So I started dating my boyfriend almost 2 years ago. When I met him he was 17, he had no addictions cause he knew one of the most attractive things to me was somebody who was sober minded, no addictions nothing. He stopped smoking for me I didn't even have to ask him to. Let me just say he is the most amazing down to earth handsome man I have ever met. I'm in love with him and we're each others best friends. When he's not high or feening, he treats me unbelievably well and I know he wouldn't ever hurt me.
But then stuff happened, his parents had always been abusive and terrible so he got kicked out. He dropped out of high school because he had no home. His brother commited suicide, he had friends backstab him, his best friend set up this whole thing that made it look like he cheated on me and I believed he did for a while so I hated him until his friend admitted he made it all up. We didn't break up because I loved him but I just acted like i hated him and nagged him everyday and cried all the time and didnt trust him and our relationship was very shaky and miserable for a bit. So during all this time, he got addicted to oxys. He didn't tell me, I had no clue. He hid it from me for months because he knew how I felt.
I noticed he stopped hanging out with me as much, I caught him deleting messages and sneaking around but only with guys. I thought he was for sure not only cheating on me, but doing it around his friends so I got even more miserable and he just got worse. I found out about the pills eventually.
Fast forward a few months, many lies, many fights, many sleepless nights, we broke up for a week in December because he got so tired of the stress. I begged for him to tell me how to help so I could and I told him I hated his addiction but I would help him. He ignored me for a week straight but then I got in a car accident and almost died at the end of the week. He heard about it and came to me and we worked things out because he said even though that whole week he was high, he couldn't stop thinking about me and he was sorry.
So from December to this March he was clean. But he's getting bad again.. he did heroin and meth at the same time the other night before I was supposed to pick him up to go on a road trip. When I walked in because he wasn't answering the door, he was passed out on his sisters couch and I thought he overdosed. I attempted to carry him into the car and drive him to the hospital but he woke up on the way. What he didn't realize is he left his paraphernalia in his sisters house. She and her husband ended up calling the cops Saturday night, he should have gotten a felony but he only got a misdemeanor because the cop was really understanding and my boyfriend was honest.
He agreed to start going to support meetings and counseling, but he refuses rehab because he said he heard the success rates are low. He feels so betrayed by his family, he has nobody but me but Im tired of getting lied to and being out of the loop. Hes so good to me otherwise but I can't stand seeing him destroy himself like this. We talk about getting married and I want to but how do I know this won't happen when we're older with children? I want someone accountable and honest.
The last part I have to say is that he says in order to recover all he needs is me to love him, and help him through and understand. But he also needs friends sometimes. But I hate his friends. I hate them. They're the ones who got him like this in the first place. None of them like me very much because they know we used to argue so much. They literally call me the "hot mom" because they have all tried to f*** me at one point but they think I'm annoying and naggy just because I don't want my boyfriend doing hard drugs??? He agreed to stop hanging out with them, he didn't object. But I feel like he needs people to help him too I don't think I can do it on my own. He needs support and people who understand his struggle because some of them are trying to quit too. I just don't feel respected by them.
He has cried in my arms because he hares the drug and he knows it's coming between us but he loves it so much.
What do I do?
You're very young to be having to deal with this stuff. I don't want to be harsh with you and I know you want to believe that your love can fix your boyfriend but it can't. Even if he says he needs your love to get clean. It is 100% his responsibility to get clean and sober. There are many places that can help him with that. There are also many places that can help him with housing and getting his education. You need to look out for yourself. It is not your job to make sure your boyfriend is ok, it's his job. My advice to you would be to go your separate ways because this is probably not done yet. Good luck.
