Denial, denial, denial. I am so sick. I am such a liar. Denial of fact is what I have been doing for years and years and years. My luck has run out, it has caught up with me, I don't know what to do and I can't explain it. I've been playing russian roulette and I've just lost - why now. Of all the times, why now just when I'm getting things sorted. Life sucks.
Denial can destroy your life.
Denial is destroying my life now, I don't know how I can ever be honest.
If I can't get honest with this how I can stay sober? I feel worthless. What have I done. I'm a dirty scuzzy liar. I hate this. I hate myself, I'm f****d up.
Why oh why does it have to be like this.
WHY?
I can't tell anyone, it's too bad. This is why I have avoided the steps, I can't do them. I can't be honest. F*****G DENIAL.
You have my e-mail address. E-mail me.
Lacey,
All human beings protect themselves from things that are inconsistent with their self-concept or worldview. Everyone protects themselves from this pain. It is a universal defense mechanism. The breakthrough happens when the gap between what we do (the evidence confronting us) and who we believe we are grows so wide it takes too much energy to maintain the self-delusion. If we're talking about denial proper your conscious ego wasn't running the show, your unconscious was protecting you from something you weren't ready to really "know". You were doing the best you knew how at the time and now you've been given an opportunity to learn and grow.
Don't beat yourself up for being human.
If you need to talk to someone find someone you can trust. If there's no-one you feel you can trust then here in the UK was have an organisation called The Samaritans. You can talk to them about anything for free if you are in emotional distress. It is completely confidential. You probably have something similar where you are. There are confidential helplines for all sorts of issues in the UK and I guess there are where you are, too. Or talk to your counsellor.
If you want to get in touch..... I think you have my email already. If not
macshl@yahoo.co.uk
Take care,
Martin
All human beings protect themselves from things that are inconsistent with their self-concept or worldview. Everyone protects themselves from this pain. It is a universal defense mechanism. The breakthrough happens when the gap between what we do (the evidence confronting us) and who we believe we are grows so wide it takes too much energy to maintain the self-delusion. If we're talking about denial proper your conscious ego wasn't running the show, your unconscious was protecting you from something you weren't ready to really "know". You were doing the best you knew how at the time and now you've been given an opportunity to learn and grow.
Don't beat yourself up for being human.
If you need to talk to someone find someone you can trust. If there's no-one you feel you can trust then here in the UK was have an organisation called The Samaritans. You can talk to them about anything for free if you are in emotional distress. It is completely confidential. You probably have something similar where you are. There are confidential helplines for all sorts of issues in the UK and I guess there are where you are, too. Or talk to your counsellor.
If you want to get in touch..... I think you have my email already. If not
macshl@yahoo.co.uk
Take care,
Martin
Lacey,
If you email SKG, he can give you my email....nothing you have done, said, thought will shock me nor would I judge you...
You are a beautiful spirit so let somebody help you lift all that garbage that you've been carrying for so long so you can enjoy sobriety and the freedom from letting go of all the crap.....
I will keep you in my prayers....email me anytime....
xoxo
Stacey
If you email SKG, he can give you my email....nothing you have done, said, thought will shock me nor would I judge you...
You are a beautiful spirit so let somebody help you lift all that garbage that you've been carrying for so long so you can enjoy sobriety and the freedom from letting go of all the crap.....
I will keep you in my prayers....email me anytime....
xoxo
Stacey
Skg is brilliant.
Martin, thankyou. That gap you talked about has opened up so wide that I can't perpetuate the self delusion anymore. And yeah, the denial has been helping me get through something I can't face I guess. It seems that the walls of denial are now breaking down though, I can feel how they aren't there to protect me anymore. Scary stuff.
Stacey, thankyou. I had to post on here just to stop myself going mad and everyone is so supportive it is amazing. I have cried for hours. Thanks for the offer of your email. I'm done in now so am going to rest.
There is so much kindness on this recovery board.
Martin, thankyou. That gap you talked about has opened up so wide that I can't perpetuate the self delusion anymore. And yeah, the denial has been helping me get through something I can't face I guess. It seems that the walls of denial are now breaking down though, I can feel how they aren't there to protect me anymore. Scary stuff.
Stacey, thankyou. I had to post on here just to stop myself going mad and everyone is so supportive it is amazing. I have cried for hours. Thanks for the offer of your email. I'm done in now so am going to rest.
