My Girlfriend is a recovering Herion addict. She was hospitalized about a month and a half ago with an abscess in her arm. Her hospital stay was about 4 and a half days and they detoxed her in the hospital. She has been clean ever since. I'm very proud of her. But now she is struggling with Alchohol and seems to have substituted the Herion addiction with an alchohol addiction. It is tearing us apart and is putting a strain on her relationship with her family. She has been working very hard rebuiding her relationship with her family and is currently staying with her sister who is married and has 4 small girls. My girlfriend keeps going out and meeting up with her old friends at the old places she use to hang out at. She isn't getting high but is drinking. She'll disappear for days at a time because she's two drunk to go home. Just the other day, for the third week in a row I've had to go find her and beg her to go home. Her sister says she's not welcome back if she leaves again. The little girls are asking questions about why there aunt keeps coming and going. Each time we have a long talk and she acknowledges the problem and she knows she needs help. She wants to check into an in-patient recovery center for about 30 days where she will have access to a 24 hour support group and professional counselling. It will also ad some structure to her life where she can get into a normal sleeping and eating routine. Anyone have any ballpark figures for the cost of such a program?
are you in the US ? If so whereabouts?
We are in Maryland. I printed out some info from the SAMHSA site with contact numbers that she will be calling to get more info. None of the listings or websites will give any kind of pricing info. She has called a few but was told each time she would need to call back later and speak to someone else for more info on pricing. She wants to go far away so she's not tempted to mess up but at the same time still be in-state. A place in Crownsville, MD looks good called Second Genesis Inc. Anyone familiar with them?
Once she checks into such a program, I'm going to assume visiting and regular phone calls will probably be out of the question? It's going to be hard. I'm going to miss her so much. It seems that everytime we take one step forward in her recovery, we take two steps back and keep growing further and further apart.
Once she checks into such a program, I'm going to assume visiting and regular phone calls will probably be out of the question? It's going to be hard. I'm going to miss her so much. It seems that everytime we take one step forward in her recovery, we take two steps back and keep growing further and further apart.
Hi :-) I am in Philadelphia. If she has insurance she will need to cal the mental health carrier for her insurance to see what options r available to her.I know that here in philadelphia if you dont have insurance and r in dire need of help, they will admit you under BHSI I think it is, which is basically welfare insurance. Some things i do know are that wiht conventional insurance often your length of stay is limited and you may have to appeal to the carrier to extend your visit expressing valid reasons and a commitment to really getting well. I know also that most detox/rehabs cannot refuse an alcoholic patient as a detox from alcohol can be fatal.
I was blessed wiht 60 days away and I truly believe it is this blessing which has kept me clean for over 2 yrs now, as I was well through any sickness when I arrived home. Here is my experience. I had insurance under my husband, keystone mercy........they first paid for detox for 5 days in a mental facility, I used first day out and had a massive panic attack which took me to the ER where they had to stop and restart my heart.spent 10 days in cardio unit, from there insurance paid for 7 more days in another mental facility, this facility appealed to my insurance company that I needed more care......from there went to an excellent inpatient rehab, Malvern Institute.......after about a week here, I again had to appeal. had to speak to a rep on the phone and explain that i wanted the help badly and needed more time to gain more tools to stay clean.they extended it only a few more days.......after this the rehab sent me to OVR <occupational,vocational rehab> it was here that they paid for the rest of my stay which totaled 28 days.
I also know that if u say you r suicidal, whether you actually r or not, most places must accept you. Perhaps it will take a stay in a mental facility first to get your foot in the door to a rehab. Most mental facilities have detox units......
Without insurance or any kind of state help, rehab stays r quite expensive and only the wealthy can usually afford to pay with cash.
Besides all this, the most important info i can give you is that even after an extended stay away, it is a determined willingness and desire to stay clean will be effective. the mental aspects of addiction linger long after rehab and she wil need a continued support system afterwards. Be it an NA/AA program, outpatient etc.........she will need to stay away from people places and things......Asking for help from a higher power I also feel is of the utmost importance although i have no idea what her beliefs r there. My higher power is God and without him I truly believe i could not have done this journey.
