Hi all
Gee Ive not been on here in sum time think it was back in May when i was dishin out advice to Todd - if only Id listened to my own words of wisdom!!!
Been back out in the madness for about 5/6 months, gee it just gets worse so much quicker each time, the chaos that ensues, job lost, family not spkn to me (well my mum is but no-one else), cut off friends, sat in isolation, was in court ystrdy, almost lost my home etc etc the list goes on & on!!!
However......................Im one of the lucky ones coz Ice managed to pick myself up only after I stopped beating myself with tha VERY LARGE stick and finally on sunday I admitted defeat and contacted a friend in NA who came & spent the whole day with me, in fact they dragged me about with them for about 6/7hrs, for which I am grateful. Got back to a meetin on Monday and have been every nite since either to f2f or online. Been meetin up with people and Im trying to get better at pickn up the phone and askin for help, it gets easier each time. Am talkin to sponsor regular, in fact doin all the stuff that is suggested.
Im still disappointed in myself for yet another relapse tho I see the pattern now so clearly, each time my clean time gets that wee bit longer I start to get bored with meetins, pikn up resentments with people, then I stop goin, stop working a program, stop stayin in contact with others in recvoery & b4 I know Im back on my a**!!
Im prayin that I need never do this again, coz to be honest I really cant, Im sic of it all, I want my life back.
Rite now I feel like cr*p not slept for days, the worst part is over but now the hard work begins.
I just wanted to pop in & say Hello to the folks I knw and Hello to the ones I dont and to ask you all for your support as Im gona need lots of it over the next few wks, the sleepless nites are a killer yeah but I can (just) handle them but its good to knw I can pop on here pour my heart out & I knw you will be here for me.
Luv n Hugs
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS court went GREAT didnt even have to see judge was in & out in 10mins, home still mine, long as I stick to repayment plan, which I will ;o)
"However......................Im one of the lucky ones coz Ice managed to pick myself up only after I stopped beating myself with tha VERY LARGE stick"
That's what keeps us 'stuck'...that very large stick that oft times we beat ourselves up with after a relapse in our recovery....preventing us from coming back sooner into the sober fold...
glad you didn't decide to wallow in the self-imposed guilt trip any further than was necessary and luckily came back to us once again
Sincerely, MARY
That's what keeps us 'stuck'...that very large stick that oft times we beat ourselves up with after a relapse in our recovery....preventing us from coming back sooner into the sober fold...
glad you didn't decide to wallow in the self-imposed guilt trip any further than was necessary and luckily came back to us once again
Sincerely, MARY
Hi Hope!
Gosh, I wondered what had become of you... I'm so sorry to hear of your relapse but glad to hear you've got clean! We're both clean for today, so now we're tied for the lead!
It helps me to hear of your sleepless nights and all that crap...
I'll have six months clean on Christmas day.
I'm working the program. I've slowed down on meetings lately, but I met with my sponsor (the rugby player) last week for the first time in weeks and we're going to continue with the steps. I'm on six. In fact, I think I'll go to a meeting right now.
So good to hear from you, my Scottish lass. Stay with us.
Mark
Gosh, I wondered what had become of you... I'm so sorry to hear of your relapse but glad to hear you've got clean! We're both clean for today, so now we're tied for the lead!
It helps me to hear of your sleepless nights and all that crap...
I'll have six months clean on Christmas day.
I'm working the program. I've slowed down on meetings lately, but I met with my sponsor (the rugby player) last week for the first time in weeks and we're going to continue with the steps. I'm on six. In fact, I think I'll go to a meeting right now.
So good to hear from you, my Scottish lass. Stay with us.
Mark
Well done Hope! Hang in there. Those sleepless days and nights can be killers, but it will get better. Like Todd said, today you're clean and that's what counts. Focus on today and keep with all the good things you're doing. You can do this. And you will! your post was very inspiring. I know you've helped lots of folks with it too. You should be well proud of yourself!
