>ww. what? something is terribly wrong here.or have i totally lost it?
>okay maybe i have...... i'm confused.
>can someone explain this to me?
pretty sad, but this is typical. everyone thinks the problems they have are the same as everyone else's. maybe i'm a unique guy in that i've been able to lead this fulfilling life while stoned the last 10 years. but i know i that smoking makes me loose the edge, but for some reason people think i have to have all these problems just because they have them. I have for sure, run into this same attitude at AA meetings. Luckily my counselor that I had last year seemed to understand me. (except maybe how chronic my problems is).
see FOR ME, I don't really want to quit pot because it is ruining my life or making me unhappy, very far from the truth. (Realize, I ONLY smoke pot, absolutely no alcholol or other drugs.) There were hundreds of times when I felt MJ energized, kept me working, made me want to organize and create and get things done. Why do I want to quit. I am smart enough to see the other side, and i know that at times it brings me into myself, keeps me from expressing my soul how it should be expressed, and sometimes, but not always it slows me down. Also for sure, if I was caught it would cause very significant trouble and embarrassment for my family, with very large financial losses to ensue. That alone is a good reason for me to say, let's quit. Also, it is dopey and stupid to be an addict to something that on many days I am lighting up my one hitter, 15 times per day. Every hour an a half or so. Who needs it.
But the kind of treatment I have received here, reminds me of the nonsense that I have seen in rehab and it makes me want to stay way clear.
I suspect if your postings are more like this one and less defensive, the treatement you recieve here will change markedly.
No edge, energized, creative, brings me into my self, I experienced that too. I thought I was unique.
It was only AFTER being clean for awhile that I realized what a lie I was living.
It was only AFTER being clean for awhile that I realized what a lie I was living.
ww- i think i came to that last night. what a lie i've been living. i have to believe it will get better. thank you for reminding me.
jo
jo
I used to feel good too, for about 10 years the last few months were the bad ones. and only a few months, and i didnt know they were bad until i quit.
i told my wife, she didn't know, this is the third time in 6 years.
Does this mean you didn't go to the grateful dead girl ? Whoo hoo !!!!! :-)
That took courage to go to your wife. I trust your intentions are good ?
Continue to be honest, and remember that you have known for a very long time about your drug use. She just found out so her emotions may be raw and all over the place. She needs time to absorb this.
Please continue to let us know how you are, ok ?
******see FOR ME, I don't really want to quit pot because it is ruining my life or making me unhappy, very far from the truth. (Realize, I ONLY smoke pot, absolutely no alcholol or other drugs.) There were hundreds of times when I felt MJ energized, kept me working, made me want to organize and create and get things done. Why do I want to quit. I am smart enough to see the other side, and i know that at times it brings me into myself, keeps me from expressing my soul how it should be expressed, and sometimes, but not always it slows me down. Also for sure, if I was caught it would cause very significant trouble and embarrassment for my family, with very large financial losses to ensue. That alone is a good reason for me to say, let's quit. Also, it is dopey and stupid to be an addict to something that on many days I am lighting up my one hitter, 15 times per day. Every hour an a half or so. Who needs it. **********
Share this with her, when she is ready to hear it. Drop your defenses, dump your pride.
That took courage to go to your wife. I trust your intentions are good ?
Continue to be honest, and remember that you have known for a very long time about your drug use. She just found out so her emotions may be raw and all over the place. She needs time to absorb this.
Please continue to let us know how you are, ok ?