She is mostblessed to have a caring and loving family who supprts and stands by her. Many do not, i was also blessed with sucha family.
As for visits,phone calls etc. Each place varies. Most will not allow this at first, but after some time there concessions will be made. At my rehab we were not even allowed any outside reading material, but after a week or so there could have phne access and visitors.
Not sure if any of this info is helpful. I do wish you and your family God's blessings on this journey to save her life. But remember it is only SHE who can do this, you can only love her and give support. wishing all the best
Tres
I was blessed wiht 60 days away and I truly believe it is this blessing which has kept me clean for over 2 yrs now, as I was well through any sickness when I arrived home. Here is my experience. I had insurance under my husband, keystone mercy........they first paid for detox for 5 days in a mental facility, I used first day out and had a massive panic attack which took me to the ER where they had to stop and restart my heart.spent 10 days in cardio unit, from there insurance paid for 7 more days in another mental facility, this facility appealed to my insurance company that I needed more care......from there went to an excellent inpatient rehab, Malvern Institute.......after about a week here, I again had to appeal. had to speak to a rep on the phone and explain that i wanted the help badly and needed more time to gain more tools to stay clean.they extended it only a few more days.......after this the rehab sent me to OVR <occupational,vocational rehab> it was here that they paid for the rest of my stay which totaled 28 days.
I also know that if u say you r suicidal, whether you actually r or not, most places must accept you. Perhaps it will take a stay in a mental facility first to get your foot in the door to a rehab. Most mental facilities have detox units......
Without insurance or any kind of state help, rehab stays r quite expensive and only the wealthy can usually afford to pay with cash.
Besides all this, the most important info i can give you is that even after an extended stay away, it is a determined willingness and desire to stay clean will be effective. the mental aspects of addiction linger long after rehab and she wil need a continued support system afterwards. Be it an NA/AA program, outpatient etc.........she will need to stay away from people places and things......Asking for help from a higher power I also feel is of the utmost importance although i have no idea what her beliefs r there. My higher power is God and without him I truly believe i could not have done this journey.
She is mostblessed to have a caring and loving family who supprts and stands by her. Many do not, i was also blessed with sucha family.
As for visits,phone calls etc. Each place varies. Most will not allow this at first, but after some time there concessions will be made. At my rehab we were not even allowed any outside reading material, but after a week or so there could have phne access and visitors.
Not sure if any of this info is helpful. I do wish you and your family God's blessings on this journey to save her life. But remember it is only SHE who can do this, you can only love her and give support. wishing all the best
Tres
That was very helpful. She is currently broke with no job. Tons of medical bills. I told her I'll loan her the money for the program which is why I was asking for a ballpark figure. I'm not rich :( but will work something out if this is what she needs to improve her chances of recovery. She has no insurance. Many of the programs state that they offer a sliding scale payment option based on income. Hopefully we'll get a break. I asked her to marry me 3 months ago so I could add her to my health insurance at work. She was pregnant with our baby at the time. She accepted my ring but we aren't married at this time. She says she's not ready which is understandable. She eventually had a miscarriage and we lost or child. She got extremeley depressed after that for about a week and she stopped calling and stopped answering my calls. Eventually she called me to tell me what had happened and said we would spend more time together. It never happened and things got worst with the alchohol. A couple weeks ago, I found her after hearing from her sister that she was missing again. She had been drinking and we spent the whole night talking. She's a bit more free with what she says when she's drunk. She came off as being suicidal while drunk. Was ready to give up on life and accept the fact that she won't be able to beat the addiction. She had me so worried that night. I refused to leave her and tried all night to convince her to go home. She tried to give me my ring back and I had to beg her to keep it. She eventually left that night with a couple of girlfriends of hers (1 supposely recovering from an addiction and 1 that is still a user). Didn't hear from her till a couple days later and she finally agreed to let me take her home. That was when we had the long talk and she suggested the in-patient program. I thought things would be better. She lasted about 4 days before she disappeared again. She's back home now. I still love her as much as I loved her when we met. I just hope I'm a strong enough person to stick with her. When she's sober, she's the sweetest most carring person in the world with no suicidal tendencies.
Sorry for the rambling and thanks for listening.
