which is another good reason to quit, you'll die), you are endangering your child by not being there for him when you are going through w/d all fo the time.
What kind of relationship do you have that your boyfriend allows you to take his pills so that he can look forward to suffering all month? He's as sick as you are.
Honey, you have a disease. You need help. None of us can do this alone. Time to get honest with a trusted medical person.
I suppose you could get clean in jail....
Hope you stick around. We've all been where you are now.
Cowgirl
Is my life unmanagable and insane because of the pills?
If you answered yes, then, it's a no brainer. Yes, you are an addict and yes, you need to quit. Not only have you served your liver up a lethal dose of tylenol (which is another good reason to quit, you'll die), you are endangering your child by not being there for him when you are going through w/d all fo the time.
What kind of relationship do you have that your boyfriend allows you to take his pills so that he can look forward to suffering all month? He's as sick as you are.
Honey, you have a disease. You need help. None of us can do this alone. Time to get honest with a trusted medical person.
I suppose you could get clean in jail....
Hope you stick around. We've all been where you are now.
Cowgirl
Thanks Cowgirl,
I have a sneaky suspicin that as part of a ple bargen will be a six month in house recovery program. THat sounds really scarry for me, but in a sick since I am sorta looking forward to it. I know i will really miss my son and boyfriend, but i am looking forward to the new me- a pill free person. A person that six months ago I would have made fun of and laughted at. In six months I have been through all the physical withdraws and have started to learn how to deal with the mental ones. Its kinda like being between a rock and a hard place. but if you look up instead of next to the rock and hard place there is no where else to go but UP!!!
Thanks for listening- it helps
Tasha
I have a sneaky suspicin that as part of a ple bargen will be a six month in house recovery program. THat sounds really scarry for me, but in a sick since I am sorta looking forward to it. I know i will really miss my son and boyfriend, but i am looking forward to the new me- a pill free person. A person that six months ago I would have made fun of and laughted at. In six months I have been through all the physical withdraws and have started to learn how to deal with the mental ones. Its kinda like being between a rock and a hard place. but if you look up instead of next to the rock and hard place there is no where else to go but UP!!!
Thanks for listening- it helps
Tasha
Tasha:
I was looking at 4 months in jail for my 2nd DUI, not felonies but I think I can relate. If this is substance abuse related and you are an addict than let them know. I got mine knocked down only because I entered treatment and did sober living. I had 5 ladies, including my sponsor show up to my hearing and it helped, keep track of your meetings on a card until your hearing too. I'm here for ya.
I was looking at 4 months in jail for my 2nd DUI, not felonies but I think I can relate. If this is substance abuse related and you are an addict than let them know. I got mine knocked down only because I entered treatment and did sober living. I had 5 ladies, including my sponsor show up to my hearing and it helped, keep track of your meetings on a card until your hearing too. I'm here for ya.
