Well, I didn't make it. I drank shortly after posting my last thread. The next two evenings I drank very heavily and was not eating. Yesterday i was very sick and couldnt move, vomiting evey 15 minutes, couldnt keep water down for nothin. My Dad found me by chance, my back door was cracked open and he found me lying on the couch. He took me to the ER. They said I had Alcoholic Ketoacidosis, which freaked me out. I just got home 2 hrs ago from staying at my father's house. I was in bad shape last night, looking back. Shaking violently and just being so dizzy that i could not even standup, and this was 13 hrs after my last drink, so i know it wasnt because i was realy drunk, it was that my body was just f***ed. I missed my French final today as well. Just unbelievable what has transpired of late. I''m done with this...
Thanks for listening..
Dodsworth
Again, what are you going to do different? Staying sober for a alcoholic is not the easiest task in the world. Did you get to any meetings? Are you considering meetings? I think you said you were?
Hey dodsworth so glad to see you on here!I know your pain and I know your suffering. when you said you done with this you meant done with the alcohol right? It is difficult getting clean there is no easy way to do it. You just have to go in take the bull by the horns and hang on . The ride will be bumpy ,it will feel like hell at times but then it will feel like heaven at times too. what you have to do is hang on to the feel good days. The first week will probably be rough but tell yourself all of us got through it and you can too. I know I am not painting a rosey picture for you here but there is nothing rosey about alcoholism. If you want to crawl out of the pit of despair and sickness and shame and guilt and remorse all the things that alcohol gives you then you are going to have to put up a good fight. You have to be stronger than the bottle. ACCEPT that you can't drink and take it from there. I had trouble accepting it and I wasted many a day obsessing over the fact that i would never drink again,feeling sorry for myself, instead of moving on and be willing to change. Oh I stopped drinking all right but I didn't get sober. I was just a dry drunk, all because I could not accept that I could never drink again. somewhere inside me one day tho a light came on . It was like all I have to do is ACCEPT that I am not like normal drinkers. Once you learn to accept then the WILLINGNESS comes to not look back but instead look ahead. Keep reading the posts on here and please take the advice of those who are well advanced in their recovery. Listen to them because they can help. Skg in his posts always talked of ACCEPTANCE,ACCEPTANCE and somewhere in my fog when I read it enough, in the posts and on the chat it got through. I do credit him for helping me with that. I am fairly new at this too and I understand completely your situation. That is why I was inquiring about you. I will be here for you with my support and understanding and my ESH . Please keep posting and please please don't pick up the bottle no matter how bad it gets because the bottle will only make it worse.Don't let this demon win. You take care of yourself and please GET HELP. You owe yourself that much. You are a worthy person put on this earth to live -NOT to be among the walking dead.You have your whole life ahead of you. Make something of it and of yourself. God bless and take care. ((((( )))))
12stepper- No I havnt been to a meeting. I called an AA hotline late Saturday night, noone answered but they called me backthe next day. I have an interest obviously, but i am afraid that the reluctance that keeps me from going is only going to keep me from accepting the program once i do go, like why bother going if half of you doesnt want to be there. Part of me thinks i should only go if im reasonably sure i will gain from it. I dont know if that made sense. Thanks for reading my post.
Pirate-Yeah, the going to the hospital thing on top of my arrest a few weeks ago makes me more resolved to stop this vicious behavior. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It really means a lot. Take care man.
Dodsworth
Pirate-Yeah, the going to the hospital thing on top of my arrest a few weeks ago makes me more resolved to stop this vicious behavior. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It really means a lot. Take care man.
Dodsworth
Dodsworth I don't know if you call everybody man in a manner of speaking or you think I am a man but have to tell ya fella I am a female LOL just wanted to clear up any confusion LOL .That been said I will pass along a quote for you to ponder. "I would rather go through life sober believing I am an alcoholic then go through life drunk trying to convince myself that I am not an alcoholic."........Take care and get some needed rest and nutrition.