Sorry for the rambling and thanks for listening.
Hi :-)
wondering how you have been making out in your search for rehab help. How have things been going for youand your girl ?
wondering how you have been making out in your search for rehab help. How have things been going for youand your girl ?
need help, i am in pa. right out side of philly. i went to rehab this past may. a place called white deer run in allenwood pa. they actually come and pick you up and take you home when you are done your perticular program. there were people there from really far away, i don't really rember a perticular state, but let's just say 7 hours.. and they still picked them up.they had family days where your family could come visit and they offered consouling to all of you while you were there for the day. if you are into it i would be more then happy to look for the #. also, i don't know exactly how it works, but most people in there got county funding? they even set up after care for you so when you do go home, you have some kind of help set up where you live. it's probally only 3.5 hours away from where you live. oh another really cool thing about it is, you can't just walk out and go home cause your so far from home. that's the ONLY thing that saved me. if i was 45 minutes or so away from home i would have left with in an hour. good luck to both of you.
here is the # site is www.whitedeerun.com they have many locations
1-877-907-6237
here is the # site is www.whitedeerun.com they have many locations
1-877-907-6237
It's me, Need Help. I'm sorry to say but things seem to be happening so fast and things aren't looking good.
Since the last time I've talked to her, I don't think she has done a thing to help with finding a treatment center for her. After dropping her off at her sister's on Sunday I haven't seen her since. We were suppose to see each other on Tuesday, she wanted to go shopping for her niece. Things didn't work out and we couldn't get together so she promised to call me on Wednesday. It was her birthday and I wanted to take her out to dinner. She called as promised. Talked for 2 minutes. She made alternative plans with someone else. Told me she was going out with her sister because she knew I couldn't argue with her if she goes out with family. It was a lie. I asked her, does this me I won't get to see you at all during your birthday even if it's just for 15 minutes. She said she'll call back once she finds out exactly what she will be doing. She told me there is always tomorrow. Never heard back from her. Called her a couple times yesterday after work to see if she was still interested in getting together. She didn't answer any of my phone calls. I stopped by her sister's to see if she was there. Her sis tells me she went out with a girlfriend. We are engaged and she can't make time for me but can go out with some random friend. After all that I've done, I like to think I deserve a phone call or txt message saying sorry I can't see you today. I get nothing and this has been a reoccurring thing. Each time we do see each other she promises to do better and that she loves me and wants to be with me but yet we never see each other. Over the past month, the only times I've seen her was when she has f*cked up and has gone missing for days. I would have to go find her and beg her to go back home. Each time she goes back home, she seems serious about getting better but it never last more than a few days and she disappears again. Her sister told her I had stopped by and would be back later that night. She finally sent me a txt that night around the time she was suppose to be home and said "Don't bother going to my sister's, I won't be there." I don't know if she just said that because she doesn't want to see me or if she is planning to disappear again. I just don't know and I don't think I can take this anymore. If she doesn't go back home, she's not allowed back at her sister's. They can't take it anymore either. Although she has stayed herion free for the past month and a half, it's like she is doing everything possible to f*ck up so that her only option left is to go back to the bad place where she spent the last 5 years getting high.
I had a talk with her sister and brother in law last night. They pretty much said she isn't ready to change and will not change for anyone. I deserve better and should not put up with the way she is treating me. Basically the same things my friends and family keeps telling me. I love her and she keeps telling me she loves me but her actions says otherwise. I guess I have been hanging on to that last bit of "Hope". I already lost our unborn child and for the longest time I have been afraid of loosing her. I guess you can't really loose something you never had.
There are just so many unanswered questions. All the talks we've had, the memories we shared. I can't beleive they were all a lie. The days and nights I spent with her while she was hospitalized with the abcess not knowing if she will loose her arm or not. All those times she looked me in the eye and said she loved me. I just wish she would call me and tell me why. I know that won't happen but it would make it hurt a lot less.
The sad part is, if she called me and asked for help, I would still help her even though I know I'll be the one getting hurt again.