All the best,
Beck
All the best,
Beck
I don't want to admit defeat, because that hasen't happenned yet, but I'm off to detox at 9:00 am. I thought I could handle the weaning down, which I did for a few monthes, but things are collectively wearing me down. I got to 60mg. of morph. 3 times a day, from 100, but something inside me says to go get professional help to beat this. My goal was to get off methadone, which I did, but I would rather be drawn and quartered before giving up and going back on that s***. I know the next few days will be hell, to say the least(49 Dec.21) but I hope there is a new beginninng for me. I'm going to do my absolute best this time. There's a 3 storey balconey just outside my bedroom door if it gets that bad. I can't go on this way any longer. Pray for me. I'll let you know how it goes in a couple weeks. Mike.
Thxs u all for your kind replies
Todd - I knw Ive misd u 2 and WOW 6months on Christmas Day - u doing good, hope I did inspire you to get to a meetin & great to hear u met up with sponsor.
Mike FV - ur goin to the best place if ur not copin at home. Ur in my thoughts, stay strong U CAN DO THIS and you will Im sure. We are all here for you
Im off out shortly and its only 7.28am away to help a male friend in the fellowship do his Xmas shopn but we are goin into the city centre early before the maraudin hordes descend - lol!!
Im staying strong went to an online meetin last nite and will be at f2f this eve my homegroup. Met up with sum women ystrdy for good old chinwag, lotsa tears from me but they are tears of relief and at least Im feelin sumat now instead of that numb feeling Ive had for the past few months.
Another ruf nite tho I did sleep for about an hr in total in 3 20 min bursts but its beta than nothing at all!!!! Keepin busy, readin the literature of NA, letn people knw how Im feelin as they cant help if I dont let them knw how I feel can they?
I always seem to struggle around about 3pm til 6pm so now I talk to my sponsor or sum1 else around that time most days which is helpin a lot. I also have notes stuck on the back of my sitn room door and my front door with sum positive sayings and also the negatives from using and the positives from not using so that if I feel tempted to use I can see them b4 I leave the house. Its working so far.
Heard a great one in a meetin on thurs - someone said they still sumtimes have the obesession to use but today their desire to stay clean is stronger than the desire to use, so I came home & added that to my door notes. I keep sayin it over & over as well.
Onwards & upwards, just for today I will stay clean.
Thxs again
YILF
Hayley xxxx
Todd - I knw Ive misd u 2 and WOW 6months on Christmas Day - u doing good, hope I did inspire you to get to a meetin & great to hear u met up with sponsor.
Mike FV - ur goin to the best place if ur not copin at home. Ur in my thoughts, stay strong U CAN DO THIS and you will Im sure. We are all here for you
Im off out shortly and its only 7.28am away to help a male friend in the fellowship do his Xmas shopn but we are goin into the city centre early before the maraudin hordes descend - lol!!
Im staying strong went to an online meetin last nite and will be at f2f this eve my homegroup. Met up with sum women ystrdy for good old chinwag, lotsa tears from me but they are tears of relief and at least Im feelin sumat now instead of that numb feeling Ive had for the past few months.
Another ruf nite tho I did sleep for about an hr in total in 3 20 min bursts but its beta than nothing at all!!!! Keepin busy, readin the literature of NA, letn people knw how Im feelin as they cant help if I dont let them knw how I feel can they?
I always seem to struggle around about 3pm til 6pm so now I talk to my sponsor or sum1 else around that time most days which is helpin a lot. I also have notes stuck on the back of my sitn room door and my front door with sum positive sayings and also the negatives from using and the positives from not using so that if I feel tempted to use I can see them b4 I leave the house. Its working so far.
Heard a great one in a meetin on thurs - someone said they still sumtimes have the obesession to use but today their desire to stay clean is stronger than the desire to use, so I came home & added that to my door notes. I keep sayin it over & over as well.
Onwards & upwards, just for today I will stay clean.
Thxs again
YILF
Hayley xxxx
Good for you- -I never could give that sponser thing long enuff to take hold. Even though I not a meeting person, I have been to my share.I know when something works.
If your it to it and get involved ,it will work - its got years of success that really no other group program can come close to .
best,jack
If your it to it and get involved ,it will work - its got years of success that really no other group program can come close to .
best,jack
My man is in detox at the moment. Like you Jack he doesn't do the meetings says he wants to close the door on all things drugs. I suppose it's whatever works for you.
