Hey to everyone still on here that was on here about a year ago and is still posting today, you might remember me. Ok I was coming off of pain pills, hydros, tramadols, and whatever else I could get my little hands on at the time. well here I am I haven't been completely clean. No do not worry I am not addicted but I have done those evil little pills a few times just for fun! yeah I know it was not smart of me but I guess I was bored and I have never fully recovered. I really cant get that excitement out of life that I used to get. Ok, it has been a year almost you would think by now I would be ok. Yeah Im fine just really depressed, and it doesnt help that I suffer from depression and I see a counselor. I just feel that I can not get through life without getting high every once and awhile. those pills just make everything so much more fun. Is really a bad thing to be addicted or to do them every once and awhile? Just never get addicted, I might sound crazy but is it all that bad. Plus it does not help that my doctor prescribed tramadols, they are not as bad but they really help you to relax. As for everything else, I went back to school and I am doing pretty good, all B's and one A so not bad there. I got fired from my makeup job at Lancome, thats ok I hated it there anyways. I actually start my new job today at Perkins as a waitress. I worked there along time ago so it can't be that bad. There is so much more that has happened to me in the last year. Well to anyone that wants advice about coming off of pills I can help. Hopefully I can make some new friends if no one can remember me from last february. take care all of you!
I don't even know where to start...
Lets try this first.
Welcome back. I do remember you and wondered what happend to you. It's really nice to see you.
You said:
Ok I was coming off of pain pills, hydros, tramadols, and whatever else I could get my little hands on at the time. well here I am I haven't been completely clean. No do not worry I am not addicted but I have done those evil little pills a few times just for fun! yeah I know it was not smart of me but I guess I was bored and I have never fully recovered.
No do not worry, I am not addicted? I'm not sure what that means. You do know that you are an addict. Once an addict, always an addict. You will never be cured, but in remission with abstinence and hard work. Sounds like your doing the right thing by going to a counselor, does this person know your an addict? Do they know that you are relapsing?
Life is fun without drugs and alcohol. Really it is.
Take care and hope you stick around
Cowgirl
Lets try this first.
Welcome back. I do remember you and wondered what happend to you. It's really nice to see you.
You said:
Ok I was coming off of pain pills, hydros, tramadols, and whatever else I could get my little hands on at the time. well here I am I haven't been completely clean. No do not worry I am not addicted but I have done those evil little pills a few times just for fun! yeah I know it was not smart of me but I guess I was bored and I have never fully recovered.
No do not worry, I am not addicted? I'm not sure what that means. You do know that you are an addict. Once an addict, always an addict. You will never be cured, but in remission with abstinence and hard work. Sounds like your doing the right thing by going to a counselor, does this person know your an addict? Do they know that you are relapsing?
Life is fun without drugs and alcohol. Really it is.
Take care and hope you stick around
Cowgirl
I guess you are right, I just havent done the pills regularly and I guess I just never saw myself as being an addict. Kind of an eye opener I guess. I have just been really depressed lately. I kind of just disappeared and I feel bad. I just needed to take time away from all the craziness.
Fiona,
I think you are playing with fire. I was a so-called recreational user for years. I crossed over to being a full blown addict without even noticing. What you are doing will eventually catch up to you. You should find another way to relax and unwind, and you should do it quickly before this blows up in your face. I think most people here once shared the same deluded belief you have now. We were all wrong. The chances that you will be an exception to this rule are slim to none.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I wish I would have known then what I know now. Please quit now before those pills steal your soul. That's what they do.
I wish you the best.
I think you are playing with fire. I was a so-called recreational user for years. I crossed over to being a full blown addict without even noticing. What you are doing will eventually catch up to you. You should find another way to relax and unwind, and you should do it quickly before this blows up in your face. I think most people here once shared the same deluded belief you have now. We were all wrong. The chances that you will be an exception to this rule are slim to none.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I wish I would have known then what I know now. Please quit now before those pills steal your soul. That's what they do.
I wish you the best.
