I'm Glad I'm Not Drinking

Alcohol
1
It's funny, but the harder I work to find the real me the more help I get.

Isn't that wonderful?

Tonight something happened that a few weeks ago - maybe even a few hours ago - might have destroyed my ability to function for a few days or a year, or might have "provoked" a dreadful rage....and yet here I am, by the Grace of God, calm and reflecting on what I am learning about me, what tonight's lesson can teach me about me. By the Grace of God.

And what I am learning tonight - what I am being taught - is this: that alcohol distorted - distorts - something in me, takes my ability to be angry, which is a necessary and valid human emotion, and twists it into a weapon I can barely control, turns it into a beast with a life of its own that rages and threatens to destroy who I am as well as any target that might - however innocently - offer itself.

I simply cannot drink anymore. That is what my HP taught me tonight. And also that by not drinking I give my mind, heart, body and soul the chance to heal and experience life as I am meant to experience it. If I had been drinking recently then what happened tonight would have been horrible and might have triggered something worse. As it is, I am accepting of life's lesson and feel liberated from a painful situation. Thank God.

I am so grateful for the recovery I have and for the clarity with which I am beginning to see myself and this life.

Thank you all for helping me along the way.

Martin x