...9 months today.
The first two months lasted about six and a half years and the last seven have flown by. What do I do to stay clean? I got honest with people, including my doctor and pharmacist thus cutting off my sources. I went to meetings for a short while and picked up some valuable tools including re-establishing a relationship with my HP. I show up at my therapists weekly. I show up on my mat for yoga or meditation almost daily. I show up for my life.
I realized that part of my using and cigarette-smoking was a deliberate attempt to destroy myself. I deal with those issues in therapy, leftovers from childhood sexual abuse. Dr. M teaches me by example how to step just a little way away from myself, look at things non-judgmentally and objectively. From there I hope to develop insight into my own behaviors.
I participate in peer support for abuse survivors. What I find myself saying the most there, here and in my real life is, Be good to yourself. Treat yourself right. Take the time to exercise, swallow the vitamins, and eat healthily. Make the effort to quit smoking. I dont really care for the term inner child but I try to treat myself the way I treat my kids I wouldnt let them harm themselves with coffee, brownies for breakfast, a cigarette when homework gets too hard, or a narcotic when they have a stress headache. I give them appropriate treats and try to help them practice moderation because frankly theyll need these lessons. Theyve got addictive behaviors on both sides of their family, as I did.
If youre using now, please quit. I found that most of the problems I was using the pills to cover were caused by the pills themselves. And before that first rush of having cleaned up fades, please find some f2f support meetings, therapy, spiritual support, anything that works for you is good because whatever hole we were using the drugs to mask isnt going to fill in by itself just because the drugs are gone.
I wanted specially to thank BobB., dsam, and littlebeach. When I first found the board, they talked me back to my HP again. You guys know Im not terribly comfortable talking about God, but the truth is, though recovery hasnt been easy, when I found my HP again, suddenly it didnt seem all that hard anymore either.
And always, my love to Kat, who is my HP the embodiment of the divine, expressed in friendship, acceptance, and unconditional positive regard. Love to my family here. You are, each of you, a piece of the infinite.
May the long-time sun shine upon you,
All Love surround you,
And the Light that is within all of us,
Guide your way home.
Love,
Gina
Wow, Congratulations Gina, Way to go on 9 Months!!!!
Gina
9 months is an incredible achievment. You are truly an asset to this board, with your unconditional support, your humor, and your ability to just be yourself. I have asked myself a few times, if I could go back in time, and change being an addict...would I? Hell no, if I did that I would have never got the chance to have met such wonderful people as yourself. I feel honored to have you as my friend, and an inspiration. This is a great day, celebrate it, you deserve it.
michelle
9 months is an incredible achievment. You are truly an asset to this board, with your unconditional support, your humor, and your ability to just be yourself. I have asked myself a few times, if I could go back in time, and change being an addict...would I? Hell no, if I did that I would have never got the chance to have met such wonderful people as yourself. I feel honored to have you as my friend, and an inspiration. This is a great day, celebrate it, you deserve it.
michelle
Congratulations, Gina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gina...9 months...I am so happy for you.I have always enjoyed your infinite wit and wisdom on the board...I hope the next 9 months, 9 years.....happiness, sobriety, and peace.Your friend, Sharonn
WOW!! 9 months. You must be so proud of yourself....... I am 6 days clean and I pray I can do as well as you.Thanks for the inspiration.
Travis.........Pineknot
Travis.........Pineknot
congrats on 9 months! wooooooohooooooooo!
Hi Gina;
Congratulations on 9 months! That's is terrific! I too, with the help of an excellent therapist, am finally getting to the heart of "childhood issues" that have gone largely unaddrsseed for years and have contributed mightily to my substance abuse.
Recovery can be a wonderful thing. Today I find myself filled with peace and hope, and expereince genuine moments of laughter and contentment that just 3 months ago seemed impossible.
Today my HP is working miracles in my life - in the past I just never stopped long enough to listen.
There are so many wonderful people who make it a joy to visit this forum. You're at the top of the list. I'm so glad you are doing so well.
Way to go!
