I finally figured out the reason Ive been so panicky these past few days. I knew that my children had seen me on the board and must have known it was an addiction recovery site. So I talked it over with my husband and told the kids after dinner about my disease. It was the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life much harder than childbirth (they gave me dilaudid for that, after all). Compared to this, telling my husband was tea and scones at the Ritz.
I was doing okay -- a logical, fair presentation of the facts -- until I asked if they had known about this board. My older son said, Well, yeah. But I thought you were on there helping other people. Not getting help yourself about youraddiction. Thats when I started blubbing. Because boy, I wished I could tell them that I was a perfect angel helping other people and not being a junkie myself. The hard part wasnt giving up the truth it was giving up the image of the perfect mother. All I could do was ask if they were disappointed in me. And I apologized. More than once.
My husband says he thinks it went well, and that the boys had a right to know now, because its happening now. Theyve been very sweet. They say they arent disappointed in me and that they still love me. I know it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. But I have been shaking and crying and I feel like a total idiot loser. I didnt cry once the entire time I was in w/d. I wanted to be the perfect mother and I know thats wrong and unfair to my children. If an addict mother was their idea of a perfect woman then I was just setting them up to marry the perfect addict wife. But as a piece of my self-image, its a hard one to give up.
Im exhausted. This disease sucks the sweat off a dead mans back.
Dear Gina x
I was just closing the p.c. down and saw this x
First off let me say WELL DONE!! that must have been so very hard for you to do, but you have done it now and hopefully your kids may understand you a little more? as I havent got any kids I cant really understand where you are coming from but I'd just like to offer you my support x
Have a great day/night, and remember anything difficult you have to do in the future will be a walk in the park compared to this x
you are amazing and can do ANYTHING you put your mind to
love
Gabbs
I was just closing the p.c. down and saw this x
First off let me say WELL DONE!! that must have been so very hard for you to do, but you have done it now and hopefully your kids may understand you a little more? as I havent got any kids I cant really understand where you are coming from but I'd just like to offer you my support x
Have a great day/night, and remember anything difficult you have to do in the future will be a walk in the park compared to this x
you are amazing and can do ANYTHING you put your mind to
love
Gabbs
Gina,
If you don't mind me asking -- how old are your kids? Just curious because my boys are 10 and 13 and I notice them trying to walk behind me and read stuff on here.
Jodi
If you don't mind me asking -- how old are your kids? Just curious because my boys are 10 and 13 and I notice them trying to walk behind me and read stuff on here.
Jodi
Dear Gina:
You have been helping people. You have been getting heip, too but I know that you have helped me. I read all of your post. Soccer Mom caught my eye b/c when my sons were young, I was driving them all over the place. They didn't play soccer but baseball, football, and basketball. My husband coached some teams and helped coached others - those were really the good years.
I love it when you get funny right when I'm feeling the blahs - hope the blahs will get better soon - 9th day now - my house is a mess.
Anyway, can't go back in time and I know how guilt can do us in but it would have been an honest statement had you said "we are helping each other":
That's the truth!
Love, Jean
You have been helping people. You have been getting heip, too but I know that you have helped me. I read all of your post. Soccer Mom caught my eye b/c when my sons were young, I was driving them all over the place. They didn't play soccer but baseball, football, and basketball. My husband coached some teams and helped coached others - those were really the good years.
I love it when you get funny right when I'm feeling the blahs - hope the blahs will get better soon - 9th day now - my house is a mess.
Anyway, can't go back in time and I know how guilt can do us in but it would have been an honest statement had you said "we are helping each other":
That's the truth!
Love, Jean
Gina,
You have taught your children a valuable lesson, one that many parents do not like to teach. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, even parents. The greatest part of the lesson is that you have taught them that when we make a mistake, we need to admit it and do what we can to correct it. No matter what the issue is, truthfulness and asking for help is the answer. Your kids will be more apt to come to you with problems if they know they will not be judged or ridiculed and that Mom will help them.
Your son was right. You are on here helping others. You just did by relating your experience. You have something to be proud of today. This is true growth!
Mary
You have taught your children a valuable lesson, one that many parents do not like to teach. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, even parents. The greatest part of the lesson is that you have taught them that when we make a mistake, we need to admit it and do what we can to correct it. No matter what the issue is, truthfulness and asking for help is the answer. Your kids will be more apt to come to you with problems if they know they will not be judged or ridiculed and that Mom will help them.
Your son was right. You are on here helping others. You just did by relating your experience. You have something to be proud of today. This is true growth!