******see FOR ME, I don't really want to quit pot because it is ruining my life or making me unhappy, very far from the truth. (Realize, I ONLY smoke pot, absolutely no alcholol or other drugs.) There were hundreds of times when I felt MJ energized, kept me working, made me want to organize and create and get things done. Why do I want to quit. I am smart enough to see the other side, and i know that at times it brings me into myself, keeps me from expressing my soul how it should be expressed, and sometimes, but not always it slows me down. Also for sure, if I was caught it would cause very significant trouble and embarrassment for my family, with very large financial losses to ensue. That alone is a good reason for me to say, let's quit. Also, it is dopey and stupid to be an addict to something that on many days I am lighting up my one hitter, 15 times per day. Every hour an a half or so. Who needs it. **********
Share this with her, when she is ready to hear it. Drop your defenses, dump your pride.
wow hc- how'd she take the news?
ww- great advice!
ww- great advice!
no i didn't visit no gd girl. kinda just kidding,(but she is there) i've been faithful for al 20 yrs, why wouldn't I? i have a good sex life no matter what with my sweetie. she tortures me and gives me pain in other ways...
she took it okay. glad i'm out of the closet.
she took it okay. glad i'm out of the closet.
my problem is I have a terrible anxiety since being off. i guess those neurons in my brain are used to the jumpstart i was giving them throughout the day. like i might have said before, I was a bit careless a month or two ago at work, and a few things happened to make aware of the harm my addiction was causing. that is haunting me too.
that anxiety is normal
there are some vitamins out there that help, jojo knows more about them and the website if you are interested.
what have you done in the past to calm yourself when you couldnt exercise, yoga etc. what i mean is for that immediate fix, other than smoke of course.
this sounds stupid but sometimes i would take deep inhalations like i was toking and hold it in, that would slow my heart rate and calm me down. however it does mimic smoking so it could be a trigger.
also another trick is doing multipication table. it helps switch the brain from the emotional side to the logical side. again only quick fixes.
there are some vitamins out there that help, jojo knows more about them and the website if you are interested.
what have you done in the past to calm yourself when you couldnt exercise, yoga etc. what i mean is for that immediate fix, other than smoke of course.
this sounds stupid but sometimes i would take deep inhalations like i was toking and hold it in, that would slow my heart rate and calm me down. however it does mimic smoking so it could be a trigger.
also another trick is doing multipication table. it helps switch the brain from the emotional side to the logical side. again only quick fixes.
hc- you may want to try a nutural supplement called 'becalmed'. you can 'goggle' it. amino acids and work with the neuro transmistters in your brain. i did'n't believe it till i tried it. amazing. calm like never before.
but alas the one side effect is headaches and i got them from day one, hoped they'd pass but they didn't. you can get a starter bottle for $35 dollars. well well worth it. infact i was very anxious about stopping smoking.... and the 'beclamed' helped give me the calm to 'let go'. now i'm okay and not anxious about it, just anxious in other areas of my life and sad about the loss of the weed. but like you i needed to let go. give it a try it's natural, can't hurt. like i said i wouldn't have believed it but it worked for me. thru and thru.
good luck, let me know if you want more info or have trouble finding it online.
-jo
but alas the one side effect is headaches and i got them from day one, hoped they'd pass but they didn't. you can get a starter bottle for $35 dollars. well well worth it. infact i was very anxious about stopping smoking.... and the 'beclamed' helped give me the calm to 'let go'. now i'm okay and not anxious about it, just anxious in other areas of my life and sad about the loss of the weed. but like you i needed to let go. give it a try it's natural, can't hurt. like i said i wouldn't have believed it but it worked for me. thru and thru.
good luck, let me know if you want more info or have trouble finding it online.
-jo
this is terrible, i feel like my anxiety is so bad it is approaching mental illness. i can't sleep. most of my problem is that i am in a business that has alot of negative pressure(not related to my pot problem), it is going downhill. i have had 20 yrs of super success. i have $$ saved but it doesn't seem to matter to me. i can't believe this is happening ot me. i guess being off pot, i'm not medicated and everything is so real. before i would smoke and feel better(to a degree). i have been up almost every night, can't sleep, i have a terrible pressure in my chest. i don't have any cravings because i really want to keep off, and i don't want to go back to constant smoking again. my AA meeting last night helped, but i'm back in the same again here at 4a. what a life.
hc- do try 'beclamed' supplements - they help.
they are on order, thanks, i'm sitting here dying in side, luckily i have to work. part of my problem is i have alot of free time, and i'm paralyzed, the one employee that is my confident told me i'm so nuts i should go to my swampbox. but no way that is why the way i am.
hc- well so much for your no withdrawl concept :) i think as we get older and i am fortysomething too it gets harder. the swampbox. ha i've been thinking of your swampbox too. a swampbox, where on earth do you live? do you keep other stuff in there? i mean seriously is it something people hide stuff in....?
hang in there.... did you put a rush on the becalmed???
jo
hang in there.... did you put a rush on the becalmed???
jo
HC - Your wife sounds like a beautiful, understanding, soul. That's great!
