Hey guys-
Just wanted to let everyone know that I havent been posting for a few days (except for a couple) - reason being, that I really had to focus on my recovery. There were 2 main people that I really looked up to when I first came to this board in the beginning of August. They were the best of friends and worked, hand in hand, continuously supporting each other and ALL of us. It tears me up inside to see that these 2 people are now playing on "separate teams", if you will, and even worse, I have received emails, asking me to "join" certain other forums, etc. Seems to me like an elementary school game where we used to see "who could get the most/best players on their team." This is what has saddened me very much to the point of not even wanting to come back and post anymore. However, I have received several emails, asking me to return - and believe me, every day that I am away, I REALLY DO miss you guys and worry about everyone with all my heart. With that being said, let me tell you what ;s going on with me. I AM CLEAN for today.Heres what happened:.
I tried to no end to find a "facility" near my home who, first of all would accept "Medicaid" and that were licensed to prescribe the Sub or Bup - none.
Of course, we all know that I have tried on my own, to taper, then quit c/t, but this time, it was kind of impossible, due to the fact that I'm taking care of my elderly father and my withdrawls were pretty severe - so that was out.
So, I finally talked to Pain Mgmt and they were able to prescribe to me a "fast taper" (over a 5 day period) of methadone - you only take 1 dose in am and 1 dose in p.m.. I wont go into exact details, because I dont want to be "jumped on " for giving info for people to go out and do this on their own - of course you have to have complete instructions or else you can be playing with fire. I was told that if I didnt take properly, they were WAY easier to become addicted to and WAY WAY worse to W/D from. All I can say that it has done wonders for me. I feel great - no W/D symptoms at all - only a little fatigue and some nausea - which is to be expected.
So I am going to stick with this. Today is actually my first day with NOTHING - yesterday I had 2.5mg of meth in am and 2.5 in the p.m. Thats only 1/2 of a pill total all day!!.
Now, I do feel like I'm able to "exercise" a little bit and also start N/A meeting. I know that it will take alot of time to get back to my "old self" again, But hey, things could be alot worse.
I'm going to lay back down now for awhile - I am tired - I think it may be from the other meds that I was put on "clonidine" and "seroquel", etc. So all of you have a wonderful day!!!! I JUST WANT ALL TO KNOW THAT I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND AT THIS TIME CHOOSE TO REMAIN ON THIS BOARD BECAUSE I FEEL MORE COMFORATBLE HERE. AND ALSO FEEL THAT I CAN HELP MORE PEOPLE HERE THAN ANYWHERE ELSE. Please, no offense to anyone. Thanks anyway.
Love,
Marie
Hi Marie,
I was glad to see you post again, and even happier to hear what you've been doing. That's great. You really took action. Thanks for sharing your experience with the fast taper regimen. Sorry to hear that you were being torn between "sides." I don't even know what the sides are, and don't want to, but it all seems kind of pathetic. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you were missed. M.
I was glad to see you post again, and even happier to hear what you've been doing. That's great. You really took action. Thanks for sharing your experience with the fast taper regimen. Sorry to hear that you were being torn between "sides." I don't even know what the sides are, and don't want to, but it all seems kind of pathetic. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you were missed. M.
Marie,
I am responding to your post not to start something with you but just to clarify things from my point of view. Maybe I am just feeling paranoid here but I feel as though your post refers to our group and specifically to me. Please correct me if I am wrong and I hope that I am. My hands were only offered to you in friendship and support the last time someone sent you a nasty email, or so you said and and you said this email made you cry. I did not beg you to join our recovery group, you would have been welcomed there but there was no pressure from me for you to do so. WE DO NOT put any pressure on anyone to join our group and we don't recruit people so that we can have more members than any other group. That is entirely untrue and I resent it being implied here. If someone is pressuring you to join our group, it is not me. I admire you, think you are a wonderfull, caring person but I would never pressure you to join. Our group is about friendship, love, support and recovery. There are no arguments there and you may find this hard to believe, but we all get along. We talk the talk and walk the walk. And just to prove that we don't recruit....you may notice that we do not advertise our group on this board at the end of our messages, there is no link at all provided.
Again this not meant to stir up trouble with you, just to present my point of view and clarify somethings that you said.
God bless you in your recovery,
I am responding to your post not to start something with you but just to clarify things from my point of view. Maybe I am just feeling paranoid here but I feel as though your post refers to our group and specifically to me. Please correct me if I am wrong and I hope that I am. My hands were only offered to you in friendship and support the last time someone sent you a nasty email, or so you said and and you said this email made you cry. I did not beg you to join our recovery group, you would have been welcomed there but there was no pressure from me for you to do so. WE DO NOT put any pressure on anyone to join our group and we don't recruit people so that we can have more members than any other group. That is entirely untrue and I resent it being implied here. If someone is pressuring you to join our group, it is not me. I admire you, think you are a wonderfull, caring person but I would never pressure you to join. Our group is about friendship, love, support and recovery. There are no arguments there and you may find this hard to believe, but we all get along. We talk the talk and walk the walk. And just to prove that we don't recruit....you may notice that we do not advertise our group on this board at the end of our messages, there is no link at all provided.