Mary
Wow Gina...
that took a lot of courage. I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!! And this goes along with our recovery... vigorous honesty.... We are as sick as our secrets. I give you major props. You have inspired me today. I need to pick someone off my list and make an amends... thank you for sharing your experience.
Much Love,
Lox
that took a lot of courage. I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!! And this goes along with our recovery... vigorous honesty.... We are as sick as our secrets. I give you major props. You have inspired me today. I need to pick someone off my list and make an amends... thank you for sharing your experience.
Much Love,
Lox
gina,
thats awesome, i am super proud of you, some people would say thats too much info for a kid, but my polocy has always been honesty with my own kids and mine know as well. more posoatives have come from me being honest with them then negatives. one being is they are way more anti-drugs, they are far more educated. my daughter even took a drug awareness class in school that was offered. my kids have been my hugest supporters and have kept me true to myself and them : ) they also know that there is nothing to big or small that they can come to me and tell me about regarding thier own secrets. we don't get all lecturey here, we discuss and problem solve (well ok unless pms is involved in my teen age daughter hehehe) anyhow, it's all a process and from the sounds of things you are making huge strides chica!! you go girl and keep on keeping on. it can only get better : )
jean,
you commented about can't turn back time and something about guilt. first of all you have to let go of that guilt and realise that what yuo have done while drugging wasnt the true yuo, it was the drugs talking, and while taking more drugs when yuo didnt want too well that was cause you were addicted and didnt possably understand or know how to help yourself (that was the case for me)leave the past in the past. live for today and work on what you are doing today to make improvements and a better life and think about the sunshine you have to look forward to tomorrow (feel good about that). i remember feeling just like you do. if only i could be that girl i was before addiction, well geuss what, i'm here to tell you 1 yr and 2 months later i am back to ME and the person i truelly am. the one i knew and loved who was and is happily loving life clean again. just remember its all a process. you didnt get addicted over night, you wont get cured over night, but you will, i promise you, you will be back to that person you long to be from before : )
terrianne
thats awesome, i am super proud of you, some people would say thats too much info for a kid, but my polocy has always been honesty with my own kids and mine know as well. more posoatives have come from me being honest with them then negatives. one being is they are way more anti-drugs, they are far more educated. my daughter even took a drug awareness class in school that was offered. my kids have been my hugest supporters and have kept me true to myself and them : ) they also know that there is nothing to big or small that they can come to me and tell me about regarding thier own secrets. we don't get all lecturey here, we discuss and problem solve (well ok unless pms is involved in my teen age daughter hehehe) anyhow, it's all a process and from the sounds of things you are making huge strides chica!! you go girl and keep on keeping on. it can only get better : )
jean,
you commented about can't turn back time and something about guilt. first of all you have to let go of that guilt and realise that what yuo have done while drugging wasnt the true yuo, it was the drugs talking, and while taking more drugs when yuo didnt want too well that was cause you were addicted and didnt possably understand or know how to help yourself (that was the case for me)leave the past in the past. live for today and work on what you are doing today to make improvements and a better life and think about the sunshine you have to look forward to tomorrow (feel good about that). i remember feeling just like you do. if only i could be that girl i was before addiction, well geuss what, i'm here to tell you 1 yr and 2 months later i am back to ME and the person i truelly am. the one i knew and loved who was and is happily loving life clean again. just remember its all a process. you didnt get addicted over night, you wont get cured over night, but you will, i promise you, you will be back to that person you long to be from before : )
terrianne
Gabbi, Youre so sweet. Im sorry I missed you. I miss you in general. When are you going to come to mjs cafe and review the latest SW with me?
Jean, Always happy to be of service.
Jodi, Mine are 13 and 11. Yep. First they tried to look. Then they deliberately looked away -- thats when I knew the penny had dropped.
And yes, Mary, I know that what you wrote is true, intellectually. I know from personal experience that as adults, were healthier if our parents simply admitted to being fallible and human its a more realistic standard to have to live up to. Ive known that for a long while, but you want to be your kids superhero. Ill be proud tomorrow. Tonight I have post-personal-growth-fatigue. It just takes a while to let go, even of something as delusional as the concept of being The Best Mother in the World. Boy, they better fess up to me from now on, privileged little creeps, lol.
Terri, Lox, You two are the best. Were a team (Catwoman, Tonto, and the Queen Post Ho). Lets round up wolf later and create havoc on the board. That always brightens up my day.
Im going to try to get some sleep. Im knackered (ready to be euthanized and processed into fertilizer). Play nice everyone. Blow sunshine up each others' butts. I could use some, too
Love, Gina
Jean, Always happy to be of service.
Jodi, Mine are 13 and 11. Yep. First they tried to look. Then they deliberately looked away -- thats when I knew the penny had dropped.
