Take care of eachother today. I'm going back to sleep. Hippinerd, you were right, I'm lost without him. :-(
what? who? ww? what's going on???? concerned - jo
I'm extremely sad today, teary, JoJo, I don't know what's wrong with me, I went back to my old name because I don't feel like a wonderwoman anymore.
I am going to my meeting tonight, my neighbor took my son for the evening, I hate for him to see me like this.
Tonights meeting is about emotions, this is going to be hard. I hate having to talk to strangers f2f when I'm wierd like this and I wish my husband was home.
Thank you for your concern. I have a Doctors appointment tomorrow regarding my brain.
I am going to my meeting tonight, my neighbor took my son for the evening, I hate for him to see me like this.
Tonights meeting is about emotions, this is going to be hard. I hate having to talk to strangers f2f when I'm wierd like this and I wish my husband was home.
Thank you for your concern. I have a Doctors appointment tomorrow regarding my brain.
Keep the faith "Joy Missing" I can relate to bad days. For me even the bad days are better than when I was using.
If I can suggest try talking to your Higher Power I have learned he has big shoulders. I have also found that by living through the pain I have developed a better understanding and appreciation for the good times.
Remember "This to shall pass"
You are not alone in your struggles.
God bless.
If I can suggest try talking to your Higher Power I have learned he has big shoulders. I have also found that by living through the pain I have developed a better understanding and appreciation for the good times.
Remember "This to shall pass"
You are not alone in your struggles.
God bless.
Thanks Wolf. I read some of your online book btw I'm also in Calgary. In a weird way, it's comforting to know someone from here is on here....and they understand this pain.
I know I'm really screwed up when I can't even appreciate our weather.
I know I'm really screwed up when I can't even appreciate our weather.
you still are wonderwoman, even if you feel like the joy is missing. sounds like you are depressed.... where is your hubbie? business trip? i'm mixed up re time and dates as here in the usa it's thanksgiving....
good your meeting is tonight, you need it tonight. please talk and share.
i know about depression and i know how i hate to have my daughter and husband to see me when it's the real thing, not just the blues....
hang in, it will get better.
glad you are seeing a doc. tomorrow. that's good and okay. i go too. i see a therapist and a rx doc for anti depressants/anti anxiety meds.
you are not alone, please know that.
you have soooo much to offer and give to so many.
and your family loves and needs you.
..... and so do i :)
my first thanksgiving clean in years and years and years......
you'll find your wonder again girl. you are having a bad day....
check in later and let us know how the meeting goes???
wish i could go with you:)
-jo
good your meeting is tonight, you need it tonight. please talk and share.
i know about depression and i know how i hate to have my daughter and husband to see me when it's the real thing, not just the blues....
hang in, it will get better.
glad you are seeing a doc. tomorrow. that's good and okay. i go too. i see a therapist and a rx doc for anti depressants/anti anxiety meds.
you are not alone, please know that.
you have soooo much to offer and give to so many.
and your family loves and needs you.
..... and so do i :)
my first thanksgiving clean in years and years and years......
you'll find your wonder again girl. you are having a bad day....
check in later and let us know how the meeting goes???
wish i could go with you:)
-jo
it was a nice thanksgiving for me too, good family scene with 2 brothers, both parents alive, and 6 grandkids running around. nice that i didn't have to be sneaking out the back door for a break so I could keep "feeling normal". I felt just fine today. I can feel a clearing day by day. it is hard for me relate to joy missing, i feel so beaten down from my addiction the last 8 mo.'s of daily use, i'm just glad to be not usings. but I'm worried for my future. i don't trust myself whatsoever, i know those urges and feelings comeout of nowhere.
Joy Missing since were both in Clagary if you need to talk e-mail me at ratherbeawolf@hotmail.com I always have time for a fellow addict.
I go to both NA and AA so if you ever want to meet at a meeting I'm game!
God bless and remember you are only as alone as you choose to be.
I go to both NA and AA so if you ever want to meet at a meeting I'm game!
God bless and remember you are only as alone as you choose to be.
gotta be glad for ya jojo and hardcharger, (ok he's not in canada)
now
HOLIDAYS SUCK!
and this is my third least favorite, spent today alone, man if I had some pot would have smoked gladly and with no regrets, but that would have resulted in having to endure a fate worse than death due to a promise I made. Stupid me. I should know better than to make promises.
Hey WW at least he is coming back! I've had my heart handed back to me twice in this life, no explaination. Just sorry bout your luck you're not the one afterall.