I know once you get started you can not control it, but what if there was away to? I guess I am just trying to make an excuse so I can play with fire. I just seemed so much happier and I liked my life more when I was on those pills. I thought after almost a year of being clean I would never want them again. I just was happier then I guess.
That good feeling doesn't last, and when it goes away you're in hell... you will regret it. and it won't be pretty...
i am off pills, I don't take them, yet I am an addict. I never thought that I would always be an addict. I fought that tooth and nail...but I am an addict and will always be one whether i am using or not. (and I pray to god that I don't get caught up in that death trap again)
You are playing with fire as atlas says. You really should take our advice...it's free, it's correct, and it will save you a crap load of pain down the road if you will just take our word for it.
I've been there. I know what you're saying. I know you are rationalizing your using...your "every once in a while" will turn into more whether you think you can control it or not... don't mess with it.... you've been through it before...
I have depression and even have been told I am bipolar, i'm on two diff. meds for it, Pain pills will not help your depression, it will make it so much worse. You feel like you're happy when you're using... it's the epitome of a facade.
Good luck
stac
i am off pills, I don't take them, yet I am an addict. I never thought that I would always be an addict. I fought that tooth and nail...but I am an addict and will always be one whether i am using or not. (and I pray to god that I don't get caught up in that death trap again)
You are playing with fire as atlas says. You really should take our advice...it's free, it's correct, and it will save you a crap load of pain down the road if you will just take our word for it.
I've been there. I know what you're saying. I know you are rationalizing your using...your "every once in a while" will turn into more whether you think you can control it or not... don't mess with it.... you've been through it before...
I have depression and even have been told I am bipolar, i'm on two diff. meds for it, Pain pills will not help your depression, it will make it so much worse. You feel like you're happy when you're using... it's the epitome of a facade.
Good luck
stac
Hi Troubledone...Welcome back home.
The problem is that you just eliminated one piece of the puzzle which were the pills.By your own admission,you didn't completely eliminate those.
The pills are not the problem.It's the way we think.It's our addict mind.
If you have taken no steps toward a life change like a Recovery program,you are simply the same person operating with the same mind sans the chemicals.I agree with you 100%....it's not a fun existence.
In fact,it is more miserable.You actually get to feel everything and you don't have the tools to make any changes.
I will save you a lot of time trying to find a way to pop pills without consequences.There are none.I spent 30 years researching a way.My gift today is to tell you that you don't have to do that anymore.
This is a physical,mental and spiritual disease.
Quitting is not enough but you may not be convinced.That's o.k.I wasn't either when they told me the same news when I was 21.I'll show them was my attitude.I was a little miffed when they suggested that I should abstain from alcohol and drugs.How the f*ck am I supposed to have a good time?
I can honestly say that I enjoy my life at 51 than I ever have.I do more today than I ever did.It all had to do with that psychic change that comes from working the twelve steps.
I hope you find your path.
The problem is that you just eliminated one piece of the puzzle which were the pills.By your own admission,you didn't completely eliminate those.
The pills are not the problem.It's the way we think.It's our addict mind.
If you have taken no steps toward a life change like a Recovery program,you are simply the same person operating with the same mind sans the chemicals.I agree with you 100%....it's not a fun existence.
In fact,it is more miserable.You actually get to feel everything and you don't have the tools to make any changes.
I will save you a lot of time trying to find a way to pop pills without consequences.There are none.I spent 30 years researching a way.My gift today is to tell you that you don't have to do that anymore.
This is a physical,mental and spiritual disease.
Quitting is not enough but you may not be convinced.That's o.k.I wasn't either when they told me the same news when I was 21.I'll show them was my attitude.I was a little miffed when they suggested that I should abstain from alcohol and drugs.How the f*ck am I supposed to have a good time?
I can honestly say that I enjoy my life at 51 than I ever have.I do more today than I ever did.It all had to do with that psychic change that comes from working the twelve steps.
I hope you find your path.