Since the last time I've talked to her, I don't think she has done a thing to help with finding a treatment center for her. After dropping her off at her sister's on Sunday I haven't seen her since. We were suppose to see each other on Tuesday, she wanted to go shopping for her niece. Things didn't work out and we couldn't get together so she promised to call me on Wednesday. It was her birthday and I wanted to take her out to dinner. She called as promised. Talked for 2 minutes. She made alternative plans with someone else. Told me she was going out with her sister because she knew I couldn't argue with her if she goes out with family. It was a lie. I asked her, does this me I won't get to see you at all during your birthday even if it's just for 15 minutes. She said she'll call back once she finds out exactly what she will be doing. She told me there is always tomorrow. Never heard back from her. Called her a couple times yesterday after work to see if she was still interested in getting together. She didn't answer any of my phone calls. I stopped by her sister's to see if she was there. Her sis tells me she went out with a girlfriend. We are engaged and she can't make time for me but can go out with some random friend. After all that I've done, I like to think I deserve a phone call or txt message saying sorry I can't see you today. I get nothing and this has been a reoccurring thing. Each time we do see each other she promises to do better and that she loves me and wants to be with me but yet we never see each other. Over the past month, the only times I've seen her was when she has f*cked up and has gone missing for days. I would have to go find her and beg her to go back home. Each time she goes back home, she seems serious about getting better but it never last more than a few days and she disappears again. Her sister told her I had stopped by and would be back later that night. She finally sent me a txt that night around the time she was suppose to be home and said "Don't bother going to my sister's, I won't be there." I don't know if she just said that because she doesn't want to see me or if she is planning to disappear again. I just don't know and I don't think I can take this anymore. If she doesn't go back home, she's not allowed back at her sister's. They can't take it anymore either. Although she has stayed herion free for the past month and a half, it's like she is doing everything possible to f*ck up so that her only option left is to go back to the bad place where she spent the last 5 years getting high.
I had a talk with her sister and brother in law last night. They pretty much said she isn't ready to change and will not change for anyone. I deserve better and should not put up with the way she is treating me. Basically the same things my friends and family keeps telling me. I love her and she keeps telling me she loves me but her actions says otherwise. I guess I have been hanging on to that last bit of "Hope". I already lost our unborn child and for the longest time I have been afraid of loosing her. I guess you can't really loose something you never had.
There are just so many unanswered questions. All the talks we've had, the memories we shared. I can't beleive they were all a lie. The days and nights I spent with her while she was hospitalized with the abcess not knowing if she will loose her arm or not. All those times she looked me in the eye and said she loved me. I just wish she would call me and tell me why. I know that won't happen but it would make it hurt a lot less.
The sad part is, if she called me and asked for help, I would still help her even though I know I'll be the one getting hurt again.
Angela - Thanks for the link. I'll print out the info and leave it with her sister. Maybe she'll use it and get help. I think I'm going to need help soon if I don't get away.
My X went through 2nd G in Rockville. It was a very good program, very tough. His counselor was good, challenged him. Problem was, they were going thru a big transition period, counselors and staff were coming and going. They had lots of group therapy. But, being the good addict, with all the staff changes nobody really caught on to his lies and manipulations. He did really well for 4 months, but then got involved in a rehab romance, he lost focus on what he was there for, relapsed hard, was thrown out of the program.
A couple years later, when he was in prison, wanting to go to rehab. I went to the 2nd G in Crownsville, spoke with an intake coordinator, they seemed to be a little more structured. The location is someone isolated, but on a bus route, so they can get to work in downtown Crownsville.
Another good program is Jude House down in LaPlata. The founder, not sure if hes still alive, was an older man who is a recovering alcoholic with many years sober and many years in AA. They really emphasize the 12-Step program, nightly meetings. Along with group and individual therapy. The counselors down there were hard core, called him out on every type of BS he tried. I really was impressed with the program. The facility is a little run down, maybe they have received some grants and improved it by now. Again, another rehab romance, another relapse and he was thrown out.
Another good program, Ive heard, is W House up in Hagerstown, women only. Personally, I like the idea of separating the men from the women. Its just my experience that when you throw people of opposite sexes together, that have so much in common, they are lost, feel like they are alone, looking at the possibility of a life without drugs. They tend to be attracted to the opposite sex, taking their focus off of recovery.