There is so much kindness on this recovery board.
Lacey,
Actually, I think your denial is wearing down and you are ready/nearing ready to begin the acceptance and work. If not, you wouldn't have brought it to the boards. So congrats on taking the first steps and entrusting us with where you are at. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Actually, I think your denial is wearing down and you are ready/nearing ready to begin the acceptance and work. If not, you wouldn't have brought it to the boards. So congrats on taking the first steps and entrusting us with where you are at. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lacey, let your HP hold you up. Whether you believe that's AA, your wisest, most sacred inner, unconscious self, or a God of your own understanding, let your HP hold you up. go with the flow. Be good to yourself, keep yourself safe and surrounded by people who you trust and who understand you. Know that you're not alone and that though this all feels scary and like you're in uncharted territory the reality is there IS a map - more than one, actually. There's the map AA provides which will certainly see you safe home and growing through a spiritual awakening, and there's the maps different therapists use when helping people who are outgrowing their old selves and becoming the process we call being human.
You are not alone on this journey, on which you will discover a faith in yourself and life and a joy beyond - I'll wager - all expectations.
Love,
Martin
You are not alone on this journey, on which you will discover a faith in yourself and life and a joy beyond - I'll wager - all expectations.
Love,
Martin
Hi Lacey,
We all have been in denial, we have all lied. Please know that you aren't a "scuzzy person", "worthless person". I see a talented, intelligent, kind woman. A giver to others. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Denial to me means we have repressed thoughts and feelings to keep are self safe, to survive.
It sounds like to me something has become un-blocked from within. To me this is a sign that you are now strong enough to face it and deal with it. It hurts. Your tears and pain are a way of cleansing and healing your soul. You have acknowledged a part of you, or something that happened.
Please take this time to find, accept and deal with the truth. Nurture yourself the way you have nurtured others. Offer the same love and forgiveness that you give others, to yourself.
Seek out and apply solutions in any form you think and feel that will help you to heal. You don't have to do this alone.
No one is perfect in this world. I hope you talk back to that negative voice. Those labels seriously aren't who you are. We all have a dark side in us, we are human. I hope you know that the light inside of you shines so much brighter, than the shadow. You are good and you are worthy!
I can't thank you enough for your support, kindness and friendship you've shown me time and time again. If you ever want to talk I will give you my e-mail as well. I'm glad SKG was of some help to you today. I hope your resting has brought you some comfort and relieved you of some of the stress.
You are loved!
C~xxx
We all have been in denial, we have all lied. Please know that you aren't a "scuzzy person", "worthless person". I see a talented, intelligent, kind woman. A giver to others. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Denial to me means we have repressed thoughts and feelings to keep are self safe, to survive.
It sounds like to me something has become un-blocked from within. To me this is a sign that you are now strong enough to face it and deal with it. It hurts. Your tears and pain are a way of cleansing and healing your soul. You have acknowledged a part of you, or something that happened.
Please take this time to find, accept and deal with the truth. Nurture yourself the way you have nurtured others. Offer the same love and forgiveness that you give others, to yourself.
Seek out and apply solutions in any form you think and feel that will help you to heal. You don't have to do this alone.
No one is perfect in this world. I hope you talk back to that negative voice. Those labels seriously aren't who you are. We all have a dark side in us, we are human. I hope you know that the light inside of you shines so much brighter, than the shadow. You are good and you are worthy!
I can't thank you enough for your support, kindness and friendship you've shown me time and time again. If you ever want to talk I will give you my e-mail as well. I'm glad SKG was of some help to you today. I hope your resting has brought you some comfort and relieved you of some of the stress.
You are loved!
C~xxx
Thankyou. I think I will just about be able to scrape through this. Relapse is calling and I know it. In fact, I'm not sure I can live with myself. This is the sticking point. Some people can never stay sober can they because they just can't get honest. I didn't realise I was so close to being one of those people.
I didn't realise I was so sick.
I didn't realise how much I lied.
I really don't feel like I can face the world.
Martin, I have communicated with my HP and was granted some good rest and I have passed it over for her to deal with because I don't know how to. All I know is I can't live with myself. I can't believe I'm so screwed up and was so so deluded. I can't believe the whole web of delusion I have spun to save myself from admitting something about myself. It wouldn't matter if it was just about me but it involves other people and that is the part that is going to destroy me.