Trouble,
Why is your doctor prescribing Tramadol? Those "harmless" little pills are more dangerous to come off of than many of the other more common drugs we hear about so often. One can have a siezure detoxing from those "harmless" pills.
Does your counselor prescribe anti-depressants to you? If you are clinically depressed, painkillers will only interfere with the process of dealing with depression.
I dont know of anyone here who ended up on the wrong side of painkillers who did not start off by enjoying the happy feeling and wanting to keep chasing it. The problem is that we then need more and more to reach that "happy". We also then crosswire our bodies from being able to achieve "happy" on its own. We deplete our natural seratonin.
You are playing with fire there Troubledone. Reread your own post. It does not sound like someone who is happy with the way their life is going. Something has to change. Not a rocket scientist here, but Id say messing with painkillers is the culprit.
Why is your doctor prescribing Tramadol? Those "harmless" little pills are more dangerous to come off of than many of the other more common drugs we hear about so often. One can have a siezure detoxing from those "harmless" pills.
Does your counselor prescribe anti-depressants to you? If you are clinically depressed, painkillers will only interfere with the process of dealing with depression.
I dont know of anyone here who ended up on the wrong side of painkillers who did not start off by enjoying the happy feeling and wanting to keep chasing it. The problem is that we then need more and more to reach that "happy". We also then crosswire our bodies from being able to achieve "happy" on its own. We deplete our natural seratonin.
You are playing with fire there Troubledone. Reread your own post. It does not sound like someone who is happy with the way their life is going. Something has to change. Not a rocket scientist here, but Id say messing with painkillers is the culprit.
| QUOTE |
| One can have a siezure detoxing from those "harmless" pills. |
Isn't tramadol like Ultram? I get confused and I thought that taking the ultram in large doses caused possible seizures not detoxing from them?
Done,
I never had any experience with the drug you are referring to but I did have some experience of living life without the 12step program and I can agree with Tim on being miserable....For me, today I understand that alcohol and drugs are merely a symptom of my disease and the real problem is me so I work a program on learning how to live life on life's terms without the help of a drink or a drug....I wish you well and I have seen people that have jumped off at the point you are at so it is very doable.....
Take care,
Stacey
I'm not sure if a person can have seizures coming off of ultram/tramadol or not. I do know that one can have a seizure if taking more than the recommended dose, or at a normal dose mixed with anti-depressants.
Fiona, if you are looking for a way to control recreational use, you are not going to find it. It simply does not exist. This forum has thousands of members and over 325,000 posts. I bet there is not a single post here where someone has successfully used "just to get high" for any significant length of time. If it could be done, believe me, someone here would have done it or known someone who has done it.
Please, seek out the reason why you are doing this. You may not think there is a reason, but happy well adjusted people don't abuse drugs. They do not crave an escape from reality. Find a healthy way to relax.
I strongly urge you to make an appointment with an addiction counselor and tell them what you have told us. You will never regret it.
Every one of us were where you are. We really believed we might be able to control it, or that it wouldn't be that difficult to quit. We loved the feeling and saw no reason to stop.
The pills turn on you. They stop working, you need more and more and then it doesn't matter how many you take. You end up needing massive amounts just to function and getting high doesn't even happen anymore. When it finally occurs to us that we might be in trouble, we are in so deep that it is pure hell to try and get back out. Usually by then there are all kinds of problems resulting from our use. Family, friends, money, suspicious doctors and pharmacists, illegal activity to obtain more..........the list goes on and on.
It is said in AA and NA that addicts who don't find recovery end up in one or more of three places...
Jails
Institutions
Dead
We want to help, please keep coming back. I'm not judging you, I was just like you. I learned my lesson the hard way, and I just hope you do not have to.
Fiona, if you are looking for a way to control recreational use, you are not going to find it. It simply does not exist. This forum has thousands of members and over 325,000 posts. I bet there is not a single post here where someone has successfully used "just to get high" for any significant length of time. If it could be done, believe me, someone here would have done it or known someone who has done it.
