It's a complicated story, I'll try and do my best to paint a picture of the situation for you all.
This girl and I met back when we were in high school together, she was clean at that point for the most part, besides maybe some pills every now and then. She then had to move to Arizona where she got into some bad drugs, mainly being heroin. It's been about 4 years since then.
She's stuck between a rock and a hard place now. She has a boyfriend that treats her poorly when he's doped out(Majority of the time), whom she lives with, and her parents have no patients for her, so she can't live with them.
She's expressed to me how she doesn't want to live with her boyfriend, but it's her only place to live, while being addicted anyway. The catch 22 is that I know that as long as she continues to go home to him there isn't any hope in her getting clean.
That being said, I almost want to offer her to live with me. I know that wouldn't be the solution to the problem but I think it would at least offer her a drug free place to live and sleep.
She outwardly talks about her addiction and realizes what it's doing to her, and that she doesn't want to continue. Then the withdraws start and she uses again, typical addict behavior, I know. Yet there's just something about her that I've always been drawn too. She ended up confiding to me that she's had feelings for me for a long time and that I come up in conversation all the time.
We got reconnected when we ran into each other at some breakfast joint, and we started hitting it off pretty well actually. She's one of the sweetest people I've met, but I have only interacted with her when she was sober, we always laugh when we're together and it's never a bad time.
She uses needles, so I know before anything else progressed in our relationship that I wouldn't feel comfortable unless she was tested for any diseases. But, that being said, our renewed friendship at this point is still fairly young.
I have no experience with heroin itself, but I do with drug addicts, I realize that she can't change unless she decides to herself.
But if I can be that positive impact on her while she's trying then who am I to deny her of that? The fact that she does heroin doesn't really bother me, other than the fact I know how harmful it is to her.
I am not one to judge another person for their choices. The heaviest "drug" that I've done is shrooms. I have no intentions at all to expand my knowledge of actual drugs.
I'm not entirely sure what I am expecting to get out of this, I just want to hear other people's opinions and experiences. I appreciate any and all responses to my conundrum. Please let me know if there is anything else that I could add to give more context to the situation.
Also, my apologies if the subject matter was a bit sporadic, I just wanted to throw everything on the table.
My personal opinion from my life with an addict (pills) the last 34 months is do not get involved or think you can help, save her or do anything but become more sick than her and make yourself more miserable than you can possibly ever imagine.
If you really want to give up your dignity, self respect, time, money and love, make a deal with the devil directly, not the demon of addiction.
Don't walk away, RUN !
If you really want to give up your dignity, self respect, time, money and love, make a deal with the devil directly, not the demon of addiction.
Don't walk away, RUN !
I don't think it has anything to do with self respect, dignity, or happiness. I have plenty of all of that. And attempting to help someone, I feel, wouldn't possibly result in the loss of my own dignity or self respect.
If I end up sucking someone off to score then I think I would have lost my self respect and dignity.
But I have no intention of enabling or listening to justifications of her actions, to which she doesn't justify it at all.
What is it that you mean, "become more sick than her?", just out of curiosity.
I feel like It's got more to do with the fact that I can't willingly abandon someone without at least an attempt. I couldn't really live with myself knowing I didn't put in an effort to help someone who I know is hurting. Nevertheless the fact that I have a real emotional and physical attraction to her.
If I end up sucking someone off to score then I think I would have lost my self respect and dignity.
But I have no intention of enabling or listening to justifications of her actions, to which she doesn't justify it at all.
What is it that you mean, "become more sick than her?", just out of curiosity.
I feel like It's got more to do with the fact that I can't willingly abandon someone without at least an attempt. I couldn't really live with myself knowing I didn't put in an effort to help someone who I know is hurting. Nevertheless the fact that I have a real emotional and physical attraction to her.
Ok, i know love can be blind. You said you want to give her a drug free environment and that's great. Though with or without her boyfriend she remains an addict. Obviously your decision if you want to chance that. Yes people change, but just taking boyfriend out of picture isn't going to change her, and neither will you. She has to know if and ready she wants to change. Majority of addicts don't want to be, that's why it's addiction. If biggest drug you played with is shrooms that's tea in comparison. Make sense? You said you don't have a problem so much with her use but when time comes that she's dope sick, wouldn't be shocking for your money and things you own to come up missing. Because heroin will come before all no matter how much she cares for you. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just trying to explain a reality that could very likely happen. just try to think about all of this before you jump in...could turn to nightmare. What about a long term live in program? Good luck.
I agree with Mark. One heroin addict to another (me). The drug most definitely comes before anyone or anything. But it's not wrong of you to try to help her, especially when u deeply care for her.you can't change her. Only offer ur help . Maybe talk to her about, if she goes into a program, comes out clean, participate in NA meetings and maintain her sobriety then she's more then welcome to live with you. Live with you only on the terms that she remains drug free. And why run not walk awAy from her? If you did that then your abandoning your friendship with her. And that will just put her down and she will ultimately feel more alone then ever. I don't agree with the post before Mark's. But if she's not willing to change for the good of herself then, sad to say, your gonna have to take a step back and watch her from a distance. Overall she will never forget you. And if she chooses to keep using and you turn away. I guaranty you that when she does go thru the whole sobriety thing, you'll be the first on her to-do list ! Get it ? Good luck pal. And keep us posted.
hi there-
I've definitely been in your shoes. I've been at that point where I want to try & help save a drug addict. I can't tell you how many times I thought, "If I can just be there for him & be his support, he won't let the addiction take over" or, "he'll stay sober". Addicts will sometimes see the light in between the dark times. Eventually they stop seeing the light, though. Everyone who took part in their lives to try to help somehow end up hurt. Either emotionally, financially (I was manipulated out of money countless times), physically, mentally, etc.
I trusted him. I knew who he was when he was sober & that was the person that I trusted. So he knew that he could take advantage of me. He knew that he could get away with some things.
Then again they are two totally different people and this is two very different situations!
I just want you to be logical about this and not get caught up in emotions:] Don't get too attached. That may help. Also, that comment about making you sicker than she is...I think she meant because your friend will be emotionally draining. Even though she is a good person deep down, she is still very toxic to you. If you aren't careful, she will make you sick.
Take care.
I've definitely been in your shoes. I've been at that point where I want to try & help save a drug addict. I can't tell you how many times I thought, "If I can just be there for him & be his support, he won't let the addiction take over" or, "he'll stay sober". Addicts will sometimes see the light in between the dark times. Eventually they stop seeing the light, though. Everyone who took part in their lives to try to help somehow end up hurt. Either emotionally, financially (I was manipulated out of money countless times), physically, mentally, etc.
I trusted him. I knew who he was when he was sober & that was the person that I trusted. So he knew that he could take advantage of me. He knew that he could get away with some things.
Then again they are two totally different people and this is two very different situations!
I just want you to be logical about this and not get caught up in emotions:] Don't get too attached. That may help. Also, that comment about making you sicker than she is...I think she meant because your friend will be emotionally draining. Even though she is a good person deep down, she is still very toxic to you. If you aren't careful, she will make you sick.
Take care.