**********i've been faithful for al 20 yrs, why wouldn't I? i have a good sex life no matter what with my sweetie. *******************
Couldn't help but think "ouch" when I read that.
I may regret telling you this, but I'm not carrying any shame.
From personal experience, a great sex life with your spouse isn't a barrier against some females who may actually be predators.
My sweetie had an emotional affair, which I discovered, for me, was much more worse. This woman worked with him out of town for a year off and on and knew way too much about his personal life. He should have been talking to me, but I was in recovery at the time and we had no idea how to relate. Except for the sex part.
Recovery changes everything between partners.
So when little miss "oh, please come up to my hotel room, I really feel we know eachother so well" offered him a condom after the office Christmas party, he said no thanks and mentioned my name and all three kids and what we meant to him.
You see, many years ago, when we met, I had told my man that his intelligence is what attracted me to him and should he ever f*** around on me, I would question his intelligence.
He later told me he remembered me saying that and it mattered.
I guess Christmastime is still a little sensitive to me. Dammit !! :-)
Forgive my indiscretion.
**********i've been faithful for al 20 yrs, why wouldn't I? i have a good sex life no matter what with my sweetie. *******************
Couldn't help but think "ouch" when I read that.
I may regret telling you this, but I'm not carrying any shame.
From personal experience, a great sex life with your spouse isn't a barrier against some females who may actually be predators.
My sweetie had an emotional affair, which I discovered, for me, was much more worse. This woman worked with him out of town for a year off and on and knew way too much about his personal life. He should have been talking to me, but I was in recovery at the time and we had no idea how to relate. Except for the sex part.
Recovery changes everything between partners.
So when little miss "oh, please come up to my hotel room, I really feel we know eachother so well" offered him a condom after the office Christmas party, he said no thanks and mentioned my name and all three kids and what we meant to him.
You see, many years ago, when we met, I had told my man that his intelligence is what attracted me to him and should he ever f*** around on me, I would question his intelligence.
He later told me he remembered me saying that and it mattered.
I guess Christmastime is still a little sensitive to me. Dammit !! :-)
Forgive my indiscretion.
>My sweetie had an emotional affair, which I discovered, for me, was much more worse.
no no no. underpants off changes EVERYTHING. until you get to that point everything can be mended. I've never had a predator come after me, and I'm athletic, rich and nothing wrong with my looks. I think they know I DONT play. So my grateful dead girl - I met her in my business two years ago and then she started to do some freelancing forme , i was in a sober period. she' s not too many years younger than me, decent looking, good stable job, and although she smokes pot, she is not an addict, she can take it or leave it easily each day, though she is regular. We enjoyed working together on these projects, and i knew enough to make sure my wife never met her. the radar would go off immediately. So the real fun started this April when i was jonesing and I didn't know where to turn, and she as a dead head, concert girl, afterall, so i broke down and after knowing her for 18 mo.s, asked her if she smoked(I'm sooo cool for holding out ain't I), she said sure, want some, and it turns her she has a totally reliable hookup. And she has been quite happy to be my "errand girl" for the past 6 mo.'s. Makes it very safe for me(my state is still a harsher one with weed-(hint no warm walks tonight it is FREEZING and snow is coming). We have been together a few times "in the woods", and the tension is there, but i'm a holdout.
My two best friends are both running terribly on their ladies. not my fault, it wasn't that way when i met them 20 yrs ago, but both don't get it at home, so WTF. #1 has 3 different girls who are happy to service him whenver, and he is a predator, he goes after middle aged married girls who are yearning for a little action but have never had it, they are clean and know how to keep a secret. #2 - has just gone off his rocker. He is sick of begging, but IMHO, if I was his wife, it would be revolting to lie with because he is mean, obnoxious to her and to top it off, he isn't even a good "earner", his business barely scrapes by.