It's nice to hear you are going out shopping Hayley. I hope the sleep improves soon - you know it gets better with time.
It's been almost six months but I surely remember reading your posts in the very early days after I quit shooting dope! I was a mess and your words helped sustain me. Thanks so much!
By the way, that was in July that we were chatting. You haven't been gone as long as you think.
I was off work for over two months! I was so weak! I've been working out and I've gained 45 pounds. I'm finally back at it and have done advertising and customers are starting to add up, thank God! It seems as long as I do the next right thing, good luck seems to come my way. My two year plan is still on track...
I'm so glad to hear from you again! It breaks my heart to hear of your problems. Go to meetings and get a sponsor. It has been working for me and I pray it works for you.
xxoo
Mark
It's been almost six months but I surely remember reading your posts in the very early days after I quit shooting dope! I was a mess and your words helped sustain me. Thanks so much!
By the way, that was in July that we were chatting. You haven't been gone as long as you think.
I was off work for over two months! I was so weak! I've been working out and I've gained 45 pounds. I'm finally back at it and have done advertising and customers are starting to add up, thank God! It seems as long as I do the next right thing, good luck seems to come my way. My two year plan is still on track...
I'm so glad to hear from you again! It breaks my heart to hear of your problems. Go to meetings and get a sponsor. It has been working for me and I pray it works for you.
xxoo
Mark
Hey all
Have had a busy wknd spendin lotsa time wi others in recovery who are reachin out to help me. Even tho I dont necessarily feel like doin stuff with them I am pushin myself to do so.
Howeva I gota be honest and say I am REALLY strugln at the minute its 1.52am and I knw another long nite beckons, though I am gona try go to bed for a bit & read and maybe ill drop off for an hr if im lucky.
I had a bad eve on sat totally obsessed about using, I did share about how I felt in a meetin on sat eve yet afterwards I shot off with the full intention of goin to my ex's as I knew he would have & I know how to push those buttons to get. Yet I really didnt want to either, is that makin any sense to any of you coz it sure as hell aint makin sense to me. I am desperate to stay clean and am takin it min by min hour by hour day by day but why did I feel like that. I didnt tell anyone what my intention was and as I was walkin down the road I had to make a decision to take a left to his or a right to head to my own place and just at that point a friend in the fellowship who has done so much for me over these past 8 days texted me to ask how the meetin had went and had I managed to share (as Id been strugln to open my mouth since returnin to f2f meetins on mon). That was all I needed to read, that someon genuinely cared about me and it was enuf to make me make the right choice and turn right and let my legs carry me home. Yet I still didnt tell him that in my reply to his txt and when I got home I just lay in the dark on my sofa with my head whirrin at one hundred miles an hour. Did I call my sponsor tell her how I was feelin, did I hell, did I call a friend tell them, did I hell. Instead I lay torturin myself for a good hour. What the hell is that all about.
I knw I keep sayin this and I really dont want to bore anyone but why do I let my feelings about my age and the fact that Im the eldest woman in the NA meetins where I am stop me from askin for help. I have struggled with this since I came into NA and Im aware that Im holdin myself back because of this. I have talked this over with my sponsor many times and was advised that my age does not make me who I am and at 41 Im not really that old. Why do I find it so hard to ask for help?
I am close to quite a few of the other women and have a really strong friendship with one of them who is 13yrs younger than me, I find her easy to talk to, we have many similar interests and spend a lot of time together talkin recovery, relationships, clothes shopn, beauty products etc we go for long walks in the countryside together & discuss all this & more so why am I lookn at the age diff in relation to my recovery yet not in other aspects of my life?? My sponsor is about 10yrs younger than me and I have no problem with that either I have always been able to confide in her and get loads out of what she says. Yet when im in a meetin Im letn it eat away at me inside feelin like they all dont understand - is that insanity or what??