Again this not meant to stir up trouble with you, just to present my point of view and clarify somethings that you said.
God bless you in your recovery,
Sharon..I don't think Marie meant you..how could she, she didn't describe you at all. :o)
Marie..I'm so glad you're back. I think about you and Briar (well, everyone else too) every day. I have watched your journey from the start (mainly because I was clearheaded enough to finally focus on something for more than 20 minutes).
I can tell that you want this in the worst way. The next couple of days might be a little rough, but probably not as bad a if you were going c/t. I'm proud of you. Get some rest...
Love you
Cowgirl
Marie..I'm so glad you're back. I think about you and Briar (well, everyone else too) every day. I have watched your journey from the start (mainly because I was clearheaded enough to finally focus on something for more than 20 minutes).
I can tell that you want this in the worst way. The next couple of days might be a little rough, but probably not as bad a if you were going c/t. I'm proud of you. Get some rest...
Love you
Cowgirl
Sharon,
Thanks so much for your kind words. I really do appreciate it. I'm trying:o)
Cowgirl:
Dont forget that we have a deal. Tony (my 9 year old) is coming out there this weekend to help shovel horse poop LOL. I told him next time he wakes me on the weekend at 5:30 a.m. on the weekend I have a friend who needs a little boy to help here with this chore - no problem ever since. He might get up early, but will stay in his room playing PS2 or Gamecube. :o)
Thanks for your encouragement Cowgirl - I DO need all the support I can get. Now if I'll just get off my butt and hit some meetings I'll be doing so much better, I know........
Love,
Marie
Thanks so much for your kind words. I really do appreciate it. I'm trying:o)
Cowgirl:
Dont forget that we have a deal. Tony (my 9 year old) is coming out there this weekend to help shovel horse poop LOL. I told him next time he wakes me on the weekend at 5:30 a.m. on the weekend I have a friend who needs a little boy to help here with this chore - no problem ever since. He might get up early, but will stay in his room playing PS2 or Gamecube. :o)
Thanks for your encouragement Cowgirl - I DO need all the support I can get. Now if I'll just get off my butt and hit some meetings I'll be doing so much better, I know........
Love,
Marie
Lisa,
That is why I wanted to clear things up, I meant no harm at all, truly. Like I said I admire and respect Marie.
That is why I wanted to clear things up, I meant no harm at all, truly. Like I said I admire and respect Marie.
Hey M, how ya doing?
As you can see, I'm back and raring to go (well, not exactly:o) -
Anyway, thanks for your kind post. I missed you too. I've been lurking - I admire you so much, M. You have nothing but kind words for everyone who post, newcomers and oldtimers, and for that, I think that you are a great blessing to this board. Take Care.
Love,
Marie
As you can see, I'm back and raring to go (well, not exactly:o) -
Anyway, thanks for your kind post. I missed you too. I've been lurking - I admire you so much, M. You have nothing but kind words for everyone who post, newcomers and oldtimers, and for that, I think that you are a great blessing to this board. Take Care.
Love,
Marie
Marie:
I am so happy you are doing well. I have a special place in my heart for you. It made my day to see your post!
Rach
I am so happy you are doing well. I have a special place in my heart for you. It made my day to see your post!
Rach
Hey Rach-
You are such a sweetheart. Even though I havent been posting I've been "watching you". :o) Stay sweet.
Love ya,
Marie
You are such a sweetheart. Even though I havent been posting I've been "watching you". :o) Stay sweet.
Love ya,
Marie
You GO Girl! You are an inspiration! Success!
Hi Marie,
This is Liz04, I wanted to tell you how great it is to have you back..
Liz
This is Liz04, I wanted to tell you how great it is to have you back..
Liz
Hi KL63-
Weve never chatted, but welcome to the board and thanks for your post. I read on another thead that you have 11 days - well give yourself a big pat on the back cause thats wonderful!!!
So, you had an UTI? Its kinda scary - to think about the "problems" we may be having and covering up with taking such large doses of pain killers, etc. As soon as I had the percs out of my system, I ended up with an abcess on my tooth (never felt a thing before - no wonder I had to take so many to get "high") also ended up with a throat infection. Took antibiotics - everythings fine now. But its just scary - we could have something WAY worse and never know it. Something to think about. Good luck to you and keep posting.
