I've Just About Had It!!!!

As much as I love my husband, I just don't know if I want to be married to him anymore!! So, we or I got, over the whole "xmas party" thing. As far as he thinks, anyway. I'm still pretty pissed about it because he just does not feel that he did anything wrong nor have I gotten an apology yet, that I feel I deserve.
Fast forward to yesterday. Everything is all fine and well. Makenzy started asking her dad if he knew certain phone numbers. We always tease him because he never uses the phone. So I said, "Makenzy as your dad if he knows our number." He spit out this number like it was second nature. "6105" and I'm like, "That's not out number." This went on for a few minutes. He never did get it right. The number that he came out with sounded familiar but, I didn't want to look it up in front of him so I did, just now.
It's his ex-wifes number!!!! He spit that one out like nothing but, can't even remember ours and we have the same one for over 4 yrs!!!
Makes me wonder now. He still has contact with people that he was friends with when they were married 20 yrs ago and one of his friends lives on the same street as her. He happens to go over there at least once a week. Like this past saturday night for almost 3 hours.

Should I let it go? Should I question it? Should we look into getting back into marriage couselling or should i just throw in the towel at this point and look for a good attorney? I don't play games and certainly not when my kids are involved!!!!!
Meghan as much as I do not want to hurt you or anyone(though others dont see it)I must say & I say it with love for you
Something is fishy with him & I dont think hes being honest.Question him you have every right to its yours & your girls lives hes playing with!!!
I do question him but, then he comes back with I'm being stupid, or childish. He thinks that becasue there's a 14 yr age difference between us that I'm just looking for a fight but, I'm really starting to wonder about these things myself.
If I spewed out my ex's phone number he would go ballistic but, it's ok for him to do it?
I just don't know if I have any fight left in me anymore.
Meghan this is so easy for me to say because,...Been there did that could write a book.But since then Ive lived by this simple rule
When the bad outweighs the good its time to say goodbye.
I say this knowing how hard it is to do that with 2 little ones but I will say the time you lose now you can NEVER get back this much I know
Love you & Im sorry Im so doom & gloom....its everything being mental vomit on me today
If you suspect in your heart that something isn't wrong then i would investigate. Spy on him. I know this may sound crazy, but this way you can find out for sure and not make an a$$ out of yourself by accusing him of something he didn't do. I did this the other day. I found this funky number on my husbands Recent Text list and so I texted to see who it was and it was a female who said she was married. I have been having problems with my husband so immediately I assumed the lady was lying and she knew my husband so I went to confront him and he denied it and got angry at me for going to his work. Then all of a sudden it came to me what that number was all about.

My husband and I had been texting eachother and he told me he would be home in 30 minutes. I wasn't going to waste a text saying ok, so I just didn't write back. SOmeone texted him though and said "ok Derek" he didn't even bother to look at the number and texted back "whos derek" then he raced home and asked me whos derek? I told him I didn't text that so we looked through his phone and I said "does that look like my number?"

So see my point is, if you think he is messing around then get some evidence first because I made a big a$$ out of myself for accusing him of something he didn't do.

I would spy on him.
I can honestly say that I'm not at all worried about him "straying." But if the shoe was on the other foot he would not stand for it at all.
Hi there i think you prop know your own answers hun getting anyone to validate the answer is futile, although it may seem confusing for you at this stage im sure you will make the right choice for you. jaxxxx
hey Jax..Though Im sure she realizes what needs to be done doing it can be the hardest thing
Jax thanks for youe words yesterday,they means so much to me
Meghan.......

I am going to give you my honest opinion here, but yet I dont want to worry you anymore than you are.

Something dosent sound quite right to me here, at all. I am certainly not saying your husband is "straying" at all, just thinking there is possibly something you may not know here. It could be nothing at all but to ease your heart and mind, I would look into it a bit more.

If he would question you, Then by ALL means I would continue to question him and find out exactly what is going on.

Your instincts can speak volumes.

Big Hugs........

Hiya MJ yeah life is so unfair at times but for some strange reason we get through it. I remeber when i wantd to tell my hubby i wanted a divorce it was a bit like being a kid you know 1 2 3 il tell him now no i wont etc lol. im a firm believer in what will be will be and what goes around comes around. Mj we have been on this site for agesssssssssssssssss lol i always enjoy your supportive posts hun. jaxx
I may not be the best person to give advice right now, but what does your gut tell you? Your first post seemed very concerned about this, then you said you are not worried that he is cheating. Regardless, if your intuition tells you something is up, then something is probably up. There are scenarios besides the obvious one (cheating) that you may not approve of. If that's the case, play detective or hire an investigator. The sooner you get the facts, the better. Don't throw in the towel without knowing for certain or you may end up with lots of regrets. I hope it all works out for you.

Jax-
Yea, you did confuse me with your post but, my position on this is: We have 2 daughters and I don't want them to be brought up in a broken home. I'm american, he's Canadian and if we split up (divorce) I and the girls have to go back to the states and I can't take them away from him nor him away from them. I can't kick him out because he is the sole bread winner in our house. I can't move out becasue I have no job, no nothing but my kids and I'm sure as hell not going to go live with his parents.

It's funny though. Because I'm not at all worried abourt him cheating on me. I just feel almost like a parent who's up all night waiting for your kid to get home. I've always joked that "he's the son I never knew I wanted." Boy, are those words starting to ring true.