I ended up goin for a walk down the beach at 5am this mornin as not sleepin and couldnt sit on own any longer, its only 5mins from my home it was very very very cold, there was not a soul goin about, it was in darkness and was extremely frosty, yet I got so much from that walk. The sound of the waves lappin in the darkness, the cold air breathin into my lungs, the lights from the ships waitin for the tide to change to be able to enter the harbour, the sparkliness of the frost on the ground, the peace and solitude, it really cleared my head and I returned feelin rejuvenated if a little chilled. Soon warmed up though.
I then spent the whole day with others in recovery, met sum for breakfast then I attended the AGM of Area meetin just to see what goes on and to keep myself safe by bein in their company, but..............as soon as I got bak home on my own that was me off on one again, obsession about using and once again have I picked up the phone, have I hell?????!!!!!
Im also strugln with getn a connection with a HP again, im prayin, im readin BT & JFT I even picked up sum pamphlets that had subject matter that was of interest to me yet I just dont feel a connection with anything rite now.
Im really sorry if Im rambling being 8 days clean means I dont have the clearest head but I just needed to share how I was feelin in the hope that I get sum feedback.
Thxs again
xxxxx
Have had a busy wknd spendin lotsa time wi others in recovery who are reachin out to help me. Even tho I dont necessarily feel like doin stuff with them I am pushin myself to do so.
Howeva I gota be honest and say I am REALLY strugln at the minute its 1.52am and I knw another long nite beckons, though I am gona try go to bed for a bit & read and maybe ill drop off for an hr if im lucky.
I had a bad eve on sat totally obsessed about using, I did share about how I felt in a meetin on sat eve yet afterwards I shot off with the full intention of goin to my ex's as I knew he would have & I know how to push those buttons to get. Yet I really didnt want to either, is that makin any sense to any of you coz it sure as hell aint makin sense to me. I am desperate to stay clean and am takin it min by min hour by hour day by day but why did I feel like that. I didnt tell anyone what my intention was and as I was walkin down the road I had to make a decision to take a left to his or a right to head to my own place and just at that point a friend in the fellowship who has done so much for me over these past 8 days texted me to ask how the meetin had went and had I managed to share (as Id been strugln to open my mouth since returnin to f2f meetins on mon). That was all I needed to read, that someon genuinely cared about me and it was enuf to make me make the right choice and turn right and let my legs carry me home. Yet I still didnt tell him that in my reply to his txt and when I got home I just lay in the dark on my sofa with my head whirrin at one hundred miles an hour. Did I call my sponsor tell her how I was feelin, did I hell, did I call a friend tell them, did I hell. Instead I lay torturin myself for a good hour. What the hell is that all about.
I knw I keep sayin this and I really dont want to bore anyone but why do I let my feelings about my age and the fact that Im the eldest woman in the NA meetins where I am stop me from askin for help. I have struggled with this since I came into NA and Im aware that Im holdin myself back because of this. I have talked this over with my sponsor many times and was advised that my age does not make me who I am and at 41 Im not really that old. Why do I find it so hard to ask for help?
I am close to quite a few of the other women and have a really strong friendship with one of them who is 13yrs younger than me, I find her easy to talk to, we have many similar interests and spend a lot of time together talkin recovery, relationships, clothes shopn, beauty products etc we go for long walks in the countryside together & discuss all this & more so why am I lookn at the age diff in relation to my recovery yet not in other aspects of my life?? My sponsor is about 10yrs younger than me and I have no problem with that either I have always been able to confide in her and get loads out of what she says. Yet when im in a meetin Im letn it eat away at me inside feelin like they all dont understand - is that insanity or what??
I ended up goin for a walk down the beach at 5am this mornin as not sleepin and couldnt sit on own any longer, its only 5mins from my home it was very very very cold, there was not a soul goin about, it was in darkness and was extremely frosty, yet I got so much from that walk. The sound of the waves lappin in the darkness, the cold air breathin into my lungs, the lights from the ships waitin for the tide to change to be able to enter the harbour, the sparkliness of the frost on the ground, the peace and solitude, it really cleared my head and I returned feelin rejuvenated if a little chilled. Soon warmed up though.
I then spent the whole day with others in recovery, met sum for breakfast then I attended the AGM of Area meetin just to see what goes on and to keep myself safe by bein in their company, but..............as soon as I got bak home on my own that was me off on one again, obsession about using and once again have I picked up the phone, have I hell?????!!!!!