But serioiusly you surprise me, kid. I was almost ready to post and ask you if his trip was cancelled. It's Thursday for cryin out loud and you have been your wonderful positive self all week so far. He'll be back in a coupla days so get a strategy to make it through till then.
Ok you are doin real well, sending your son off and facing the meeting. You will have come back from it (hopefully) by the time you read this, and if you made it there I'm sure you feel stronger for having faced it. If you couldn't muster what you needed to get there, thats ok to. %you have my permission, now don't you feel better? lol%
Count the hours til he returns, take a walk, enjoy that weather, (it's cold and crummy here) meditate, or just look out the window for a magpie. Next time maybe you can make it the whole week.
You definately need to pursue that program you were speaking of the other day, you understand grief so intimately, share that expertise. Make lemonade from your lemons.
now
HOLIDAYS SUCK!
and this is my third least favorite, spent today alone, man if I had some pot would have smoked gladly and with no regrets, but that would have resulted in having to endure a fate worse than death due to a promise I made. Stupid me. I should know better than to make promises.
Hey WW at least he is coming back! I've had my heart handed back to me twice in this life, no explaination. Just sorry bout your luck you're not the one afterall.
But serioiusly you surprise me, kid. I was almost ready to post and ask you if his trip was cancelled. It's Thursday for cryin out loud and you have been your wonderful positive self all week so far. He'll be back in a coupla days so get a strategy to make it through till then.
Ok you are doin real well, sending your son off and facing the meeting. You will have come back from it (hopefully) by the time you read this, and if you made it there I'm sure you feel stronger for having faced it. If you couldn't muster what you needed to get there, thats ok to. %you have my permission, now don't you feel better? lol%
Count the hours til he returns, take a walk, enjoy that weather, (it's cold and crummy here) meditate, or just look out the window for a magpie. Next time maybe you can make it the whole week.
You definately need to pursue that program you were speaking of the other day, you understand grief so intimately, share that expertise. Make lemonade from your lemons.
I woke up at 5:30 again, made my daughter's lunch. She's in grade 10 and started asking me to do that. It makes her so happy. I just started making her lunches this year. She especially likes it when I write notes and put them in there. Today's note will say, "You are very special to me." Sometimes I wonder if I'm talking to her or both of us. I went to my meeting, forced myself to go, long time ago in therapy I remember being told that those times that you don't want to go are the times you need to go. I didn't share much at the meeting and basically shut down emotionally. It felt safer to do that. My kleenex remained in my pocket. Plus shutting up and listening is a whole new concept to me. Wolf, I go to Aadac and I'm going to an outpatient program at the Rockyview probably in January, but thanks for the offer. JoJo, I was on a/d for a long time, I made the choice to go off them and smoke pot again instead when my cousin committed suicide. That was pretty stupid on both counts. I appreciated your warmth in your post, thank you. Yes, my husbands on a business trip, he phones every night, except last night because I was out. This morning, more than anything, I want to be curled up with him right now. Damn, crying again. This is ridiculous. Good for you for being clean this thanksgiving. Our thanksgiving last month was wacky, my family of five rarely eats together so thanksgiving is extra special (fart jokes and all) such class, but we had fun, no booze or drugs. I don't understand these meds, I thought they were working somewhat, but then it's like they made me worse all of a sudden, the uncomfortable side effects are completely gone but now I feel dead inside and out of control at the same time. hardcharger, at least if I had an urge, I'd somehow know I was back to my old self. I guess I must be depressed because as bad as I feel, getting high doesn't even appeal to me. Hippinerd, it hurts me to know you're so lonely, that is the worst feeling in the world and ya I've had my heart handed back to me no explanation, my first borns' biological father is a crackhead in kelowna, so perhaps it's the best thing to not end up with people who just walk away???? Hope you feel better today. Maybe volunteer work at Thanksgiving or Christmas will help you. I don't know, just a thought. And I really hope you meet someone special, you know that. The magpie was back yesterday, your post reminded me of that, so thanks. If i go out in public, I might run into someone I know and I then I might have to talk to them and fake how blissfully content i am. I'm not a very good liar. But always appreciate your advice. Oh and my fish died. My son was mortified that I threw "bubbles" in the garbage instead of "burying him at sea".....as in flush. I told him it doesn't matter. It's not like me to talk like that. So it's 7:25 am here. I need to get the house up. Bless your hearts for caring. Jamv, I will email you after my doc's appt.
i guess they were right when they said "just say no to drugs". i know i've spent alot of my life justifying why drugs are okay and why it is wrong that they are so illegal, at least pot anyway. but here i am, age 47, in not great mental shape. i don't really trust these addiction docs too much with their drugs, the drug industry runs alot of the healthcare in this country. Like that people are prescibed Vioxx for $50/mo with all its' side effects and Glucosamine which has no side effects and actually repairs joints is $8/month.