I am so glad you guys are there cos I need some support. I can't believe my life has really come to this. I can't believe I have done to people what I have done. Accepting myself feels nigh on impossible at the moment.
I didn't realise I was so sick.
I didn't realise how much I lied.
I really don't feel like I can face the world.
Martin, I have communicated with my HP and was granted some good rest and I have passed it over for her to deal with because I don't know how to. All I know is I can't live with myself. I can't believe I'm so screwed up and was so so deluded. I can't believe the whole web of delusion I have spun to save myself from admitting something about myself. It wouldn't matter if it was just about me but it involves other people and that is the part that is going to destroy me.
I am so glad you guys are there cos I need some support. I can't believe my life has really come to this. I can't believe I have done to people what I have done. Accepting myself feels nigh on impossible at the moment.
Lacey,
In the past nine months almost EVERYTHING I thought was true about myself, my life, my childhood, my ex, the WAY LIFE and the UNIVERSE works was taken from me one by one.....so I really do understand. There were days I thought the world was melting around me and days I thought my mind was broken. I had protected myself from some terrible knowledge and I know I still am to some extent...I simply can't access it all.
The effects of what had happened in my life and of the denial I stepped into to protect myself distorted everything about my life. I lived as a rigid set of rules that dictated who I was and how I should behave. When my unconscious knew it was time to grow, the Earth shook all around and under my feet....the abyss opened.
This is what happens when we grow.
Chris put it really well.
This is what happens when our unconscious mind recognises that we have reached a point where we have an opportunity to cast aside the delusions and learn about ourselves and about life. Many people, alcoholic or not, simply never get it.
When this broke over my head and an abyss opened beneath my feet I called The Samaritans (suicide helpline in the UK) hundreds of times over about six months, sometimes four times a day. I processed the information in panic over and over, writing it down, talking to friends, simply trying to make sense of life itself and hanging on by my fingertips....one phone call to the next, one person who would listen and accept my pain to the next....and slowly, I am coming out of the other side. Surround yourself with support. People who accept you unconditionally and who you know you can trust to love and hold you for who you are with no judgements or agendas while you work out who you are going to be. Be with people who are there just for you.
AA and Al-anon have brilliant tools for dealing with this stuff. One day at a time, one minute at a time, you're never given more on your plate then you can handle, let go and let God....and perhaps, above all, the Serenity Prayer.
I know whenever I worked on conscious contact with God, my HP, my inner, sacred self, the real me, whatever you want to call it....that still, calm centre full of love and accptance and compassion....I felt stronger and able to weather the storm....and for a while I'd rest and then the next wave would break over me. Each time I grew stronger and each time I was given a little more to bear....seek conscious contact Lacey, I promise you will feel a love and understanding beyond all imagining.
You can bear this Lacey, you can. It might stretch you past the point you think you are capable of holding on, but you will find within yourself and all around you a love and a power and acceptance beyond your wildest dreams.
Remember, this is absolutely NORMAL for people who have the courage to change. It is the beginnings of your spiritual awakening. This change is profound. It's difficult to convey just how profound. I'll try this:
You were a caterpillar....hunker down for a bit and love yourself in a warm cocoon.....you're going to become what you were always meant to be: a butterfly.
Butterflies don't dear the abyss, it's where they fly. You just need to learn how to use those wings you're growing.
Much love,
Martin
If you want to talk email me and I'll give you my number or call you back. Call people you know and trust who will accept you unconditionally. Call the Samaritans or any other helpline you can....talk it out with people who you know are on your side. You'll be amazed how many people understand.
In the past nine months almost EVERYTHING I thought was true about myself, my life, my childhood, my ex, the WAY LIFE and the UNIVERSE works was taken from me one by one.....so I really do understand. There were days I thought the world was melting around me and days I thought my mind was broken. I had protected myself from some terrible knowledge and I know I still am to some extent...I simply can't access it all.
The effects of what had happened in my life and of the denial I stepped into to protect myself distorted everything about my life. I lived as a rigid set of rules that dictated who I was and how I should behave. When my unconscious knew it was time to grow, the Earth shook all around and under my feet....the abyss opened.
This is what happens when we grow.
Chris put it really well.
This is what happens when our unconscious mind recognises that we have reached a point where we have an opportunity to cast aside the delusions and learn about ourselves and about life. Many people, alcoholic or not, simply never get it.
