So I got my kids back, stable life, planning a awsome vacation in July.
Not really unhappy STILL the last few days i've been plotting in my head to do a hit. Telling myself just a little just one. It's became this sad fantasy thing i'm running in my head. I was depressed last night remembering the old friends the old junkie house. My ex bf in prison. I do acually miss a lot of things the "friends". Getting clean i cut out everyone. Two years off H still feel weird in my own skin. I wish i still got methadone i feel like i need it These cravings can only be bad. Thing is i know i'ld get sick i quit before for little bits at a time the 1st hit back i'ld always throw up sweat feel horrible. I know i can't aford to lose this life this chance still if it were in front of me i could not turn it down. Guess that's the way it is. I think this sucks.
Sucks it does......running that through your head and all.......I'm with ya, Zero Girl.........that's I think "picking up before ya pick up"........right?
Writing it out like this........good thing...........and I can say or anyone can say.......now how's that going to help and you know the rationale........and then what? Ya want to be sick? No you don't..........only I don't want to hear what I already know.
Maybe it's too because you have such a full life........and it's all YOU doing it.
YOU without methadone and you without dope........we always had a cushion......girl, hang in there..........please.......you're a strong one.......I know this..........nuttin good going to come of it..........and all those missed memories.
Think of the memory climbing out windows for scrap metal......right?
You got my utmost respect, Zero Girl........don't get high........you're doing good.
Writing it out like this........good thing...........and I can say or anyone can say.......now how's that going to help and you know the rationale........and then what? Ya want to be sick? No you don't..........only I don't want to hear what I already know.
Maybe it's too because you have such a full life........and it's all YOU doing it.
YOU without methadone and you without dope........we always had a cushion......girl, hang in there..........please.......you're a strong one.......I know this..........nuttin good going to come of it..........and all those missed memories.
Think of the memory climbing out windows for scrap metal......right?
You got my utmost respect, Zero Girl........don't get high........you're doing good.
Did not do it ......but, while taking my son to his dads i got to pass a old pick up spot low and behold there is my cousin on the payphone looking dirty and thin. He waves for me to come back I ALREADY KNOW he's picking up, i know i can throw in, even know he's probley getting from a dealer i know. Well guys i had money i kept driving it would have took 2 mins to drive back after dropping my son off. So maybe i did not want it that bad after all. It bugged me all night long.
so proud of you zg.......i know its not easy, but worth it in the long run..you r much stronger than you believe......so awesome that you have your kids back and going on VACATION !! <sigh vacation, dont even know what that is>.i so often see ppl at the phne booths, knowing...........but i dont miss that one damn bit
there is always gonna be a temptation there but it sounds like your strong enough to controle it so well done ZG keep it up xx
Zero Girl,
I know we've never "met" on here before because I am usually on the pain pill board. I have no experience with heroin. But I did read your recovery story on the diary board. Your story really touched me. You have been through so much and have worked so hard. I love your honesty and your spunk. I can tell you are a very strong person. Your story is an inspiration to me. I know you'll do whatever it takes to stay clean. You're in my prayers.
Shelly
I know we've never "met" on here before because I am usually on the pain pill board. I have no experience with heroin. But I did read your recovery story on the diary board. Your story really touched me. You have been through so much and have worked so hard. I love your honesty and your spunk. I can tell you are a very strong person. Your story is an inspiration to me. I know you'll do whatever it takes to stay clean. You're in my prayers.
Shelly
Zerogirl,
I am not an addict but can only imagine how hard the temptation must be, but I always relate heroin to the devil and it plays games with your head and even though you clean it still tells ya that ya want some even though deep down you dont. Stay strong...your doing so well and are an inspiration. You should be so proud of yourself.
I think to beat a habbit is hard enough but to have it under your nose when you have been craving and still turn down the opportunity...well you really have got your head screwed on and you know what you want in life and what you have to do!!
WELL DONE.
Love Lynds xx
I am not an addict but can only imagine how hard the temptation must be, but I always relate heroin to the devil and it plays games with your head and even though you clean it still tells ya that ya want some even though deep down you dont. Stay strong...your doing so well and are an inspiration. You should be so proud of yourself.
I think to beat a habbit is hard enough but to have it under your nose when you have been craving and still turn down the opportunity...well you really have got your head screwed on and you know what you want in life and what you have to do!!
WELL DONE.
Love Lynds xx
Thanks everyone It makes me feel good to get the support! Glad my recovery diary muzing is doing sum good. I re read that stuff later it's nice to see how far i came. Wish i could keep a diary in the house afraid i could not write what i wanted without Rob or my daughter reading it. RECOVERY : It sure is a process only I don't feel i've progressed too much.
That's the ZG we know and love......way to go Zero Girl!
See how ya help others.......I'm glad ya kept right on driving.
See how ya help others.......I'm glad ya kept right on driving.
M done ??
Be careful what you wish for- -
Actually some people have screwed up there body chemistry so much & altered the endorphin flow so much- - that done is a sensible replacement.
That being said, done can be the biggest hassle,mistake,and side effect producing replacement therapy out there.
If you have managed to stay off of the heroin without dippin & dabbin -I would steer clear of that plan.- -Be careful out there.
Get back if you need to
respect,
jack
Be careful what you wish for- -
Actually some people have screwed up there body chemistry so much & altered the endorphin flow so much- - that done is a sensible replacement.