Jim
Congratulations on 9 months! That's is terrific! I too, with the help of an excellent therapist, am finally getting to the heart of "childhood issues" that have gone largely unaddrsseed for years and have contributed mightily to my substance abuse.
Recovery can be a wonderful thing. Today I find myself filled with peace and hope, and expereince genuine moments of laughter and contentment that just 3 months ago seemed impossible.
Today my HP is working miracles in my life - in the past I just never stopped long enough to listen.
There are so many wonderful people who make it a joy to visit this forum. You're at the top of the list. I'm so glad you are doing so well.
Way to go!
Jim
Hey Gina,
Congrats on the 9 months!! Woooohooooo!
Have a great day,
Omeag
Congrats on the 9 months!! Woooohooooo!
Have a great day,
Omeag
Gina,
Nine months is fantastic. I have to say though, I've never doubted you would make it. I am privilaged to have found this place, along with all of its wonderful people, especially you. For anyone who knows you at all, they are blessed. I'm honored to share your jouney. Thank you for allowing me to. Be good to yourself. I know you will.
Friends are like windows through which you see out into the world and back into yourself... If you don't have friends you see much less than you otherwise might.
Love,
DeNae
Nine months is fantastic. I have to say though, I've never doubted you would make it. I am privilaged to have found this place, along with all of its wonderful people, especially you. For anyone who knows you at all, they are blessed. I'm honored to share your jouney. Thank you for allowing me to. Be good to yourself. I know you will.
Friends are like windows through which you see out into the world and back into yourself... If you don't have friends you see much less than you otherwise might.
Love,
DeNae
Gina....Props to you on 9 months...I can't wait to be where your at..
Doug
Doug
Gina,
Its been an absolute pleasure to have known you these past months. You have helped me and others beyond what you realize. I am so glad your here. Oh, and congrats on the 9 months, if I remember, the gettining honest part was the hardest for you, as with me.
Best Regards,
Tom
Its been an absolute pleasure to have known you these past months. You have helped me and others beyond what you realize. I am so glad your here. Oh, and congrats on the 9 months, if I remember, the gettining honest part was the hardest for you, as with me.
Best Regards,
Tom
Gina ,congratualtions on your 9 months.Youve come a long way!! IYou joined this board right around the same time that i did.Its been very inspriring reading your progress over the months!~KIM
Gina, Im go glad you found the way. Your kids need your strength and Im glad your allowing yourself to get in touch with your inner child. You have blown right by your femine side and jumped into that.
Your a sensible blast..What can I say?
Luv ya.
Your a sensible blast..What can I say?
Luv ya.
Congrats Gina.
9 months is a pretty big deal.
But really, Kat is your HP? lol Isn't that kinda wierd?
9 months is a pretty big deal.
But really, Kat is your HP? lol Isn't that kinda wierd?
Gina,
Congrats girl!!!! Way to go. You would not have been able to do it if you were not ready. I'm really proud of you for what you have done and look forward to hearing more from you. You took many tools and put them together along with great support from friends and made it work.
You have alot to share. You are worthy of being and staying clean off drugs.
Congrats on finding you.
love,
pm
Congrats girl!!!! Way to go. You would not have been able to do it if you were not ready. I'm really proud of you for what you have done and look forward to hearing more from you. You took many tools and put them together along with great support from friends and made it work.
You have alot to share. You are worthy of being and staying clean off drugs.
Congrats on finding you.
love,
pm
Hey everyone,
Thanks so much for all the help youve given me. Ive had so much fun and experienced real fellowship here. Michelle, I agree. Since I cant change the past Ill be thankful that addiction has brought such wonderful friends as you, DeNae, Sharonn, Wendy, Amy and the other junkyard biotches, lol.
Tom, since were talking honesty Ive got to admit that Ive had a crush on you from Day 1, but until Redd hands you back your fillet knife, Ill continue to worship you from afar. (Not kidding now, your solid common sense has been a real asset to this board. BTW, only 24 smoking days til Christmas, lol.)