I just wish that I had one opportunity to do some of the things that he's done to me. Just to give him a taste of his own medicine. I know "2 wrongs don't make it right." but, at least he could see how it feels to be in my shoes for a change.
I know that if I was somebody else, you know? Looking in from the outside I would think "cheating" right away but, as a wife you just know if that's the case and I feel 100%, without a shadow of a doubt that that is not the issue here. He knows how I feel about cheating and he knows that he stands to lose soooooooooooooo much if I were to ever catch him cheating on me.
I just hate that he seems to be so inconsiderate of my feelings. Of the way that his actions make me feel.
Meghan you posted, I hope you dont mind my quoting this:

"It's funny though. Because I'm not at all worried abourt him cheating on me. I just feel almost like a parent who's up all night waiting for your kid to get home."

You shouldn't feel this way, This is your husband. He is not a child, and you shouldnt have to constantly worry about his every move.

Being a mother is a full time job, let alone adding a husband to "look after" into the mix.

I can imagine this must put alot of un-needed aniety onto you......

JMO

Big Hugs to ya.

Meghan,

I mentioned this on another one of your threads, not sure if you saw it or not. If you don't have any "dealbreaker" type issues (cheating, abuse, etc.) and you love him and he loves you, it sounds like it could be communication differences. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Have you ever read it?

Sometimes, it's as if a husband and wife are speaking different languages. He means one thing, yet you hear something else and vice versa. This can happen, even between couples who are rock solid.

That's just the first thing that comes to mind, from the things you post. I'm a fairly effective communicator, and my husband isn't, so I know first hand how easily things can be misunderstood.

I hope it all works itself out.
Hi sorry never meant to confuse ya hun all i meant was no point in asking what to do when you already prop know. It sounds like a stressfull time for you right now, sometimes when we cant find the answers to our problems the answer stares us in the face, im not sure what your answer is only you can decide that, but a unhappy marriage is not always good for kids anyways. but thats easy for me to say hun im not in your shoes. jaxx
I post these things becasue 1. I love the feed back I get. 2. I can't complain to my family, they're biased. 3. I can't complain to his family, they're biased.

Jax- Trust me....if a box said, "this side up." I'd still be confused.....lol, j/k.

Atlas- See that's the biggie. We don't have any "deal breaking issues." He's never cheated on me nor I on him. He's never hit me. There's no big drug/alcohol issues in the house. Sometimes I wish we did have a "deal breaker" because then it would be a whole lot easier to just walk away. But then I'm not so sure that that is what I want. I know for a fact that our big "issue" is lack of communication, always has been. I also agree in that sometimes staying together for the kids is the biggest mistake but at the same time I always said that I would never get married but, I did. I always said I would never marry the person I did. I also said "I didn't get married just to get divorced."

When he gets home at lunch I do intend on saying something to him about the "ex's" phone number and then I guess take it from there.
I think he knew he was in the wrong!! Because we have a baby in the house, who is being brought up in a single family household and does not have too much contact with her father, she thinks the world of Steve. So, instead of confronting him in front of her, she's 15 months old, and upsetting her because I have a BAD,BAD, habit of doing this in front of our girls.....see, I'm not perfect either, lol. I left a note for him on his workbench in the garage. He came in from work and I acted as if there was nothing wrong, he went out to the garage and came back in about 10 minutes later and I still acted as if it was a normal day. He did not say anything to me but, our norm would be I confront him, he gets mad and defensive and we get in a fight but, not this time. The note I left for him was putting him in my position, "how would you feel if I......." and I think it worked. I hope so anyway.
But, I do believe that I will be giving our old marriage counselor a phone call. I don't give up without a fight although, at times I WOULD LOVE TO!!!!
Hi Megan..sheesh sorry that you are feeling this way..marital problems are not fun..they effect every aspect of your life.

I echo what Atlas says..listen to your gut...your intuition will never steer you wrong..to many women don't listen to that inner voice when we should.

Sounds to me like you need to do something for yourself..you are way to involved in your hubby's life and need one of your own...I am not saying this to be mean...only because I have been there!! Find a hobby....go the gym..makes some new friends...have a "movie nite" with them...you can do this! When you do you will feel so much better...I know you tried working for a while and it didn't work out...find something else honey...you are just feeling a little like you are being taken for granted and spending to much time worrying about him! He is a big boy with his own life separate from yours...as it should be...you need to find something separate from him! We all need this...trust me once you do this you will no longer be consumed with what and how he is doing stuff...you will have your own.....

While being married means you share your lives...you still need to be you. Think of the things that you loved to do before him and the kids....nurture those things and get a little something for you going!!! You are wife and mom...but you still are Megan....you have to be...or you will feel lost!

Hopes this makes sense...lol....dig deep..you will find what you need!
Kee-Kee,

You know? You hit something there and it's something I've known for so long. I need a life outside of him and the kids. I just don't know how to do it anymore. Before him and the girls.....Oh my god, I was out every day, every night. Literally. I never stayed home and for the last 8-9 yrs, it's been all about him and the girls. I almost feel as if I'm not allowed to have a life outside of my family, though. Not him but, the girls. I feel that I made the decision to have them and therefore I'm the one who has to be here no matter what time of day or night, for them. I know I'm not the only mom to feel this way but, I'm so afraid of tarnishing this "image" I feel that I have to maintain for the girls. I know that if I don't do something for myself that I'm going to resent my family.

Why does it seem so easy to fix other peoples problems but almost impossible to fix your own?.......hmmmm.

Meghan