But everyone has troubles. My wife tells me today the kids hate her, I have two thoroughbred daughters, 15 & 17, who give us no trouble at all. I said to her, come one honey, don't be so negative, it is just a phase that they treat you a little badly. She jumps all over me, like i am yelling at her, and telling her what to do, etc etc, when I know I was speaking in a calm, considering, nurturing voice. So a husband can't even offer some reassurance to his wife. we all have problems.
Right now I am taking this blood pressure pill for my anxiety, clonidine, but now I see somewhere it says "may have severe side-effects". great. i thought i was taking it because it was a wimps way.
But everyone has troubles. My wife tells me today the kids hate her, I have two thoroughbred daughters, 15 & 17, who give us no trouble at all. I said to her, come one honey, don't be so negative, it is just a phase that they treat you a little badly. She jumps all over me, like i am yelling at her, and telling her what to do, etc etc, when I know I was speaking in a calm, considering, nurturing voice. So a husband can't even offer some reassurance to his wife. we all have problems.
Right now I am taking this blood pressure pill for my anxiety, clonidine, but now I see somewhere it says "may have severe side-effects". great. i thought i was taking it because it was a wimps way.
ww- so glad you went to your meeting.... let us know how the doc goes if you can share it okay? (or jamv will give you my e-mail if you want it......) but we are all in this too, remember that.
yes the times you don't want to go are the times you really should.
so glad you saw that magpie!
-jo
ps.
i've been taking a/d's along with the weed all those years i have no idea what i'm really lol, like except that on both i was depressed and anxious... except when i smoked i was fine i thought ha. only now realizing what a mess i was.... so much to undo!
yes the times you don't want to go are the times you really should.
so glad you saw that magpie!
-jo
ps.
i've been taking a/d's along with the weed all those years i have no idea what i'm really lol, like except that on both i was depressed and anxious... except when i smoked i was fine i thought ha. only now realizing what a mess i was.... so much to undo!
ww-i hope you got my 2 emails i sent you and i will also send you jojo's email
hippie or anyone send some pics of these magpies you speak of.
hardcharger-i have a 9 year old and i understand this early some of those feelings your wife speaks of, luckily i have a sweet little boy that loves his mommy so much. of course my duaghter loves me, and i know those "phases" will only get wose and if there were too of them, oh my god. and she is a daddys girl for sure. unfortunately the ones closest to us dont always say what we need to hear. of course what you are saying is RIGHT. but when you feel like your own children hate you, you just need a little validation, of how horrible that must feel and how much you are loved and how great of a mother you are, and how kids are meanest to the ones they love because they know their mothers will always love them. they can get away with it. she just needs support not that she is over reacting. again you are right it is a phase and she will be there best friend some day. unfortunately you big lugs just dont know what to say, cause you want all your girls to get along. lol. hang in there and dont think you can make all those hormones harmonize. hopefully that offered some insight into the testosterone brain. love you guys
wolf, i printed your book so i can read it later, i am a slow reader cause i am from kentucky hahaha %%%%%
hippie or anyone send some pics of these magpies you speak of.
hardcharger-i have a 9 year old and i understand this early some of those feelings your wife speaks of, luckily i have a sweet little boy that loves his mommy so much. of course my duaghter loves me, and i know those "phases" will only get wose and if there were too of them, oh my god. and she is a daddys girl for sure. unfortunately the ones closest to us dont always say what we need to hear. of course what you are saying is RIGHT. but when you feel like your own children hate you, you just need a little validation, of how horrible that must feel and how much you are loved and how great of a mother you are, and how kids are meanest to the ones they love because they know their mothers will always love them. they can get away with it. she just needs support not that she is over reacting. again you are right it is a phase and she will be there best friend some day. unfortunately you big lugs just dont know what to say, cause you want all your girls to get along. lol. hang in there and dont think you can make all those hormones harmonize. hopefully that offered some insight into the testosterone brain. love you guys
wolf, i printed your book so i can read it later, i am a slow reader cause i am from kentucky hahaha %%%%%
The True Story of Creation
Once upon a time, when the world was young, God looked down upon adam and saw he was lonley. So God said "Adam I can make you a companion, what would you like?"