And, if money is an object, the Frederick Rescue Mission has separate facilities for both men and women. The X was there, and it was by far the very best program he was in. There is no charge at all. They must humble themselves and work in the community helping those less fortunate. Along with AA meetings, group & individual therapy, bible study and weekly church attendance. This is where he did his best, actually seemed happy and was thriving. The womens house is called Faith House. They also have several transitional living homes available when they graduate the program.
Below is what I have for resources in Maryland, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'm a Maryland gal, and have been around the game for a while. Welcome to the board.
cynical one
Maryland
AA Meeting Locator
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meet...gs/a/blmdaa.htm
NA Meeting Locator
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltoo...ols/MeetingLoc/
Rescue Missions (Free Rehab)
http://www.agrm.org/missions/MD.html
Low Cost/No Cost Treatment
http://www.drugtreatment.tv/maryland.php
Halfway Houses & Rehab
http://www.ahhap.org/pages/director...ency/usa/MD.htm
SAMHSA Treatment Locator
http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/PrxInput.a...?STATE=Maryland
Department of Mental Health
http://www.dhmh.state.md.us/health/subabuse.htm
Oxford Houses (Sober Homes)
Oxford House - Autoville
9626 Autoville Drive
College Park, MD 20740
(301) 345-5047
Women
Oxford House - Bayside
611 Lakeside Drive
Salisbury, MD 21801
(410) 543-1713
Women
Oxford House - Cardinal
4705 Cardinal Avenue
Beltsville, MD 20705
(301) 937-5373
Women
Oxford House - Emack
4525 Broad Blvd
Beltsville, MD 20705
(301) 595-3017
Women
Oxford House - Lanvale
1319 West Lanvale Street
Baltimore, MD 21217
(000) 000-0000
Women
Oxford House - Silver Spring
918 N. Belgrade Road
Silver Spring, MD 20902
(301) 754-1865
Women
Oxford House - Stoneham Court
6226 Stoneham Court
Bethesda, MD 20817
(301) 530-2983
Women
Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center
2700 West Patapsco Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21230
Phone 410-525-0530
Fax 410-525-0420
3304 Kenilworth Avenue
Bladensburg, MD 20710
Phone 301-277-7878
Fax 301-277-8708
Catholic Charities Rehab
320 Cathedral Street
Baltimore, MD 21201-4421
Phone: (410) 261-5800
Fax: (410) 752-2873
A couple years later, when he was in prison, wanting to go to rehab. I went to the 2nd G in Crownsville, spoke with an intake coordinator, they seemed to be a little more structured. The location is someone isolated, but on a bus route, so they can get to work in downtown Crownsville.
Another good program is Jude House down in LaPlata. The founder, not sure if hes still alive, was an older man who is a recovering alcoholic with many years sober and many years in AA. They really emphasize the 12-Step program, nightly meetings. Along with group and individual therapy. The counselors down there were hard core, called him out on every type of BS he tried. I really was impressed with the program. The facility is a little run down, maybe they have received some grants and improved it by now. Again, another rehab romance, another relapse and he was thrown out.
Another good program, Ive heard, is W House up in Hagerstown, women only. Personally, I like the idea of separating the men from the women. Its just my experience that when you throw people of opposite sexes together, that have so much in common, they are lost, feel like they are alone, looking at the possibility of a life without drugs. They tend to be attracted to the opposite sex, taking their focus off of recovery.
And, if money is an object, the Frederick Rescue Mission has separate facilities for both men and women. The X was there, and it was by far the very best program he was in. There is no charge at all. They must humble themselves and work in the community helping those less fortunate. Along with AA meetings, group & individual therapy, bible study and weekly church attendance. This is where he did his best, actually seemed happy and was thriving. The womens house is called Faith House. They also have several transitional living homes available when they graduate the program.
