I've been coming to this board for about a year and a half now. When I first came here I had just gotten off methadone. I was so thankful to be off of it. But then in January 2006, I had a big surgery and have been using and abusing pain medicine every since. I came here and gave advice and encouragement to people while I was lying to everyone. I was taking pills the whole time. I can't say how sorry I am to everyone. Last Friday, everything changed. I had to quit. Of course I've been through terrible w/d both physically and mentally but it's getting a little better each day. I can't believe how much things can change in a week. I'm scared but I don't feel hopeless anymore. So anyway, I hope you all will accept my apology.
Shelly
Congradulations on your seven days, Shelly!!
You have today, that's all that matters.
xxxxoooo
You have today, that's all that matters.
xxxxoooo
Shelly...
Honesty is such a huge step in the right direction <smile>...Keep moving forward and taking those positive steps forward...Thank you for sharing what you've been through, thank you for opening up and being honest and something that is always hanging around my head is this disease is cunning, baffling & powerful.....and it will kill me...
So, did you ever find a meeting? You know after several relapses, I knew, just knew I had to do something different and I did, I trusted others that had substantial clean time to guide me and show me how to maintain sobriety...For me, quitting pills was fairly easy, the hard part was learning how to live sober and stay sober....
I'm so glad you're back and what a gift you have given yourself....remember, baby steps forward and reach out and let others help you...you don't have to do this alone....
((((big hugs))))
Stacey
Honesty is such a huge step in the right direction <smile>...Keep moving forward and taking those positive steps forward...Thank you for sharing what you've been through, thank you for opening up and being honest and something that is always hanging around my head is this disease is cunning, baffling & powerful.....and it will kill me...
So, did you ever find a meeting? You know after several relapses, I knew, just knew I had to do something different and I did, I trusted others that had substantial clean time to guide me and show me how to maintain sobriety...For me, quitting pills was fairly easy, the hard part was learning how to live sober and stay sober....
I'm so glad you're back and what a gift you have given yourself....remember, baby steps forward and reach out and let others help you...you don't have to do this alone....
((((big hugs))))
Stacey
Hi Shelly,
You have no reason to be sorry to us. Nor is there any reason you can't try to help others when you're struggling yourself. You got caught back up in it. You have that 1st difficult week behind you. Now you can look ahead. Maybe you can figure out what happened and take steps to safeguard against it happening again. Well done on 7 days. I hope you feel some relief getting it off your chest. Keep doing the next right thing and get some f2f support somewhere.
All the best, Beck
You have no reason to be sorry to us. Nor is there any reason you can't try to help others when you're struggling yourself. You got caught back up in it. You have that 1st difficult week behind you. Now you can look ahead. Maybe you can figure out what happened and take steps to safeguard against it happening again. Well done on 7 days. I hope you feel some relief getting it off your chest. Keep doing the next right thing and get some f2f support somewhere.
All the best, Beck
Shelly-Welcome back
It's cool.
Back in the early 90's I gave my story in an AA club f*cked up to the tits on codeine.I was brilliant.I shared with great eloquence what those poor drunks needed to hear.I went on and on with what a great life I had created as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous,started a business,helped people,was able to go on trips overseas.....blah,blah,blah........itching the entire time I was up at the podium with my microscopic pupils galzed over.LOL
Of course the cleancher was weeks later when I dragged my butt down the aisle to pick up another desire chip.
Give yourself a break.You're not the first.Chances are you actually helped people then and today you may give someone else the courage to be honest.
I sure won't judge you and nobody else will that has a good program.This is part of the disease and this time it will be different.You keep posting.It takes some incredible growth to do what you just did.I can say personally that I am very impressed and will keep an eye on you.You're going to be a powerhouse.
Good to see ya
It's cool.
Back in the early 90's I gave my story in an AA club f*cked up to the tits on codeine.I was brilliant.I shared with great eloquence what those poor drunks needed to hear.I went on and on with what a great life I had created as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous,started a business,helped people,was able to go on trips overseas.....blah,blah,blah........itching the entire time I was up at the podium with my microscopic pupils galzed over.LOL
Of course the cleancher was weeks later when I dragged my butt down the aisle to pick up another desire chip.
Give yourself a break.You're not the first.Chances are you actually helped people then and today you may give someone else the courage to be honest.
I sure won't judge you and nobody else will that has a good program.This is part of the disease and this time it will be different.You keep posting.It takes some incredible growth to do what you just did.I can say personally that I am very impressed and will keep an eye on you.You're going to be a powerhouse.