Love,
Marie
Weve never chatted, but welcome to the board and thanks for your post. I read on another thead that you have 11 days - well give yourself a big pat on the back cause thats wonderful!!!
So, you had an UTI? Its kinda scary - to think about the "problems" we may be having and covering up with taking such large doses of pain killers, etc. As soon as I had the percs out of my system, I ended up with an abcess on my tooth (never felt a thing before - no wonder I had to take so many to get "high") also ended up with a throat infection. Took antibiotics - everythings fine now. But its just scary - we could have something WAY worse and never know it. Something to think about. Good luck to you and keep posting.
Love,
Marie
Hi Marie,
Welcome back to the board. I'm glad to hear your feeling better and things are working out for you. I haven't posted a whole lot here lately myself but I did notice since I started posting again that a few people were asking for you and it
dawned on me that there were no posts from you. lol So, I'm real happy to see your doing better.
Take care.................................God bless............................................Bob
Welcome back to the board. I'm glad to hear your feeling better and things are working out for you. I haven't posted a whole lot here lately myself but I did notice since I started posting again that a few people were asking for you and it
dawned on me that there were no posts from you. lol So, I'm real happy to see your doing better.
Take care.................................God bless............................................Bob
Hey Bob-
Yeah - I wasnt posting for awhile - I had enough problems with focusing on recovery, withdrawal, etc - too much drama :o) I did lurk tho and noticed that you werent posting either. Glad to see you back too!!! I hope you are feeling better from the surgery you were to have. I am doing MUCH better - Thank God however, I have to get my butt to some meetings - my only problem is the fatigue - I feel as if I could sleep ALL DAY. I guess this will pass, in time.
So good to hear from you. Take care. Hope all is well with Gina.
Love,
Marie
Yeah - I wasnt posting for awhile - I had enough problems with focusing on recovery, withdrawal, etc - too much drama :o) I did lurk tho and noticed that you werent posting either. Glad to see you back too!!! I hope you are feeling better from the surgery you were to have. I am doing MUCH better - Thank God however, I have to get my butt to some meetings - my only problem is the fatigue - I feel as if I could sleep ALL DAY. I guess this will pass, in time.
So good to hear from you. Take care. Hope all is well with Gina.
Love,
Marie
Marie,
Hi thanks for the reply. Gina is doing better thankyou, I'll tell her you asked for her. She recently fell and we were worried that she might have screwed up the disc surgery she had. But, all seems to be well, I think she was just badly bruised and it took a few days to start feeling better. My surgery went well, thanks for remembering! lol I'm clear of stones for the moment, "Knock Wood".
Now I have to get a test done to see if they can pin point why I produce so many stones in such a short period of time month after month. But, for today I feel good so I'll enjoy each moment. It's nice to see you too, talk to ya' soon.
Take care...................................God bless........................................Bob
PS.....Get your a$$ to a meeting!......*wink*.......lol
Hi thanks for the reply. Gina is doing better thankyou, I'll tell her you asked for her. She recently fell and we were worried that she might have screwed up the disc surgery she had. But, all seems to be well, I think she was just badly bruised and it took a few days to start feeling better. My surgery went well, thanks for remembering! lol I'm clear of stones for the moment, "Knock Wood".
Now I have to get a test done to see if they can pin point why I produce so many stones in such a short period of time month after month. But, for today I feel good so I'll enjoy each moment. It's nice to see you too, talk to ya' soon.
Take care...................................God bless........................................Bob
PS.....Get your a$$ to a meeting!......*wink*.......lol
good for u
Hey Dog-
Thanks. Whats up? Everything worked out pretty good for me. Just still tired, nauseous, but thats about it. Way better than c/t, I'll tell you that. Hope you are doing good. Let me know how you're doing.
TTYL
love,
Marie
Thanks. Whats up? Everything worked out pretty good for me. Just still tired, nauseous, but thats about it. Way better than c/t, I'll tell you that. Hope you are doing good. Let me know how you're doing.
TTYL
love,
Marie
Hi Marie,
Good on you girl,I was getting a bit worried about you,so its great to hear you are on the way to kicking this thing in the butt,Im with you all the way,Im doing real good myself,got some real good clean time in again and at the moment Im learning to identify my triggers and deal with them.
Lets take this all the way this time,no turning back.
ChadO.
Good on you girl,I was getting a bit worried about you,so its great to hear you are on the way to kicking this thing in the butt,Im with you all the way,Im doing real good myself,got some real good clean time in again and at the moment Im learning to identify my triggers and deal with them.
Lets take this all the way this time,no turning back.
ChadO.
Hi Mariee...it is good to see you posting! I am so glad that you are feeling better!
Chad..good for you getting some clean time. How are you doing? Do you have support?
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