Hope i'm not breaking any rules with all this talk.
>Recovery changes everything between partners
for now, it has absolutely increased our level of intimacy(not meaning sex) and communication, of course she thinks I am a total nut now, which i have been for my two weeks straight. But my recollection of the last time I was straight for extended, she was just as mean to me as ever. in fact it seemed when i picked up again last August, that was when she calmed down. but who knows.
no no no. underpants off changes EVERYTHING. until you get to that point everything can be mended. I've never had a predator come after me, and I'm athletic, rich and nothing wrong with my looks. I think they know I DONT play. So my grateful dead girl - I met her in my business two years ago and then she started to do some freelancing forme , i was in a sober period. she' s not too many years younger than me, decent looking, good stable job, and although she smokes pot, she is not an addict, she can take it or leave it easily each day, though she is regular. We enjoyed working together on these projects, and i knew enough to make sure my wife never met her. the radar would go off immediately. So the real fun started this April when i was jonesing and I didn't know where to turn, and she as a dead head, concert girl, afterall, so i broke down and after knowing her for 18 mo.s, asked her if she smoked(I'm sooo cool for holding out ain't I), she said sure, want some, and it turns her she has a totally reliable hookup. And she has been quite happy to be my "errand girl" for the past 6 mo.'s. Makes it very safe for me(my state is still a harsher one with weed-(hint no warm walks tonight it is FREEZING and snow is coming). We have been together a few times "in the woods", and the tension is there, but i'm a holdout.
My two best friends are both running terribly on their ladies. not my fault, it wasn't that way when i met them 20 yrs ago, but both don't get it at home, so WTF. #1 has 3 different girls who are happy to service him whenver, and he is a predator, he goes after middle aged married girls who are yearning for a little action but have never had it, they are clean and know how to keep a secret. #2 - has just gone off his rocker. He is sick of begging, but IMHO, if I was his wife, it would be revolting to lie with because he is mean, obnoxious to her and to top it off, he isn't even a good "earner", his business barely scrapes by.
Hope i'm not breaking any rules with all this talk.
>Recovery changes everything between partners
for now, it has absolutely increased our level of intimacy(not meaning sex) and communication, of course she thinks I am a total nut now, which i have been for my two weeks straight. But my recollection of the last time I was straight for extended, she was just as mean to me as ever. in fact it seemed when i picked up again last August, that was when she calmed down. but who knows.
OK whew....glad we're on the same page. yeah....maybe the underpants coming off would piss me off. I hope to never experience that. No, no rules broken with your writing, btw. Not for me, anyway. Even if my husband were to read everything I wrote here, my conscience is clear. Is yours? LOL
My hubby didn't know she was grooming him, he told me all about her and their friendship. He's a nice guy and it never bothered me, or him that he had a female friendship. Then my intuition kicked in and I told him she was after him....like a predator, a few things she said didn't sit right with me, either. He started defending her and the war was on. He quit his job and stays close to home. I never met her. Last I heard she got drunk, smashed up a company truck and got fired. I wish her well...maybe I'll see her in an AA meeting someday. LOL
And, for the record, it goes both ways....I have had two married girlfriends who've had one night stands and relieved their guilt by sharing that info with me.....not comfortable. Don't hang around those couples anymore. Really not comfortable.
I guess part of the reason I got weirded out was because there's an assumption that men cheat because they're not getting any at home. I'm here to tell you that ain't so !!!! :-) SO THERE!!!! LOL
We both figured out that working out of town waaaaaay too much and my attention to kids as both mom and dad when he was gone 24/7 doesn't make for alot of intimacy long distance.
Conclusion, even happy marriages between the bestest friends takes alot of work !!!
My husband thinks I'm a nut too, but I'm HIS nut. LOL
Have a good night hardcharger, I appreciate your openess and your willingness to "hear" me. And keep talking to your wife.....!