Good to see ya
Don't apologize Shelly. Don't worry about anyone else but you. seriously.
I'm so proud of you and have missed you dearly.
Love
Stac
I'm so proud of you and have missed you dearly.
Love
Stac
It took a lot to say that and I respect you for it...keep up the good work...Love, Sharonn
Shelly-I'm bumping your thread up for KeeKee[Kerri]
I think you two should talk,
I think you two should talk,
Shelly,
Congratulations on 9 days!
Learn from your relapse, but don't dwell on it.
Love,
Gina
Congratulations on 9 days!
Learn from your relapse, but don't dwell on it.
Love,
Gina
Thanks everybody. It's so weird how much different things are in 9 days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed but it is so much better then where I was 10 days ago. I had no idea how numb I had become and how much it affected my family. I'm feeling the need to fix everything right now but I know that's not possible. One day at a time or else I'll get to overwhelmed and end up right back where I was. Can anyone suggest any good literature that might help? Thanks again and Happy Easter everyone!
Shelly
Shelly
| QUOTE |
| Can anyone suggest any good literature that might help? |
NA-It Works How And Why
The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous
also
Addictive Thinking
Understanding Self-Deception
Abraham J.Twerski
Both should be able to be purchased at Amazon.com
If you can't find the NA book,I will mail a copy to you.
You can mail me your address
timlincoln@aol.com
Shelly,
Addiction is a very powerful and cunning disease. Honey, nothing good is going to come from you beating yourself up its a waist of time.
I am positive that relapse happens long before you put that first pill in your mouth and if you think back you might agree.
I knew it was happening and it was happening in my head long long beforehand. You may be able to pick up on some of those things and learn from them. You are not a bad person or mom or wife or sister, you have an illness and left untreated it only gets worse. Sure we can keep it at bay with sheer willpower. That you have learned, but sooner or later its ugly little head starts rearing.
This is why it is so imperative to have a good network of people to talk to. F2F!!! It took me solid 3 years to learn this. Does that mean I am a dummy or you are NO, it means that your disease has not been treated.
When I tell you that AA changed my life and way of thinking...its an understatement. What you will get there is so valuable. It might not happen immediately you must keep coming back!!! Then again it might. Have you been...I would recommend it strongly..its a way of life. The principles and traditions are simply lovely ways to learn to live.
I am here for you honey anytime. I relapsed over and over until I started treating my whole disease...not just part of it.
Email me anytime!!! keekee199@yahoo.ca
Addiction is a very powerful and cunning disease. Honey, nothing good is going to come from you beating yourself up its a waist of time.
I am positive that relapse happens long before you put that first pill in your mouth and if you think back you might agree.
I knew it was happening and it was happening in my head long long beforehand. You may be able to pick up on some of those things and learn from them. You are not a bad person or mom or wife or sister, you have an illness and left untreated it only gets worse. Sure we can keep it at bay with sheer willpower. That you have learned, but sooner or later its ugly little head starts rearing.
This is why it is so imperative to have a good network of people to talk to. F2F!!! It took me solid 3 years to learn this. Does that mean I am a dummy or you are NO, it means that your disease has not been treated.
When I tell you that AA changed my life and way of thinking...its an understatement. What you will get there is so valuable. It might not happen immediately you must keep coming back!!! Then again it might. Have you been...I would recommend it strongly..its a way of life. The principles and traditions are simply lovely ways to learn to live.
I am here for you honey anytime. I relapsed over and over until I started treating my whole disease...not just part of it.
Email me anytime!!! keekee199@yahoo.ca
Thanks KeeKee. I am going to make an appointment with an addiction specialist. I know I need NA but I am so scared. I know it sounds silly but I am completely afraid of NA. I'm open minded to it though.
Shelly
Shelly
Hey Shelley:
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I applaud your honesty though. And CONGRATULATIONS on 9 days!!!!
Things will get better! It doesn't matter what happened in the past. The only "time" we have is the here and now, and that is the stuff that matters. What you do in the here and now.
Shelley, I really hope you will try a meeting. I don't know where you are, geographically, but, it seems like there is always someone near by connected to this board. Maybe someone could help you find another person to go to your first meeting with. I know if someone were near you, they would do it.
I have never been to an NA meeting, but I promise, if I were close to you, I would go with you! Maybe just try to automatic pilot it for the first one....don't overthink it, just do it kind of thing.
