I Wonder

Alcohol
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I wonder why I did rely on alcohol so much?

I wonder is because my father used to Drink so much?

I wonder is it because my father used to stay away for days, weeks on end then come home and beat voilently Mom for asking him where the f*** he has been?

I wonder is it because my father had so many girlfreinds while living with Mom
And was open about it?

I wonder why?

I wonder is because when I was a kid Mom and Dad used to say to me and my brother, that I wouldnt have any kids, but my brother would have lots to different girls?

I wonder is it because I used to read lots as a child, and Mom would say" Are you ever going to go out like other kids, Go get out of my sight?

I wonder is it because They used to call me a failure?

I wonder is it because it made me fit in with ppl?

I wonder is it because it was my escape from reality?

I wonder why the Hell I turned out like my father after I seen all that s***(except the voilence)

I really now wonder is why the hell I didnt sober up sooner,

I am a much better person now, Living Happy, living life, living my dream!!

Thanks Guys you have all contributed to my new life....
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I think you have answered your question pretty well there!!
Glad you are sober and enjoying it.
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I, too, blamed everyone else for my malady--it's what kept me out there: Proving them wrong. And when I realized that I WAS an alcoholic/addict, I was determined to be the best there was. Look, it takes what it takes, but the GIFT of recovery was simple compared to "The Committee" that convened in my head to feed off my addictions.

There IS a solution. I found out I had an disease of the body and the mind--an allergy with "the need to feed." I found that it was deadly, but that it could be controlled with a program of recovery; I found that a vital spirit would relieve my obsession--as well as the other symptoms that kept me drunk. I found that by giving away what I was cultivating, that my recovery broadened.

I found life. I choose life instead of addiction.

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nicely put skg
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Anom...there are many reasons we each picked up the first drink but the reason you turned out just like your father, as you say, is because you are an alcoholic. Nothing more, nothing less. Congratulations on your sobriety. The whys aren't what matters, the how's of what keeps you sober are so then you can share those with the alcholic who still suffers (which includes those of us who are sober).

SKG...great post. Thank you. Very well said.
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There are always whys.....for some people they don't matter, for others they matter so much that finding wellness is difficult without addressing them....despite your wondering it sounds like you've found the kind of life you want, and that's all that matters now, isn't it?

A friend of mine said he kept wondering why he wanted a drink and he asked the good Father who was speaking at the meeting. He responded: "Perhaps its because you're an alcoholic."

My friend finds that particular 'why' a good enough explanation of his problem and a good enough reason to avoid alcohol. It works for him. He's not just well, he's downright inspiring.....

.....if people have deep-rooted issues that continue to make them unhappy after they stop drinking it sometimes helps them to seek other help....but it sounds like you're happy, which is brilliant!

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Gidday Anom

Keep contributing your E.S.H as it all helps this alky as well

light and love zac