Pirate-yeah i guess i had an automatic association with pirate=male. Im sorry! :) I hope that doesnt sound chauvanistic. I am going to take it easy for sure. Thanks
Dodsworth
Dodsworth
Dodsworth: womans lib my man womens lib ,we women can be anything now you know ,even pirates. LOL.. I will tell you a little about me. I am 50 years old I know I know ancient compared to you lol. I have 3 grown children. 2 girls and 1 boy ranging in age from 20 -25. My youngest daughter who is 20 was addicted to prescription drugs but is now clean. she went through a really bad time with withdrawal. It is worse than alcohol. She is still in reab and is in recovery herself. Me I am an alcoholic who by the Grace of God has been sober for almost 4 months.,date may 4th. So I can relate to what you are experiencing
from both angles . anyway thats about it in short form. Hang in and know that people on here do care about what happens to you. Take care Dodsworth.
from both angles . anyway thats about it in short form. Hang in and know that people on here do care about what happens to you. Take care Dodsworth.
Hey Adam,
How are you today? Did you take some productive steps to get on the road to recovery?? Did you go to a meeting yet? You keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Insanity you know. That's the very definition. Quit waiting and making excuses. Just do it! We have all been there and we have all been as scared as you. You can do this Adam. Just take the first step and go get some help. Meetings...therapy...talk to your parents. Do your parents and family know about all of this? If you have written that in another post I apologize. I have alot fo threads to catch up on.
Take care!
How are you today? Did you take some productive steps to get on the road to recovery?? Did you go to a meeting yet? You keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. Insanity you know. That's the very definition. Quit waiting and making excuses. Just do it! We have all been there and we have all been as scared as you. You can do this Adam. Just take the first step and go get some help. Meetings...therapy...talk to your parents. Do your parents and family know about all of this? If you have written that in another post I apologize. I have alot fo threads to catch up on.
Take care!
I was told to go to meetings just until I wanted to go to meetings....it's AA speak, but hey, it works......I checked AA out when I was around 23 years old and didn't want it; checked it out again and again and still did not want what those AAers had...and my misery was refunded each and every time....however, I was granted the "gift of desperation" and got that moment of clarity in November 2003 and haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink since. I finally had the honesty, open-mindedness and willingness (HOW) to work the Program. Best of luck to you...I have a teenager who is in the midst of this disease.....I know how hard it is to get sober young, I know because I could never do it....but hang on and if you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, well this could be your last time of feeling like that!
Hi Adam,
I'm 50. I remember being your age and thinking about the wonderful life I would lead. I remember people telling me how fast it would all fly by....lol....it really does....it's like it was yesterday.
I've had a pretty good life. Got three wonderful kids. Work for myself when I want where I want.....and I'm about to lose my home, nearly lost all my clients (and will if I don't get my arse in gear), lost my soulmate and don't live with my kids anymore.....became depressed, irritable, arrogant and angry. Forgot what being happy looked like and felt like. Got in a fight and had to be pulled off this bloke by security guards, drove drunk on the motorway at 100 miles an hour for an hour and a few days later at 90 miles an hour across our city at 4.00am. I could have killed half a dozen people. Maybe even myself.
You can wait until you do all that too if you like, or you can do the smart thing and listen to the people here who are a whole lot smarter than me and haven't had a drink for a long time.
Oh, and if you really want to see how cunning, powerful, baffling and downright subtle this disease actually IS, you can check out my other posts where I am STILL wondering whether I have a problem or not.....
Go to AA and save a life. Who knows, it might be yours.
(Sorry if that sounds pushy, I'm really talking to myself.....lol...it's all about me....)
Martin
I'm 50. I remember being your age and thinking about the wonderful life I would lead. I remember people telling me how fast it would all fly by....lol....it really does....it's like it was yesterday.
I've had a pretty good life. Got three wonderful kids. Work for myself when I want where I want.....and I'm about to lose my home, nearly lost all my clients (and will if I don't get my arse in gear), lost my soulmate and don't live with my kids anymore.....became depressed, irritable, arrogant and angry. Forgot what being happy looked like and felt like. Got in a fight and had to be pulled off this bloke by security guards, drove drunk on the motorway at 100 miles an hour for an hour and a few days later at 90 miles an hour across our city at 4.00am. I could have killed half a dozen people. Maybe even myself.