My hubby didn't know she was grooming him, he told me all about her and their friendship. He's a nice guy and it never bothered me, or him that he had a female friendship. Then my intuition kicked in and I told him she was after him....like a predator, a few things she said didn't sit right with me, either. He started defending her and the war was on. He quit his job and stays close to home. I never met her. Last I heard she got drunk, smashed up a company truck and got fired. I wish her well...maybe I'll see her in an AA meeting someday. LOL
And, for the record, it goes both ways....I have had two married girlfriends who've had one night stands and relieved their guilt by sharing that info with me.....not comfortable. Don't hang around those couples anymore. Really not comfortable.
I guess part of the reason I got weirded out was because there's an assumption that men cheat because they're not getting any at home. I'm here to tell you that ain't so !!!! :-) SO THERE!!!! LOL
We both figured out that working out of town waaaaaay too much and my attention to kids as both mom and dad when he was gone 24/7 doesn't make for alot of intimacy long distance.
Conclusion, even happy marriages between the bestest friends takes alot of work !!!
My husband thinks I'm a nut too, but I'm HIS nut. LOL
Have a good night hardcharger, I appreciate your openess and your willingness to "hear" me. And keep talking to your wife.....!
hardcharger, did you mean your wife is being nicer because she thinks you are acting like a nut?
trying to choose my words carefully here. If this is a yes, do you think she senses some insecurity in you, vulnerability, (this time around being different) and she is now wanting to be supportive.
please.....dont get offended but when you came to this board you came accross very abrupt, and harsh. if you took a minute to be intospective and looked at times while using or trying to quit in the past did you come across that way with her too?
Now I know, you say she can be really mean, and i believe you. But the only person you can change is you and your responses to her. Sounds like this time you arent fighting back, you have been honest and admitted your weakness and fears.
maybe things could be different. a lot may need to change though.
as far as the affair, emotional, sexual, predators, etc. no one should ever think that they or any of their spouses are ever above or not at risk of falling once or full blown affair. It is great no one has done so. and most of the time it doesnt have much to do with sex, on either part, male or female. Something is missing in their current relationship that needs fixing and luckily so far everyone has said no, or avoided situations. (ww i may regret this, but i am speaking from personal experience). lol,,, hardcharger avoid those meetings,(especially if youa re picking up on the tension) it is only a matter of time before the panties may slip and you have no intention currently but you have no way of predicting the future. AVOID any temptation, especially while getting clean. Now it sounds like i am telling you what to do. I am. (in case you wondered) I am not judging you, and i have no right to judge anyone, just trying to prevent future pain and problems.
what is that old saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"
or is that a song.
trying to choose my words carefully here. If this is a yes, do you think she senses some insecurity in you, vulnerability, (this time around being different) and she is now wanting to be supportive.
please.....dont get offended but when you came to this board you came accross very abrupt, and harsh. if you took a minute to be intospective and looked at times while using or trying to quit in the past did you come across that way with her too?
Now I know, you say she can be really mean, and i believe you. But the only person you can change is you and your responses to her. Sounds like this time you arent fighting back, you have been honest and admitted your weakness and fears.
maybe things could be different. a lot may need to change though.
as far as the affair, emotional, sexual, predators, etc. no one should ever think that they or any of their spouses are ever above or not at risk of falling once or full blown affair. It is great no one has done so. and most of the time it doesnt have much to do with sex, on either part, male or female. Something is missing in their current relationship that needs fixing and luckily so far everyone has said no, or avoided situations. (ww i may regret this, but i am speaking from personal experience). lol,,, hardcharger avoid those meetings,(especially if youa re picking up on the tension) it is only a matter of time before the panties may slip and you have no intention currently but you have no way of predicting the future. AVOID any temptation, especially while getting clean. Now it sounds like i am telling you what to do. I am. (in case you wondered) I am not judging you, and i have no right to judge anyone, just trying to prevent future pain and problems.
what is that old saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"
or is that a song.