Im also strugln with getn a connection with a HP again, im prayin, im readin BT & JFT I even picked up sum pamphlets that had subject matter that was of interest to me yet I just dont feel a connection with anything rite now.
Im really sorry if Im rambling being 8 days clean means I dont have the clearest head but I just needed to share how I was feelin in the hope that I get sum feedback.
Thxs again
xxxxx
Gosh, that walk on the beach sounds so good, even in the freezing cold. You can bundle up, eh?
Haylz, it was eight days before I could even log on to a computer! I couldn't walk around the block till I was clean a couple weeks! I know how hard it is, especially since you have a source (the ex) nearby. Stay strong, it's a miserable end if you don't!
Maybe you are finding, like I did, that each time we go out (and we're that much older) it's harder and takes longer to get back to normal.
This disease is progressive.
You'd best stay with us this time. If you don't, there may be no next time!
Come on, Haylz, I know you can do it!
I know a woman who's older than me (if you can feature that) and her sponsor is twenty-two now. She says it's the best sponsor she's ever had! Who would've guessed?
Haylz, I was hoping to visit my ancestral homeland one day soon and I was hoping to look you up for a tour guide. You'll need to be well clean to be up for that task, now won't you?
Get a sponsor and call her or you'll be makin this tougher than it has to be.
xxoo
M
Haylz, it was eight days before I could even log on to a computer! I couldn't walk around the block till I was clean a couple weeks! I know how hard it is, especially since you have a source (the ex) nearby. Stay strong, it's a miserable end if you don't!
Maybe you are finding, like I did, that each time we go out (and we're that much older) it's harder and takes longer to get back to normal.
This disease is progressive.
You'd best stay with us this time. If you don't, there may be no next time!
Come on, Haylz, I know you can do it!
I know a woman who's older than me (if you can feature that) and her sponsor is twenty-two now. She says it's the best sponsor she's ever had! Who would've guessed?
Haylz, I was hoping to visit my ancestral homeland one day soon and I was hoping to look you up for a tour guide. You'll need to be well clean to be up for that task, now won't you?
Get a sponsor and call her or you'll be makin this tougher than it has to be.
xxoo
M
Thxs Mark I always enjoy what u have to say even when we first started to chat back when the roles were reversed. Thats what its all about aint it bein able to be here for each other through the ups & downs.
Thats would be fantastic if u managed to make it over here at sum point I would be more than willin to introduce you to Bonnie Scotland!!
Have had a lazy day at home its not very nice weather and I just felt like I wanted some me time tho it has been quite a long day but another couple hrs and it will be time for my meetin - Step 2 tonight. Was my 1st meetin back at this point last
wk and it was Step 1 I sat bawlin my eyes out as I totally identified wi the powerelessness that people spoke about and the willingness to surrender.
Im still up & dwn but doin muy best to remain positive tho thats real life aint it, its not always a bed of roses.
Had a chat wi ma sponsor this mornin via the internet and will get another chat with her over the phone tomorrow. She recently moved 150 odd miles away and Im really misn the f2f contact with her but I have a great relationship with her so have no desire to change sponsor and Ive got plenty of both female & male friends in recovery who are more than willing to be there for me day or night. Getn lotsa support which is nice.
I truly thought that no-one cared about me - how wrong was I - thats insanity for ya. Everyone has been so nice since I walked back thru the doors of a meetin and Ive been blown away by some of what they have said & done in such a short space of time.
Will need to get out & about tomorrow though a 2nd day of my own company not the best idea at the minute as my head does tend to run riot when Im on my own. Been spendin today reading and doin a bit of writing and just chiln.
My flat really needs a good clean but I have all the time in the world to do that and its not as bad as I make out its just that Im a bit of a clean freak - lol
Hope ur day has been good its great to hear u soundin so positive and Ive been chekn out sum of your stuff on the pain pill board too - sorry to read all that bout the baby, but things happen for a reason dont they?
U take care
xx
Hayley
Thats would be fantastic if u managed to make it over here at sum point I would be more than willin to introduce you to Bonnie Scotland!!
