I thought i could handle things on my own but I can't and now I think i
Im too deep. I saw this page and thought I would seek for help. My best friend, first love and boyfriend starting using about a year ago. I had my suspiciousness but never thought to act on it. He finally told me he has been using and it got to the point where he didn't want to feel so numb and not alive so he checked himself into rehab. He did a short detox but was good with being in rehab. I wrote to him and visited and he seemed more alive then ever. Once he got out we were doing really well together. About 5 months down the road he started acting out. Lying who he was with, not coming around, being distant. Every time I asked if he was upset about something or if he was using he would snap and say I didn't understand or would fight with me. Make me feel terrible for even asking. A couple months ago he told me he wanted space and go on a break. He said how much he loved me but just needed space. I feel like I'm loosing him more and more each day. I know addicts need space but it is hard to give him proper space when he is forcing me out of his life. We keep fighting and arguing. The other night he told me how bad things were and how he's scared he's going to relapse or die. Im not sure I know how to be in love, broken up, supported and give space. This person is my life and as much as he got addicted to Heroin. I started to get addicted to him.falling harder, letting my emotions get the best of me, always being needy. He's fighting for his life and im fighting for us. I tried to walk away multiple times, but it's too hard he has my heart and I just want to be able to be strong enough and supportive, but how can you support someone when they keep running away?
Wow ur story is exactly like mine Its very hard and it sucks. I wish addiction never existed. We just need to be strong and give them the space and have hope! When they are better they will come back to us. I believe that.
If he were not an addict and was running away would it be different ? He may be running away for other reasons, like wanting to concentrate on his recovery or not hurting you or continue using and not want to hear about it from you. My addict Gf mostly stayed because I enabled her, spoiled her, lived with me and I pay for everything. That or possibly be homeless and have nothing. I no longer wanted an active addict in my life or house.. Even though we have a child together. I didn't want her to be with someone else. She ended up sleeping with an old boyfriend who enabled her. We(on this thread) all need help with co-dependency. We need to realize that there are other people out there that we don't need "to help or fixt". Get over the delusion fact that this person is the love of our lives because we've been with them for only a short while a never had the relationship we deserved. don't put your life on hold and set yourself up for disappointment. If they can get sober and stay sober who knows maybe then again they might not even be the same person that you fell in love with. Recovery or active addiction will ALWAYS be more important than you. We tend to forget that they are master manipulators and make us feel we need to save them and they need us so bad. SORRY we can't act like immature children like it's our first love forever. We need to act like an adult who is responsible and has priorities and who's not going to waste years of their lives for nothing but potential heartache and hurt. Consider moving on to a new story or chapter in YOUR life. we can only change ourselves no one else and we need to take care of ourselves and love ourselves.
One last important thing I realized. If my Gf was the person she could be (young, beautiful, intelligent, focused , high self-esteem, determined and motivated) I don't think I would of had a chance to of even talked to her let alone BE in a relationship with her. Basically I got her because she was damaged. I clearly love her and want her to be healthy and the person she can be even if she is not with me in the future. I will not hold her back.
thank you everyone for the help, im not trying to "fix" anything or anyone, im just trying to do what is right and not loose everything I ever had. addiction is a crazy thing to go through and I know that isn't my responsibility or my fault, but I know watching a person you love change and hurt so bad in front of your eyes hurts as well. I know its being an ad I emailed you jes5, thank you for being able to talk, there's only so much one can understand.
Loveispain,
How are you doing with understanding your situation and dealing with it ? I have spent the last 4 days with my addict Gf who was on subs, and saw her be the person she can be briefly. We are so incredibly good together but it doesn't change she is still a liar and manipulator. I want to trust her and I have by letting her drive my car to do things since I am in a wheelchair for now. . I wonder where she goes or if she sees other people. She devastated me more by cheating on me a couple of months ago. Thought we had a great physical relationship but now as much as i want it, it does not feel the same. We have a 6 month-old daughter. I really think she's trying to get pregnant again thinking I will take her back and give her everything like last time. CRAZY ! so much to get through. I really can't figure out what to do next. Being in love should be a great experience but the addict thing makes it so uncertain and doesn't let you plan or dream because everything can change so quickly and disappointment hasn't been an uncontrollable factor in my life until this.
How are you doing with understanding your situation and dealing with it ? I have spent the last 4 days with my addict Gf who was on subs, and saw her be the person she can be briefly. We are so incredibly good together but it doesn't change she is still a liar and manipulator. I want to trust her and I have by letting her drive my car to do things since I am in a wheelchair for now. . I wonder where she goes or if she sees other people. She devastated me more by cheating on me a couple of months ago. Thought we had a great physical relationship but now as much as i want it, it does not feel the same. We have a 6 month-old daughter. I really think she's trying to get pregnant again thinking I will take her back and give her everything like last time. CRAZY ! so much to get through. I really can't figure out what to do next. Being in love should be a great experience but the addict thing makes it so uncertain and doesn't let you plan or dream because everything can change so quickly and disappointment hasn't been an uncontrollable factor in my life until this.