And yes, Mary, I know that what you wrote is true, intellectually. I know from personal experience that as adults, were healthier if our parents simply admitted to being fallible and human its a more realistic standard to have to live up to. Ive known that for a long while, but you want to be your kids superhero. Ill be proud tomorrow. Tonight I have post-personal-growth-fatigue. It just takes a while to let go, even of something as delusional as the concept of being The Best Mother in the World. Boy, they better fess up to me from now on, privileged little creeps, lol.
Terri, Lox, You two are the best. Were a team (Catwoman, Tonto, and the Queen Post Ho). Lets round up wolf later and create havoc on the board. That always brightens up my day.
Im going to try to get some sleep. Im knackered (ready to be euthanized and processed into fertilizer). Play nice everyone. Blow sunshine up each others' butts. I could use some, too
Love, Gina
Still hiding my posts from my husband, my only daughter is grown and gone but let me say good for you. I am sending out praise to all you brave people and heres to hoping that one day I will be as brave.
I'm game Gina... especially after the Detroit loss.... i'm in need of creating some havoc....
Lox
Lox
lox,
your not in michigan are you? i thought only we here in michigan held the rights to riot in the street : ) but since you are on my team i will sneak you in hehehe
terrianne
your not in michigan are you? i thought only we here in michigan held the rights to riot in the street : ) but since you are on my team i will sneak you in hehehe
terrianne
Do you really want me to blow sunshine up your butt? I didn't think so.
When we become honest in all our affairs....the miracle will happen.
I'm still waiting on that miracle, but it doens't mean you have too.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Gina.
xxxx
Cowgirl
When we become honest in all our affairs....the miracle will happen.
I'm still waiting on that miracle, but it doens't mean you have too.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Gina.
xxxx
Cowgirl
Gina I am one of the ones that my girls knew what was/is going on.I dont regret them knowing at all.If anything it showed them what could happen if you start messing with drugs.My oldest my goodness she doesnt even do ANYTHING but she still likes to go to the meetings for kids with addict parents.
It must of been hard for you,but I hope you feel a weight off your shoulders.My girls & BF are my strongest supporters....mj
It must of been hard for you,but I hope you feel a weight off your shoulders.My girls & BF are my strongest supporters....mj
Gina,
Talk about superhero-type strength. I'm so proud of you. Your relationship with your kids is only going to get better and stronger from here on out. Now when they give you a hug and tell you they love you, you don't have to feel that horrible feeling that comes from knowing you're being dishonest. You don't have to wonder, "If they knew the truth about me would they still love me?" Gone is the frightening veil of deceit. By being honest, you've taken a huge step in keeping your family together. I'm so friggin proud of you!
Love,
Matt
PS You've also given me the hope that I can soon be honest with my parents (who are on the other side of the country and as far as I know have no idea)
Talk about superhero-type strength. I'm so proud of you. Your relationship with your kids is only going to get better and stronger from here on out. Now when they give you a hug and tell you they love you, you don't have to feel that horrible feeling that comes from knowing you're being dishonest. You don't have to wonder, "If they knew the truth about me would they still love me?" Gone is the frightening veil of deceit. By being honest, you've taken a huge step in keeping your family together. I'm so friggin proud of you!
Love,
Matt
PS You've also given me the hope that I can soon be honest with my parents (who are on the other side of the country and as far as I know have no idea)
Hey Matt I just wanted to tell ya alittle something.As I said my girls have known for along time.For along time bless them they tried to get me to stop.It hurts now to think of how hard they tried.I remember the day I first posted on here in November 04.When my youngest came in from school that day I told her what I did & wanted to do.That beautiful little girl of mine said nothing,but she wrapped her arms around me & huged me for so long.I can still see it in both there eyes now.They are so proud of me for reaching out & trying to get myself better.THERE IS NO BETTER HIGH THAN THAT....mj
Gina, my dear friend, you are a shining example of the meaning of courage. Be it our twillight zone friendship and or the fact we are neck and neck in clean time, somehow you always manage to bring to light the next right thing for me to do. With your gentle example, I see clearly what should be obvious.
Now I have to be one hundred percent honest with myself. Do I really feel that my kids are too young to understand? (they just happen to be right about the same age as yours......not that anything would surprise us at this point, lol)
Or do I not want to lose the image I think they have of me? I have been in recovery long enough to know there is nothing to be ashamed of in that respect. I have a disease, a possibly hereditary disease. If I had cancer, would I put on a wig and pretend I didn't have it? I think not. What else might I be afraid of? Some future relapse perhaps? Are they, in a sense, a bridge I have not yet burned?