When this broke over my head and an abyss opened beneath my feet I called The Samaritans (suicide helpline in the UK) hundreds of times over about six months, sometimes four times a day. I processed the information in panic over and over, writing it down, talking to friends, simply trying to make sense of life itself and hanging on by my fingertips....one phone call to the next, one person who would listen and accept my pain to the next....and slowly, I am coming out of the other side. Surround yourself with support. People who accept you unconditionally and who you know you can trust to love and hold you for who you are with no judgements or agendas while you work out who you are going to be. Be with people who are there just for you.
AA and Al-anon have brilliant tools for dealing with this stuff. One day at a time, one minute at a time, you're never given more on your plate then you can handle, let go and let God....and perhaps, above all, the Serenity Prayer.
I know whenever I worked on conscious contact with God, my HP, my inner, sacred self, the real me, whatever you want to call it....that still, calm centre full of love and accptance and compassion....I felt stronger and able to weather the storm....and for a while I'd rest and then the next wave would break over me. Each time I grew stronger and each time I was given a little more to bear....seek conscious contact Lacey, I promise you will feel a love and understanding beyond all imagining.
You can bear this Lacey, you can. It might stretch you past the point you think you are capable of holding on, but you will find within yourself and all around you a love and a power and acceptance beyond your wildest dreams.
Remember, this is absolutely NORMAL for people who have the courage to change. It is the beginnings of your spiritual awakening. This change is profound. It's difficult to convey just how profound. I'll try this:
You were a caterpillar....hunker down for a bit and love yourself in a warm cocoon.....you're going to become what you were always meant to be: a butterfly.
Butterflies don't dear the abyss, it's where they fly. You just need to learn how to use those wings you're growing.
Much love,
Martin
If you want to talk email me and I'll give you my number or call you back. Call people you know and trust who will accept you unconditionally. Call the Samaritans or any other helpline you can....talk it out with people who you know are on your side. You'll be amazed how many people understand.
Thanks Martin. Right now I don't feel I deserve to be loved and accepted by anyone. I can't love and accept myself. I don't know how to move forward.
You are right about contacting my sacred self I'm calling it at the moment. I did this morning again and found some peace. I had been in the park with the dog and then I got home and there was a birthday card from my sister and I broke down again. If she knew who I really was she might not have wanted to send me a card. If anyone knew who I really was they might not want to know me.
Why does my dark side have to be like this. Why couldn't it just be a bit easier, why oh why does it have to have quite such an awful edge. I can't believe this. I haven't got the guts to tell people, phone the samaritans, but I'm going to have to. I need to do some work but today it's difficult. I can't look after myself - eat, wash up, do what I've got to do.
I so wish I had gone to AA or NA to begin with, and then this might have all been easier. Instead my denial, my inability to communicate, my messed up personality has tried to walk alone. I didn't realise recovery was this difficult. I didn't have a clue what it entailed. God, I didn't even admit I was alcoholic until last year. I suppose that's why I didn't go to AA. Denial again. Damned denial.
What has happened has bought me to my knees. I CAN'T be in denial anymore, although I tried. In fact I was for nearly 24 hours until it really hit me, that's when the floodgates opened. I don't know how I can move forward, how I can work and keep the commitments I have. I don't know how I can tell the truth. I'm not sure how I can live anymore.
Then something skg said just rang out in my head; that he has heard worse than my dark deeds. So how do those people live with themselves. Maybe if they can get through it with worse stuff then I can.
You are right about contacting my sacred self I'm calling it at the moment. I did this morning again and found some peace. I had been in the park with the dog and then I got home and there was a birthday card from my sister and I broke down again. If she knew who I really was she might not have wanted to send me a card. If anyone knew who I really was they might not want to know me.
Why does my dark side have to be like this. Why couldn't it just be a bit easier, why oh why does it have to have quite such an awful edge. I can't believe this. I haven't got the guts to tell people, phone the samaritans, but I'm going to have to. I need to do some work but today it's difficult. I can't look after myself - eat, wash up, do what I've got to do.
I so wish I had gone to AA or NA to begin with, and then this might have all been easier. Instead my denial, my inability to communicate, my messed up personality has tried to walk alone. I didn't realise recovery was this difficult. I didn't have a clue what it entailed. God, I didn't even admit I was alcoholic until last year. I suppose that's why I didn't go to AA. Denial again. Damned denial.
