my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I knew of his past when we got together but I didn't think it would affect our relationship because it was years ago. He did pretty much everything in his late teens and early 20s. One night in October he came home and was overdosing on Heroin. i was in complete shock and had to keep myself together to get us both through it. I told him that can never happen again and he promised. Fast forward to February and he started using Subs. It has progressively gotten worse and he's in so much debt he can't even keep track of it all. He's been weaning himself off and he has counseling to help also. Through it all I've had a horribly rough time adjusting. My biological father was an addict and I told myself I would never get involved with an addict because of that but now I feel like I can't leave. I want to be with him and I do love him. I'm hoping that the counseling helps and he can eventually win this battle but right now I don't know what to do. I don't know how to support him.
I will say a prayer for you both. Addiction is a very hard battle for everyone involved.
I know exactly how you're feeling. I was with my now boyfriend when we were younger and after we separated he spiraled out of control with drugs. We are now back together and have been for 2 years and the struggle has been off and on..He's been to a few rehabs and is now also taking suboxone and is about to start tapering off. I would maybe suggest you look into meetings for partners/family member of addicts. I know its hard to talk to friend/family because they simply dont understand....It's just like AA or NA but for the family member/partner that is going through this but not using..Its helps to hear what they have to say..and make you feel like you're not alone in this struggle. My mother is an addict as well so i grew up around it, and just like you say i've always promised myself i would NEVER touch anything and i have not. (aside from occasional alcoholic consumption) If you love him, hang in there just a little longer..but dont hold on to the point where you lose yourself and your happiness overall. I wish you guys the best!
Thank you both for your prayers and your advice. He has his first appointment coming up and I'm just concerned that it might work in a negative way.
How can it be certain that the amount of pills he gets in his appointment won't be over used? I'm also worried he might sell them. He gets defensive when I ask him questions because I want to have a better understanding of what's going on. I think he needs counseling to get to the underlying problem/trigger. When I suggested it last night, he said he doesn't need counseling he just needs to get past this. What worries me is that this won't be the last time. If it's happened before it can happen again. Especially if he is not willing to seek counseling to find the underlying problem.
Any advice? And how can I talk to him to try and get a better understanding of this situation? I feel like he thinks I am nagging or judging him when I ask questions.
He even said he wishes he didn't tell me about this situation because I can't understand it. I asked him how he wanted me to support him and he just said "by being here." That isn't something I can just let happen because I'm financially supporting him right now. I think I should have a right to know how the money is being used.
How can it be certain that the amount of pills he gets in his appointment won't be over used? I'm also worried he might sell them. He gets defensive when I ask him questions because I want to have a better understanding of what's going on. I think he needs counseling to get to the underlying problem/trigger. When I suggested it last night, he said he doesn't need counseling he just needs to get past this. What worries me is that this won't be the last time. If it's happened before it can happen again. Especially if he is not willing to seek counseling to find the underlying problem.
Any advice? And how can I talk to him to try and get a better understanding of this situation? I feel like he thinks I am nagging or judging him when I ask questions.
He even said he wishes he didn't tell me about this situation because I can't understand it. I asked him how he wanted me to support him and he just said "by being here." That isn't something I can just let happen because I'm financially supporting him right now. I think I should have a right to know how the money is being used.
Most doctors won't dispense suboxone or subutex without counseling or outpatient rehab of some sort. If you are paying the bills and you are deciding to stay in a relationship you didn't sign up for - you call the shots. After my son repeatedly sold his suboxone for H or wouldn't take it, the only way I was going to pay for it was if I held the prescription and gave him his twice daily doses and watched him take it. He hated it, he's a young adult but I can't stand paying for things that get abused. Of course he would even trick me at that point by pretending to tear the sub and place it under his tongue and I'd find them in his room, so there are ways around everything. You can tell your boyfriend that you need to be part of his treatment plan or you can't be part of this relationship. There are only secrets in drug use, not in recovery. Either he has to be open and honest with you or he can go somewhere else. You will never have full control over his addiction but you do need honesty and openness from him.
