I Want To Hide

I want to run, I want to hide,
and yes sometimes, I want to die.
I don't know why I am so afraid,
to show of what I am made.

Is it because of what others may see?
Am I scared they will see the real me?
Or am I afraid that I might have to deal,
with all these feelings that I feel?

What makes me hide behind this wall?
The one I've built to shut out all.
I want to deal with all that real,
but I am so afraid of what I will feel.

I am really not sure what to do,
but I know in my heart I have to choose.
To either hide behind this mountain of pills,
or change my life and make it real.

Paula

Sorry guys it has been a really badddd day and it helps when I write to get it out. Hope everyones day is better than mine.
I had the blues today too Paula, but I'm feeling better now. I hope yours gets better too.

That was a great poem, is that yours?

Redd
Thanks Redd yes it is mine, It helps me get my feelings out to write. Yes I know today seems to be the day for the blues LOL.. But I know it will get better. I hope your day gets better also.. Went to the dr today, for a pap smear they found something a pollop not sure how to spell that, she said it did not feel like it was benign but wants me to see a gyno, but no insurance so not sure how I am going to do that..
Hey Paula,,,,,,so sorry you had a badddd day and got that news! That really bites. Do you think you would qualify for a program, Medicare, Medicade? I don't know, but it seems there would be something our there to assist you with the bills.

Please don't worry about any of that right now. Things will work themselves out. God never puts more on us than we can handle. : )

I liked your poem. It's great you have that passion and use your talent to vent on days like this!

Paula,

I know where your coming from, I had a string of a few bad days myself, this too shall pass. I like Carols idea, bed early with a good book, I read myself to sleep everynight....

Best Regards,
Tom
Thanks Carol and Tom it always helps to post on here and get it off my mind and knowing there is someone out there to share it with. I think sometimes that everything is going good and then bam something else hits you. Well I guess that is life, and like you said God never gives us more than we can handle, I just keep repeating that to myself. I don't qualify for medicade, I have been thru that when I was trying to get my husband on it, he has medicare from his disability but it does not cover me, but it will work out, someway. I just keep telling myself that. Tom I am glad that you are feeling better I was lurking on the Good morning thread and read you were not having a good day, hope things are better.
Trying4me

I enjoyed the poem. I also like your screen name.

I had tried several several times to get clean but when i did it for me and with the Grace of God it worked!

Best of Luck, Vickikay