Hello Everyone,
Hello everyone,
I just discovered this site and I was very touched to read all the stories.
It hurts to see that there are so many people in the same situation.
I have been exposed to a brother is heavily addicted on Cocaine and Crack.
This has been the most hellish experience of my life.
He is the crazy, violent, manipulative, blackmailing type.
A true dictator and horrible person.
It is just my mom and I and we do not have any power over him.
It will of course be too long of course to explain all the disturbing stories and details.
All I can tell you is that I have been away thankfully for about 3 months.
I have a mild form of post traumatic stress disorder, I have nightmares related to drugs.
I feel very depressed and sometimes feel suicidal because he is still in our lives.
I feel sometimes afraid and I have lost hope.
It has also affected me spiritually.
I would like to know if any of you have been so severly affected having addicts in your lives and how did you or cope with the damage.
Thank you all very much.
One lesson I learned and am still learning is to not let the addict take over my loved ones lives and mine. It is very difficult to take any control back when things only spiral out of control. You need to have hope, faith, and belief that one day things will get better. I am at ease when my addict sister is not home. She only stays in the house for a few hours when her kids are over but after that she leaves and I am at peace. It is so stressful and we all have horror stories when it comes to our loved one who has been taken over by these demon drugs. Take happiness out of small things like going out to the movies, parties, meeting with friends, and other simple things. Constantly thinking about the situation makes you stress more and eventually consumes you. I was like that in the beginning but slowly learned to take joy in the simple things. It is very scary with all these crazy thoughts but don't make up scenarios or things in your head that have not happened. Be strong for your mom and yourself. I hope things get better for all of us one day.
Thank you apple 18.
I like to hear from other people on this forum.
It makes me feel less like an alien.
It is so true that I give to much power to worry and fear.
I also pray for every person who is in a similar situation.
I like to hear from other people on this forum.
It makes me feel less like an alien.
It is so true that I give to much power to worry and fear.
I also pray for every person who is in a similar situation.
You allow yourself to get affected by your addict if you struggle to get them clean. This is solely their job to do. You can be sad that they have chosen a lousy course in life, but beyond that, there is little that can be done to convince them to stop unless they choose to.
By worrying, rescuing, arguing, or pleading, you are staying enmeshed with their problem. Let them own their problem, and let them feel the consequences of their drug use without rushing in to "make it all better." We love our addicted people, but need to realize they have created their own hell, and they can either choose to live in this hell, or find a way out.
No one wants to see their loved one destroyed by drugs. But, we need to be strong and allow them to figure it out for themselves. Our true job should be to protect the innocent family members (ie. wives, children, etc.) from the destructive nature of addiction. Putting all our energies into trying to convince the addict to stop using usually doesn't work. The addict knows we want them to get clean, knows how to go about seeking help, but has not chosen to surrender yet. We cannot put our lives on hold, waiting for some "magical moment" when they decide, if ever. Too many people have spent years in this endless cycle, only to lose their own life and dreams in the process.
If the addict complains about having no place to live, no car, no food, etc....ask them what they plan on doing about it. This is not done in anger, but rather as a sign that they need to figure it out....no one should have to constantly bail a grown adult out of the mess they've created themselves. People do not grow or change if they figure that someone is always going to provide a "safety net" for them if they do stupid things.
Families of addicts don't simply wake up one day and have this detachment. It takes time, practice, and commitment to take your life back from the endless spiral that addiction creates. You have to make a conscious choice to get off the merry-go-round and not be drawn back in by guilt, threats, or whatever the addict throws your way in an attempt to keep you enmeshed with their poor choices.
Pity only goes so far. Pity keeps people stuck and sick. By stepping back, not rescuing, and letting the addict know that you love them, but will not lift a finger to help them stay in their addiction, you can learn to detach. It is not meant to be cruel or vindictive....it is the way life should be experienced. Everything we choose to do has a consequence. It's only when we get in the way of this natural course of life, do we end up spinning our wheels and causing more harm than good.
Keep posting, as there are many others here who are struggling with the same issues.
By worrying, rescuing, arguing, or pleading, you are staying enmeshed with their problem. Let them own their problem, and let them feel the consequences of their drug use without rushing in to "make it all better." We love our addicted people, but need to realize they have created their own hell, and they can either choose to live in this hell, or find a way out.
No one wants to see their loved one destroyed by drugs. But, we need to be strong and allow them to figure it out for themselves. Our true job should be to protect the innocent family members (ie. wives, children, etc.) from the destructive nature of addiction. Putting all our energies into trying to convince the addict to stop using usually doesn't work. The addict knows we want them to get clean, knows how to go about seeking help, but has not chosen to surrender yet. We cannot put our lives on hold, waiting for some "magical moment" when they decide, if ever. Too many people have spent years in this endless cycle, only to lose their own life and dreams in the process.
If the addict complains about having no place to live, no car, no food, etc....ask them what they plan on doing about it. This is not done in anger, but rather as a sign that they need to figure it out....no one should have to constantly bail a grown adult out of the mess they've created themselves. People do not grow or change if they figure that someone is always going to provide a "safety net" for them if they do stupid things.
Families of addicts don't simply wake up one day and have this detachment. It takes time, practice, and commitment to take your life back from the endless spiral that addiction creates. You have to make a conscious choice to get off the merry-go-round and not be drawn back in by guilt, threats, or whatever the addict throws your way in an attempt to keep you enmeshed with their poor choices.
Pity only goes so far. Pity keeps people stuck and sick. By stepping back, not rescuing, and letting the addict know that you love them, but will not lift a finger to help them stay in their addiction, you can learn to detach. It is not meant to be cruel or vindictive....it is the way life should be experienced. Everything we choose to do has a consequence. It's only when we get in the way of this natural course of life, do we end up spinning our wheels and causing more harm than good.
Keep posting, as there are many others here who are struggling with the same issues.
