i've never done this before, posted on a forum. please don't be harsh.
My now ex boyfriend since november last year has been abusing ice for probably 3 to 4 years now
i've only been with him for a year, last year, but before that we were very close best friends for 6 years. before we got together he had previously been in a relationship for 3 years about 4 years ago, maybe more i cant remember, anyways he always used to drink, his ex gf had an abortion without telling him( he found out by a blood test or something she had in her car) and he said to me that that was the reason why he drank so much after they broke up, soon after i found out he was smoking speed, and i asked if that was meth, he said no he would NEVER touch that. probably a few months later i found out that he was smoking shard, ice (meth) whatever you want to call it. i told him " i thought you were never going to touch that" and he replied with " itsthe same thing" . i was shocked, my bestfriend was smoking this stuff, killing himself slowly, the only thing i could do was tolerate it. he then told me one day that the reason he was doing it was because of that abortion thing, but after that he made up other excuses like, he had to make money bla bla bla . the only thing i could do was be there for him. a couple of years later we got together, and it was bliss, well on and off. i loved him so dearly, and hated it when i saw him smoke. i thought that i could be more demanding since i was his gf, and he would have to listen, but our relationship was just full of arguments , and personally it felt like he was there, but he wasnt, (when he smoked). it felt like i could see right through him,empty. i didnt want to give up or anything i fell in love with my bestfriend not with ice, i know that when you dont smoke you have withdrawls and you get angry, i tried to help him through that, he thanked me so much for helping him, he went 2 weeks without smoking! and i was so proud! but then he tripped, he started smoking more often, and pushed me away from him saying i deserve better than him, and broke up with me, i was pregnant and didnt tell him , very upset and felt really alone. at 3-4 months i had a misscarrige an en-topic pregnancy, very unfortunate but what can you do, it wasnt meant to be. i think this has affteced him to, i still talk to him, after we broke up he got with an older woman an junkie..
i have forgiven him for whatever he has done to me, but i know there is still abit of hate there. i pray for him every single night, and hes really depressed now, hes the stubborn kind of guy, VERY stubborn, wont even goto the dentist if hes in pain or doctors. i really want to help him, i love him entirely with my whole heart, i tell him that i care but i dont want to tell him that i still love him otherwise ill scare him off and wont be able to help him, out of everyone including his family he usually comes to me or listens to me, rarely, is there ANY way i can help him please?
thank you for sharing your story, it is heartbreaking to hear the things you are going through as I am in the same situation. I met my bf when hes newly in recovery when I had little knowledge about the drug and boy was I wrong. He has then relapsed for two months and is now two weeks in recovery (keeping faith it is for good). When he was using we went through the same ups and downs, pushing me away out of guilt, hooking up with someone else he cared less about to be easier on his conscience, begging me to stay, thanking me... it is never easy but you are not alone. The reason he stopped two weeks ago was bcuz he was constantly spitting blood and thought death was near if he doesnt quit. Thats why he stopped- being afraid to die. As much as I want to prove against it Im afraid theres not much we can do to help make a change, we can advise on how to change but it is still solely on them to make a difference. Im trying my best to be encouraging, supportive, positive about everything now but I am worried once he gets better in physical health he will use again, when that happens I am going to have to leave. Hitting rock bottom really is the most effective way for them to come to realization, it does not heal them because that would require a new way to handle stress, life style change etc. but to come to a realization is the first step in recovery. You did the best you could and he knows it too. By leaving him now you are helping him in more ways you can think of.
So glad I have someone to share with, thank you again, hope we can talk more through a hardship
"For we walk by faith, not by sight- 2 Corinthians 5:7"
So glad I have someone to share with, thank you again, hope we can talk more through a hardship
"For we walk by faith, not by sight- 2 Corinthians 5:7"
i feel for you sister! these boys just don't want to learn! you're right about that one, once he's healthy again he will go back to it, or if you guys argue, or if he has a hard time with other stuff. its just their weakness! i know other people who have done it for a while... and they just gotten over it! ive even tried it myself because i wanted to feel what he felt, "why is this stupid drug so addictive" . i hated the feeling, it left me emotionless, not one care. i was aggrevated easily, very paranoid, but when it came to people and problems, i was brain dead, when my bf at the time now ex told me he loved me, it just passed my mind. this drug is the most stupidest drug, as well as every other drug, i tried it a few more times, i thought... how can someone get addicted to this, it leaves you paralized with a couple of hours without feelings. i hated that, i hate the smell, the word, everything. i feel sorry for my ex because he had to make up excuse to use it, all he COULD have said was it leaves me with no feeling, and now what is in my brain is the cravings, like cigerettes... im a cigi smoker, i get edgy now when i dont have one here and there, HOPEFULLY i quit this habit. but its like that. i call myself pathetic. but drugs... i said that once to him, im like .. babe.. you are better than this bulls***, you can do anything , your letting this control you, why?? Alot of bad things happen to him... gets stolen bikes taken off him, friends f him over, even the closest of friend, uhmm not sure but other stuff too. i wouldnt want him to hit rock rock rock bottom
but ive just come to the conclusion that i KNOW he will change because of his christian parents, and i know he will come to god and give up this stuff.. its just so sad.