Have had a lazy day at home its not very nice weather and I just felt like I wanted some me time tho it has been quite a long day but another couple hrs and it will be time for my meetin - Step 2 tonight. Was my 1st meetin back at this point last
wk and it was Step 1 I sat bawlin my eyes out as I totally identified wi the powerelessness that people spoke about and the willingness to surrender.
Im still up & dwn but doin muy best to remain positive tho thats real life aint it, its not always a bed of roses.
Had a chat wi ma sponsor this mornin via the internet and will get another chat with her over the phone tomorrow. She recently moved 150 odd miles away and Im really misn the f2f contact with her but I have a great relationship with her so have no desire to change sponsor and Ive got plenty of both female & male friends in recovery who are more than willing to be there for me day or night. Getn lotsa support which is nice.
I truly thought that no-one cared about me - how wrong was I - thats insanity for ya. Everyone has been so nice since I walked back thru the doors of a meetin and Ive been blown away by some of what they have said & done in such a short space of time.
Will need to get out & about tomorrow though a 2nd day of my own company not the best idea at the minute as my head does tend to run riot when Im on my own. Been spendin today reading and doin a bit of writing and just chiln.
My flat really needs a good clean but I have all the time in the world to do that and its not as bad as I make out its just that Im a bit of a clean freak - lol
Hope ur day has been good its great to hear u soundin so positive and Ive been chekn out sum of your stuff on the pain pill board too - sorry to read all that bout the baby, but things happen for a reason dont they?
U take care
xx
Hayley
Yes they do Hayley. Things happen for a reason.
My gosh, if you went back and read all that about the baby, you are quite the reader, aren't you?
I want to see rolling hills of green grass. And a castle. Got anything like that over there?
M
My gosh, if you went back and read all that about the baby, you are quite the reader, aren't you?
I want to see rolling hills of green grass. And a castle. Got anything like that over there?
M
Plenty rolling hills of green grass & craggy rock. The Scottish Highlands are only about a 2hr drive from where I am and there u will come across some of the most beautiful scenery ever. There are many mountains that can be easily climbed in anything from a cple of hours to a whole day. Gorgeous Lochs and so much more.
Castles - we have them in abundance, in fact the Queens Scottish Residence - Balmoral Castle is only about an hour or so away. But there are many castles around here even closer than that.
I am also quite near a ruined castle called Slains which was the inspiration for the story of Dracula. As I am on the coast there are many small villages around here 2 as well as some gorgeous beaches all very natural.
In fact I am extremely lucky to live where I do and sometimes its easy to forget all that beautiful nature that is around.
xx
Castles - we have them in abundance, in fact the Queens Scottish Residence - Balmoral Castle is only about an hour or so away. But there are many castles around here even closer than that.
I am also quite near a ruined castle called Slains which was the inspiration for the story of Dracula. As I am on the coast there are many small villages around here 2 as well as some gorgeous beaches all very natural.
In fact I am extremely lucky to live where I do and sometimes its easy to forget all that beautiful nature that is around.
xx
Ive been trying to attach an image from my files from my visit to the Highlands back in May this year to show Mark the beautiful mountains & scenery can anyone help me with how to do this.
I tried clickn on image but its asking for an http link and it doesnt seem to have that or maybe its just me im a bit of a technophobe.
Mark - if you wish to send me your email address and i could forward it to you that way or I am on Facebook - just type Hayley Tait or my email address which is hayley68@live.co.uk and u will find me that way then u can check out the photos from my trip to Aviemore and see some of that scenery I have spoken about.
xx
I tried clickn on image but its asking for an http link and it doesnt seem to have that or maybe its just me im a bit of a technophobe.
Mark - if you wish to send me your email address and i could forward it to you that way or I am on Facebook - just type Hayley Tait or my email address which is hayley68@live.co.uk and u will find me that way then u can check out the photos from my trip to Aviemore and see some of that scenery I have spoken about.
xx
I sent you an email. I hope...
Sounds beautiful there. And maybe a little spooky. Like in that movie "An American Werewolf in London."
