I Think It's Time

Alcohol
1
Hi there,

finally an opportunity to get this off my chest, I'm 39 years old, married with 2 peaches of girls, 12 and 8, and i have always had a strange relationship with alcohol, I live in Ireland and have a large group of friends, i also have an addictive personality and know today for the first time that i am an alcoholic. I binge, constantly tell myself i'll stick to limits and then rarely do.... last saturday evening i left home at 8pm for a sports meeting, promising myself, my wife and the children that i was going to have 2 pints and be home by ten, truth is i got home at 8.50 next morning, having drank everything i could lay my hands on and finally passed out at a party..... i
2
Hello Paul, nice to meet you :) :)

Sounds like you love your family very much and do not want to put them through this.

You have admitted the problem, that is the first step, and maybe the biggest.

Best wishes,
TB
3
sorry bout that, hit wrong button, i went to AA about 20 months ago and stopped drinking for a year, then i slowly and surely stepped back on the path, life is crap when i drink and great when i don't, i seem to drink most when things are going really well for me, it's like i don't deserve it and want to "self destruct"
anyway this time i'm finally putting my hand up, last time i went to maybe 6 AA meetings without ever admitting i am an alcoholic, now i know i am.... i've made an appointment with a counsellor for wednesday....am looking forward to it... i am going to tell her all the stuff in my life, a life which gets spliced and edited constantly to reveal different facets of myself to various individuals, i've spent the last 12 years in a 12 step group for gambling addiction, and i have had enough one night stands to know i have addictions in lots of areas, gambling, alcohol, danger, i just want to live a lovely simple uncomplicated life where i like myself and use the energy time and money i have to nurture myself and the lovely family i share my life with.......
4
I too tend to have a self-destructive attitude. I think you are making the right choices by going to counseling. The right counseler is important, however. Often drinking is a symptom. When I got sober, I thought all my problems would melt away. They didn't. Just now, I deal with them sober. Which is much better.

Good for you :)

5
I sort of know how you feel about the false promises that are made. For some reason, once you reach that limit, you feel "it's ok to just have another" and by that time, your drunk and just dont care anymore about the limit! I think your doing the right thing by getting help. I think the best thing to do is just not even start to drink. Dont even have 2 drinks at a meeting. I know it'd be really hard because everyone else has some. That's the struggle I'm having right now, is that all my friends drink (within reason usually), so why cant i, right? But i guess we just have to accept that some people just shouldn't drink. Anyhow, good job on your taking action to do somthing about this!
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Paul you have made the biggest step. You are obviously helpless, like we all are. But you know you have a problem. Just don't feel like you are alone, because you are not. I certainly know about the lying and stuff. You just want to be "numb". We all do. I think it's great you know you have a problem. I do. My last name is O'Brien, so I wish I was back on " the old sod". Work it my man. All of us are in this thing together!
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I am going to do this, i will no longer have to worry about who saw me making a fool out of myself, nor who told who the lies i made up about myself and other people, no worder if they found out it was me who wet himself on thier couch.I won;t have to wonder if the client sitting in front of me has heard stories, there are people i admire and people i tolerate, i have no problems with the people i tolerate seeing me drunk, but i hate it when the people i admire do, it makes me feel so small, and it's even worse when they give me thier sympathy, i feel like destroying myself then, when i come home late and my 8 year old is sitting on the stairs, telling me she loves me and i hurt so much then.....i hurt because i know the life i want to live, the life i have lived in the past, and i also know what takes that life away from me, and soemtimes i feel it would be easier if i din'nt know, but i do...... and this time i'm going to stop giving alcohol the power to make me feel tiny, i never ever want to feel that way again.
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Paul- Don't worry about what other people say. Just worry about that 8 year old angel you have. She's what matters in the long run.