Good Luck Shelley. I know you are on your way now!!!!
Love,
Sarah
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I applaud your honesty though. And CONGRATULATIONS on 9 days!!!!
Things will get better! It doesn't matter what happened in the past. The only "time" we have is the here and now, and that is the stuff that matters. What you do in the here and now.
Shelley, I really hope you will try a meeting. I don't know where you are, geographically, but, it seems like there is always someone near by connected to this board. Maybe someone could help you find another person to go to your first meeting with. I know if someone were near you, they would do it.
I have never been to an NA meeting, but I promise, if I were close to you, I would go with you! Maybe just try to automatic pilot it for the first one....don't overthink it, just do it kind of thing.
Good Luck Shelley. I know you are on your way now!!!!
Love,
Sarah
I understand that fear Shelly. I also had those same fears, however...I was way more fearful of what my life had become and where I was heading. It was that fear that moved me towards the meetings.
I went and was terrified..for what....for nothing!! I listened and listened and listened some more. The messages I started to receive were those that calmed my fears and enabled me to keep coming back.
Please don't let fear stop you....you will see soon that your fears are less terrifying than the fact that your life is spinning out of control. Now that is fear!
I am so proud of you...it is not easy to beat this stupid damn disease....I am so angry with this disease today.
I would never be angry at you or any other addict....I am however furious at this disease. We have to fight...fight for your life!
You are so loved and so worth it!
I went and was terrified..for what....for nothing!! I listened and listened and listened some more. The messages I started to receive were those that calmed my fears and enabled me to keep coming back.
Please don't let fear stop you....you will see soon that your fears are less terrifying than the fact that your life is spinning out of control. Now that is fear!
I am so proud of you...it is not easy to beat this stupid damn disease....I am so angry with this disease today.
I would never be angry at you or any other addict....I am however furious at this disease. We have to fight...fight for your life!
You are so loved and so worth it!
Shelly...
I too was petrified to go to my first meeting...I don't know why, but it scared the crap out of me...I talked with a friend I had made on this board and she asked me to write my fears down and I shared them with her...when I put my fears down in black & white, they weren't as powerful...basically it broke down to fear of the unknown and fear of change...After I shared it, it lost it's power and when I did go to my first meeting, I had my cell phone on speed dial so I could call my friend if I needed to to help me walk into the meeting....After I did it and I too listened at my first meeting, wow, a huge burden was lifted from me...I shared not to long after that and just shared from my heart, how I was new and fearful and needing help and the love & fellowship that was shown to me was such an awesome experience that I too kept going back....Today, even though I'm still relatively new to recovery, after 9 months I still do 4-5 meetings a week and I now look forward to going to meetings & helping others....
Do this for yourself...you deserve it, Shelly and the 12 steps have helped me so much in every aspect of my life that today, I feel like a miracle has occured and I'm living a life I had only dreamed about....It can happen for you too and I can relate to having children and a husband and the guilt associated with using but today I can say, my entire family is part of my recovery, sometimes, my kids go to meetings with me and as a family, we are all healing.....
If you need me, if you want to call me, I would be more than happy to help you find a meeting and if needed, I will walk in with you....
(((big hugs)))
Stacey
I too was petrified to go to my first meeting...I don't know why, but it scared the crap out of me...I talked with a friend I had made on this board and she asked me to write my fears down and I shared them with her...when I put my fears down in black & white, they weren't as powerful...basically it broke down to fear of the unknown and fear of change...After I shared it, it lost it's power and when I did go to my first meeting, I had my cell phone on speed dial so I could call my friend if I needed to to help me walk into the meeting....After I did it and I too listened at my first meeting, wow, a huge burden was lifted from me...I shared not to long after that and just shared from my heart, how I was new and fearful and needing help and the love & fellowship that was shown to me was such an awesome experience that I too kept going back....Today, even though I'm still relatively new to recovery, after 9 months I still do 4-5 meetings a week and I now look forward to going to meetings & helping others....
Do this for yourself...you deserve it, Shelly and the 12 steps have helped me so much in every aspect of my life that today, I feel like a miracle has occured and I'm living a life I had only dreamed about....It can happen for you too and I can relate to having children and a husband and the guilt associated with using but today I can say, my entire family is part of my recovery, sometimes, my kids go to meetings with me and as a family, we are all healing.....
If you need me, if you want to call me, I would be more than happy to help you find a meeting and if needed, I will walk in with you....
(((big hugs)))
Stacey