Please, seek out the reason why you are doing this. You may not think there is a reason, but happy well adjusted people don't abuse drugs. They do not crave an escape from reality. Find a healthy way to relax.
I strongly urge you to make an appointment with an addiction counselor and tell them what you have told us. You will never regret it.
Every one of us were where you are. We really believed we might be able to control it, or that it wouldn't be that difficult to quit. We loved the feeling and saw no reason to stop.
The pills turn on you. They stop working, you need more and more and then it doesn't matter how many you take. You end up needing massive amounts just to function and getting high doesn't even happen anymore. When it finally occurs to us that we might be in trouble, we are in so deep that it is pure hell to try and get back out. Usually by then there are all kinds of problems resulting from our use. Family, friends, money, suspicious doctors and pharmacists, illegal activity to obtain more..........the list goes on and on.
It is said in AA and NA that addicts who don't find recovery end up in one or more of three places...
Jails
Institutions
Dead
We want to help, please keep coming back. I'm not judging you, I was just like you. I learned my lesson the hard way, and I just hope you do not have to.
Hi Troubled:
Welcome back. I agree with all of the other posters. At one time, I thought it was ludicrous that it was suggested to me to stop all mind altering substances recreationally. Surely, I was not as bad as other people. I had stopped on my own at different times of my life. Unfortunately, there did come a time when I could not stop on my own. I had to realize that drugs were not my problem. I ended up in meetings at 21 years old. I was pissed off about it. After several years clean, I had convinced myself that I wasn't really an addict and that I may have overshot the mark by abstaining from drugs and alcohol throughout my 20's. I tried again to use recreationally and slowly but definitely surely I had crossed that line in the sand that I swore I would never cross. I found out the hard way that drugs and alcohol were no longer an option for me. I am really glad you are here and I hope you stick around.
~Rachel
Welcome back. I agree with all of the other posters. At one time, I thought it was ludicrous that it was suggested to me to stop all mind altering substances recreationally. Surely, I was not as bad as other people. I had stopped on my own at different times of my life. Unfortunately, there did come a time when I could not stop on my own. I had to realize that drugs were not my problem. I ended up in meetings at 21 years old. I was pissed off about it. After several years clean, I had convinced myself that I wasn't really an addict and that I may have overshot the mark by abstaining from drugs and alcohol throughout my 20's. I tried again to use recreationally and slowly but definitely surely I had crossed that line in the sand that I swore I would never cross. I found out the hard way that drugs and alcohol were no longer an option for me. I am really glad you are here and I hope you stick around.
~Rachel
TroubleDone-
I remember you! Welcome Back! :)
You have received some great advice here, of which I dont think I have anything else to add, that hasnt already been said.
Except playing with fire is about right............
So good to see you back.
Keep posting.
I remember you! Welcome Back! :)
You have received some great advice here, of which I dont think I have anything else to add, that hasnt already been said.
Except playing with fire is about right............
So good to see you back.
Keep posting.
hey thanks everyone. Ok for those who do not know my story back last february I was addicted to a couple different types of pain pills tramadol(ultram) and Hydros. Ok So I got off of everything for like 10 months. the reason I am was prescribed these pills is because i got injured while I was in the Marine Corps. So now i have a lot of problems with my ankle. my doctor through the VA(veterans hospital) stopped my prescriptions she did not want me on all sorts of pain pills at my age, smart lady!!! well here 10 months down the rode I finally get health insurance and go to another doctor. Secretly hopeing maybe he would give me something well he did the tramadols. I do not want to take them but it is hard because they really do make you feel so good, so calm relaxed and like nothing can bother you. I dont want to take too many and have a seizure, thats what really scares me. Because no one really knows how many is too many for those little nasties!!!!! It could be 3,4,5-10 any number. I just wish I wasnt so bored of life all the time. I am prescribed anti depressants but I do not take them because I do not believe they will even do anything for me!
You went to the doctor, after getting health insurance, after 10 months off pills, with the intent of getting more pills. Then, you say you don't want to take them but can't help it because they make you feel good. That is contradictory.