i spoke to some of his relatives as they know that he used to do it, and they basically want nothing to do with him, i dont want to tell him cause it would be heart breaking :(
sooo saddd :(
Its actually quite comforting spilling my guts out to you, rather than just praying to god, because no one else would understand, always good to speak to a stranger..
but ive just come to the conclusion that i KNOW he will change because of his christian parents, and i know he will come to god and give up this stuff.. its just so sad.
i spoke to some of his relatives as they know that he used to do it, and they basically want nothing to do with him, i dont want to tell him cause it would be heart breaking :(
sooo saddd :(
Its actually quite comforting spilling my guts out to you, rather than just praying to god, because no one else would understand, always good to speak to a stranger..
Its a meaningless drug!! there is no high and leaves you motionless, theres nothing fun about it so its obvious the users use it for escape, they rather feel nothing than face reality. I really cant understand this choice of drug either. How are things now after leaving him? I feel like the struggle doesn't end there... My bf sometimes tell me to leave him for he has nothing to offer me right now other than the suffering. Its true, we dont have a normal relationship right now and I am very confused in terms of the reason behind it but theres no way to trace it. Was it solely becuz of the drug or was it a failed relationship to begin with? I understand they need to work on themselves in recovery but we were already together and if I leave him now, he will probably do exactly what your ex did, hook up with someone else while still "partying" then whats the progress there?
Maybe we are just stuck in wanting to feel like we are needed? Soooooo confused and lost!!
Anyhow, I hope you are finding more joy in life on your own, God put us through this journey for a reason, we are stronger now.
Maybe we are just stuck in wanting to feel like we are needed? Soooooo confused and lost!!
Anyhow, I hope you are finding more joy in life on your own, God put us through this journey for a reason, we are stronger now.
you know what, as much as anyone calls me stupid or says i deserve better, or i'm a total idiot, or hes a piece of sh*t, i'm a crazy b*tch, hes a junkie, hes this , hes that.. ... the list goes on
i do not care what anyone else thinks, i'm mindful of it, but if you haven't read the book, don't judge it by its cover. no body knows these boys like we do. we know how to make their skin crawl , how to do their heads in, how to make them happy ,everything. the only neglect were are having is emotionally, and then because we don't get attention we take it out on them as well as our selves. Babe i have stopped talking to him, i have talked to him, ether, either same thing. when you're with him you can keep an eye on him, when you aren't well. i guess its a matter of trust. i know at the end of the day my ex will change for the better, not for me, not for his mother, but for himself and god, because the gates of heaven are very narrow. a couple of days ago i was done finished i couldn't hack it anymore i sent him a long pretty nice msging stating why i could talk to him anymore, i didn't mention drugs but i did say that i want him to like obviously change and to do great in life. because hes bloody depressed. but listennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn to this.
that night i prayed to god so hard, and cried to god to please help him, which i do nearly every night. but this night i felt my heart be touched, and the pain lifted, because i also asked god to lift the pain off me. late that night or the next day, he got into an accident, I've been with him at the hospital ever since, but far out he is so damn lucky, sooo very lucky to have god there. and also mind you this was a big wake up call from god to him, God will come after you with a metal rod if you don't come to him. and i'm sad, i did cry... a lot. but i'm glad and joyful that hes alive. thanks be to god!!!! i actually had a dream of him having a bike accident, and well there you go! he didn't wanna hear it. in a way i think hes been waiting for this to happen. i think he wanted a sign. well HELLO there's your sign buddy! my ex, hopefully to be boyfriend hopefully to be future husband and father of my children, will be okay and good. he is in the hands of God now :) help your boyfriend , by starters reading the bible.. find passages that apply to him, i like to think of myself as my ex's guardian angel, take care of him honey, AS LONG as he takes care of you.
