Hey everyone!... im from the family/partners board and I actually would like to know what you guys think.. Someone from the other board said its very common that a recovering addict seeks companionship from another ... My "now" ex is an alcoholic, and a drug addict... and I was wondering if you guys could please give me som feed back...
"Just a little update...
JP and I are officially seperated. We havent really had a title between us for the past 4 months.. but now we are done with the dates we would do and no intimate stuff. On Friday I found out that he has been lieing about talking to girls.. and Please let me explain.. I have absolutely no problem with him talking to girls.. actually that is a false statement.. I have a problem with it but I dont make it an issue and I don't start fights or ask him not to. He is the one that kept saying I am not talking to any girls because I want to make you more comfortable and I want you to trust me.. And i would reply with.. NOOOO JP how am I supposed to become okay with something if you keep shielding me from it?? Then I find out that when he was sitting there telling me that he wouldn't talk to another girl that he was talking to them... how did I find out?? I got a text message from some girl that said... So are you single?? and that started a huge fight between JP and I.. he said he has no idea why she would ask that.. because he only gave her his number (*actually MY number*) and took her number so he could have support from other addicts. He then tells me that hes been talking to other girls the entire time and that there was this one incident where this girl allana started to give him hints that she liked him and he told her that he is in love with this girl ... yadda yadda.. and he kept saying.. so you should be happy that I ended the friendship when she started to come onto me... and I said.. ya JP thats great.. but... YOU LIED!.. He could have lied about what he had for lunch and I would be just as upset.. IM TIRED OF BEING LIED TO!...Part of me believes him.. that he just wants friends ... period.. but Im analyzing his actions.. and he's lieing.. hiding.. manipulating...all over just being friends??.. does that honestly make sense?? So i told him that we cant do this.. That I love him.. but im tired of being hurt.. its the HARDEST thing to do for me.
I have now come to the conclusions (*after not listening to what others told me*) that I am/was addicted to him... At first I was toooo angry and toooooo hatefull to care that we werent together... but the next night.. i was DIEING to call him.. infact I called Sat. and Sunday for the STUPIDEST questions.. like.. "how do you inflat your tires?" Now, I really dont know.. because he always took care of that for me... but I didnt have to call him.. I could have asked ANYONE else. but it was like i was hoping that we could talk... and work things out... even though the healthiest thing is to not be together. My heart aches.. and my brain is yelling at my heart saying.. You're stupid!!.. hes done nothing but hurt you!.. but i love him...
I honestly would like to hear what people have to say about this.. esp. an addict.. is this behavior common in someone who JUST relapsed... that they still lie.. or is he just this mean/much of a monster?? Is there hope he will change??
Hope everyone is enjoying their tuesday!..
the Gift "
Well, I just called him.. thinking that maybe if i brought up the whole women with women and men with men thing.. it might help him realize that its not the healthiest thing. I think that I handled it the best way... well he didnt he starting getting upset and was saying that I was wrong and .. honestly.. it seems to me like he was trying to find any excuse to get angry with me (*saying that im talking about him behind his back on this website*) i quickly explained that im on this website to find out more about addiction and recovery and to get help for myself. he didnt want to hear.. the last thing he said to me was.. "your a piece of s***".. and i just hung up on him.. In my eyes I see this as him confirming that there is more to the story than he is saying... any suggestions/advice/comfirmations/disagrees??
I want to thank you ALLL for your help... I really appreciate the advice I get and PLEASE dont hold back.. I respect people who tell it like it is...
The Gift
I want to thank you ALLL for your help... I really appreciate the advice I get and PLEASE dont hold back.. I respect people who tell it like it is...
The Gift
Hi,
Well, first things first, it all sounds characteristically confusing, as is the nature of these relationships!!
It sounds to me like you are too involved, only because you say you are officially separated. If that is the case, I guess you need to put more space between you and then things may seem a little clearer??
I don't know how long clean/sober he is, but it all takes a lot of time and effort to actually change and create a new you and new life. Also you mention relapse. I didn't quite get what was happening there, but if he has relapsed then he will be straight into his old drinking drugged self, along with all the characteristic behaviours.
I think you need to step outside of the situation and view the bigger picture.
Hope this helps a bit.
Love Lacey.
Well, first things first, it all sounds characteristically confusing, as is the nature of these relationships!!
It sounds to me like you are too involved, only because you say you are officially separated. If that is the case, I guess you need to put more space between you and then things may seem a little clearer??
I don't know how long clean/sober he is, but it all takes a lot of time and effort to actually change and create a new you and new life. Also you mention relapse. I didn't quite get what was happening there, but if he has relapsed then he will be straight into his old drinking drugged self, along with all the characteristic behaviours.
I think you need to step outside of the situation and view the bigger picture.
Hope this helps a bit.
Love Lacey.
Hey Gift
How goes it?
If i was relapsing and involved with someone then i would tell them whatever i thought they needed to hear so i could people please but also please myself and my desires
Your ex knows what other recovery people know and think thats why hes got the sh*ts when you mentioned this site and the fact you are seeking advice, i know cause i had my marriage guidance counsellor questioning my wife as to what was her problem yet my drug and alcohol counsellor just said to me when youve stopped talking s***e start telling the truth....I used to cross the street if i saw my D and A counsellor coming towards me.
And also i knew how to sweet talk my partner and in between binges it was great to have some normality, so i milked her for all she was worth because i could....
Now i am in recovery i know that if i tried any of this via a relapse then my partner would question things and i would have to find another prisoner.
Gift you have had a lucky break so run with it and concentrate on your recovery
and enjoying life
Light and love Zac
How goes it?
If i was relapsing and involved with someone then i would tell them whatever i thought they needed to hear so i could people please but also please myself and my desires
Your ex knows what other recovery people know and think thats why hes got the sh*ts when you mentioned this site and the fact you are seeking advice, i know cause i had my marriage guidance counsellor questioning my wife as to what was her problem yet my drug and alcohol counsellor just said to me when youve stopped talking s***e start telling the truth....I used to cross the street if i saw my D and A counsellor coming towards me.
And also i knew how to sweet talk my partner and in between binges it was great to have some normality, so i milked her for all she was worth because i could....
Now i am in recovery i know that if i tried any of this via a relapse then my partner would question things and i would have to find another prisoner.
Gift you have had a lucky break so run with it and concentrate on your recovery
and enjoying life
Light and love Zac