Below is what I have for resources in Maryland, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'm a Maryland gal, and have been around the game for a while. Welcome to the board.
cynical one
Maryland
AA Meeting Locator
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meet...gs/a/blmdaa.htm
NA Meeting Locator
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltoo...ols/MeetingLoc/
Rescue Missions (Free Rehab)
http://www.agrm.org/missions/MD.html
Low Cost/No Cost Treatment
http://www.drugtreatment.tv/maryland.php
Halfway Houses & Rehab
http://www.ahhap.org/pages/director...ency/usa/MD.htm
SAMHSA Treatment Locator
http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/PrxInput.a...?STATE=Maryland
Department of Mental Health
http://www.dhmh.state.md.us/health/subabuse.htm
Oxford Houses (Sober Homes)
Oxford House - Autoville
9626 Autoville Drive
College Park, MD 20740
(301) 345-5047
Women
Oxford House - Bayside
611 Lakeside Drive
Salisbury, MD 21801
(410) 543-1713
Women
Oxford House - Cardinal
4705 Cardinal Avenue
Beltsville, MD 20705
(301) 937-5373
Women
Oxford House - Emack
4525 Broad Blvd
Beltsville, MD 20705
(301) 595-3017
Women
Oxford House - Lanvale
1319 West Lanvale Street
Baltimore, MD 21217
(000) 000-0000
Women
Oxford House - Silver Spring
918 N. Belgrade Road
Silver Spring, MD 20902
(301) 754-1865
Women
Oxford House - Stoneham Court
6226 Stoneham Court
Bethesda, MD 20817
(301) 530-2983
Women
Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center
2700 West Patapsco Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21230
Phone 410-525-0530
Fax 410-525-0420
3304 Kenilworth Avenue
Bladensburg, MD 20710
Phone 301-277-7878
Fax 301-277-8708
Catholic Charities Rehab
320 Cathedral Street
Baltimore, MD 21201-4421
Phone: (410) 261-5800
Fax: (410) 752-2873
well if there is any other info i can help you with let me know, i usually check in every day
Cynical One - Rehab Romance? I think in my situtaion, an all women rehab program would make a rehab romance even more likely. My ex is going through a lot right now and is struglling with a lot of mixed feelings. A few weeks ago when she was drunk, she told me she has been seeing someone else. At first I thought it was another guy but she said it was not a guy, it would never be a guy. She was seeing a girl. I sort of ignored it and just figured it was the alchohol talking. She never hinted at that when we first met nor when she was getting high after we've met. Now that she is clean and has had time to think clearly and she has had many confrontations with her father, a lot of her emotions that she had bottled up came out. A large portion of her addiction is due to her hatred of men because she has been hurt by so many men. She was assualted at a young age by a male relative, never lived up to her father's standards and was mistreated by her first boy friend who rejected her for herion and in turn got her hooked on herion. She has a lot of issues with men and admits needing counseling for that. I honestly believe she is currently pursuing a relationship with another women at the moment. If she were in a rehab program with all women, she will undoubtly get involved with a rehab romance.
I wish she would get the help that is available to her. If afterwards she decides that is what she wants then so be it. But for now it is just complicating things.
The first time she mentioned seeking a 28 days program, she said she tried do the Right Turn MD program before a few years ago in Owings Mills. At the time, she checked herself in. The cost was reasonable. The problem was she wasn't detoxed yet and she thought she could go cold turkey. She got so sick on a daily basis that she just checked herself out a week later and left. This time she has already been detoxed, what she needs is that support group, counselor and the isolated environment where she won't be tempted to leave.
Is it worng of me to give up on her?
I wish she would get the help that is available to her. If afterwards she decides that is what she wants then so be it. But for now it is just complicating things.
The first time she mentioned seeking a 28 days program, she said she tried do the Right Turn MD program before a few years ago in Owings Mills. At the time, she checked herself in. The cost was reasonable. The problem was she wasn't detoxed yet and she thought she could go cold turkey. She got so sick on a daily basis that she just checked herself out a week later and left. This time she has already been detoxed, what she needs is that support group, counselor and the isolated environment where she won't be tempted to leave.
Is it worng of me to give up on her?
Yep, the X was at Right Turn before I met him, need I tell you the outcome? LOL.