Not to mention, how much easier would it be to attend a meeting if I didn't have to do it while they were in school or otherwise occupied?
And lastly, what of trust and honesty? I teach them those principles daily. Should I not practice it as well? I would be surprised if my daughter hadn't seen me here at some point, but was just too polite to mention it to me. At the very least she must wonder why I'm so privacy minded about being online. (omg, it never occurred to me before, but she could think I'm doing something far worse than this...lol)
Time for the next right thing. Thank you, Gina, for more things than I could mention here, but mainly for being someone so real. I value you more every day. Love, Kat
Now I have to be one hundred percent honest with myself. Do I really feel that my kids are too young to understand? (they just happen to be right about the same age as yours......not that anything would surprise us at this point, lol)
Or do I not want to lose the image I think they have of me? I have been in recovery long enough to know there is nothing to be ashamed of in that respect. I have a disease, a possibly hereditary disease. If I had cancer, would I put on a wig and pretend I didn't have it? I think not. What else might I be afraid of? Some future relapse perhaps? Are they, in a sense, a bridge I have not yet burned?
Not to mention, how much easier would it be to attend a meeting if I didn't have to do it while they were in school or otherwise occupied?
And lastly, what of trust and honesty? I teach them those principles daily. Should I not practice it as well? I would be surprised if my daughter hadn't seen me here at some point, but was just too polite to mention it to me. At the very least she must wonder why I'm so privacy minded about being online. (omg, it never occurred to me before, but she could think I'm doing something far worse than this...lol)
Time for the next right thing. Thank you, Gina, for more things than I could mention here, but mainly for being someone so real. I value you more every day. Love, Kat
Dear Kat Does this mean your going to tell your kids?If so I think that you deserve alot of credit.As I said my girls always knew somehow.And now if Im having a hard time & need to sit on the board all day they understand better,They give me so much credit for doing what Im doing.And yes it feels great to know that if they need advice on this topic they will come to me & askj.Im very lucky with mine & dont regret them knowing at all.Like I said my BF & my girls are my strongest support.Good Luck Kat If you ever need to talk Im around.Take care...mj
Thanks Molly, and yes, it's time. I'd probably run in there and do it right now if my daughter weren't away until the weekend. I'm kind of like that. A spontanious reaction, maybe. I had told myself I was protecting them until they were ready. I think I was lying to myself. I believe I was protecting me. Thinking on it realistically, it was just foolishness on my part. I protected my active addiction so carefully....it must have just been ingrained or something. My kids have never seen me swallow anything other than a vitamin....or antibiotic maybe, lol. I slid easily into being clean with them never having known anything was different.....well.....that I know of, lol. They might just tell me different.
I remember being nine years old and my mother had breast cancer. My cousins told me about it. My family was just like that. I've made great strides to always be honest and open with my kids......why was I so blind to this one? Love, Kat
I remember being nine years old and my mother had breast cancer. My cousins told me about it. My family was just like that. I've made great strides to always be honest and open with my kids......why was I so blind to this one? Love, Kat
Because as addicts we are so use to hiding our problem I feel because of shame.But now I know that feeling ashamed is what will hold alot of people back from getting help.Actually only you will know if they are ready.Im ashamed to say this but my girls lived it with me so they understood somewhat.Im thankful everyday now that they still think I hang the moon.Our kids may be the only people in the world that love us no matter what.
Anyways I got a storm blowing in so I gotta shut down but I always like it when you & I start talking & I hope we can again soon.Good luck Kat.Ill be around later(I hope)if you would like to talk somemore.Take Care ...mj
Anyways I got a storm blowing in so I gotta shut down but I always like it when you & I start talking & I hope we can again soon.Good luck Kat.Ill be around later(I hope)if you would like to talk somemore.Take Care ...mj
Gina,
My God, we are on the same page today. This was on my mind yesterday and I was going to ask people if they had told their kids. I know we should be honest with everyone about our addiction, but our kids are a whole other ball game.
Last night I was at my sisters house and her kids approached me and asked if my sister, their mom who passed, had a drug problem. Turns out my older sister had told them this. Now many many years ago my younger sister did do a stint in rehab for cocaine. It was something she was not proud of and she never used again, Was she a coke addict? I'm not sure, but she knew she had enough of a problem at the time to get help. Her son was only 2 at the time, so he remembers nothing.
I lied to my niece and nephew last night. I told them my older sister was mistaken. I did not want to add to their grief. And I also know my younger sister was adament about them ever finding out. I also did not tell them about my own little problem. I'm not sure if its because they have enough, or the image they have of me.
You are so right about this addiction thing sucking.
BTW, I want to strangle my older sister for this.
Redd
