So I started dating my boyfriend almost 2 years ago. When I met him he was 17, he had no addictions cause he knew one of the most attractive things to me was somebody who was sober minded, no addictions nothing. He stopped smoking for me I didn't even have to ask him to. Let me just say he is the most amazing down to earth handsome man I have ever met. I'm in love with him and we're each others best friends. When he's not high or feening, he treats me unbelievably well and I know he wouldn't ever hurt me.
But then stuff happened, his parents had always been abusive and terrible so he got kicked out. He dropped out of high school because he had no home. His brother commited suicide, he had friends backstab him, his best friend set up this whole thing that made it look like he cheated on me and I believed he did for a while so I hated him until his friend admitted he made it all up. We didn't break up because I loved him but I just acted like i hated him and nagged him everyday and cried all the time and didnt trust him and our relationship was very shaky and miserable for a bit. So during all this time, he got addicted to oxys. He didn't tell me, I had no clue. He hid it from me for months because he knew how I felt.
I noticed he stopped hanging out with me as much, I caught him deleting messages and sneaking around but only with guys. I thought he was for sure not only cheating on me, but doing it around his friends so I got even more miserable and he just got worse. I found out about the pills eventually.
Fast forward a few months, many lies, many fights, many sleepless nights, we broke up for a week in December because he got so tired of the stress. I begged for him to tell me how to help so I could and I told him I hated his addiction but I would help him. He ignored me for a week straight but then I got in a car accident and almost died at the end of the week. He heard about it and came to me and we worked things out because he said even though that whole week he was high, he couldn't stop thinking about me and he was sorry.
So from December to this March he was clean. But he's getting bad again.. he did heroin and meth at the same time the other night before I was supposed to pick him up to go on a road trip. When I walked in because he wasn't answering the door, he was passed out on his sisters couch and I thought he overdosed. I attempted to carry him into the car and drive him to the hospital but he woke up on the way. What he didn't realize is he left his paraphernalia in his sisters house. She and her husband ended up calling the cops Saturday night, he should have gotten a felony but he only got a misdemeanor because the cop was really understanding and my boyfriend was honest.
He agreed to start going to support meetings and counseling, but he refuses rehab because he said he heard the success rates are low. He feels so betrayed by his family, he has nobody but me but Im tired of getting lied to and being out of the loop. Hes so good to me otherwise but I can't stand seeing him destroy himself like this. We talk about getting married and I want to but how do I know this won't happen when we're older with children? I want someone accountable and honest.
The last part I have to say is that he says in order to recover all he needs is me to love him, and help him through and understand. But he also needs friends sometimes. But I hate his friends. I hate them. They're the ones who got him like this in the first place. None of them like me very much because they know we used to argue so much. They literally call me the "hot mom" because they have all tried to f*** me at one point but they think I'm annoying and naggy just because I don't want my boyfriend doing hard drugs??? He agreed to stop hanging out with them, he didn't object. But I feel like he needs people to help him too I don't think I can do it on my own. He needs support and people who understand his struggle because some of them are trying to quit too. I just don't feel respected by them.
He has cried in my arms because he hares the drug and he knows it's coming between us but he loves it so much.
What do I do?
What should YOU do? RUN! You are behaving very CODEPENDENT. His friends did not cause this. His family did not cause this. I suggest going to ALANON meetings if you must ...but your young and PLEASE believe me when I say you are getting into a lifetime of pain and hurt! Ive been on both sides of the fence...loved addicts and I am an addict. He's manipulating you. YOU CANT SAVE HIM. Only HE can do that. Move on and start over fresh or you will be posting this same s*** next year....
I was with my ex for 6 years and our whole relationship was based on using together. When I decided to get clean, like ACTUALLY for real clean, I had to make the choice to leave him. We only had each other, we used to say it was "you and me against the world" and leaving him was so hard, but it was MY life I had to take it back!! I moved in with this man 2 weeks after I turned 18, i have spent my whole adult life with him, but he wasn't good for me.. We where the definition of codependent!! He was the first person to put a needle in my arm and looking back on it I was just a baby. I know he loved me, but it's a twisted f***ed up kind of love than only drug addicts can understand. GET OUT NOW!! You deserve to I've your life FOR YOU not for someone else. Until you have children of course...then it's a whole other set of standards!!
Point is, your too young to worry about someone else's f*** ups. You do you!!
Point is, your too young to worry about someone else's f*** ups. You do you!!
I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months.11 months in to our relationship we moved in together, and I started figuring out he was on some kind of drugs.i asked him and he admitted he uses heroin.smokes it and can't stop.he has a full time job which he seems dedicated to.i can't afford the rent alone and I have his bank card.he pays 300 a week for heroin roughly. He says he loves me and he has nvr even raised his voice to me. He is very affectionate when he is awake. He seems desperate to stop and has tried lots of times alone and with help. He can't keep clean past day 4. Watching him waste away is quite devastating. I hate it. I love him so much. I'm so worried that one day he will be found dead.
Lauren w24 is right. I was gonna say , if u were married and had kids. One or the other. But look, honesty, we know what the world of drugs looks like. Not to be mean but u don't. And I know u love him. I can tell. But you can't sit and wait for him to find the time to get committed to his sobriety. Because if he was actually committed then he absolutely would . He hasn't been trying this long. So it's not as bad for him . There's ways to do this, methadone, suboxone what ever. And it doesn't seem like he's trying too hard. Look, I'm not trying to be mean to u. Honestly I'm not. But you have to understand you can not change him . You can help him but that's all. And the only way to help him is to put ur foot down. Tell him until he gets clean then your not going to be with him. Your not gonna put your life on the line for this. Find a roommate to help with rent. Tell him your going to leave and wait for him to come back sober. Then youll see him when he returns and ultimately you'll see how long it takes to find out if he really does truly love u like he says he does. Good luck sweety. I wish you well.