Until she's ready, bottomed out, wanting it for herself, there really is nothing you can do. You need to ask yourself, if this is enough for you. That's where you need to keep the focus, on yourself. I lived the life of an addict for 9 months, without ever using. I was you, that hurt, that pain, wanting so bad to believe the words. Trying everything I could do to help him, only to be left shattered each and every time. Riding that damn roller coaster of emotions. I haven't seen him for 6 years, but something happened the other night that shook me, to the core. Made me realize my work on myself is far from over. And, it does take work on our parts, have you tried Al-Anon or Nar-Anon for yourself?
Until she's ready, bottomed out, wanting it for herself, there really is nothing you can do. You need to ask yourself, if this is enough for you. That's where you need to keep the focus, on yourself. I lived the life of an addict for 9 months, without ever using. I was you, that hurt, that pain, wanting so bad to believe the words. Trying everything I could do to help him, only to be left shattered each and every time. Riding that damn roller coaster of emotions. I haven't seen him for 6 years, but something happened the other night that shook me, to the core. Made me realize my work on myself is far from over. And, it does take work on our parts, have you tried Al-Anon or Nar-Anon for yourself?
Yeah for a while I thought about going to NA meetings because there were so many unanswered questions and so many things I didn't understand. I printed out all the NA meetings dates and times for my area. I tried going to a few but the problem was working the meetings around my work schedule. The only meetings that were available when I was free were very late at night. I tried going to a couple but the neighborhoods were very bad and unsafe so I kept driving and never made it to a meeting. Lately, I've been looking at the NA website again and will try to make it to a meeting soon.
Try Al-Anon meetings, there seems to be a whole lot more of them around. And, many are in churches in the not so bad areas. What county are you in?
Baltimore City
Here's a list for all the Al-Anon meetings in the City, County and surrounding areas.
And the Link to the Maryland Chapter of Al-Anon
And the Link to the Maryland Chapter of Al-Anon
Cross posted from the family board.
I went to my first NA meeting yesterday. Was ready to cry by the end of the meeting. I just sat in the back and listened. It was hard listening to the people share because every story reminded me of my ex.
Had turned the ex's cell phone off last Thursday. The few days with no expectations of a phone call and having me not trying to call her have been good, no disappontments of no calls or unanswered calls. But at the same time, felt lonely. After the meeting, I missed her so much, I had her phone turned back on. Haven't called her yet nor has she called me. Don't know what I would say to her at this point anyway. Hopefully she'll use the next few days to make a few phone calls and get some professional help but that is wishfull thinking I know.
I see the word co-dependent used here a lot. This is all new to me. How do you differentiate (sp) between a person who is co-dependant and one who is in love and doing what he/she is doing out of love?
I went to my first NA meeting yesterday. Was ready to cry by the end of the meeting. I just sat in the back and listened. It was hard listening to the people share because every story reminded me of my ex.
Had turned the ex's cell phone off last Thursday. The few days with no expectations of a phone call and having me not trying to call her have been good, no disappontments of no calls or unanswered calls. But at the same time, felt lonely. After the meeting, I missed her so much, I had her phone turned back on. Haven't called her yet nor has she called me. Don't know what I would say to her at this point anyway. Hopefully she'll use the next few days to make a few phone calls and get some professional help but that is wishfull thinking I know.
I see the word co-dependent used here a lot. This is all new to me. How do you differentiate (sp) between a person who is co-dependant and one who is in love and doing what he/she is doing out of love?
Heartbroken,
AA and NA is for the addict, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon is for us, the loved ones. While it is OK for you to go to open AA or NA meetings, they focus on the needs of the addict. What you need is to keep the focus on you, your wants, your needs, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon will help you do just that. You work your own recovery, and if she chooses recovery, she will have to work hers on her own with the help of other recovering addicts, a sponsor, and professionals.
AA and NA is for the addict, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon is for us, the loved ones. While it is OK for you to go to open AA or NA meetings, they focus on the needs of the addict. What you need is to keep the focus on you, your wants, your needs, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon will help you do just that. You work your own recovery, and if she chooses recovery, she will have to work hers on her own with the help of other recovering addicts, a sponsor, and professionals.
Really? I didn't know that. I thought NA and Nar-Anon were the same and I was just being lazy by calling it NA. I feel so stupid right now but then what else is new. Looking back, I've been pretty stupid these past few months, whats a few more days.