What has happened has bought me to my knees. I CAN'T be in denial anymore, although I tried. In fact I was for nearly 24 hours until it really hit me, that's when the floodgates opened. I don't know how I can move forward, how I can work and keep the commitments I have. I don't know how I can tell the truth. I'm not sure how I can live anymore.
Then something skg said just rang out in my head; that he has heard worse than my dark deeds. So how do those people live with themselves. Maybe if they can get through it with worse stuff then I can.
Lacey,
Everyone is different, every story is different, but there are common themes, because we're all human.
It sounds like part of what's happening now is that you're getting honest with yourself about your feelings. When that started to happen I felt sadness that was decades old, and an anger, shame and guilt that I thought would destroy me.....
When my repressed feelings emerged it was so traumatic for me I needed an ocean of acceptance and understanding to enable me to keep afloat instead of drowning or shutting them away again with alcohol or becoming false in some other way.
Reach out to those you feel you can trust. The Samaritans are there for YOU. I still call them now and again when I need to express my emotions. They'll tell you that's what they're there for. Talking about how we feel helps us to avoid acting out or becoming self-destructive with alcohol, drugs or whatever. It clarifies things, although be patient, it takes time.
I started to heal when I accepted that I had to let go of who I thought I was....without having any idea of who I actually was.....a bit like letting go of a trapeze in the dark....I had no idea what might hold me up.....but do you know what? My HP did....in so many ways, music, animals, people, moments of absolute bliss and joy breaking through the pain.
I didn't know how "I" could live, either....and the wonderful truth is that "I" couldn't.....the "I" who I was hadn't been fully alive. The me that is emerging, growing through the wreckage of my "false self" is who I was always meant to be. Our unconscious minds bring us to health one way or another.....these are growing pains, the rebirth of someone who wants to be true to herself and her innermost values and beliefs, who wants to live and love from a deep and wonderful place she forgot that she had.....reach out, let the people who love you hold you up, be kind to yourself, all will be well....
You know I can rabbit on for ages. I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing and I don't want to project my stuff onto yours and it's difficult not to for me. If you want to ask me anything at all about my journey feel free.
Be kind to yourself. You are a wonderful human being who is doing her best and has always done the best she knew how at the time. Some parts are growing ahead of others and the conflict and awareness is painful, but it IS growth.
Take care,
Martin
ps. One thing you said - about washing eating etc. ....I've written before about the old me being a rulebook someone else had written. I had introjected a ton of stuff...and whenever I didn't "obey" part of me would get the whip out and "whip me back into shape"....boy, would I beat up on myself (or rather, did my introjected Parents...well f*** 'em. They're NOT me. If I don't want to wash or eat I don't.
Now as I mature, the REAL me is growing through the wreckage of that cobbled-together "solution" to living of Angry Parent/inner critic and Rebellious Child....and now I WANT to eat, wash etc.....everything feels GENUINE instead of FORCED and FAKE.....I doubt you can imagine how good that feels!.....that's why I sound manic.....I'm REAL....Pinnochio dances at last.....and has all the energy that was previously WASTED fighting on that false-self battleground for 45 years!
For that to happen my inner Parent had to become aware that I - the real me - could be trusted to look after things....but of course at first the real me was a four-year-old who gibbered in terror at the idea he had to go to work and pay the bills and feed the kids - they're both older than "me" for Chrissake! lol.......my ego's job was to help these (and other) aspects of me get to know each other and learn to trust each other....that's the process of maturing, growing up or, as Jung calls it, individuation.....the rigid defences and process I'd put in place decades ago to take care of business (because I'd learnt that my real self couldn't get what I needed as an infant) were shattered, and the fundamental building blocks of the real me had to start to understand life and grow and mature.
I don't know how much of that rings bells. Maybe none. But you've written stuff before about The Shadow and Jung....
So, at the start of all this my MAIN job was to look after, protect and care for a child inside me that another part of me had been "whipping into shape" for 45 years...it had almost whipped me to death...lol....I think alcohol was my Rebellious Child's weapon of choice.....enabled "him" to escape temporarily and completely f***ed up the internal psychological system that was killing him....pretty sound strategy from his point of view.