You can wait until you do all that too if you like, or you can do the smart thing and listen to the people here who are a whole lot smarter than me and haven't had a drink for a long time.
Oh, and if you really want to see how cunning, powerful, baffling and downright subtle this disease actually IS, you can check out my other posts where I am STILL wondering whether I have a problem or not.....
Go to AA and save a life. Who knows, it might be yours.
(Sorry if that sounds pushy, I'm really talking to myself.....lol...it's all about me....)
Martin
Martin- I vaguely remember driving at stupid speeds last week at 2am...putting other people in danger is really the worst part of all this. If i ever hurt anyone or killed anyone I would be finished, psychologically. I know what you mean about wondering if you have a problem, even well after the evidence is in. After the past 3 weeks: jail/hospital...I was debating whether i really had a problem or whether i was just being over dramatic and over analyzing (See post above)..but that is just the disease i suppose..sneaky aint it?/ Im in a good mood now, but im just waiting for that battle to drink tonight to begin sometime later this afternoon...god i hate this...Im just soo unsure of AA...it just seems like a lot of AA folks are zombies, handing out sayings and giving ultimatums..i know that is a jaundiced view, but that is what is keeping me away, partially, I dont want to be a walking patient, an AA disciple who speaks like everyone else that has ever been to AA...Its like alcohol is so intertwined into your individuality and personality that AA has to smooth that all out and make a vessel for acceptance and then you become this walking dispenser of positive messages and AA-speak....sorry if this post offends AA people,. im just airing my concerns...thanks Martin...takecare
Dodsworth
Dodsworth
Yeah, jeeze, you're life is SO much better without AA... When you get tired enough, the good thing is that after all the thrashing, gnashing and bashing, they'll still be there when you've hit your bottom.
The definition of INSANITY is continuing to do the same things expecting different results.
The definition of INSANITY is continuing to do the same things expecting different results.
alrighty...cannot discuss my claims of AA? Refute them? --How's life without AA?-- is an easy argument.
Hey there Dodsworth. I am glad to see you posted. I was wondering if you would come back or not. I am happy you did. I know exactly what you feel when the battle begins where you want to drink. I have cried,ranted and raged wanting liquor so bad at the beginning of my recovery. It is difficult but try and tell yourself that as bad as it is now it will only get worse if you continue to drink. I drank for more years than you are old so if I can do it so can you. I have every confidence in you that you will stop because you have gotten a glimpse firsthand what this disease is capable of doing to you if you were to continue drinking. I am not offended about your views on AA. Use whatever method you want to get clean as long as you find something that works for you. I am here to give and look for support and you have my support and understanding. I have chosen AA because I have liked the results of what I have seen from it. Whatever method you use Adam I hope it will have good results for you. Try and stay positive. We are given freewill to make choices. You and only you can make the choice NOT to drink or to drink.It has to come from inside of you and you have to want it bad enough to fight for it. Good luck to you and keep posting. we do care.
What I find interesting is the correlation I see....
For those in recovery, they talk about what works for them. And it matters not a jot what method or changes they take, AA or not. They do it.
For those not in recovery, they talk about what they think won't work..or what they don't like. Not much on what they will try, what they will do ...and then report on what they have done.
As for alcohol being completely intertwined into one's life...I see a textbook case right here...at least at present....
For those in recovery, they talk about what works for them. And it matters not a jot what method or changes they take, AA or not. They do it.
For those not in recovery, they talk about what they think won't work..or what they don't like. Not much on what they will try, what they will do ...and then report on what they have done.
As for alcohol being completely intertwined into one's life...I see a textbook case right here...at least at present....
Dod, you can refute as you wish. I spent years proving recovery was for the weak, AA for the feeble minded, and abstinence for the fool. AA is a program of attraction rather than promotion and, when/if you decide to try it, listen for the similarities rather than the differences. I'm happy to answer any questions, but I'm not going to argue with you. You'll do what you want, anyway, and when you decide you want sobriety, we'll still be here.