i do not care what anyone else thinks, i'm mindful of it, but if you haven't read the book, don't judge it by its cover. no body knows these boys like we do. we know how to make their skin crawl , how to do their heads in, how to make them happy ,everything. the only neglect were are having is emotionally, and then because we don't get attention we take it out on them as well as our selves. Babe i have stopped talking to him, i have talked to him, ether, either same thing. when you're with him you can keep an eye on him, when you aren't well. i guess its a matter of trust. i know at the end of the day my ex will change for the better, not for me, not for his mother, but for himself and god, because the gates of heaven are very narrow. a couple of days ago i was done finished i couldn't hack it anymore i sent him a long pretty nice msging stating why i could talk to him anymore, i didn't mention drugs but i did say that i want him to like obviously change and to do great in life. because hes bloody depressed. but listennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn to this.
that night i prayed to god so hard, and cried to god to please help him, which i do nearly every night. but this night i felt my heart be touched, and the pain lifted, because i also asked god to lift the pain off me. late that night or the next day, he got into an accident, I've been with him at the hospital ever since, but far out he is so damn lucky, sooo very lucky to have god there. and also mind you this was a big wake up call from god to him, God will come after you with a metal rod if you don't come to him. and i'm sad, i did cry... a lot. but i'm glad and joyful that hes alive. thanks be to god!!!! i actually had a dream of him having a bike accident, and well there you go! he didn't wanna hear it. in a way i think hes been waiting for this to happen. i think he wanted a sign. well HELLO there's your sign buddy! my ex, hopefully to be boyfriend hopefully to be future husband and father of my children, will be okay and good. he is in the hands of God now :) help your boyfriend , by starters reading the bible.. find passages that apply to him, i like to think of myself as my ex's guardian angel, take care of him honey, AS LONG as he takes care of you.
as i read my post ive come to the conclusion that im blind, i go back and forth saying hes a a*hole but i know he will change, or he will never change. i had an argument with him today. i love that boy so much but after being with him in hospital he cant even say thankyou to me. i told myself, "i will not expect anything from him" but IT HURTS DAMN IT, NOT A THANKYOU, orrr ohh you shouldnt have but thanks, NOT EVEN A TY. his parents specifically told me to tell his friends not to come, or should i say fake friends. friends that talk s*** about him behind his back????? friends that call him a junkie and laugh about him , oh but when hes in hospital they want to come to the hospital at 4am pissed DRUNK. i told those guys that they could come i dont care but the parents dont want anyone there. but those guys had a good little b**** about me to him???????/ YEAH OK, they are actually more my friends then his. and thats all he cared about , oh and hes back to himself dont worry. he posted a picture to facebook of his lovely scars , people are telling me wtf would he do that for, i guess for attention. HELLO IM RIGHT HERE FREAKING HELPING YOU GIVING YOU ATTENTION . all i copped was abusement and insults... no thankyou just f-you.
As i balled my eyes out i spoke to one of my good friends L. she said to me babe take it from experience people like that dont change... MY MUM didnt change for her three kids 10 years later still the same. you dont need that negative sh*t in your life you need to cut him out.
And then it suddenly hit me, this guy that i want to marry, couldnt give 2 f*cks about me, i sat there crying over his bed, starved myself because i lost my appitite, NOW i have HEART PAINS from the stress levels. this guy isnt the guy for me, he doesnt even care about himself why should he care about me. he doesnt love me, he wouldnt even care if i died tommorow, he would just bring all the attention to himself because its all about him he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. i wish i could punch him in the face and just say YOURE BETTER THAN THIS !!!! STOP THIS CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD !! PLEASE!!!.. i want him to be truley happy, i wishhhhhh he could with me, but thats me being selfish, i wish he could just stop drugs. i love him so much but i guess i just have to llet him go
As i balled my eyes out i spoke to one of my good friends L. she said to me babe take it from experience people like that dont change... MY MUM didnt change for her three kids 10 years later still the same. you dont need that negative sh*t in your life you need to cut him out.
And then it suddenly hit me, this guy that i want to marry, couldnt give 2 f*cks about me, i sat there crying over his bed, starved myself because i lost my appitite, NOW i have HEART PAINS from the stress levels. this guy isnt the guy for me, he doesnt even care about himself why should he care about me. he doesnt love me, he wouldnt even care if i died tommorow, he would just bring all the attention to himself because its all about him he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. i wish i could punch him in the face and just say YOURE BETTER THAN THIS !!!! STOP THIS CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD !! PLEASE!!!.. i want him to be truley happy, i wishhhhhh he could with me, but thats me being selfish, i wish he could just stop drugs. i love him so much but i guess i just have to llet him go
dear im so sorry to hear that things didn't turn out the way you pictured, but you have a choice, you always have a choice. Addiction or not, it doesn't seem like this relationship would be worth your while. I know it sux to watch something turn 180 degree downwards when it can just simply be great. WHY MAKE IT SO COMPLICATED RIGHT!? but i guess like any other relationships, maybe you two are just not on the same page in life right now, its unfortunate but its not the end of the world.