That being said, done can be the biggest hassle,mistake,and side effect producing replacement therapy out there.
If you have managed to stay off of the heroin without dippin & dabbin -I would steer clear of that plan.- -Be careful out there.
Get back if you need to
respect,
jack
I'ld agree Jack I did the methadone thing detoxed out it was a huge hassle. I detoxed so quick got major withdraws. It would just be nice to not have the cravings thou. I did not crave when on methadone i was on 130mg over medicated nodding out half the time. It's just hard to shake this urge from my head to use. It's getting sad. My mom had her reconstrustion surgery yesterday to get her Colostomy bag off...I was going to see her with 30.00$ in my pocket to buy her flowers I'm not too proud of it but, the thought of not getting her flowers and just going to "meet the man" crossed my mind. I can't do crap like that but, yeah it was a thought i wish i had not thought. So i got her flowers went to see her she was out cold she did not even wake up.
Yeah but she'll see them when she wakes up........Zero Girl you're going through it.......no wonder though........you worry and deal with family and all every day.........it's your mom and ya have to be wondering what's next and all.
Yeah it'd be easier if ya were a dingy type of broad........I'm kidding but I am not.
You got it all going on and like ya said the cravings........head/cravings.......responsibility/worry..........alas ya once again took care of it........took care of you.........worked on it.
Them flowers might just have saved your life.......I know you don't go for drama, but hey who knows........right........I'm sorry you are going through it so bad.
I hope your mom is alright........hope this reconstruction worked, and she's out of pain...........I can't wait till ya go off to vacation......vroooom.......you'll get out of your head for a little then..........you hung good there, Girl.
Yo, I wish I could be like "Oh yeah you do that and I'll Moe eye poke ya and then knock ya silly"..........but I think somebody telling ya NO NO......you'd do the opposite..........at least I think.........ain't nobody tell Zero Girl NO.......Tres will be on here though saying "Oh yeah you do that and............"
Your alright, ZG.........it's going to be alright..........wouldn't look good you nodding at dinner............or ODing or getting caught in the middle of some crazy deal or something............anything can happen......good lookout on them flowers.
Yeah it'd be easier if ya were a dingy type of broad........I'm kidding but I am not.
You got it all going on and like ya said the cravings........head/cravings.......responsibility/worry..........alas ya once again took care of it........took care of you.........worked on it.
Them flowers might just have saved your life.......I know you don't go for drama, but hey who knows........right........I'm sorry you are going through it so bad.
I hope your mom is alright........hope this reconstruction worked, and she's out of pain...........I can't wait till ya go off to vacation......vroooom.......you'll get out of your head for a little then..........you hung good there, Girl.
Yo, I wish I could be like "Oh yeah you do that and I'll Moe eye poke ya and then knock ya silly"..........but I think somebody telling ya NO NO......you'd do the opposite..........at least I think.........ain't nobody tell Zero Girl NO.......Tres will be on here though saying "Oh yeah you do that and............"
Your alright, ZG.........it's going to be alright..........wouldn't look good you nodding at dinner............or ODing or getting caught in the middle of some crazy deal or something............anything can happen......good lookout on them flowers.
hi chris here 5:00 in the mornin im having hell plz dont go back sounds like ur were i would like to be in a month or two ive been there before and the little demonds never go away dont give in to them there the hardest part of being clean go and get pissed or something hope that aint bad advise be lucky
Chris your advise is very true so take your own advise and stick at it!
Lynds xx
Lynds xx
Hi there seems like you need a change of mind I really believe that the problem is not whatever substance we have used but the state of our mind that allows us to use and destroy our lives.
I accomplished a change of mind by doing the 12 steps (not just goin to meetings) is there anything you can use to change your mind, CBT, self help groups, psychologists etc?
I really hop you find what works for you, anyone can stop using but staying stopped is the real trick LOL
I accomplished a change of mind by doing the 12 steps (not just goin to meetings) is there anything you can use to change your mind, CBT, self help groups, psychologists etc?
I really hop you find what works for you, anyone can stop using but staying stopped is the real trick LOL
Hey ZG, I know I go about things arse backwards, but the one thing that worked for me to keep those cravings at bay was to repeated expose myself to triggers, until they didn't get a reaction out of. Yeah, of course, at first I had to put as many obstacles in between me and heroin, but as my strength grew, I found that I needed to test myself. I used to keep a burnt spoon and a needle in my knicker draw so I saw it every time I changed my pants! I knew then that I wouldn't freak out and lose the plot if I saw works. Then the people, the so called "friends". They ain't no friends, girl, and you know it! When you're in active addiction, you only got one friend, and that ain't no person! So I would go up and say hi, then walk away, feeling glad that I'm not like that any more. I take pleasure now, in going to the chemist, and I see all these scrawny miserable looking junkies picking up their daily scripts, just like they been doing for the past god knows how many years, and I'm there, all pink cheeked, clear skinned, bright eyed and healthy looking, with my beautiful baby on my knee, with everyone stopping me saying how beautiful my kid is (and she's stunning, she really is...) and saying how much better I look these days, and I'm glad I'm not the person I used to be. You don't want to go back. Maybe you're bored, or lonely. Heroin is not the answer to those problems, but you do need to address them, for your own happiness.
take care kiddo!
love
Diff xxx
take care kiddo!
love
Diff xxx