You do want to take them or you wouldn't have them, you wouldn't have sought them out and you wouldn't still have them.
If you managed your pain without them for 10 months, why do you need them now?
I can't offer you any other advice, except fess up to the doctor and tell him you are taking them to feel good and not for pain. You have fair warning of where this behavior will get you. Please think long and hard about the advice you have been given here today. Something about this must be troubling you or you wouldn't have chosen to come here today.
I hope you stick around and read and continue to post. You'll find lots of help and support here when you are ready.
Best wishes.
You do want to take them or you wouldn't have them, you wouldn't have sought them out and you wouldn't still have them.
If you managed your pain without them for 10 months, why do you need them now?
I can't offer you any other advice, except fess up to the doctor and tell him you are taking them to feel good and not for pain. You have fair warning of where this behavior will get you. Please think long and hard about the advice you have been given here today. Something about this must be troubling you or you wouldn't have chosen to come here today.
I hope you stick around and read and continue to post. You'll find lots of help and support here when you are ready.
Best wishes.
Fiona,
You are playing doctor. You know that right? You were prescribed AD's... you are obviously and self proclaimed depressed. You won't take them cause you don't think they will help you?? Do you WANT help? If you wanted to try and do everything in your power to feel better and live a drug free life, then you need to start getting honest with yourself and your DOCTOR. (not dr. fiona)
I ditto atlas... you need to do some true soul searching. You've gotta be ready. I heard that so many times... you have to be ready and WANTING to stop the madness. I though OF COURSE I WANT TO STOP!!! But.... i really didn't. I lied to myself and I started to believe my lies for those tiny little s***s.
There's nothing wrong with getting help. It shows that you want to be a better person and you're willing to go the distance. Not many people can do that for themselves. It takes a special type. (like VALERIE) :)
I hope you get something out of this. If not... I tried and have said all I know... (for now anyways , heehee)
love
stac
You are playing doctor. You know that right? You were prescribed AD's... you are obviously and self proclaimed depressed. You won't take them cause you don't think they will help you?? Do you WANT help? If you wanted to try and do everything in your power to feel better and live a drug free life, then you need to start getting honest with yourself and your DOCTOR. (not dr. fiona)
I ditto atlas... you need to do some true soul searching. You've gotta be ready. I heard that so many times... you have to be ready and WANTING to stop the madness. I though OF COURSE I WANT TO STOP!!! But.... i really didn't. I lied to myself and I started to believe my lies for those tiny little s***s.
There's nothing wrong with getting help. It shows that you want to be a better person and you're willing to go the distance. Not many people can do that for themselves. It takes a special type. (like VALERIE) :)
I hope you get something out of this. If not... I tried and have said all I know... (for now anyways , heehee)
love
stac
ok so heres the thing. I have pain dont get me wrong there. The motrin and all the over the counter stuff was not helping enough. I started getting back on my feet more, and school, waitressing. I went to the doctor for my initial check up first time visit thing. He looked at my record seen what was wrong with my ankle and then did a couple of tests and moved my ankle around to check pain and the range of motion. he asked me how the pain was I told him what I had taken before and what i was taking now and he said ok he was going to give me something for pain. i did not tell him I was addicted before, it is not something I like to just tell everyone. Plus I dont even have any pills right now. I get them every two weeks about 50 and my boyfriend and i share them for a few days and then there gone. I dont need them everyday. I just do it for fun I guess. I am here because this past weekend my boyfriend got ahold of some pills took a large quantity in a short time now he is withdrawling he knows what its like because we both came off before right around the same time. We got talking and we are trying to figure out a way to continue life with out the pills. I thought I could come back on here and get advice. I just dont know what to do. We only live this life once, so why not just enjoy it despite how you chose to do that, right?
Fiona
I know pain. I live with it. I'm 23 and have 3 herniated discs in my lower back.(L4, L5, and S1) I also have a 34lb 2 year old that needs to be picked up sometimes.