What I don't understand is why the hospital discharged you that fast. Did they not recommend any type of chemical dependency treatment? Were you not honest with them? Is your Dad unaware of the truth also? Are you unaware of the truth too?
AA doesn't have a monopoly on sobriety. There are people who post from all forums on this site that became sober and clean without AA/NA.
When I first went to AA almost 6 years ago. I sporadically went for 3 wks. The only thing I remember is they said. You don't have to drink. I thought wtf they are joking. Then heard it's revolving door.
Then I went sporadically 3 1/2 yrs ago for about 5-6 wks. I don't really remember much except these folks had found a way to stop drinking one day at a time. Fast forward to today.
I don't agree with everything they say, or do. Some people are fanatic's about it. That's their business. I go pretty regularly now because I was isolating myself from the human race and I here a lot of really good things there. I also hear a bunch of crap to. I do get to laugh there. The main thing I have in common with them is alcoholism. I also have CHOSEN RECOVERY. INSTEAD OF PUTTING MORE POISON IN MY BODY. DRANK LIKE A FISH MOST THE TIME. THEN THERE WERE THE GAMES OF CONTROLLED DRINKING TOO.
I still have times I'm not sure if I really want to be involved with AA fellowship and the program. But, I know from hanging around on this web site for a while. I have seen and heard progress not perfection. I've learned and applied what others are doing to stay sober one day at a time.
Look Dodsworth if you want to keep drinking go right a head. It's your business. Maybe some more jail time and hospital time you will change your mind. Maybe you will die young because you may live with the I don't care attitude and I'm not willing to be honest with myself attitude. Go a head see where some more ego and pride will lead you. I don't know what your so angry about that you turn it inward and seem to enjoy self harm. You can figure it out IF YOU CHOOSE to with some help or on your own.
I know your sick, but until you figure that out and decide you care enough about your own life nothing will change except more pain. So if your not done suffering keep doing what your doing. Go a head and punish yourself some more.
I noticed you didn't respond to any of my questions, or sage advice last time. I'm not as optimistic as some here about your attitude. I recognize it all to well.
Good Luck Dodsworth
AA doesn't have a monopoly on sobriety. There are people who post from all forums on this site that became sober and clean without AA/NA.
When I first went to AA almost 6 years ago. I sporadically went for 3 wks. The only thing I remember is they said. You don't have to drink. I thought wtf they are joking. Then heard it's revolving door.
Then I went sporadically 3 1/2 yrs ago for about 5-6 wks. I don't really remember much except these folks had found a way to stop drinking one day at a time. Fast forward to today.
I don't agree with everything they say, or do. Some people are fanatic's about it. That's their business. I go pretty regularly now because I was isolating myself from the human race and I here a lot of really good things there. I also hear a bunch of crap to. I do get to laugh there. The main thing I have in common with them is alcoholism. I also have CHOSEN RECOVERY. INSTEAD OF PUTTING MORE POISON IN MY BODY. DRANK LIKE A FISH MOST THE TIME. THEN THERE WERE THE GAMES OF CONTROLLED DRINKING TOO.
I still have times I'm not sure if I really want to be involved with AA fellowship and the program. But, I know from hanging around on this web site for a while. I have seen and heard progress not perfection. I've learned and applied what others are doing to stay sober one day at a time.
Look Dodsworth if you want to keep drinking go right a head. It's your business. Maybe some more jail time and hospital time you will change your mind. Maybe you will die young because you may live with the I don't care attitude and I'm not willing to be honest with myself attitude. Go a head see where some more ego and pride will lead you. I don't know what your so angry about that you turn it inward and seem to enjoy self harm. You can figure it out IF YOU CHOOSE to with some help or on your own.
I know your sick, but until you figure that out and decide you care enough about your own life nothing will change except more pain. So if your not done suffering keep doing what your doing. Go a head and punish yourself some more.
I noticed you didn't respond to any of my questions, or sage advice last time. I'm not as optimistic as some here about your attitude. I recognize it all to well.
Good Luck Dodsworth