Adam, %being the smart, thoughtful, logical creature that all males are% thought a minute and said "Well, since you asked, how about someone who will keep my house immaculately, raise perfect children, never bother me with her petty emotional problems, always have dinner ready for me when I get home, and have sex with me whenever I want and not complain."
God said "I can do that, but it will be expensive"
Adam said "How much will it cost?"
God replied "An arm and a leg"
Adam thought again for a moment and said "Well, what could I get for a rib?"
And the rest, as they say, is history, (or herstory.)
Once upon a time, when the world was young, God looked down upon adam and saw he was lonley. So God said "Adam I can make you a companion, what would you like?"
Adam, %being the smart, thoughtful, logical creature that all males are% thought a minute and said "Well, since you asked, how about someone who will keep my house immaculately, raise perfect children, never bother me with her petty emotional problems, always have dinner ready for me when I get home, and have sex with me whenever I want and not complain."
God said "I can do that, but it will be expensive"
Adam said "How much will it cost?"
God replied "An arm and a leg"
Adam thought again for a moment and said "Well, what could I get for a rib?"
And the rest, as they say, is history, (or herstory.)
funny, very funny!
btw- i need to tell someone, i've got a jooones going today. mostly it's old habits and a day like today i'd be toking and getting things done. i'm not doing either lol..... but i'm going to try to get things done. have tons to do!
just gotta stick to my plan ........
hey hippie you said you made a promise to someone about not smoking. but what about you, why did you stop smoking? i've always meant to ask you.
and in the midst of my 4th week cleanio....
once again, kudos to sacred time and you!
jo
btw- i need to tell someone, i've got a jooones going today. mostly it's old habits and a day like today i'd be toking and getting things done. i'm not doing either lol..... but i'm going to try to get things done. have tons to do!
just gotta stick to my plan ........
hey hippie you said you made a promise to someone about not smoking. but what about you, why did you stop smoking? i've always meant to ask you.
and in the midst of my 4th week cleanio....
once again, kudos to sacred time and you!
jo
What's better Than Being A b****?....Being a SMART b**** ! :-)
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a
purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.
She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money
involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there
was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the
president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a
purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.
She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money
involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there
was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the
president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
ROFL! Hope this means your mood improved. But of course now I feel one-upped.
jojo-
I quit because I just got tired of it. It was too hard to keep outta the weed bag when I had it around. And too much trouble to have it around on a moments notice when I just wanted to "get stoned for a day" (like yesterday). I also realized how much time I was spending "getting high." I mean, just the mechanics of it, to do a bong took like 10-15 min from the time I drug out my stash until I exhaled, what with the cleaning, shredding etc. As "sacred time" expanded, the overhead involved became much more apparent. Actually I had tried to address that by growin my own, but that brings us back to the "if ya got em, smoke em" syndrome. Promise or no promise, chances are I would not have smoked yesterday, it was just added reinforcement. (ok, I was whining.)
I am addicted-
Didn't get my coffee yesterday, had a headache all day as well as sick to my stomach, had I been stoned I probably wouldn't have noticed.
Apparently I am also addicted to having a vehichle at my disposal, mine has been down since Wed. morning, and I am coping, but barely and it's getting harder not easier. I hate this addiction, have done without before and it didn't bother me, but then I would just get stoned so who needed to go anywhere?
jojo-
I quit because I just got tired of it. It was too hard to keep outta the weed bag when I had it around. And too much trouble to have it around on a moments notice when I just wanted to "get stoned for a day" (like yesterday). I also realized how much time I was spending "getting high." I mean, just the mechanics of it, to do a bong took like 10-15 min from the time I drug out my stash until I exhaled, what with the cleaning, shredding etc. As "sacred time" expanded, the overhead involved became much more apparent. Actually I had tried to address that by growin my own, but that brings us back to the "if ya got em, smoke em" syndrome. Promise or no promise, chances are I would not have smoked yesterday, it was just added reinforcement. (ok, I was whining.)
I am addicted-
Didn't get my coffee yesterday, had a headache all day as well as sick to my stomach, had I been stoned I probably wouldn't have noticed.
Apparently I am also addicted to having a vehichle at my disposal, mine has been down since Wed. morning, and I am coping, but barely and it's getting harder not easier. I hate this addiction, have done without before and it didn't bother me, but then I would just get stoned so who needed to go anywhere?
%am i seeing double%
Timing is everything.
Not oneupmanship
just..... touch . :-)
I feel better, I just had to get alot off my mind.
Now I have to figure out my settings again.
just..... touch . :-)
I feel better, I just had to get alot off my mind.
Now I have to figure out my settings again.