This was my excuse. I got pills legit. (until i had to buy them off the street) I can honestly say that TRULY my pain has gotten better since I've been off Pills. I swear they make pain worse at times. It's happened a ton, but I didn't care. If i hurt, even a little, i would take a couple. It's not normal.
You'd be surprised what exercise can do for your ankle. You can get it strong again. It will feel better.
I know pain. I live with it. I'm 23 and have 3 herniated discs in my lower back.(L4, L5, and S1) I also have a 34lb 2 year old that needs to be picked up sometimes.
This was my excuse. I got pills legit. (until i had to buy them off the street) I can honestly say that TRULY my pain has gotten better since I've been off Pills. I swear they make pain worse at times. It's happened a ton, but I didn't care. If i hurt, even a little, i would take a couple. It's not normal.
You'd be surprised what exercise can do for your ankle. You can get it strong again. It will feel better.
Fiona,
What kind of advice do you want? A way to continue using without consequences? It doesn't exist. I wish I could help you, but I don't know what to else say. I don't know what you are looking for. Once your addiction progresses again, you'll be seeking pills elsewhere. Please don't think your limited access will stop addiction. You'll find a way to fuel that addiction, addicts always do.
The fact that you have pain is irrelevant. You are using the pills to get high, not for pain. You are gambling with your life for a buzz. It may seem innocent enough now, but you are on a fast path to hell.
I really do hope something said here today strikes a chord with you and snaps you out of this. Keep posting, others will be on here tomorrow to give you more suggestions. Take care.
What kind of advice do you want? A way to continue using without consequences? It doesn't exist. I wish I could help you, but I don't know what to else say. I don't know what you are looking for. Once your addiction progresses again, you'll be seeking pills elsewhere. Please don't think your limited access will stop addiction. You'll find a way to fuel that addiction, addicts always do.
The fact that you have pain is irrelevant. You are using the pills to get high, not for pain. You are gambling with your life for a buzz. It may seem innocent enough now, but you are on a fast path to hell.
I really do hope something said here today strikes a chord with you and snaps you out of this. Keep posting, others will be on here tomorrow to give you more suggestions. Take care.
Sorry if I was incorrect about tramadol and seizures. Not sure if one has seizures "detoxing" from tramadol. Perhaps it does have to do with the amounts one takes or what is taken with it. But the bottom line is it is still a dangerous drug (as they all are) when not taken as directed and for an extended period of time. If you are honest with your doctor about everything, together you should be able to work on depression and pain in a safe way. Please try.
hey fiona
i just want to tell you about a experience i just went thru, i have been clean for almost 6 mos from a vicodin addiction, as the holidays approached, i felt triggered to use, just the sight of the Christmas tree reminded me how i used to smoke a joint and sit back and just stare at its beauty and of course its beauty was magnified after i smoked. the smell of pumpkin pie at thanksgiving reminded me how i enjoyed cooking thanksgiving dinner under the influence, man i would go into great detail when i was high, even painted my entire kitchen the tuesday before i marathoned cooked for thanksgiving doing es vicodins, all those thoughts came back and my counselor said that the first holiday clean is a hard one, how true.
i also was thinking it woud be ok to have my once a year bottle of asti spumante on new years eve that i share with my sister, other than that i never drink alcohol cuz it makes me throw up. i kept thinking to my self this would be ok just a drink and a joint, because they werent the ones that got me in trouble, opiates were. so i was honest and i shared this with my sponsor then and i wanted her justification for it, her answer was NO!!!! if you do that she answered, you will change your brain chemistry right back to where it was on the day you had to detox. i was like no way do i ever want to go back to those dark days again so i abstained nor will i have a drink on new years eve.