They went in a little pub in a tiny village and were warned, "Stay off the moors."
Of course, they immediately went wandering off into the moors - whatever that is.
I live in the desert. We have mountains around, too. But we have no castles or kilts or moors. Or werewolves or vampires!
Sounds beautiful there. And maybe a little spooky. Like in that movie "An American Werewolf in London."
They went in a little pub in a tiny village and were warned, "Stay off the moors."
Of course, they immediately went wandering off into the moors - whatever that is.
I live in the desert. We have mountains around, too. But we have no castles or kilts or moors. Or werewolves or vampires!
Yeah got the email and assuming u got mine. As I said tis good to put face to name.
Yeah I rmbr that movie, loved it when first came out. It can be quite spooky
here that is true as I would imagine the desert would be too. Though ur lucky
that its probably warm with you most of the time. In Aberdeen its a standing
joke that you can experience all four seasons in one day and its no word
of a lie!!
Ill chek thru my pics tomora and email you sum more, will introduce to my
family and my darling nephews and let u see sum more Scottish scenery.
Thxs for even bein here just to chat bout normal stuff like this as Ive totally
isolated today, ignoring txts & calls, even cancelled meetin a friend, also never went to a meetin tonight, instead I chose to sit in wallowing in it all, torturing myself with thoughts of using. Only coz I want to change the way I feel coz the feelings are becoming hard to handle. I dont really want to use its just my mad head screamin at me to do so and my disease trying to get rite back in there and take hold coz it knws Im on the shaky nail at the minute!!
Gona spk to sponsor late morn and also gona call a cple of people see if they
fancy a coffee and sum fresh air as my hed is burstin!!
Nite nite Mark
xx
Hayley
Yeah I rmbr that movie, loved it when first came out. It can be quite spooky
here that is true as I would imagine the desert would be too. Though ur lucky
that its probably warm with you most of the time. In Aberdeen its a standing
joke that you can experience all four seasons in one day and its no word
of a lie!!
Ill chek thru my pics tomora and email you sum more, will introduce to my
family and my darling nephews and let u see sum more Scottish scenery.
Thxs for even bein here just to chat bout normal stuff like this as Ive totally
isolated today, ignoring txts & calls, even cancelled meetin a friend, also never went to a meetin tonight, instead I chose to sit in wallowing in it all, torturing myself with thoughts of using. Only coz I want to change the way I feel coz the feelings are becoming hard to handle. I dont really want to use its just my mad head screamin at me to do so and my disease trying to get rite back in there and take hold coz it knws Im on the shaky nail at the minute!!
Gona spk to sponsor late morn and also gona call a cple of people see if they
fancy a coffee and sum fresh air as my hed is burstin!!
Nite nite Mark
xx
Hayley
PS To all folks who look on here
Any suggestions and advice are welcome at the minute
as ul see from my posts that Im all over the place just
now as is only to be xpctd so all support is VERY much
appreciated.
Im doin my utmost to do all that I should be but its at times
like the day I let myself have ystrdy that I find it hard to
understand why Im doin that to myself.
Im up & dwn like a bloomin elevator with extreme emotions
xx
Any suggestions and advice are welcome at the minute
as ul see from my posts that Im all over the place just
now as is only to be xpctd so all support is VERY much
appreciated.
Im doin my utmost to do all that I should be but its at times
like the day I let myself have ystrdy that I find it hard to
understand why Im doin that to myself.
Im up & dwn like a bloomin elevator with extreme emotions
xx
Feelin REALLY low today, feel as if Im hangin
on a very very shaky nail.
Hed is absolutely burstin :o(
on a very very shaky nail.
Hed is absolutely burstin :o(
Yep, I been there.
Just hang in there. That's all you can do.
By the way, don't try to do too much too soon.
I know it sucks, but each time it gets harder and lasts longer so make sure you see to it that this is the last time you have to go through this!
I'll say a little prayer for you.
Mark
Just hang in there. That's all you can do.
By the way, don't try to do too much too soon.
I know it sucks, but each time it gets harder and lasts longer so make sure you see to it that this is the last time you have to go through this!
I'll say a little prayer for you.
Mark