Having people around me who genuinely love and respect me helped "me" start to realise I AM worthy of love. The evidence of being loved eventually breaks down all SORTS of denial....you see, I was in denial that I am worthy of love...........some part of me NEEDED to feel I was worthless.....lots of reasons....
If it's a conversation you want to continue feel free to email. You don't have to say anything here or anywhere about you, but feel free to ask me anything at all.
M
Everyone is different, every story is different, but there are common themes, because we're all human.
It sounds like part of what's happening now is that you're getting honest with yourself about your feelings. When that started to happen I felt sadness that was decades old, and an anger, shame and guilt that I thought would destroy me.....
When my repressed feelings emerged it was so traumatic for me I needed an ocean of acceptance and understanding to enable me to keep afloat instead of drowning or shutting them away again with alcohol or becoming false in some other way.
Reach out to those you feel you can trust. The Samaritans are there for YOU. I still call them now and again when I need to express my emotions. They'll tell you that's what they're there for. Talking about how we feel helps us to avoid acting out or becoming self-destructive with alcohol, drugs or whatever. It clarifies things, although be patient, it takes time.
I started to heal when I accepted that I had to let go of who I thought I was....without having any idea of who I actually was.....a bit like letting go of a trapeze in the dark....I had no idea what might hold me up.....but do you know what? My HP did....in so many ways, music, animals, people, moments of absolute bliss and joy breaking through the pain.
I didn't know how "I" could live, either....and the wonderful truth is that "I" couldn't.....the "I" who I was hadn't been fully alive. The me that is emerging, growing through the wreckage of my "false self" is who I was always meant to be. Our unconscious minds bring us to health one way or another.....these are growing pains, the rebirth of someone who wants to be true to herself and her innermost values and beliefs, who wants to live and love from a deep and wonderful place she forgot that she had.....reach out, let the people who love you hold you up, be kind to yourself, all will be well....
You know I can rabbit on for ages. I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing and I don't want to project my stuff onto yours and it's difficult not to for me. If you want to ask me anything at all about my journey feel free.
Be kind to yourself. You are a wonderful human being who is doing her best and has always done the best she knew how at the time. Some parts are growing ahead of others and the conflict and awareness is painful, but it IS growth.
Take care,
Martin
ps. One thing you said - about washing eating etc. ....I've written before about the old me being a rulebook someone else had written. I had introjected a ton of stuff...and whenever I didn't "obey" part of me would get the whip out and "whip me back into shape"....boy, would I beat up on myself (or rather, did my introjected Parents...well f*** 'em. They're NOT me. If I don't want to wash or eat I don't.
Now as I mature, the REAL me is growing through the wreckage of that cobbled-together "solution" to living of Angry Parent/inner critic and Rebellious Child....and now I WANT to eat, wash etc.....everything feels GENUINE instead of FORCED and FAKE.....I doubt you can imagine how good that feels!.....that's why I sound manic.....I'm REAL....Pinnochio dances at last.....and has all the energy that was previously WASTED fighting on that false-self battleground for 45 years!
For that to happen my inner Parent had to become aware that I - the real me - could be trusted to look after things....but of course at first the real me was a four-year-old who gibbered in terror at the idea he had to go to work and pay the bills and feed the kids - they're both older than "me" for Chrissake! lol.......my ego's job was to help these (and other) aspects of me get to know each other and learn to trust each other....that's the process of maturing, growing up or, as Jung calls it, individuation.....the rigid defences and process I'd put in place decades ago to take care of business (because I'd learnt that my real self couldn't get what I needed as an infant) were shattered, and the fundamental building blocks of the real me had to start to understand life and grow and mature.
I don't know how much of that rings bells. Maybe none. But you've written stuff before about The Shadow and Jung....
So, at the start of all this my MAIN job was to look after, protect and care for a child inside me that another part of me had been "whipping into shape" for 45 years...it had almost whipped me to death...lol....I think alcohol was my Rebellious Child's weapon of choice.....enabled "him" to escape temporarily and completely f***ed up the internal psychological system that was killing him....pretty sound strategy from his point of view.
Having people around me who genuinely love and respect me helped "me" start to realise I AM worthy of love. The evidence of being loved eventually breaks down all SORTS of denial....you see, I was in denial that I am worthy of love...........some part of me NEEDED to feel I was worthless.....lots of reasons....
If it's a conversation you want to continue feel free to email. You don't have to say anything here or anywhere about you, but feel free to ask me anything at all.
M
