I'm Such An Addict

So I've been really out of sorts since quitting percs. I also have some construction going on in my home which is making me even nuttier. I'm doing things like writing checks for wrong amounts, missing an appointment cause I thought it was a different day etc... I think I have some PAWS stuff going on from what I've read. Anyway, this morning I was doing my morning routine, taking my vitamins and antidepressant- feeding the kids, not really paying attention to what I'm doing. About a half hour later I'm talking with one of the guys working on our house and I get really flushed. My heart starts racing and I feel kinda dizzy. I'm thinking maybe I'm having a panic attack (I used to get them in my 20's) So I excuse myself and go back to my medicine cabinet hoping I have an old xanax or something. I noticed that the pills that I thought were my antidepressants were actually my husbands Aderrall! He was diagnosed with mild ADD like five years ago and never even took any of it. Well, once I did some research and learned that I wasn't gonna die from it I just decided to ride it out. The internet said effects would last about 4-6 hours. So I calm down and go about my day and actually start enjoying myself! I'm getting the house cleaned, doing projects I've put off etc... Feeling better than I have in weeks. So of course my mind is like "hey, this is great stuff and I've got a whole bottle of pills!" I ended up calling my husband and asking if he ever used it and when he said no I flushed them. Good Lord. Is this really me? I remember only 8 years ago when I wouldn't even take ibuprophen because I hated taking pills. When I was having major painc attacks in college I would only take like 1/4 of a xanax if I HAD to. What the hell happened? Anyway, kind of a funny story but kinda not...
Good for you for getting rid of them. Before I was an addict my son was on ritalin. I wasn't paying attention one morning either and took one instead of something I was to take (can't even remember now) then once I realized I called work (i work in a pharmacy) and asked the pharmacist what will happen to me. He told me it would be like drinking 4 cups of coffee but I'd be ok. My heart started pounding too which scared me because I'd already had a heart ablation and I thought the problem was resurfacing...scary until I realized what I had done!!! All ended well and never took one of them again..lol

So, you are not alone. And again, good for you for getting rid of them!!!
Santee-This is that dangerous place you hear so talked about so much.How long have you been off Percs? What you took was speed.Adderal is dextroamphetamine which is why you had all that energy.

Today what I suggest you do is make some sort of plan on how you are going to stay clean.Unfortunately,this is going to come up again and grabbing for a pill is that knee=jerk reaction every addict is faced with.

Are you making meetings? Do you have any phone numbers?

Detox is the easy part in this deal and unless you have some sort of relapse prevention in place,you will be faced with this again.

Try and learn from this relapse but please reach out for some help.F2F
Thanks guys.
Tim~ I've been off percs for a couple of weeks. I did find an NA meeting that I really like but am only able to go 1 or 2x per week right now. I think it was you who mentioned the Step Workbook, I got that in the mail yesterday- have just glanced through it but it looks really good.
I'm feeling guilty this morning even though it was an accident. Needless to say I got very little sleep cause I was so wired.