Lisa, When I was first thinking about the whole God thing, Janet posted that my HP could be anything my cat, for example. Yes, it is unusual having Kat (addict, mother, artist, friend) as my HP. LMAO, Have you heard the one about the Jewish carpenter?
Love,
Gina
Thanks so much for all the help youve given me. Ive had so much fun and experienced real fellowship here. Michelle, I agree. Since I cant change the past Ill be thankful that addiction has brought such wonderful friends as you, DeNae, Sharonn, Wendy, Amy and the other junkyard biotches, lol.
Tom, since were talking honesty Ive got to admit that Ive had a crush on you from Day 1, but until Redd hands you back your fillet knife, Ill continue to worship you from afar. (Not kidding now, your solid common sense has been a real asset to this board. BTW, only 24 smoking days til Christmas, lol.)
Lisa, When I was first thinking about the whole God thing, Janet posted that my HP could be anything my cat, for example. Yes, it is unusual having Kat (addict, mother, artist, friend) as my HP. LMAO, Have you heard the one about the Jewish carpenter?
Love,
Gina
f*** YEAH!!!!
Way to go sweetie. Thanks for being such a vital part of my recovery.
Way to go sweetie. Thanks for being such a vital part of my recovery.
Jewish Carpenter? Naw, haven't heard that one.
Geeze.
I was told that in early recovery as well, that your HP could be anything or anyone. Fake it till you make, you know? As we get further into recovery though, we find that HP or God that we've been lacking or looking for.
I found mine. Bout time too.
Geeze.
I was told that in early recovery as well, that your HP could be anything or anyone. Fake it till you make, you know? As we get further into recovery though, we find that HP or God that we've been lacking or looking for.
I found mine. Bout time too.
Congratulations Gina -- 9 months is a big milestone. Our daily recovery programs are similar in many ways, so I identify with your message a lot.
I'm curious about your statement that you finally figured out that one of the principal reasons that you used (and smoked) was to hurt or destroy yourself -- like a deep-seeded need to self-destruct or something. I've always thought that I used (and smoked) primarily for the pleasure or relief it gave me. Simple as that. I've always figured that if I could have continued to get pleasure/relief in that way without the negative consequences, I probably would have. But I couldn't. It stopped working for me, the fear and shame became too great, and the adverse effects to the rest of my life became impossible to rationalize away. Now, part of the challenge for me in sobriety has been finding pleasure and happiness (the two aren't necessarily synonymous) in life without chemical aids.
But your statement about using/smoking being a "deliberate attempt to destroy [your]self" has truth for me as well, I think. I'm just not sure how exactly. I almost completely self-destructed on my last run, risking everything for the pills. Smoking is self-destructive no matter how you look at it, but I didn't quit because of the obvious health risks. In my mind, the risks that went along with using and smoking were the price of entry -- and eventually the price got too high, even for this addict's obsessed brain. Would you mind sharing some more of your thoughts on this issue of "deliberate" self-destruction? I would like to look at that more. Thanks a lot.
I'm curious about your statement that you finally figured out that one of the principal reasons that you used (and smoked) was to hurt or destroy yourself -- like a deep-seeded need to self-destruct or something. I've always thought that I used (and smoked) primarily for the pleasure or relief it gave me. Simple as that. I've always figured that if I could have continued to get pleasure/relief in that way without the negative consequences, I probably would have. But I couldn't. It stopped working for me, the fear and shame became too great, and the adverse effects to the rest of my life became impossible to rationalize away. Now, part of the challenge for me in sobriety has been finding pleasure and happiness (the two aren't necessarily synonymous) in life without chemical aids.
But your statement about using/smoking being a "deliberate attempt to destroy [your]self" has truth for me as well, I think. I'm just not sure how exactly. I almost completely self-destructed on my last run, risking everything for the pills. Smoking is self-destructive no matter how you look at it, but I didn't quit because of the obvious health risks. In my mind, the risks that went along with using and smoking were the price of entry -- and eventually the price got too high, even for this addict's obsessed brain. Would you mind sharing some more of your thoughts on this issue of "deliberate" self-destruction? I would like to look at that more. Thanks a lot.