i have been invited to a bachelorette/bridal shower, i responded that i will attend the bridal shower but when the limo comes to take the girls to the bar for the bachelorette party, i will leave and come home, i know i cant be around as they say people, places and old playgrounds, i know what would happen, i would lose what i have worked so hard for, speaking of old people places and playgrounds, i have not been to my using friends house since july, she lives just a block away and i always would stop over and get high with her and her husband, i even lowered myself in desparation to smoke crack 2 times with them, something i said i would NEVER do. so this Christmas i sent a card to them and explained why i have been absent and hope they understand that i havent stopped being their friend, i just cant be in your garage any more for thats where we always partied. she called me after receiving my card saying how sorry she was for not calling me as well, she was drunk and wants to get better but wouldnt take any of my advice. i 'm telling you just the sound of her voice was like this huge craving came over me where i wanted to say, hey i'll be right down, but i didnt. i cant believe that a voice would be such a trigger. i am glad i didnt go, i am starting to like my clean life, and never in a million years would i have ever thought i could say that i would rather be clean than feel the euphoria of a drug,cuz there is that nasty consequence that is ALWAYS sure to follow once you start up again, like the posters said, you dont feel high anymore, depression sets in and then there is having to face withdrawing, i am so terrified of ever having to go thru withdrawals again, it was more the mental part, not that the physical wasnt bad, the exhaustion was horrible, but the mental part of feeling so dark and not wanting to live is something i am so thankful is behind me today. i am now starting my step work but i need to find a new sponsor for which i am praying for.
addicts can NEVER use recreationally, never.period. julie/k9 lover/jewels
i just want to tell you about a experience i just went thru, i have been clean for almost 6 mos from a vicodin addiction, as the holidays approached, i felt triggered to use, just the sight of the Christmas tree reminded me how i used to smoke a joint and sit back and just stare at its beauty and of course its beauty was magnified after i smoked. the smell of pumpkin pie at thanksgiving reminded me how i enjoyed cooking thanksgiving dinner under the influence, man i would go into great detail when i was high, even painted my entire kitchen the tuesday before i marathoned cooked for thanksgiving doing es vicodins, all those thoughts came back and my counselor said that the first holiday clean is a hard one, how true.
i also was thinking it woud be ok to have my once a year bottle of asti spumante on new years eve that i share with my sister, other than that i never drink alcohol cuz it makes me throw up. i kept thinking to my self this would be ok just a drink and a joint, because they werent the ones that got me in trouble, opiates were. so i was honest and i shared this with my sponsor then and i wanted her justification for it, her answer was NO!!!! if you do that she answered, you will change your brain chemistry right back to where it was on the day you had to detox. i was like no way do i ever want to go back to those dark days again so i abstained nor will i have a drink on new years eve.
i have been invited to a bachelorette/bridal shower, i responded that i will attend the bridal shower but when the limo comes to take the girls to the bar for the bachelorette party, i will leave and come home, i know i cant be around as they say people, places and old playgrounds, i know what would happen, i would lose what i have worked so hard for, speaking of old people places and playgrounds, i have not been to my using friends house since july, she lives just a block away and i always would stop over and get high with her and her husband, i even lowered myself in desparation to smoke crack 2 times with them, something i said i would NEVER do. so this Christmas i sent a card to them and explained why i have been absent and hope they understand that i havent stopped being their friend, i just cant be in your garage any more for thats where we always partied. she called me after receiving my card saying how sorry she was for not calling me as well, she was drunk and wants to get better but wouldnt take any of my advice. i 'm telling you just the sound of her voice was like this huge craving came over me where i wanted to say, hey i'll be right down, but i didnt. i cant believe that a voice would be such a trigger. i am glad i didnt go, i am starting to like my clean life, and never in a million years would i have ever thought i could say that i would rather be clean than feel the euphoria of a drug,cuz there is that nasty consequence that is ALWAYS sure to follow once you start up again, like the posters said, you dont feel high anymore, depression sets in and then there is having to face withdrawing, i am so terrified of ever having to go thru withdrawals again, it was more the mental part, not that the physical wasnt bad, the exhaustion was horrible, but the mental part of feeling so dark and not wanting to live is something i am so thankful is behind me today. i am now starting my step work but i need to find a new sponsor for which i am praying for.
addicts can NEVER use recreationally, never.period. julie/k9 lover/jewels
